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Bootnotes

'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?

CoTW Plus: Flame of the Week returns, for one night only!
Gareth Corfield, 16 Nov 11:00

NEWSFLASH: It's time to ditch dullard Facebook chums

Everything hot in tech, courtesy of avian anchor Regina Eggbert

It’s PAYBACK time as HUMANS send a PROBE up ALIEN body

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!
Alistair Dabbs, 15 Nov 07:02

Hey, you, PHONE-FACE! Kickstarter in-car mobe mount will EMBED your phone into your MUG

Stick it on the steering wheel and wait for the airbag to fire
Lester Haines, 14 Nov 12:04

Bible THUMP: Good Book beats Darwin to most influential tome title

Folio Society crowns fittest of surviving volumes
Jasper Hamill, 13 Nov 11:44

U wot? Silicon Roundabout set to become Silicon U-BEND

Crap-spouting London upstarts to get permanent road closure
Jasper Hamill, 13 Nov 07:01

Microsoft to bring back beloved 1990s super-hit BATTLETOADS!?*

* Or maybe not. It is just a trademark filing, after all
Shaun Nichols, 11 Nov 06:29

Fire fighters call for no-drone zone around bushfires

UAVs can take down water-spaffing 'copters, so firies want them to butt out
Richard Chirgwin, 09 Nov 22:54

Printing Bad: Meth found in laser printer cartridges

Contents may still have been cheaper than actual toner
Simon Sharwood, 09 Nov 22:03

What? El Reg had a cheap dig at Putin?! SAY IT AIN'T SO

CoTW Man up – everyone loves a good erection-pulling moment
Gareth Corfield, 09 Nov 13:00

Police in U-turn as 'shop a gun-owner' hotline is scrapped

Downrange Now, about that random spot check campaign...
Gareth Corfield, 09 Nov 12:30
Moments of perspiration

Got a STRAP-ON? Remember to TAKE IT OFF at WORK

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Good news at last for sweaty bastards
Alistair Dabbs, 08 Nov 07:00
Pushmi-Pullyu

We must SMASH the Democratic Deadlock with MINDFUL EVIDENCE

¡Bong! Bongotopia in INFOGRAPHIC form
Steve Bong, 07 Nov 14:16

Yes! It's DRONE PORN. And we don't mean shiny pics of UAVs

SFW-ish Way to lower the tone: Low-flown drone shown prone bone
Team Register, 07 Nov 07:38

Google Glassholes haven't achieved 'social acceptance' - report

And this is why smartglass sector IS A FLOP... for now
Jasper Hamill, 05 Nov 07:01

So You Think You Can Conduct Original Research?

2014's Dance your PhD prize goes to Georgia U biologist on flying trapeze
Richard Chirgwin, 04 Nov 05:29

'I get it if you don't make money for 2 or 3 years, but Amazon's 21'

QuoTW Plus: 'With artificial intelligence we are summoning the demon!'

Me GIVE you $14 SQUILLION gadziddly-DILLION

Something for the Weekend, Sir? It's the Pathetic Shark Phishers
Alistair Dabbs, 01 Nov 08:01

Apple CEO Tim Cook: My well-known gayness is 'a gift from GOD'

'I have benefited from the sacrifice of others'
Jasper Hamill, 30 Oct 11:56

MEN: For pity's sake SLEEP with LOTS of WOMEN - and avoid Prostate Cancer

And, um, don't sleep with other men. If that's what worries you
Lewis Page, 29 Oct 07:03

Jim Beam me up, Scotty! WHISKY from SPAAACE returns to Earth

They're insured for $1m, before you thirsty folks make plans
Jasper Hamill, 28 Oct 13:18

Now: The REAL APPLE NEWS you need to know

OMG! Gravity's totes amazeballs. Calm down, George Clooney, not your film
Jasper Hamill, 27 Oct 12:46

UNCHAINING DEMONS which might DESTROY HUMANITY: Musk on AI

'I invest only to monitor the threat'
Jasper Hamill, 27 Oct 11:18
Suri Cruise poop

Let's make an app that POSTS your POO to APPLE HQ

CoTW Plus: It's OPEN WARFARE in the Linux greybeard world
Gareth Corfield, 26 Oct 12:00
Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, aged 81, of the United Kingdom. Photo taken during a visit in NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center. Greenbelt, Maryland, USA

Not a loyal follower of @BritishMonarchy? You missed The QUEEN*'s first Tweet

Her Maj opens 'Information Age' at the Science Museum
Lewis Page, 24 Oct 13:25
Queen Elizabeth photobombs members of the Australian hockey team at the Commonwealth Games

Adorkable overshare of words like photobomb in this year's dictionaries

And hipsters are finally defined as self-loathing. Sort of

Boffins who stare at goats: I do believe they’re SHRINKING

Alpine chamois being squashed by global warming
Team Register, 23 Oct 06:05

FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers

Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
Team Register, 21 Oct 06:03
Sheep

STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants

Baaaaaa! Fanny's Farm's woolly flock is high, maaaaaan
Team Register, 20 Oct 05:00
Space pizza

Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future

CoTW We feel obliged to point out the headline statement is total, utter cobblers

Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)

Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
Simon Rockman, 18 Oct 08:31
Cassette tape exposed

Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape

It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
Simon Sharwood, 17 Oct 06:02

The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event

LiveBlurt Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
Team Register, 16 Oct 12:55