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Bootnotes

Amazon: Wish in one hand, Twit in the other – see which one fills first

#AmazonWishList A year's supply of Arran scotch, ta
Shaun Nichols, 25 Sep 17:26

Are you a fat boy? Get to university NOW, you PENNILESS SLACKER

Rotund types paid nearly 20% less than people who didn't eat all the pies
Team Register, 25 Sep 06:14

Oz carrier Tiger Air takes terror alerts to new heights

Don't doodle, it might cost you your flight
Richard Chirgwin, 22 Sep 06:02

Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us

Aye, shipmate, it be just like that Minority Report
Jasper Hamill, 19 Sep 06:01

WRISTJOB LOVE BONANZA: justWatch sex app promises blind date hookups

Mankind shuffles into the future, five fingers at a time
Jasper Hamill, 17 Sep 06:01

Every billionaire needs a PANZER TANK, right? STOP THERE, Paul Allen

Angry Microsoftie hauls auctioneers to court over stalled Pzkw. IV 'deal'
Jasper Hamill, 16 Sep 06:03

Apple's Mr Havisham: Tim Cook says dead Steve Jobs' office has remained untouched

'I literally think about him every day' says biz baron's old friend
Team Register, 13 Sep 01:59

Salesforce plan to rename London skyscraper 'Salesforce Tower' DEMOLISHED

Salesforce salesforce only occupied six floors
Jasper Hamill, 12 Sep 15:26

Cops apologise for leaving EXPLOSIVES in suitcase at airport

'Canine training exercise' SNAFU sees woman take home booming baggage
Simon Sharwood, 12 Sep 06:01
Batteries that caught fire on Fiji Airlines plane

Flaming drone batteries ground commercial flight before takeoff

Passenger had Something To Declare, instead fiddled while plane burned
Richard Chirgwin, 10 Sep 06:32

'4chan may be just a sysadmin who knows his way around', claims so-called expert

QoTW Plus: 'Know what hurts your brain? Googling yourself'

IT jargon is absolutely REAMED with sexual double-entendres

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Let’s bring it back to level pegging
Alistair Dabbs, 07 Sep 09:00

Jony Ive: Apple iWatch will SCREW UP Switzerland's economy

Comment Apple's chief designer forgot one crucial point about overpriced bling
Tim Worstall, 05 Sep 16:04

Data entry REAR-END SNAFU: Weighty ballsup leads to plane take-off flap

Another good reason not to treat kids as adults
Richard Chirgwin, 05 Sep 06:01

Apple Fanbois (and girls) already lining up for NEW iPHONE

You know, that one that hasn't even been announced yet?
Shaun Nichols, 04 Sep 01:17

MEN WANTED to satisfy town full of yearning BRAZILIAN HOTNESS

'Prettier, better organised, more harmonious than if men were in charge'
Jasper Hamill, 28 Aug 06:02

Football legend Gary Lineker in TWITTER POO TROLL SCANDAL

Footballer targeted by puerile jokers
Jasper Hamill, 22 Aug 06:02

Get ready: The top-bracket young coders of the 2020s will be mostly GIRLS

Teen boys eclipsed in A* GCSE Computing rankings
Jasper Hamill, 21 Aug 15:27

Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD

'Officers were unable to determine Chicken's intent'
Jasper Hamill, 19 Aug 06:01

Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?

Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...

Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!

Put it away boys. Cover them up ladies. Your credit cards, we mean
Jasper Hamill, 18 Aug 06:05

Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people

They're a future source of RENEWABLE ENERGY
Jasper Hamill, 15 Aug 06:02

Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'

Updated US court hears of cached browser image - not actual request
Simon Sharwood, 14 Aug 07:28
Neil and Anita's fried breakfast on Saturday

Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty

Sales of traditional brekkie foods soar as hungry folk get their mitts greasy
Jasper Hamill, 12 Aug 06:04

eBay bans CD sales of metal band Burzum, citing offensive material

Meanwhile, sales of Mein Kampf going strong
Neil McAllister, 09 Aug 00:28
Costa Wi-Fi coffee

Nuts to your poncey hipster coffees, I want a TESLA ELECTRO-CAFE

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Examining the frothy disconnect in indie cafe culture
Alistair Dabbs, 08 Aug 12:25

Ex-Apple man Sam Sung - for it is he - sticks namebadge on eBay

Stump up via tat bazaar, do a good thing for ill kids
Jasper Hamill, 08 Aug 06:04

Check your Clungene, Irish women warned

Have a quick shufti, you may not be pregnant after all
Lester Haines, 07 Aug 14:25
Marriage proposal over GPS

Love in the time of the GPS sees chap propose with Google Map

'Writes' proposal using cycling app … and got a YES!
Simon Sharwood, 07 Aug 06:05
Parliament House Canberra by Flickr user OzMark17 used under CC Share and Share alike licence

Help Australia's PM and attorney-general to define metadata

POLL Oz politicians want to collect it, but don't know what it is, so let's 'help' them out

Robot snaps on yellow RUBBER GLOVES, preps to invade Canada

It looks friendly, but wait until you get it in the back of a car
Jasper Hamill, 05 Aug 06:04

Plane grounded so cops can cuff semi-legless passenger

Alleged to have flung prosthetic leg, food at crew
Lester Haines, 01 Aug 13:35