The Week in Summary

Lawyer up
9

And! it! begins!! Yahoo! sued! over! ultra-hack! of! 500m! accounts!

Just two days after Yahoo! admitted hackers had raided its database of at least 500 million accounts, the Purple Palace is being dragged into court.
Iain Thomson, 24 Sep 2016
Falcon9

SpaceX: Breach in liquid oxygen tank caused Falcon 9 fireball ... probably

A large breach in the liquid oxygen tank of SpaceX’s Falcom 9 rocket likely caused the explosion during a test at the start of this month, investigators have said.
Paul Kunert, 24 Sep 2016
3

Oracle execs get that shrinking feeling

It still pays to run Oracle, just not as much as it used to - top executives’ packages shrank by double digits in fiscal ’16 as the software titan continued to desperately seek out cloud business.
Paul Kunert, 24 Sep 2016
Toilet

Smelly toilets, smokers and the Kardishians. Virgin Media staff grill top brass

Smelly toilets, smoking outside and questions as to who is the best Kardashian: these were just some of the issues Virgin Media top brass were grilled on in Q&A with staff seen by The Register.
Kat Hall, 24 Sep 2016

Days are numbered for the Czech Republic

The British government will start referring to Czechia rather than the Czech Republic, following advice from an official committee.
John Oates, 24 Sep 2016
Radbot teaser image by Damon Hart-Davis

Lean in and pivot: Even Steve Jobs didn't work alone, startup boy

Radbot In which Damon Hart-Davis talks about life as a tech entrepreneur and tells us about his product.
Office Space
8

Windows printer bug fixed

Microsoft has this week quietly admitted on its website that one of its security updates broke printing on pre-Windows 10 PCs.
Iain Thomson, 23 Sep 2016
Twitter Logo

'Everyone' is buying Twitter

Seems everyone is interested in buying Twitter, according to rumors flying around Silicon Valley today. The whisperings have managed to push the social network's share price up 21 per cent to $22.26.
Shaun Nichols, 23 Sep 2016
Terry Jones

Terry Jones has dementia

Python wordsmith Terry Jones has announced he has been afflicted with primary progressive aphasia, a variant of frontotemporal dementia that destroys the brain's ability to handle speech and vocabulary.
Iain Thomson, 23 Sep 2016

IBM botched geo-block designed to save Australia's census

Australia's Bureau of Statistics has heavily criticised IBM for the security it applied to the nation's failed online census, which was taken offline after a distributed denial of service (DDoS) attack that battered a curiously flimsy defensive shield.
Simon Sharwood, 23 Sep 2016
Robert Croucher

UK copyright troll weeps, starts 20-week stretch in the cooler for beating up Uber driver

Updated The owner of a firm involved in sending speculative invoices to suspected downloaders is in trouble of his own after being convicted of a brutal assault on an Uber driver outside an exclusive London members-only club.
Iain Thomson, 23 Sep 2016

Double KO! Capcom's Street Fighter V installs hidden rootkit on PCs

A fresh update for Capcom's Street Fighter V for PCs includes a knock-out move: a secret rootkit that gives any installed application kernel-level privileges.
Chris Williams, 23 Sep 2016
wargames

Uni student cuffed for 'hacking professor's PC to change his grades'

A student at Kennesaw State University in Georgia is accused of hacking into his professor's computer to improve his grades.
Iain Thomson, 23 Sep 2016

Do AI chat bots need a personality bypass – or will we only trust gabber 'droids with character?

Machine communication is an area generating much excitement in AI. The ability to give machines a voice and personality has been the subject of many sci-fi films, and the push in natural language processing has brought that idea closer to reality.
Katyanna Quach, 23 Sep 2016

Video service Binge On 'broke the internet' but 99pc of users love it

Analysis Do you remember the butthurt and angst heaped on T-Mobile US when it launched its Binge On service earlier this year?
Andrew Orlowski, 23 Sep 2016
Container image via Shutterstock

Red Hat relabels OpenShift Enterprise to Container Platform

Red Hat’s on-premises application serving software has been given a rename from OpenShift Enterprise to OpenShift Container Platform, at the same time adding a slew of enhancements to improve scalability and security.
Dan Robinson, 23 Sep 2016

London-based Yahoo! hacker gets 11 years for SQLi mischief

A 23-year-old man has been sentenced to two years in prison for his part in a cyber attack on Yahoo! in 2012.
Hedvig_owl

The wise Hedvig owl heads aloft with a Universal Data Plane

Hedvig has updated its software-defined storage to version 2.0 and is flying with a Universal Data Plane concept.
Chris Mellor, 23 Sep 2016
2

Winners and losers: Here's who made the cut for mega TP2 framework

A public sector contracts fat cat and some household PC brands are among the suppliers that failed to directly win a place on a mega pan-government hardware and software framework contract, according to a preliminary list seen by The Register.
Paul Kunert, 23 Sep 2016

Double-dating VMware lover Tintri brings Hyper-V closer to its bed

Hybrid and all-flash array vendor Tintri is expanding Hyper-V support, extending its existing VMware virtual machine-aware facilities.
Chris Mellor, 23 Sep 2016

Naughty Zuck: Facebook fudged its video ad numbers

Facebook has been caught miscalculating viewing numbers for those watching ads on the site.
John Oates, 23 Sep 2016

Plusnet outage leaves customers unable to stream Netflix. Horrors!

Ongoing technical problems at gaffe-prone Plusnet are leaving customers unable to stream videos or play games.
Kat Hall, 23 Sep 2016
Green data centre

Microsoft: We're hugging trees to save the 'world'

Microsoft is turning over a new leaf and going green. At least, that's what the firm’s chief environmental strategist has claimed as he sketched plans to make its data centres more sustainable and efficient.
Dan Robinson, 23 Sep 2016

Cisco preps the P45s for 500 unlucky UK staffers

Cisco's UK staffers are beginning to feel the cold, sharp edge of the networking borg's axe, with up to 500 souls put at risk of redundancy across its entire local operation, multiple sources have confirmed to The Register.
Kat Hall, 23 Sep 2016
Trophy. Image via Shutterstock
1

Think you’re a Tech Trailblazer but still warming up?

We know some blazers take longer to warm up than others, so you’ll be pleased to know that the deadline for this year’s Tech Trailblazers Awards has been extended to October 6.
Team Register, 23 Sep 2016
IT Crowd's Roy: "Have you turned it off and on again?"

Sysadmin gets 5 years for slurping contractor payments to employer

A 49-year-old IT bloke from Essex has been sentenced to five years' imprisonment on two counts of fraud after his cunning plan to steal £450,000 from his employer was uncovered... almost immediately.
Man holds white flag while sitting alongside empty beer bottles next to a toilet bowl. Pic by Shutterstock

Shopkeeper installs forecourt khazi to counter mystery Dublin dung dumper

A desperate Dublin shopkeeper has placed a toilet and a pile of his very competitvely priced bog roll on the pavement outside his shop after a series of visits from a loose boweled night owl.
Clodagh Doyle, 23 Sep 2016
Top gear team photo by MediaPictures pl via Shutterstock

Jeremy Clarkson and Co. rise to top for Great British Bake Off replacements

Two weeks after Channel 4’s £75m grab of Great British Bake Off from the BBC, the broadcaster has a big marquee but no filling.
Gavin Clarke, 23 Sep 2016
Nasuni_cloud_survey

Nasuni revs its cloud

Version 7.5 of Nasuni’s File Services extends and improves app support, edge appliance migration, monitoring facilities, and adds side-loading.
Chris Mellor, 23 Sep 2016

Forgive me, father, for I have used an ad-blocker on news websites...

A survey of people using ad-blocking has mixed news for publishers. Thirty per cent of users deploying adblocking software were less inclined to visit websites that forced them to “whitelist” the site.
Andrew Orlowski, 23 Sep 2016
Scholz' Star. Michael Osadciw/University of Rochester

Cosmology is safe and the Universe is one giant version of the Barbican

Scientists have confirmed that the universe is very likely the same in every direction, showing that the assumption of the universe being isotropic can be safely used in cosmology.
Katyanna Quach, 23 Sep 2016

British unis mull offshore EU campuses in post-Brexit vote panic

British universities are looking to deepen links with their continental counterparts or even open offshore campuses in order to maintain their EU ties.
John Oates, 23 Sep 2016
Crown courtroom. Pic: Shutterstock

Judge makes minor tweaks to sex ban IT man's order

A York judge has made some trifling tweaks to an order he imposed on a former IT contractor banning him from having sex unless he asked police 24 hours in advance.
Gareth Corfield, 23 Sep 2016
Laptop leaning against a stack of news papers in front of a world map illustration
1

Impala beats Amazon

Cloudera says Apache Impala is 10x faster than Amazon Redshift and has 275 per cent better cost efficiency.
Chris Mellor, 23 Sep 2016
Pulling the plug

Pull the plug! PowerPoint may kill my conference audience

Something for the Weekend, Sir? The man on stage is baffled. It was his big moment, a chance to show off his company’s proficiency and expertise, but now he’s being made to look useless.
Alistair Dabbs, 23 Sep 2016
shutterstock_213172012

Woo hoo, UK.gov has unveiled yet another tech creche – for infosec

Plans are afoot in Westminster to burn even more taxpayers' cash by launching a new cyber-security startup accelerator in Cheltenham.
band_aid_patching_648
4

OpenSSL swats a dozen bugs, one notable nasty

A dozen flaws have been patched in OpenSSL, including one high severity hole that allows denial of service attacks.
Team Register, 23 Sep 2016

Oi, Apple fanbois. Your beloved Jesus Phones are pisspoor for disabled users

Opinion Apple describes their sexy new iPhone 7 and iOS 10 operating system as the most advanced yet. Well, they say that every year, don't they?
Colin Hughes, 23 Sep 2016
NSA

Report: NSA hushed up zero-day spyware tool losses for three years

Sources close to the investigation into how NSA surveillance tools and zero-day exploits ended up in the hands of hackers has found that the agency knew about the loss for three years but didn’t want anyone to know.
Iain Thomson, 23 Sep 2016
TypeScript is an open source project that lets you code in a superset of JavaScript

It's Friday – and that means one thing: Yup, Microsoft's TypeScript 2.0 is out

Microsoft has released TypeScript 2.0, a major update to its typed version of JavaScript.
Tim Anderson, 23 Sep 2016

'Faceless' Liberty Global has 'sucked the very soul' out of Virgin Media

Exclusive Virgin Media staff have voiced widespread discontent over its gobble by Liberty Global, with one describing their new corporate daddy as "faceless change drivers with no concern for the Virgin values," according to a Q&A with senior management this week seen by The Register.
Kat Hall, 23 Sep 2016
Man in tie smashes printer with baseball bat in a field.

If we can't fix this printer tonight, the bank's core app will stop working

On-Call Thank Arioch it's Friday, because the working week is nearly over and we can ease you into it with another instalment of On-Call, our end-of-week trawl through readers' memories of awkward jobs.
Simon Sharwood, 23 Sep 2016

Sad reality: It's cheaper to get hacked than build strong IT defenses

Whenever mega-hacks like the Yahoo! fiasco hit the news, inevitably the question gets asked as to why the IT security systems weren't good enough. The answer could be that it's not in a company's financial interest to be secure.
Iain Thomson, 23 Sep 2016
5

Korean cargo line bailout saves Christmas for tech companies

Bankers have loaned US$100m to Korean shipping line Hanjin, likley saving Christmas for tech companies, distributors and retailers.
Simon Sharwood, 23 Sep 2016

Cops blasted for relying on IP addresses to hunt down suspects

A new white paper from the Electronic Frontier Foundation argues that police rely too heavily on IP addresses when conducting criminal investigations.
Shaun Nichols, 23 Sep 2016

Safe browsing checks fail as 16,000 WordPress sites hacked this year

At least 15,769 WordPress websites - and probably more - have been compromised this year, half slipping past Google's Safe Browsing checks, says security researcher Daniel Cid.
Darren Pauli, 23 Sep 2016
A man chasing a plane

Moron is late for flight, calls in bomb threat

A Canadian idiot has been sentenced to a year behind bars after he was found guilty of calling in a bomb threat because he was running late for his flight.
Shaun Nichols, 23 Sep 2016

Malware figures out it's running on VMs and refuses to execute

Malware writers are looking for the absence of documents to figure out which PCs are potential victims and which are virtual machines being used by white hats.
Darren Pauli, 23 Sep 2016
Quick fix - worker running while carrying a wrench

Drupal patches bad bugs

Drupal has patched two critical vulnerabilities in version 8 of the content management system.
Team Register, 23 Sep 2016
A Badger

Pretending to be a badger wins Oxford Don 10 TRILLION DOLLARS

The annual Ig Nobel Prizes were handed out on Thursday night, as always “honoring achievements that make people laugh, then think”.
Simon Sharwood, 23 Sep 2016
Electric spark jump between silver wire isolated

Digital Realty gets into the cloud interconnect caper

Bit barn baron Digital Realty has decided it needs to be a player in the cloud connection caper. The company's therefore cooked up something called “Service Exchange” that offers software-defined links between its data centres and those operated by the likes of Amazon Web Services (AWS), Google, IBM SoftLayer and Microsoft's Azure, plus a host of niche players.
Simon Sharwood, 23 Sep 2016
SimpliVity VMworld 2014 McLaren car giveaway
2

ARM emits Cortex-R52

ARM has emitted the Cortex-R52, a microcontroller-class core for safety-critical, real-time applications, such as vehicle systems and robotics.
Chris Williams, 23 Sep 2016
Image by gyn9037 http://www.shutterstock.com/gallery-691846p1.html
8

Valid logins to your workplace are on the net, right now

Enterprises are almost universally open to intrusion attempts with stolen credentials, and are at increased risk from compromised smartphones thanks to a spike in device malware.
Team Register, 23 Sep 2016
Axe, image via Shutterstock
1

Ericsson axing 3,000: report

Ericsson is set to axe 3,000 staff, according to Swedish newspaper SvD Näringsliv.
Simon Sharwood, 23 Sep 2016

US Homeland Security launches IoT willy-waving campaign

The US Department of Homeland Security has announced plans to make the internet-of-things just a bit more complicated – by trying to shove itself into the market with a new security framework.
Kieren McCarthy, 22 Sep 2016

2 in 3 Millennials block ads

With annoying animations plastered over pages, and malware injecting itself via malicious banners, is it any surprise that two out of three young adults block web ads?
Kieren McCarthy, 22 Sep 2016

Game over: IANA power-grab block pulled from Congress funding bill

The attempt to prevent the US government from moving control of the internet's technical functions to a technical body appears to be over.
Kieren McCarthy, 22 Sep 2016
Oracle corporate HQ
4

Oracle lawyers prevail in copyright case (No, not that, the other one)

Oracle has been awarded $46.2m in its copyright battle with Rimini Street.
Shaun Nichols, 22 Sep 2016
A burning dumpster

Half! a! billion! Yahoo! email! accounts! raided! by! 'state! hackers!'

Updated Hackers strongly believed to be state-sponsored swiped account records for 500 million or more Yahoo! webmail users. And who knew there were that many people using its email?
Iain Thomson, 22 Sep 2016
Windows Server

Windows Server 2016: Leg up or lock in?

Microsoft Ignite Software giant Microsoft is set to officially launch its next-generation server platform next week, but the firm faces growing competition from Linux as corporate customers shift more toward the cloud for IT services.
Dan Robinson, 22 Sep 2016
Red Hard Hat photo via Shutterstock
1

Big biz happy to whip out credit cards for pay-as-you-go – Red Hat

Analysis Linux and open-source cloud supremo Red Hat is looking at adapting its licensing to please enterprise customers who want greater flexibility in the way they pay for software and services, including a possible pay-as-you-go model.
Dan Robinson, 22 Sep 2016
Tom Cruise plays with impressive looking giant touchscreen in still from the movie Minority report (based on book by Phillip K DIck))

Brit boffins get $800k for Los Angeles Twitter pre-crime tech

Researchers from the University of Cardiff have been awarded more than $800,000 by the US Department of Justice to develop a pre-crime detection system.

Intel XPoint over-selling criticism surges as Chipzilla hits back

You might have noticed that El Reg has suggested Intel and Micron’s non-volatile XPoint memory claims are a tad overblown – for example here and here. Now Charlie Demerjian is giving Intel a good kicking in SemiAccurate, alleging the original claims were inaccurate and that “Intel’s Xpoint is pretty much broken”.
Chris Mellor, 22 Sep 2016
Bahamas trees photo via Shutterstock

EU's one-time antitrust hammer Steelie Neelie had 'offshore interests'

The EU's former top corporate enforcer sat on a Bahamas-based business without declaring her interest.
Gavin Clarke, 22 Sep 2016

Not enough personality: Google Now becomes Google Not Anymore

Google is rebranding its screen-scraping data guzzler Now On Tap, as it buries the entire Now initiative under the onslaught of its multiplatform chatty “Assistant” project.
Andrew Orlowski, 22 Sep 2016
Metropolitan police image via Shutterstock

I want to remotely disable Londoners' cars, says Met's top cop

Metropolitan Police commissioner Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe wants the capital's cops to be able to remotely disable people's cars, he told the London Assembly's police and crime committee today.
Gareth Corfield, 22 Sep 2016
Fibre, image via Shutterstock

BT Openreach boss wants you to know that deep down, they care

BT's Openreach is today releasing a service dashboard for customers in an attempt to be more transparent about its “performance issues” over areas such as missed appointments.
Kat Hall, 22 Sep 2016
Photo by 360b / Shutterstock

Despite IANA storm, ICANN shows just why it shouldn't be allowed to take over internet's critical functions

Internet overseer ICANN has responded to allegations of mismanagement, opaque decision-making, and an institutional lack of accountability by launching a review.
Chris Williams, 22 Sep 2016
stack of newspapers view from the side

Nexsan's new salesman

Imation storage array subsidiary Nexsan has a new worldwide sales boss.
Chris Mellor, 22 Sep 2016
7

Seventeen hopefuls fight for the NVMe Fabric array crown

Comment A new phase of disruption is hitting the performance data storage array market, giving new, old, startup and struggling all-flash array vendors a shot at making it big by using NVMe flash drives and NVMe Fabric-class connectivity to provide direct-attached SSD performance from external arrays.
Chris Mellor, 22 Sep 2016

Windows 10 backlash: Which? demands compo for forced upgrades

Microsoft has been given a roasting by consumer group Which? over Windows 10 woes reported by users, with the organisation calling for compensation for those who found their PCs bricked after auto-updates.
Dan Robinson, 22 Sep 2016
1

Objects! Aaah-ah ... the savior of software-defined storage?

Comment Software-defined storage (SDS) is one of those terms that has been readily hijacked by vendors over the past few years.
Chris Evans, 22 Sep 2016
Privacy image

Here's how to see Tim Cook or SatNad strut their starkers stuff

NSFW Ever wanted to see Apple CEO Tim Cook shaking his naked tush, or Satya Nadella bare a lot more flesh than he does at Microsoft conferences? Your wait is over, thanks to a nasty application of facial recognition software.
Paul Kunert, 22 Sep 2016

EU U-turns on mobile roaming fees: No 90-day cap after all

The European Commission has U-turned again on its plans to tear up roaming fees for customers abroad, going back to its original proposal that all charges should be abolished.
Kat Hall, 22 Sep 2016
Speed
2

Going hyperconverged? Don't forget to burst into the cloud

Here’s a key benefit of that shiny new hyperconverged box you just bought: it’s supposed to speak the cloud’s language.
Danny Bradbury, 22 Sep 2016
Man in shower photo via Shutterstock

My God, I've got nothing on! Microsoft's $200m Wunderlist is down

Mobile to-do list Wunderlist, bought by Microsoft for a reported $100m-$200m, is down with no immediate prospect of recovery.
Gavin Clarke, 22 Sep 2016
graveyard_648

‘Penultimate’ BlackBerry seen on 'do not publish' page as fire sale begins

Could BlackBerry be any less involved in the phone business that it is today? A year ago it designed its own phones that ran its own, home-grown platform. Today it rebadges other people’s designs and the phones run Android. Actually, yes, it could – see below for details*.
Andrew Orlowski, 22 Sep 2016

MI6 to hire another 1,000 bods 'cos of private surveillance tech

MI6 is set to hire another 1,000 staffers because of the internet, apparently.

WTF ... makes mobile phone batteries explode?

Explainer It has been a bad month for Samsung. Following the release of the dual-curved, 5.7 inch-screen, water-resistant Galaxy Note 7 phablet, the number of fires have increased thanks to its reportedly explosive battery.
Katyanna Quach, 22 Sep 2016

Virgin Media costs balloon by MEEELLIONS in wake of Brexit

Exclusive Costs at Virgin Media have so far risen by £7m this year following Brexit, due to increased import costs, the company revealed in a Q&A with staff this week seen by The Register.
Kat Hall, 22 Sep 2016
8

DDoS attacks: For the hell of it or targeted – how do you see them off?

Distributed Denial of Service (DDoS) attacks can be painful and debilitating. How can you defend against them? Originally, out-of-band or scrubbing-centre DDoS protection was the only show in town, but another approach, inline mitigation, provides a viable and automatic alternative.
Danny Bradbury, 22 Sep 2016
Larry Ellison photo by drserg via Shutterstock
6

Oracle's cloud strategy is simple – woo and win the latecomers

OpenWorld Throughout this year's Oracle OpenWorld conference, the company's message has been fairly simple – the database firm is moving to cloud but can offer buyers either on-prem kit, full public cloud, or anything in-between.
Iain Thomson, 22 Sep 2016
image by Alexander_P http://www.shutterstock.com/gallery-493324p1.html
2

SWIFT warns of more 'sophisticated' attacks, readies anti-fraud tool

The chief information security officer for global money transfer network SWIFT says banks are still under attack from fraudsters hoping to cash in on identified security gaps to steal millions of dollars.
Darren Pauli, 22 Sep 2016
Soaring costs in San Fran. from www.shutterstock.com

Behold the fruit of your techie utopia: A $43 San Francisco fog-infused martini

With the cost of living in San Francisco soaring higher than ever, some people are stepping forward to find innovative solutions to create affordable housing and assistance programs that would preserve the diversity, culture, and giving spirit that has made San Francisco a world-class city.
Shaun Nichols, 22 Sep 2016
WiFi Icon
7

Wi-Fi Alliance publishes LTE/WiFi coexistence test plan

The Wi-Fi Alliance's long-awaited – and controversial – LTE-U Coexistence Test plan has landed.

Zombie Moore's Law shows hardware is eating software

After being pronounced dead this past February - in Nature, no less - Moore’s Law seems to be having a very weird afterlife. Within the space of the last thirty days we've seen:
Mark Pesce, 22 Sep 2016
Blue Macaw parrot, aka a Norwegian Blue Pining for the Fjords
1

Norwegian Big Blue

Nordic cloud users need no longer pine for clouds amidst the fjords: Big Blue's flicked the switch on a cloudy bit barn in Oslo.
Simon Sharwood, 22 Sep 2016
NASA's PUMA machine
4

Obituary: Victor Scheinman, inventor of the 'Stanford Arm' factory robot

ROTM Victor Scheinman, whose 1960s work in robotics created the “robot factory” we see today, has died in California aged 73.
microsoft nutella

Microsoft deletes Windows 10 nagware from Windows 7 and 8

Microsoft has quietly excised Windows 10 free upgrade offers from Windows 7 and 8, aka the GWX.exe .
Simon Sharwood, 22 Sep 2016

Intel taps baton, tells the IoT orchestra to tune up

Intel has quietly released Version 2.0 of its IoT Services Orchestration Layer toolkit on the world.
Privacy image

EyePhones packing Iris-scanning authentication to go mainstream

ABI Research analyst Marina Lu has picked iris scanning as "one of the safest" means to secure user identities on smartphones.
Team Register, 22 Sep 2016
Large leaver switch on a board of push button switches

Juniper plugs net manager

Juniper Networks has updated its CTPView network management system to patch two bugs dating from 2014.
CAIDA network diagram
1

CAIDA adds geo-tags to its Internet AS dataset

We know what you're thinking, “when did a label on a diagram rate a news story?” but bear with us: the 'net-boffins at CAIDA have added labels to the vast dataset that maps AS-AS links worldwide.
Gnome two fingers, photo via Shutterstock

New Gnome emerges blinking into the sunlight

Gnome's developers have let version 3.22 “Karlsruhe” (the city which hosts its primary European conference) loose on the world.
1

Google automates Apps OAuth token revocation

Google has refined the security controls available to enterprise Gmail users by automatically killing OAuth 2.0 tokens for Apps when users change passwords.
Team Register, 22 Sep 2016
Flag of India

'Strategic' submarine cable to connect islands where locals just emerged from stone age

India's government has decided to build a submarine cable between the city of Chennai and the Andaman & Nicobar Islands.
Simon Sharwood, 22 Sep 2016

TV industry gets its own 'dieselgate' over 'leccy consumption tests

The idiot box is smarter than it seems: a spat has broken out between America's Natural Resources Defense Council (NRDC) and the Consumer Technology Association about the energy consumption of televisions.

Google's Allo chat app hits a downside to AI: Bot must hoard private messages to train itself

Google has launched its new mobile messaging app Allo today in a bid to challenge Facebook's stronghold in instant messaging.
Katyanna Quach, 22 Sep 2016
Intersecting above-ground highways (skyways) constructed in intricate pattern, shot from below at night. Photo by Shutterstock

Hyperconverged benchmark

VMware's cooked up a benchmark for hyperconverged infrastructure running vSphere.
Simon Sharwood, 22 Sep 2016
Xen project logo

Xen 4.5 maintenance release

The Xen Project has released version 4.5.5. of its hypervisor, a maintenance release.
Simon Sharwood, 21 Sep 2016

Red Hat hauls $600m quarter

Enterprise Linux house Red Hat says it is on course to crack $2.4bn in revenues this year.
Shaun Nichols, 21 Sep 2016
Bitcoin punch cards

Bitcoin miners 'stole power'

Two men in Holland may face jail time after authorities claim they pilfered electricity to power their Bitcoin mining operation.
Shaun Nichols, 21 Sep 2016
Chan Zuckerberg Initiative

Zuckerberg to spend $3bn+ to rid world of all disease by 2100 (Starting with Facebook, right?)

Mark Zuckerberg and Priscilla Chan have promised at least $3bn in funding for a medical initiative to cure, prevent or manage all known diseases by the end of the century.
Iain Thomson, 21 Sep 2016
Joey from the sitcom friends pokes his head around the door (invasively). Photo copyright NBC
2

Cisco snaps shut remote pwnage hole in Cloud Services Platform

Cisco has provided a patch to address a remote hijacking vulnerability in its Cloud Services Platform (CSP).
Shaun Nichols, 21 Sep 2016

TRUMP: ICANN'T EVEN! America won't hand over internet control to Russia on my watch

Just when you thought discussion over the transition of the internet's technical functions couldn't get any more ridiculous, here comes Donald Trump.
Kieren McCarthy, 21 Sep 2016

Anti-ICANN Cruzade continues: Senator Ted still desperately trying to defund US govt

The transition of the internet's critical technical functions from the US government to non-profit organization ICANN, planned for next week, remains under threat thanks to an ongoing crusade by Senator Ted Cruz.
Kieren McCarthy, 21 Sep 2016
Police search

US cities promise to crack down on police surveillance tech

A handful of US cities are banding together in an effort to change the way police acquire and use surveillance technology.
Shaun Nichols, 21 Sep 2016

Apple guilty in iPhone ringtone patent rip-off battle with Sony, Nokia

Apple has been found guilty of patent infringement and told to pay $3m in damages.
Kieren McCarthy, 21 Sep 2016
Array in a rack. Image via Shutterstock
1

Rackspace punts piscatorial Power platform at service providers

Freshly acquired hosting slinger Rackspace has built a custom-developed server based on IBM’s Power chips and the Open Compute Project (OCP) specifications.
Dan Robinson, 21 Sep 2016
1

Don't SNIA at my storage specs: Standards body dons goggles, takes the plunge

The SNIA has unveiled its v1.0 Swordfish storage management specification to standardise management of storage products and services in cloud-era data centres.
Chris Mellor, 21 Sep 2016
Mclaren F1 car with NTT logo

Apple wants to buy Formula 1 car firm McLaren – report

Updated Apple, the reassuringly expensive maker of iThings, is reportedly trying to convince Formula One racing car firm McLaren's execs to fall into line with a buyout.
Gareth Corfield, 21 Sep 2016
Frustrated accountant puts head in hands. Photo by Shutterstock
3

Financial Conduct Authority: No need to look any closer at insurers’ use of Big Data

The Financial Conduct Authority has said there’s no need to launch a full market study into insurers’ use of big data, despite concerns that insurers' could be using to charge consumers more.

Asian hornets are HERE... those honey bee murdering BASTARDS

A sleepy Cotswold town could be about to witness the genocide of local honey bees following the discovery of invasive predatory giant Asian hornets.
Katyanna Quach, 21 Sep 2016

Lenovo denies claims it plotted with Microsoft to block Linux installs

Lenovo has denied locking its Signature Edition PCs exclusively to Windows 10 under orders from Microsoft.

Dell stages SAP HANA love-in, squeezes out engineered system

Dell is all about engineered systems, or so its CEO Mickey D said recently, but actions speak louder than words and today the Texan infrastructure baron rolled out a box targeting firms running SAP HANA.
Dan Robinson, 21 Sep 2016
Strike a match

CA blows on fingers, grasps testing vendor BlazeMeter

Veteran software outfit CA has hoovered up Israeli testing outfit BlazeMeter to burnish its DevOps and testing credentials.
Joe Fay, 21 Sep 2016

HPE sells off 'non-core' software assets

Comment On the day the Dell/EMC acquisition/merger completed, HPE announced it was selling off a load of non-core software assets in a “spin-off” merger with UK’s Micro Focus.
Chris Evans, 21 Sep 2016
Samsung 960

Samsung intros super-speedy consumer SSDs, 'fastest M.2s ever'

Samsung has introduced 960 EVO and 960 PRO M.2-format consumer SSDs with an NVMe interface and a promised 2TB capacity.
Chris Mellor, 21 Sep 2016
Openio_CEO_Laurent_Denel
4

OpenIO wants to turn your spinning rust into object storage nodes

Frog object storage startup OpenIO is banging on with supporting Seagate’s Kinetic disk drives, and has certified its software on the drives in a Kinetic Plugfest.
Chris Mellor, 21 Sep 2016

She cannae take it, Captain Kirk! USS Zumwalt breaks down

Weird new warship USS Zumwalt has broken down while on sea trials, three weeks ahead of her formal commissioning ceremony.
Gareth Corfield, 21 Sep 2016
Cloudy shopping trolley in the sky (representing cloud sales/procurement). Photo by Shutterstock

Microsoft cuts ribbon on Euro cloud bit barn for Office 365, Azure

Microsoft has started to serve up Azure services from a new cloud region in Germany – operated under the supervision of a data trustee – to pitch for European punters with concerns about security and data sovereignty.
Paul Kunert, 21 Sep 2016
Man holds banana like a gun. Photo by Shutterstock

Lethal 4-hour-erection-causing spiders spill out of bunch of ASDA bananas

Yet another British family has been forced to flee its habitat after an infestation of Brazilian wandering spiders smuggled itself into their nest on the back of a bunch of supermarket bananas.
still of Ian McKellan as magneto in the x-men movie
3

Magneto-resistant upstart Everspin gets itself into an IPO whizz

MRAM startup Everspin has filed for an IPO.
Chris Mellor, 21 Sep 2016
flames_648

What says Internet of Things better than a Bluetooth-controlled smart candle?

Someone with far more time and money than sense has developed a “real flame smart candle” that can be controlled over Bluetooth. No, really.
Gareth Corfield, 21 Sep 2016
shutterstock_gold

Man accused of $180k ass-based gold smuggling scam awaits verdict

A Canadian man accused of smuggling $180,000 of gold out of the Royal mint – allegedly in his anal cavity – is awaiting a court verdict after his defence condemned the government’s case as “appalling” and entirely circumstantial.
Clodagh Doyle, 21 Sep 2016

Hewlett Packard Enterprise bigwig chuckles at talk of buyout talks

The number two at Hewlett Packard Enterprise has brushed off talk the slimmed-down organisation could be vulnerable to a takeover, as the company is again linked with “possible” buyers - this time around Huawei, Lenovo, Oracle, Cisco and, er, Dell.
Paul Kunert, 21 Sep 2016
1

Speaking in Tech: Public cloud 'explodes'. Oh yeah? Show your sources

Podcast Podcast This week on our tech-cast, Greg Knieriemen hosts the podcast with serial podcaster co-host Amy Lewis. This week our Podcast Idol is Jack Poller of Enterprise Strategy Group. Our special guest this week is Leah Schoeb, Technology Business Development at Intel. This week we discuss Intel, Nutanix IPO, public clouds and …
Team Register, 21 Sep 2016

We live in a world where a 'Hamdog' burger hybrid is patented

Rejoice! The eternal dilemma of whether to have a hot dog or a burger has now been answered.
Kat Hall, 21 Sep 2016
K2s

A Clarity cloud gathers around K2. Yes, literally

Unlike real clouds which hide things, Kaminario is adding a Clarity analytics cloud to its K2 all-flash arrays.
Chris Mellor, 21 Sep 2016
Venomous snake

Imation faces New York boot

Imation is facing ejection from the New Your Stock Exchange because its share price is too low.
Chris Mellor, 21 Sep 2016
A cursor hovers over a Run/Save/Cancel dialog menu.

Are you sure you want to outsource IT? Yes/No. Check this box to accept Ts&Cs

Migrating to an outsourced IT service including cloud is a great opportunity to outsource responsibility for IT and employees while simultaneously increasing efficiency and decreasing cost. At least, that’s the theory. The reality can be a lot more sobering.
Frank Jennings, 21 Sep 2016
Jean-Claude Juncker speaking in front of EU flag

EU chief promises modernised spectrum policy to avoid mistakes of LTE

The European Union announced its 5G Action Plan last week, and president Jean-Claude Juncker set out some ambitious connectivity goals in his State of the Union address. These include promises to enable free Wi-Fi in public spaces in every town and village in the EU states, and to achieve “full deployment” of 5G by 2025 (including railways). As an interim goal, it repeated the goal of having commercial 5G in at least one town or city per EU country by 2020.
Wireless Watch, 21 Sep 2016

Reg Programming Compo: 22 countries, 137 entries and... wow – loads of Python

Roundup Our latest programming competition was our most popular yet in terms of the number of entries – 137 in all once we'd de-duplicated them.
Dave Cartwright, 21 Sep 2016

Robot overlords? Pshaw! I ain't afraid of no AI – researchers

Artificial intelligence is all the rage in technology and as it progresses at a dizzying pace, the industry is at danger of being overhyped, say researchers.
Katyanna Quach, 21 Sep 2016
Flash Gordon Emperor Ming the Merciless
3

How would you sell an all-flash array to your finance director?

We have been getting some good responses in our latest poll on all-flash storage.
Matt Proud, 21 Sep 2016

Wow, RIP hackers ... It's Cyber-Lord Blunkett to the rescue for UK big biz

A high-profile project has been launched with the aim of strengthening UK enterprises' IT security.
John Leyden, 21 Sep 2016
USB sticks used in letterbox drops

Victoria Police warn of malware-laden USB sticks in letterboxes

Police in the Australian State of Victoria have warned citizens not to trust un-marked USB sticks that appear in their letterboxes.
Simon Sharwood, 21 Sep 2016
A grey beard

Greybeards beware: Hair dye for blokes outfit Just For Men served trojan

Malware writers have penetrated the website of hair-dye-for-greying-blokes outfit Just For Men, foisting a password-stealing trojan at visitors, Malwarebytes researcher Jerome Segura says.
Team Register, 21 Sep 2016

Indefatigable WikiBots keep Wikipedia battles going long after humans give up and go home

Get some bots into a Wikipedia edit-war and they'll keep you entertained for years, it seems – and Portuguese bots are the most tenacious.
Wi-Fi

BT's Wi-Fi Extender works great – at extending your password to hackers

BT is urging folks to patch the firmware in its Wi-Fi Extender following the discovery of multiple security flaws.
John Leyden, 21 Sep 2016

Will US border officials demand social network handles from visitors?

Updated People visiting America may be pressured or told to reveal their social network profiles to border officials, judging by a draft visa form.
Iain Thomson, 21 Sep 2016
Oracle Chair Larry Ellison on stage at OpenWorld 2016
2

Oracle's new cloud rated 'minimum viable product' ... for now

Oracle's gone in hard on cloud this week, promising a stellar, cheap cloud that has already erased Amazon Web Services' lead.
Simon Sharwood, 21 Sep 2016
ESA Rosetta history

Rosetta probe's final death dive planned for just after last call next Friday night

The European Space Agency (ESA) has held an hour-long hangout to explain what's likely to happen when its Rosetta spacecraft touches down on Comet 67p.

Nork server blunder leaks Kim Jong Un's entire DNS – all, er, 28 .kp domains

North Korea's zone file has leaked online, providing another insight into the hermit kingdom's internet.
Kieren McCarthy, 21 Sep 2016
VMware project goldilocks model

VMware's secret security plan revealed

VMware has shown off a working prototype of “Project Goldilocks”, its long-hinted-at plan to develop a new approach to security.
Simon Sharwood, 21 Sep 2016
Icomp's licensed C64 cases

World+dog to get retro classic Commodore 64 for Christmas

German retro enthusiast Jens Schönfeld of Individual Computers is about to start manufacturing new Commodore 64 cases from the classic home computer company's original injection moulds.

What's Chinese and crashing in flames? No, not its economy – its crocked space station

The first space station lofted into orbit by China is coming down next year, the country's space agency has confirmed.
Iain Thomson, 21 Sep 2016
Koala on a rocket
2

Azure Sydney in eight-hour wobble thanks to 'networking issue'

Azure's Australia East region, located in Sydney, experienced nearly eight hours of degraded performance thanks to what Microsoft is calling “an ongoing Networking issue.”
Simon Sharwood, 21 Sep 2016
Google Cloud logo

Google cloud, Asian wobble

Google's Cloud Platform has suffered a 3.5 hour wobble in its asia-east1-a region.
Simon Sharwood, 21 Sep 2016
facebook_shock_648
6

10-second hijack hole could kill any Facebook profile

University student Arun S Kumar has scored US$16,000 (£12,312, A$21,200) for finding and reporting a Facebook vulnerability that led to account hijacking.
Darren Pauli, 21 Sep 2016
Sweet32 logo
3

Citrix swats Sweet32 bug by just turning off old ciphers

Citrix has pushed back a little against the dangers posed to its users by the Sweet32 “birthday attack” against old ciphers.

Cisco re-commits to VCE with a very public display of affection

Dell EMC CEO Michael Dell and Cisco CEO Chuck Robbins have indulged in a very public display of affection for each other, at least so far as the two companies' collaboration in the VCE converged infrastructure company is concerned.
Simon Sharwood, 21 Sep 2016
Ellison

Larry Ellison today said really nice things about rival Amazon's cloud

OpenWorld Oracle’s founder and CTO Larry Ellison took to the stage for his second OpenWorld keynote today, and spent the bulk of his presentation pointing out flaws in his chief cloud rival Amazon.
Iain Thomson, 21 Sep 2016
AT&T's non-BPL AirGig

AT&T tries broadband over power lines again

AT&T has charged up the paddles, yelled “clear!”, and fired the defibrillator into one of telecommunications' worst ideas: broadband over power lines (BPL).
An angry mob
7

Galaxy Note 7 short stack

Looking to replace your pyrotechnics prone Samsung Galaxy Note 7? You might want to hurry before they run out.
Shaun Nichols, 21 Sep 2016
Empty Trash Mac OS
1

macOS Sierra fixes vulns

Apple has officially released macOS Sierra aka OS X 10.12, to the world.
Shaun Nichols, 20 Sep 2016
Raining money

A-dough-be: Photoshop flinger pumps profits 50 per cent

Adobe is crediting the success of its cloud and digital media groups in reporting record quarterly revenues.
Shaun Nichols, 20 Sep 2016
Angry businesswoman shouting on phone in office. Image via Shutterstock
7

What the world really needs right now is more Comcast: US cable giant mulls wireless service

Cable giant Comcast is ready to float its entry into the wireless market with its own service.
Shaun Nichols, 20 Sep 2016
2

Symantec patches AV hole

Symantec has issued a fix for a vulnerability that could cause its security tools to crash or be potentially hijacked by malware. If the software scans a booby-trapped RAR archive, it can wind up attempting to execute code smuggled within, we're told.
Shaun Nichols, 20 Sep 2016
9

CloudFlare offers web encryption up the wazoo

CloudFlare is promising to bring about the encrypted internet by adopting the latest web security protocols and offering a solution to the horror of mixed content.
Kieren McCarthy, 20 Sep 2016
Windows 10 floppy disk

Microsoft sues Wisconsin man (again) for copyright infringement (again)

Microsoft is hoping the third time will be the charm in its efforts to shut down a man once again being accused of pirating its products.
Shaun Nichols, 20 Sep 2016

Self-service-as-a-service startup Trifacta releases newest product version

Trifacta, the self-service-as-a-service data-wrangling business, has released the fourth version of its data preparation product suite.

Official: Cloud computing is now mainstream

Cloud computing is so mainstream these days that maybe it should just be called “computing”. That’s what an IDC survey of 6,100 organisations in 31 countries, released today, indicates, with 68 per cent of respondents using public, private or hybrid cloud in their IT mix. This is a 60 per cent jump from 42 per cent of respondents doing cloud in 2015.
Drew Cullen, 20 Sep 2016
Data breach
1

Mobile review website MoDaCo coughs to data breach

Smartphone news and reviews site MoDaCo has admitted to a data breach.
John Leyden, 20 Sep 2016
Barista photo via Shutterstock
8

Oracle confirms Java EE 8 is delayed for 'major enhancements'

Java Enterprise Edition 8 is delayed yet again, Oracle has conceded.
Gavin Clarke, 20 Sep 2016
No entry

Vodafone UK blocks bulk nuisance calls. Hurrah!

Vodafone blocked 425,000 nuisance and scam calls in a single day, while testing new call-barring technology for its UK mobile network.
Drew Cullen, 20 Sep 2016
legal
8

India court could stop Facebook’s WhatsApp mega-slurp

Facebook is facing legal action in India over its attempt to slurp up user data from WhatsApp users.
Paul Kunert, 20 Sep 2016
Profits down, image via Shutterstock
1

IDC: Those servers numbers just keep on tumbling

The latest server sales figures for Europe, Middle East and Africa show the continued march of no name server makers as enterprises and big data centres increasingly buy hardware directly from ODMs fron the Far East.
Paul Kunert, 20 Sep 2016
Pop art-style illustration: Woman holds head in despair. Illustration via Shutetrstock

Ofcom smacks Sky for breaching broadband switching rules

Communications regulator Ofcom has ruled that there are "reasonable grounds" to suspect Sky breached rules to allow consumers to easily switch broadband and landline providers, which could lead to a multi-million pound fine.
Kat Hall, 20 Sep 2016
3

Ubuntu tees up OpenStack on IBM's iron

Canonical’s OpenStack spin has landed on IBM’s Power hardware as part of zSystems' Linux stack.
Building IoT London
5

Building IoT call for papers: What have YOU done with the internet of things?

Reg Events There are just a few weeks until the call for papers for Building IoT London closes, and we really want to hear your real world stories of what the things on the internet are doing to your business.
Joe Fay, 20 Sep 2016
Robot hands viewer a cup of tea. Photo by Shutterstock
3

Google buys startup biz, slurps up its NLP brains

Google have snapped up API.AI, a Silicon Valley startup specialising in building tools for natural language understanding in mobiles, web applications and devices.
Katyanna Quach, 20 Sep 2016
Venomous snake
8

1TB SanDisk flash cam card

Western Digital's SanDisk unit has developed a prototype 1TB capacity SDXC camera flash card.
Chris Mellor, 20 Sep 2016
The Year of Living Danishly

Apple iPhone 7 launch hysteria? Not in Viking land

The traditional hoopla around the latest iPhone upgrade seemed to go off as planned last week with queues of apparently sane people waiting outside Apple stores around the world.
John Oates, 20 Sep 2016

We read Nutanix's homework... and the numbers look good

Analysis Nutanix has filed an amended S1 IPO form with the SEC and data within it shows a strongly growing business well-set for an IPO if the financial environment is supportive.
Chris Mellor, 20 Sep 2016

Three outsources staff to Capita

Staff at Three are poised to receive a very early Christmas present - in the form of a Transfer of Undertakings Protection of Employment notice to everyone's favourite outsourcer Capita.
Kat Hall, 20 Sep 2016
Ejector_seat_action

Latest F-35 bang seat* mods will stop them breaking pilots' necks, beams US

The American F-35 Joint Project Office says ejection seat and helmet modifications will stop emergency ejections from breaking petite pilots' necks.
Gareth Corfield, 20 Sep 2016
Chicken eggs, photo via Shutterstock

Naked, drunken Swede assaults chicken shed after 60th birthday

A Malmo man is facing paying thousands of kronor in damages after attending a friend’s 60th birthday party and ending up crawling naked and bleeding from an elderly woman’s hen house.
Joe Fay, 20 Sep 2016
Big Ben and Underground sign. Pic: Crown copyright/MoD
4

UK.gov's Digital Catapult wheels out Central London IoT network

The government-backed Digital Catapult wheeze has launched an “Internet of Things network” across London to titivate the lives of the eight million poor souls trapped within the M25.
Gareth Corfield, 20 Sep 2016
Sheaf of £50 notes poised on the rim of a toilet bowl as toilet is flushed. Collage of two photos sourced from Shutterstock

Margaret Hodge's book outlines 'mind boggling' UK public sector waste

Review It’s impossible to read former bollocker-in-chief Margaret Hodge’s account of being chair of the government's spending watchdog without repeatedly banging your head against the wall.
Kat Hall, 20 Sep 2016
Huawei_HQ_black_swan

Intel drafts in troubleshooting veteran for CFO slot

Intel has hired veteran tech CFO and sometime troubleshooter Bob Swan to take over from long-time numbers supremo Stacy Smith.
Joe Fay, 20 Sep 2016
Auctioneer with hammer

Going, going, done: Trio of prolific auction fraud fraudsters jailed

Three men have been jailed yesterday over a conspiracy to commit internet shopping fraud scam that involved taking payments for non-existent goods and services.
John Leyden, 20 Sep 2016
Person using a card reader

Hackers claim they breached Aussie point-of-sale tech firm, try to sell 'customer DB'

Exclusive Hackers are claiming to have hacked Australian point-of-sale technology (PoS) company H&L Australia, and have been claiming to potential buyers that they had lifted its customer database. They were already offering it for sale for AU$22,000 ($16,580, £12,723) more than two months ago.
Darren Pauli, 20 Sep 2016
Green light

Uncle Sam rules on self-driving cars

The White House is announcing nationwide guidelines to regulate self-driving cars in order to encourage the industry and avoid different rules in different states.
John Oates, 20 Sep 2016
Opera VPN

Opera debuts free VPN built into desktop browser

Opera went live today with a VPN embedded into its desktop browser. Described as “free, no-log and easy to use,” the VPN uses 256-bit AES encryption to connect to one of Opera’s five data centres.
Drew Cullen, 20 Sep 2016

France, I am in you, says HPE's EMEA channel overlord

Hewlett Packard Enterprise’s outgoing EMEA channel chief Gilles Thiebaut is to take control of the firm’s country operations in France, El Reg can confirm.
Paul Kunert, 20 Sep 2016
Downtime, outage

Electrical box fault blamed for GS2 data centre outage

A power outage at "Europe’s largest purpose-built data centre”, Global Switch 2 – which knocked one customer offline for two days – has been blamed on a high voltage fault.
Kat Hall, 20 Sep 2016
image by JoeBakal http://www.shutterstock.com/gallery-832894p1.html
8

Online scammers speed up: Hit gold every 15 seconds

There were over one million fraud attempts in the UK in the first six months of 2016, or one every 15 seconds - more than 50 per cent higher than the same period of last year.
John Oates, 20 Sep 2016
Sauce over ice cream and brownies. Photo by Shutterstock

Avere builds on-premises object store all smothered in NAS

NAS accelerator and cloud storage gateway shop Avere has got itself its very own on-premises NAS system wrapped around an object storage core with a passage to the public cloud.
Chris Mellor, 20 Sep 2016

Autonomous vehicles inquiry set up in the UK

A UK parliamentary committee will look into the potential uses and benefits of autonomous vehicles in a new inquiry it has opened.
OUT-LAW.COM, 20 Sep 2016
OpenResty Logo

WTF is OpenResty? The world's fifth-most-used Web server, that's what!

Netcraft's September survey of the world's most prevalent web servers turned up something interesting: a dip for all major servers but a sudden spike for OpenResty.
Simon Sharwood, 20 Sep 2016
skull_648

2,000 year old man found dead near 2,000 year old computer

Video The ancient shipwreck off the Greek island of Antikythera has already yielded up archeological wonders but now marine archeologists have found a body buried in the wreck that could yield up some clues as to the ship’s origins.
Iain Thomson, 20 Sep 2016
Jakarta skyline

Jakarta be kidding me! Google gets $400m tax bill from Indonesia

Google is facing a bill for hundreds of millions of dollars in unpaid taxes.
Shaun Nichols, 20 Sep 2016
Android logo
6

Android Studio 2.2 debuts

If your Android developers are a bit excitable today it's probably because Android Studio 2.2 has landed.
Simon Sharwood, 20 Sep 2016
Apple's hopefully-patented bag

Apple seeks patent for paper bag - you read that right, a paper bag

Apple is trying to patent a paper bag.
Simon Sharwood, 20 Sep 2016
Pluto, visible and X-ray

Pluto's emitting X-rays, and NASA doesn't quite know how

The Chandra space telescope has spotted X-rays emanating from Pluto.
robot

ROBO-PLOD! 'Droid snatches scumbag's shotgun in standoff

A stealthy robot run by a Los Angeles SWAT team has successfully disarmed a murder suspect by sneaking up behind him and stealing his weapon.
Iain Thomson, 20 Sep 2016
Mozilla's Debugger.html
7

Mozilla emits JavaScript debugger for Firefox and Chrome

Mozilla developers have released a new JavaScript debugger for Firefox.
Satoru Iwata

Legend of Zelda cracked with 6502 assembly language glitch

A 30-year-old bug in the iconic Nintendo game Legend of Zelda allows players to finish the game in minutes. A video posted to YouTube shows that, beneath what looks to be a fun game glitch, there is a fascinating bit of code manipulation in 6502 Assembly:
Shaun Nichols, 20 Sep 2016
9

Microsoft lets Beijing fondle its bits in new source code audit hub

Microsoft has opened a technology centre in China to reassure Beijing it does not have backdoors in its software.
Darren Pauli, 20 Sep 2016
Keen Security Lab senior researcher Sen Nie (left) with director Samuel Lv

Hackers hijack Tesla Model S from afar, while the cars are moving

Video Chinese hackers have attacked Tesla electric cars from afar, using exploits that can activate brakes, unlock doors, and fold mirrors from up to 20 kilometres (12 miles) away while the cars are in motion.
Darren Pauli, 20 Sep 2016
drawing of live cat and cat skeleton
7

Quantum comms succeed over metro-scale fibre networks

Two groups both reported successfully teleporting state information across metro-scale fibre networks.

Citrix Receiver adds Win10 Anniversary Update support

Citrix 's Receiver for Windows now supports the Windows 10 Anniversary Update.
Simon Sharwood, 20 Sep 2016
Microsoft Azure

Microsoft hints at Cloud Platform System and Azure Pack integration with Azure Stack

Microsoft's offered a hint that its previous on-premises Azure efforts, Windows Azure Pack (WAP) and the Cloud Platform System (CPS), will integrate with its forthcoming Azure Stack cloud-in-a-hyperconverged-box offering.
Simon Sharwood, 20 Sep 2016
Quick fix - worker running while carrying a wrench
2

Ghost of Windows NT haunts EMC's VNX, Celerra and Avamar

EMC has patched a six-year-old Windows bug that's popped up in its VNX and Celerra storage kit.
Desktop as a service

Teradici's releases desktop-as-a-service-ware, as used by AWS and VMware

Teradici has taken the code powering desktop-as-a-service (DaaS) offerings from VMware and Amazon Web Services and turned it in products you, yes you, can run.
Simon Sharwood, 20 Sep 2016
2

Netflix pirates Netflix, for the sake of better video

You won't have to search for Torrents of Netflix's new 12-minute show Meridian: the streamer has published the program as a kind of “test pattern” for streaming technology.
4

Epic snafu takes Australian Securities Exchange offline

Australian stock traders will be trying to reconcile trades that got lost after the Australian Securities Exchange's Nasdaq-supplied trading platform melted down yesterday.

Target lost, Cruz missile misses: Ted's ICANN crusade is basically over

An effort to disrupt the handover of critical internet technical tasks from the US government to DNS overseer ICANN appears to have petered out.
Kieren McCarthy, 19 Sep 2016
2

FCC Comms criticized

The two Republican commissioners in the US Federal Communications Commission (FCC) have been accused of withholding documents that show they acted in cahoots with congressional Republicans in trying to kill net neutrality rules.
Kieren McCarthy, 19 Sep 2016

HP Inc's rinky-dink ink stink: Unofficial cartridges, official refills spurned by printer DRM

A Dutch ink seller is accusing HP Inc of deliberately programming its printers to reject refurbished cartridges with a covert firmware update.
Shaun Nichols, 19 Sep 2016
Mark Hurd OpenWorld

Lack of Hurd mentality at Oracle OpenWorld: Co-CEO's cloud claims fall flat live on stage

OpenWorld Once again, Oracle's co-CEO Mark Hurd was in a prognosticative mood during his OpenWorld keynote, but the crowd of attendees wasn't buying it.
Iain Thomson, 19 Sep 2016
Photo by Phil Stafford / Shutterstock

Is Tesla telling us the truth over autopilot spat?

An increasingly bitter fight between Tesla and its former autopilot partner Mobileye is raising questions over the electric car company's honesty.
Kieren McCarthy, 19 Sep 2016
Stock traders
3

Nutanix's $209m, $13-a-share IPO revealed in homework to watchdog

Hyperconverged upstart Nutanix has submitted more details about its forthcoming IPO to the US financial watchdog, the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC).
Shaun Nichols, 19 Sep 2016
QXS_5600_bezel

The Rector reckoning – DataDirect loses CMO

HPC and enterprise high-performance storage company DataDirect Networks has lost Molly Rector, its chief marketing officer, who has moved to take up a VP marketing role at Quantum.
Chris Mellor, 19 Sep 2016
4

Samsung's latest blowup

Samsung has said that it is not to blame for the first report of a Galaxy Note 7 exploding in China.
Kieren McCarthy, 19 Sep 2016

Samsung wants your exploding Galaxy Note 7. Have a new one instead

Got a Samsung Galaxy Note 7 and live in the UK or Ireland? Not switched it on lately after reading those reports about exploding devices? Fret ye not, for Samsung today announced an exchange programme, whereby you get a replacement “phablet” courtesy of the provider you bought it from.
Drew Cullen, 19 Sep 2016
6

The perimeterless, ever-shifting enterprise: What would a real, red-blooded IT team do?

If you work in a manufacturing, plant measuring productivity is simple: you measure the number of widgets produced in a given time frame. A person in this environment must not be the one holding up the production line. Nothing more, nothing less. But what does productivity mean for less tangible "knowledge work" occupations such as those of us who work in IT?
Trevor Pott, 19 Sep 2016
2

Tech Data to slurp Avnet TS for $2.6 BEEELLLION

Tech Data is to buy Avnet Technology Solutions for $2.6bn in a deal that, when completed, will create the chunkiest enterprise IT distie on the planet.
Paul Kunert, 19 Sep 2016
Venomous snake

EurekAlert breach outage

Science news alert service EurekAlert! remains offline following a large-scale cyber attack earlier this month.
John Leyden, 19 Sep 2016

Want a Dell printer? Unlucky – they've just stopped selling them

Ahead of the mega-merger with EMC, Dell has decided to quit selling printers as part of its hardware portfolio while its imaging business is being scaled back.
aa_glass_648

Italian scientists use fluorescent box to arouse sexually indifferent men

Chaps of a certain age who find their libido fading could do worse than stare at a glaring light source – though not the sort you might be thinking of.
Clodagh Doyle, 19 Sep 2016
drone

RAF Reaper drone was involved in botched US Syria airstrike

A British Reaper drone was part of the US airstrike that killed 62 Syrian government soldiers on Saturday, the Ministry of Defence has confirmed.
Gareth Corfield, 19 Sep 2016

Brits: Can banks do biometric security? We'd trust them before the government

Brits have more faith in their banks than government agencies to roll out authentication technologies based on biometrics, according to a new survey from Visa.
John Leyden, 19 Sep 2016
Woman packs up contents of desk. Image via shutterstock

CSC straps another 100 jobs to redundo cannon, lights fuse, walks off

CSC UK execs left sweating over local profit “challenges” have again opted to expunge costs from the business in a time-honoured fashion by strapping human capital to the employment cannons.
Paul Kunert, 19 Sep 2016
Oracle's cloud plan

Spoiler alert: What Oracle is going to announce today

OpenWorld It's that time of the year again. Oracle's OpenWorld is in San Francisco. Supremo Larry Ellison has given his Sunday keynote. Here's a summary of what the database giant is going to reveal today in easily digestible chunks.
Chris Williams, 19 Sep 2016
Douanier_rousseau_hungry_lion_art
1

Data-updater CTERA handed $25m: Overheated sector could get NASty

Cloud storage startup CTERA has gained $25m in a funding round, following on from a similar one in 2014, and taking its total funding to almost $70m.
Chris Mellor, 19 Sep 2016
RAF Tornado GR.4 flying down the Mach Loop in Wales

Radar missile decoys will draw enemy missiles away from RAF jets

Britain's Tornado fighter jets may soon be deploying with missile-jamming decoys on board after the MoD signed a £2.5m order with Leonardo-Finmeccanica.
Gareth Corfield, 19 Sep 2016

Microsoft snubs alert over Exchange hole

Microsoft has downplayed the seriousness of an alleged Exchange auto-discovery vulnerability, saying that it sees no need to patch the reported security weakness.
John Leyden, 19 Sep 2016
4

EMC: King of storage needs to shore up defences

IDC’s latest storage tracker says the enterprise storage market was flat in the 12 months since 2015’s second quarter, but HPE now ties with EMC for first place, with IBM and NetApp in equal fourth place after Dell.
Chris Mellor, 19 Sep 2016
1

Hybrid infrastructure: You did it. You switched over. Now lock it down. Yes, really

Hybrid infrastructures – where you combine on-premise equipment with systems that sit in a public cloud installation – have their own particular foibles when it comes to management. It's really not so hard, though – here are 10 things to think about when you're looking at the security aspects of managing your hybrid world.
Dave Cartwright, 19 Sep 2016
Crown courtroom. Pic: Shutterstock

Conviction by computer: Ministry of Justice wants defendants to plead guilty online

Train fare and telly licence dodgers will be invited to plead guilty from the comfort and convenience of their phones, according to court reform plans unveiled by the Ministry of Justice.
Gareth Corfield, 19 Sep 2016
6

UK.gov oughta get its data-sharing house in order before Digital Economy Bill plans

Analysis The government has a funny notion of how to tackle failure. When it comes to contracts, suppliers that have routinely messed up are handed more deals. When it comes to policy, approaches that have proved unsuccessful get dusted off and pushed with renewed vigour.
Kat Hall, 19 Sep 2016
7

Non-big IT vendors: Trying to understand where startups fit in tech

Sysadmin blog Are startups to be avoided? You'll get different answers depending on who you talk to, but the arguments have relevance for the virtualization and storage markets as, today, most of the innovation is occurring with startups.
Trevor Pott, 19 Sep 2016
Security guard watches footage from hundreds of camera. Photo by Shutterstock

Dark web drug sellers shutter location-tracking EXIF data from photos

Criminals have started to aggressively erase EXIF metadata from their photos to make it harder for authorities to locate them, Harvard University students Paul Lisker and Michael Rose find.
Darren Pauli, 19 Sep 2016

NASA starts countdown for Cassini probe's Saturn death dive

NASA has revealed its final plans to crash the Cassini probe into Saturn next year.
Simon Sharwood, 19 Sep 2016
IPv4 address stagnation

IPv4 apocalypse means we just can't measure the internet any more

IPv4 address exhaustion is making it harder to measure the size of the Internet, even as IPv6 deployment accelerates.
Manchester BSOD

BSODs of the week: From GRUB to nagware

It's not always Microsoft's fault. Some of the dozens – literally – of submissions El Reg has received documenting Windows in a state of public undress show the world's most beloved operating system weeping because something else failed.

FBI overpaid $999,900 to crack San Bernardino iPhone 5c password

University of Cambridge senior research associate Sergei Skorobogatov has laid waste to United States Federal Bureau of Intelligence (FBI) assertions about iPhone security by demonstrating password bypassing using a $100 NAND mirroring rig.
Team Register, 19 Sep 2016
Penguins in Antarctica
2

Linux 4.8 probably needs rc8

Linus Torvalds has decreed that Linux 4.8 probably needs an eighth release candidate.
Simon Sharwood, 19 Sep 2016
Daisywheel with Courier font
1

Bash batch: Patch, natch

The maintainers of the Bourne Again Shell – Bash, to its friends – shipped Version 4.4 on Friday.
Oracle Chair Larry Ellison on stage at OpenWorld 2016
7

Oracle takes aim at AWS with cheap, fast public and hybrid cloud

Larry Ellison kicked off Oracle's OpenWorld event in San Francisco on Sunday with news of a second-generation infrastructure-as-a-service offering.
Simon Sharwood, 19 Sep 2016

Emacs and Vim both release first new updates in years

The first major Emacs update in four years landed over the weekend, a few days after Vim had its first big release in a decade.

T-Mobile USA leaked free access to sites with '/speedtest' in the URL

American T-Mobile subscribers can score free internet access by running traffic through a proxy with "speedtest" in its URL.
Team Register, 19 Sep 2016
DATA RETENTION Guidelines for Service Providers
5

Australian universities drop tech services to dodge metadata retention obligation

When Australia's federal government finally revealed who had been given money to help pay for metadata retention efforts The Register was surprised to see eight Universities on the list.
Simon Sharwood, 19 Sep 2016

Geek's Guide To Britain