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The Week in Summary

Stock ticker board

Power of iPhone 6 hype-gasm: Apple a sniff away from record stock high

Peak Apple Apple's stock today inched toward the company's record high as investors eager for new products pushed shares over $100 apiece.
Shaun Nichols, 20 Aug 2014
Ruhr University's malware architecture

Malware married to software in undetectable attack

Be thankful it's only a proof-of-concept of a hack: German researchers have shown that Internet software distribution mechanisms can be turned into virus vectors, without modifying the original code.
Blurry metal gig shot
8

Kate Bush: Don't make me HAVE CONTACT with your iPHONE

Warbling '70s pop sensation Kate Bush has urged fans not to take photos and video footage during her upcoming London gigs, which will be the singer's first live tour in 35 years.
Kelly Fiveash, 20 Aug 2014
Azhdarchid pterosaurs
3

Gigantic toothless 'DRAGONS' dominated Earth's early skies

A new study by Russian paleontologists has revealed the dominance of a species of huge flying lizards that once flew over Earth's skies.
Iain Thomson, 20 Aug 2014
Haswell-E Motherboards
1

Intel's Haswell-E brain to emerge from the lab at end of August – reports

Intel has reportedly fixed a date to ship its octo-core Haswell-E processors and X99 Express chipset, with a Japanese outlet saying they will hit the shelves on August 29.
Mozilla Firefox

Lazy sys admins rooted in looming Mozilla cert wipeout

Mozilla is about to revoke some weak X.509 PKI certs, and has warned that system admins it'll affect the Firefox browser and they'll need to assess their infrastructure.
Darren Pauli, 20 Aug 2014
The ELMOFO electric racer
2

'Leccy racer whacks petrols in Oz race

An Australian EV bearing the name ELMOFO has beaten petrol-powered competitors in an officially-sanctioned race – twice.
3

Uh, Obama? Did you miss a zero or two off Samsung's Chinese supplier 'fib' settlement?

Samsung Electronics America has agreed to settle with the US Department of Justice (DoJ) over claims the company lied about where its products were made.
Shaun Nichols, 20 Aug 2014
Terry Lovejoy's comet discovery
2

Astronomers scramble for obs on new comet

It's too early to be certain, but with confirmation of a new, possibly near-Earth comet slated for a pass in early January 2015, sky-watchers will be working hard to calculate just how close it's going to come.
vmware

VMware shuffles the executive deckchairs

VMware has made a round of new executive appointments.
Simon Sharwood, 20 Aug 2014
3

Cryptolocker flogged on YouTube

Cryptolocker is being flogged over YouTube by vxers who have bought advertising space, researchers Vadim Kotov and Rahul Kashyap have found.
Darren Pauli, 20 Aug 2014
Troll in cross hairs
4

Tech patent hoarder Intellectual Ventures to lose a fifth of its trolls

Notorious patent troll license enforcer Intellectual Ventures has fallen on hard times, it seems, with Bloomberg reporting mass layoffs at the company.

Rubber Ub' hub: Uber test-drives condoms, gift card, soap etc deliveries

Taxi app Uber is running drugstore deliveries to customers in the Washington DC area as part of a test to see if it can become more than an amateur cabbie collective.
Iain Thomson, 19 Aug 2014
Melbourne Central
3

Aussie telcos to sell user location data to marketers

Two Australian telecommunications providers are seeking to identify and sell the location of their users to advertising companies.
Darren Pauli, 19 Aug 2014
Video
4

US TV stations bowl sueball directly at FCC's spectrum mega-sale

US television broadcasters are suing the FCC over the regulator's planned auction of TV spectrum space to mobile phone networks.
Shaun Nichols, 19 Aug 2014
The Blue Mosque in Istanbul
3

Dozens of COPS cuffed in Turkish Prime Minister's wiretap probe

Twenty-five more cops were arrested in Turkey on Tuesday amid a widening probe into wiretaps on the country's Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdoğan and other key officials.
John Leyden, 19 Aug 2014
HTC One M8
9

U wot? HTC is M8s again with Microsoft: New One mobe sports WinPhone

HTC has launched an M8 phone running Microsoft's latest Windows Phone operating system – but only in the US and only for the Verizon network.
Iain Thomson, 19 Aug 2014

Ballmer quits Microsoft board to spend more time with his b-balls

Former Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer is today stepping down from the Windows giant's board of directors – six months after he was succeeded by incoming chief exec Satya Nadella.
Chris Williams, 19 Aug 2014
Galileo, engraving by Samuel Sartain

Intel's Raspberry Pi rival Galileo can now run Windows

Windows fans can run their OS of choice on Intel’s counter to Raspberry Pi, courtesy of an Intel firmware update.
Gavin Clarke, 19 Aug 2014

'Fangless' activist investor chomps up chunk of Rackspace

A so-called "fangless" activist investor has increased its grip on OpenStack cloud cheerleader Rackspace, with a view to a possible sale.
Gavin Clarke, 19 Aug 2014
OneNote for Android
9

Eat up Martha! Microsoft slings handwriting recog into OneNote on Android

Microsoft has announced improvements to the mobile versions of its OneNote note-taking software, aimed particularly at those who prefer to do their jotting with a pen, rather than a keyboard.
Neil McAllister, 19 Aug 2014
A fake iPhone with electric shock capabilities

Apple analyst: fruity firm set to shift 75 million iPhones

Apple is set to flog some 75 million units of the new iPhone 6 by the end of the year, an analyst with a pessimism bypass has claimed.
Jasper Hamill, 19 Aug 2014
Skyera Skyhawk all-flash array

Super-dense flasher Skyera gets new CEO, fills pockets

+Comment Skyera, the super-dense all-flash array startup, has acquired a new CEO at the same time as it scored an additional funding round from its strategic investors.
Chris Mellor, 19 Aug 2014
Stradivarius violin reproduction
1

Violin Memory FINALLY writes dedupe and compression into its latest Concerto

Violin Memory has fixed a gaping hole in its data management feature set by adding deduplication and compression to its Concerto memory array controller product.
Chris Mellor, 19 Aug 2014
Fight Night Champion

EE: STILL Blighty's best mobe network, says 'Frappucino' Moore

EE is still the best mobile network in the UK, but the others are catching up and Three is the one to watch.
Simon Rockman, 19 Aug 2014
AMD_R7_Series_SSD

AMD slaps 'Radeon' label on Tosh flash: >Beard stroke< Hmm, cunning ...

X86 CPU and Radeon graphics chipper AMD has come out with an SSD line using Toshiba/OCZ componentry.
Chris Mellor, 19 Aug 2014
Cliffs_of_Moher_Ireland
2

Nexenta reckons it has Edge in squeezing your object storage BLOB

Nexenta says its latest NexentaEdge software product delivers petabyte-scale block and object storage with inline deduplication.
Chris Mellor, 19 Aug 2014

UK government accused of hiding TRUTH about Universal Credit fiasco

A government body tasked with flagging up troublesome Whitehall projects has been accused of secrecy and ineptitude over its handling of the Department for Work and Pensions' widely panned Universal Credit programme.
Kelly Fiveash, 19 Aug 2014
Milla Jovovich in Resident Evil

Call of Duty daddy considers launching own movie studio

Videogame kingpin Activision Blizzard is reportedly considering launching its own movie studio division to turn its games into films and TV shows.
European Union Flag

EU justice chief blasts Google on 'right to be forgotten'

Europe’s caretaker Commissioner for Justice says Google et al are trying to throw a spanner in the works of data protection.
Jennifer Baker, 19 Aug 2014
Apple Lisa

Steve Jobs had BETTER BALLS than Atari, says Apple mouse designer

Steve Jobs was well known for the size of his cojones, but it turns out that his former employer Atari had even better balls than him.
Jasper Hamill, 19 Aug 2014
Kindergarten Cop

Caught red-handed: UK cops, PCSOs, specials behaving badly… on social media

In the past five years a surprisingly small number of police employees in England and Wales have been sacked, retired early or forced to resign in connection with serious cockups using social media.
Kelly Fiveash, 19 Aug 2014
Curiosity looks down the ramp at the northeastern end of Hidden Valley towards Mount Sharp

CRR-CRRRK, beep, beep: Mars space truck backs out of slippery sand trap

Curiosity, our favourite Mars-cruising nuclear truck, has just dusted off its latest potential drilling target, the “Bonanza King” rock.
Register Roundtable at the Soho hotel
7

CIOs: Want to hit your IT suppliers where it hurts?

Reg Events Some IT organisations seem to have their vendors just where they want them. The rest of us? Well, we’re not keen, and we’re starting to get mean.
Joe Fay, 19 Aug 2014

Apple takes blade to 13-inch MacBook Pro with Retina display

Review This is getting to be a habit. So far this year we’ve seen £100 lopped off the price of the updated iMac and MacBook Air, and now it’s the MacBook Pro’s turn to get the price-cut treatment.
Stephen Dean, 19 Aug 2014
Exablox_vid
9

Object storage bods Exablox: RAID is dead, baby. RAID is dead

Object storage supplier Exablox has provided a file interface to its OneBlox object store, which is basically a Drobo-style BYOD store - Bring Your Own Disks.
Chris Mellor, 19 Aug 2014
London BMW 5-Series police car

UK fuzz want PINCODES on ALL mobile phones

Exclusive The Metropolitan Police has spent more than two years lobbying phone manufacturers and the government in a bid to introduce mandatory passwords on every new unit sold in Blighty, The Reg has learned.
Jasper Hamill, 19 Aug 2014
usb nuclear button hub

Nuke regulator hacked three times in three years

The US Nuclear Regulator Commission (NRC) has been hacked three times in as many years, according to documents obtained under freedom of information requests.
Darren Pauli, 19 Aug 2014
Tools

EnterpriseDB chucks devs free tools to craft NoSQL web apps with PostgreSQL

Enterprise-class PostgreSQL database vendor EnterpriseDB has launched a free turnkey development environment designed to make it easier for coders to build web applications using PostgreSQL's new NoSQL capabilities.
Neil McAllister, 19 Aug 2014
Azure icon

Microsoft: Azure isn't ready for biz-critical apps … yet

Microsoft's Service Deployment and Operations (SDO) team has detailed its scheme to modernise the company's own data centres and says that the result will be lots of – but not all – workloads in the cloud.
Simon Sharwood, 19 Aug 2014
This chicken is under attack [Click to enlarge]

Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD

After several millennia of global dominance, the human species is still uncertain about the motivations of those chickens that choose to cross the road.
Jasper Hamill, 19 Aug 2014
Sydney Opera House Hackathon logo
4

NSW to build federated ID management rig for staff, punters

The Australian State of New South Wales (NSW) will build a federated identity system – or “Identity Hub” - for its many thousands of staff and also for the State's citizens.
Simon Sharwood, 19 Aug 2014
9

Things are looking up in Flappy Bird sequel

Game developer Dong Nguyen, the man behind Flappy Bird, has revealed the name and look of his next game.
Simon Sharwood, 19 Aug 2014
Three  UK Passports

e-Borders fiasco: Brits stung for £224m after US IT giant sues UK govt

Brit taxpayers face a £224m bill in cancellation fees after the UK government scrapped a £750m contract for a passenger-checking computer system at its borders.
Iain Thomson, 19 Aug 2014
Google UK office logos

Google to offer special accounts for kids: report

Google is reportedly investigating how it can offer accounts to children.
Simon Sharwood, 19 Aug 2014

Think crypto hides you from spooks on Facebook? THINK AGAIN

Activists just got another reason to worry about what spooks might be able to learn about them, with boffins demonstrating that a decent traffic fingerprint can tell an attacker what's going on, even if an app is defended by encryption.
Rosetta

TRIANGULAR orbits will help Rosetta to get up close with Comet 67P

The European Space Agency (ESA) has revealed just how its Rosetta comet probe will close to within just 10km of comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko.
Simon Sharwood, 19 Aug 2014
Nokia Car Mode

Xen to practice art of motor vehicle embedded development

The Xen Project has launched an “Embedded and Automotive Initiative” to take its virtualisation project under the hood.
Simon Sharwood, 19 Aug 2014
BlackBerry logo
3

BlackBerry slices off juiciest bits, bottles them in 'Tech Solutions'

BlackBerry has sliced off its juiciest bits and will preserve them in a new unit called “BlackBerry Technology Solutions” (BTS) that it hopes will deliver a jolt of growth.
Simon Sharwood, 19 Aug 2014
Google Self Driving Car

This'll end well: US govt says car-to-car jibber-jabber will SAVE lives

The US government wants to save lives on the road by demanding a safety-focused wireless communication standard for moving vehicles.
Shaun Nichols, 19 Aug 2014

Munich considers dumping Linux for ... GULP ... Windows!

The German city of Munich, which famously adopted Linux and open source across its operations, may be about to reverse that decision.
Simon Sharwood, 19 Aug 2014
Lock security
8

Linux kernel devs made to finger their dongles before contributing code

Beginning on Monday, the security of the Linux kernel source code has become a little bit tighter with the addition of two-factor authentication for the kernel's Git code repositories.
Neil McAllister, 18 Aug 2014
Aphex Twin
7

Tor-rorists get sneaky Aphex Twin album peek in dance guru hypegasm

Richard James, aka electronic music composer Aphex Twin, has been using the power of Tor to hype his new album – and to remind computer users about their own system's security.
Iain Thomson, 18 Aug 2014
Oculus Rift VR system prototype

Oculus sucked by Zuck? 'I'm over it' – Minecraft supremo Notch

The man behind Minecraft says he is warming to the virtual-reality headsets made by Facebook-owned Oculus – and backing off a threat to never port his world-building game to the Rift hardware.
Shaun Nichols, 18 Aug 2014
2

Symantec security chap signs for CSIRO's ICT In Schools

The Register's campaign to recruit 20 volunteers for CSIRO's ICT In Schools program is four-fifths of the way to its goal.
Simon Sharwood, 18 Aug 2014
Angry woman on mobile

MongoDB tosses support lifeline to open source downloaders

Open source NoSQL database vendor MongoDB has added a new support option for customers who want to run the Community Edition of its software in production environments.
Neil McAllister, 18 Aug 2014
usb-heated slippers

Microsoft Azure goes TITSUP (Total Inability To Support Usual Performance)

Updated Microsoft is struggling to sort out an Azure cloud outage that has today left users around the world unable to access various services.
Neil McAllister, 18 Aug 2014
medical_doctor_health_channel

'Chinese crims' snatch 4.5 MILLION patient files from US hospitals

One of the largest healthcare providers in the US claims Chinese hackers ran riot through its systems between April and June this year – accessing names, addresses and social security numbers of millions of patients.
Iain Thomson, 18 Aug 2014
iPhone forensics beaten image

iPhone 6 flip tip slips in Aussie's clip: Apple's 'reversible USB' leaks

Pic Apple is working on a new reversible USB plug for its next iPhone's charger cable, it's rumored.
Shaun Nichols, 18 Aug 2014

Class war! Wikipedia's workers revolt again

Wikipedia's workers are in uproar again, this time about the cash-rich Wikimedia Foundation giving itself "superpowers" to override community decisions.
Andrew Orlowski, 18 Aug 2014
bsodforwrap

The Return of BSOD: Does ANYONE trust Microsoft patches?

Patch early and patch often is the advice of security professionals when it comes to software updates.
Gavin Clarke, 18 Aug 2014
A dragon in Game of Thrones

Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?

Brits are very concerned about the potential for life-threatening incidents involving dragon attacks, asteroid crashes and ghostly manifestations and they want their local council to do something about it, if their FoI requests are anything to go by.

Cargo truck crammed with garbage explodes IN SPAAAAACE

Astronauts aboard the International Space Station have turned the Earth's atmosphere into their own personal trash incinerator after sending a cargo truck packed with rubbish to its fiery death.
Jasper Hamill, 18 Aug 2014

Germany 'accidentally' snooped on John Kerry and Hillary Clinton

Calls made by US secretary of state John Kerry and his predecessor Hillary Clinton were "accidentally" intercepted by German intelligence agencies, Der Spiegel reports.
John Leyden, 18 Aug 2014
Hallucigenia animation

Boffins ID freakish spine-smothered prehistoric critter: The CLAW gave it away

The surrealist nightmare worm Hallucigenia, so-called because of its otherworldly appearance and apparent lack of place on the taxonomic ranks, has finally found its place in evolutionary history... and even appears to have some modern-day descendants.
EMC's new Syncplicity apps
1

Oh SNAP, here comes Amazon: EMC drops prices for Syncplicity

EMC has made dramatic pricing and capacity changes to its Syncplicity product after Amazon has entered the market with its Zocalo services.
Chris Mellor, 18 Aug 2014
7

Google straps on Jetpac: An app to find hipsters, women in foreign cities

Google has bought Jetpac, an image-recognition app that uses Instagram photos to help travelers find what they’re looking for in cities – women or hipster moustaches, for example.
1

Code42 seeks channel partners for LTR, much TLC on offer

Startup Code42 offers data protection with file sync 'n' share. Both its customer count and channel partner numbers are booming - yet it needs to recruit another 300 partners by the end of the year.
Chris Mellor, 18 Aug 2014

Something's phishy: More holiday scam spam flung at real hotel customers

Updated Multiple customers at several hotels are getting hit up with a sophisticated phishing scam based on real hotel bookings. The latter all share the common factor of being made through Booking.com.
John Leyden, 18 Aug 2014

Twitter displays our 'Favorites'. That is, like, PRIVATE, huff naive users

Twitter has begun messing with its design by showing "Favorited" tweets in its timeline, much to the annoyance of some of the micro-blogging site's users.
Kelly Fiveash, 18 Aug 2014
Every time you use Internet Explorer, god kills a kitten

Take the shame: Microsofties ADMIT to playing Internet Explorer name-change game

Internet Explorer could be getting a new name as Microsoft tries to escape the browser’s troubled past.
Gavin Clarke, 18 Aug 2014

Tricked by satire? Get all your news from Facebook? You're in luck, dummy

Po-faced Facebook will slap "satire" tags on links shared by its users – to help users distinguish parody pieces from the real news.
Kelly Fiveash, 18 Aug 2014
Assange

Assange™: Hey world, I'M STILL HERE, ignore that Snowden guy

Head WikiLeaker Julian Assange™ has said he is planning to leave the Ecuadorian embassy "soon", but neglected to say exactly when.
Jasper Hamill, 18 Aug 2014
HP CEO Meg Whitman

Reg man grills HP Software big cheese

Traditionally HP Software was seen by many of its business partners on the hardware side of the house – and by default some of their customers – as a fragmented portfolio of specialist applications amassed via acquisition.
Paul Kunert, 18 Aug 2014

TV transport tech, part 1: From server to sofa at the touch of a button

Feature Ah, the magic of television. With the press of a button and the twist of a knob, the residents of homes around the country could cosy up for an evening's entertainment as the set warmed up to a steady monochrome glow – with the lucky ones able to tune in to BBC 2.
Bob Dormon, 18 Aug 2014
5

HANA has SAP cuddling up to 'smaller partners'

Think "SAP and partners" and the mind goes to mega names – giants like Microsoft, Oracle and Fujitsu, Accenture and Deliotte.
Gavin Clarke, 18 Aug 2014
channel_teaser_money_top

Top money men face up to 2 YEARS in slammer for neglecting to spot crim-cash activity

Senior managers at "money service businesses" face up to two years imprisonment and an unlimited fine if their neglect leads to money laundering or terrorist financing activities, HM Revenue & Customs (HMRC) has warned.
OUT-LAW.COM, 18 Aug 2014
The die of Oracle's SPARC M7 CPU

Oracle reveals 32-core, 10 BEEELLION-transistor SPARC M7

Oracle has revealed details of its next-generation SPARC CPU, the M7.
Simon Sharwood, 18 Aug 2014

Ad regulator pulls down Branson-backed magic undies

The UK's Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) has decided that Wireless Armour, which promises to protect your crown jewels from nasty WiFi signals, can't be advertised in Blighty.

Rupert Murdoch says Google is worse than the NSA

Media tycoon Rupert Murdoch has taken to Twitter and labelled Google worse than the NSA.
Simon Sharwood, 18 Aug 2014

Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!

One in four Brits have admitted to splurging too much cash during drunken shopping sprees online, according to a new survey.
Jasper Hamill, 18 Aug 2014
1

EMC is shopping for Indian startups

EMC has revealed that it's set aside US$2.3 billion for acquisitions, and is tagging the startup sector in India as one target for its shopping expeditions.
Docker Red Hat

Docker kicks KVM's butt in IBM tests

IBM Research has run done a side-by-side comparison of the KVM hypervisor and containerisation enfant terrible Docker and found the latter “ equals or exceeds KVM performance in every case we tested.”
Simon Sharwood, 18 Aug 2014
Privacy image
1

Irish credit unions in privacy breach

Irish credit unions are in the midst of a privacy storm, with that country's privacy watchdog accusing some institutions of trafficking in illegally-obtained data.
Malware
7

VXer fighters get new stealth weapon in war of the (mal)wares

A bare-metal analysis tool developed by University of California researchers promises to help tip the battle between virus writers and black hats by cloaking malware investigation efforts.
Darren Pauli, 18 Aug 2014
1

Ericsson to roll Ciena kit into Telstra

Ericsson's February 2014 agreement with Ciena has paid off in Australia, with the two to work on a major optical network upgrade for incumbent Telstra.
cloud
3

BizTalk-as-a-Service dog wags Microsoft's on-premises tail

Microsoft has signalled it will harmonise the feature set of the cloudy and on-premises versions of its BizTalk Server.
Simon Sharwood, 18 Aug 2014
1990s-era submarine cable from Alcatel-TCC

Google's so smart it's discovered SHARKS HAVE TEETH

The world's submarine cables are subject to a brand-new threat: sharks.
Hacked sarcasm

Boffins find hundreds of thousands of woefully insecure IoT devices

More than 140,000 internet-of-things devices, from routers to CCTV systems contain zero-day vulnerabilities, backdoors, hard coded crackable passwords and blurted private keys, according to the first large scale analysis of firmware in embedded devices.
Darren Pauli, 17 Aug 2014
blue screen of death

Microsoft cries UNINSTALL in the wake of Blue Screens of Death™

Microsoft has urged users to remove a buggy update as it yanked download links to the offending patch, after reports emerged it caused the dreaded blue screen of death.
Darren Pauli, 17 Aug 2014

Top Gun display for your CAR: Heads-up fighter pilot tech

Car-display manufacturer Navdy has refuted claims that its new device is dangerous, saying there are plenty of precedents for the technology.
Simon Rockman, 16 Aug 2014

Time to ditch HTTP – govt malware injection kit thrust into spotlight

A new report form the Toronto-based internet watchdog Citizen Lab has shown cases of governments running network injection attacks that can deliver malware via any HTTP web connection.
Iain Thomson, 16 Aug 2014
Batteries

Detroit losing MILLIONS because it buys CHEAP BATTERIES – report

The debate over which battery brands work best is almost as old as dry cells themselves, but one US city has learned that it's definitely not a good idea to skimp when it comes to powering important municipal equipment.
Neil McAllister, 16 Aug 2014
Lenovo

US regulators OK sale of IBM's x86 server biz to Lenovo

US regulators have given the thumbs-up to IBM's sale of its x86-based System x server business to China's Lenovo, Big Blue announced on Friday.
Neil McAllister, 16 Aug 2014

Supervalu supermarket stores stung by sneaky sales system scammers

Supervalu, one of the biggest supermarket chains in the US, is warning customers who shopped with them between June 22 and July 17 to check their bank statements, after investigators discovered hackers have been at work.
Iain Thomson, 15 Aug 2014
Sprint CEO Marcelo Claure
9

New Sprint CEO says he will lower axe on staff – but prices come first

The new CEO of US mobile operator Sprint says he's planning aggressive moves to regain market share starting next week, but the big changes he has in mind will make job cuts unavoidable.
Neil McAllister, 15 Aug 2014
9

Apple slings fanbois' data at Chinese servers in China Telecom deal

In an effort to woo buyers in China, Apple has inked a deal to store Chinese customer data in Chinese servers for the first time.
Iain Thomson, 15 Aug 2014

Revealed ... GCHQ's incredible hacking tool to sweep net for vulnerabilities: Nmap

For the past five years, British spying nerve-center GCHQ has been port scanning internet-connected computers in 27 countries – in a exhaustive hunt for systems to potentially exploit.
John Leyden, 15 Aug 2014
management regulation1

Rimini Street promises 'business as usual' after Oracle IP judgment

Software support specialist Rimini Street has promised it's "business as usual" despite suffering a setback in its ongoing intellectual property dispute with Larry Ellison's Oracle.
Gavin Clarke, 15 Aug 2014

YES YES YES! Apple patents mousy, pressure-sensing iVibrator

Apple has been granted a patent for a vibrating mouse which will respond to fanbois' hamfisted affections using advanced pressure sensing technology.
Jasper Hamill, 15 Aug 2014
Smart home
2

Samsung slurps Internet of Home Stuff upstart SmartThings

Samsung is all set to slurp home automation platform SmartThings in another manoeuvre to prime the firm for the Internet of Stuff – if it should ever arrive.
apple mac malware vxer

Don't think you're SAFE from Windows zombies just 'cos you have an iPhone - research

Fanbois aren't safe from Windows malware - and it's all down to iTunes syncing.
John Leyden, 15 Aug 2014
Ciscoblood

Cisco prepares to take $700m hit to make 6,000 layoffs

Cisco has said that it will be hit with $700m in charges in fiscal 2015 in the restructuring plan that will see the firm axe 6,000 employees.
GameOver
4

Insert coin to continue: GameOver ZeuS zombie MUTATES, shuffles back to its feet

The resurfaced GameOver bot is back with a vengeance, having infected 12,000 computers after the network was taken down in June, according to Arbor Networks.
Darren Pauli, 15 Aug 2014
4

EMC customer? You can only buy from third-party sales bods now

EMC says it will remove the tools that allowed its direct sales reps to quote kit prices to customers this quarter.
Paul Kunert, 15 Aug 2014

Intel teams up with rap chap 50 Cent on heartbeat headphones

The rapper 50 Cent has hooked up with Intel to get his headphone firm making kit for the health-tech wearables set.
Jasper Hamill, 15 Aug 2014

Premier League wants to PURGE ALL FOOTIE GIFs from social media

The English Premier League is working to design new software which will stop piratical football fans uploading footage of goals to Vine or social media.
Jasper Hamill, 15 Aug 2014
Tesco Hudl

Giving your old Tesco Hudl to Auntie June? READ THIS FIRST

UK supermarket Tesco’s Hudl tablet will offer up data from past users – even if it’s been factory reset.
Simon Rockman, 15 Aug 2014
6

eBay in talks with Bitcoin firms about payments processing

PayPal is reportedly in talks with Bitcoin firms to integrate the e-currency into its recently acquired Braintree payments system, according to the Wall Street Journal.

Microsoft punts FREE Office 365 mail migration, but some are not chuffed with the idea

Microsoft will roll out free email migration services for Office 365 punters from the start of next month as it tries to accelerate adoption.
Paul Kunert, 15 Aug 2014
SOURCE:  http://www.sxc.hu/browse.phtml?f=view&id=1412135

Pop-up ad man: SORRY we made such a 'hated tool', netizens

It's been said before that if all porn was removed from the internet, only one website would remain: with the url wherehasalltheporngone.com.
Kelly Fiveash, 15 Aug 2014

You'll find Yoda at the back of every IT conference

Something for the Weekend, Sir? On stage, the presenter barely pauses for breath as he shares his extraordinary knowledge with rapid-fire delivery. His audience is captivated, amazed, enthralled.
Alistair Dabbs, 15 Aug 2014

Vulture 2 spaceplane autopilot brain surgery a total success

We're pleased to report that following four days of intense graft, including some hair-pulling over our Vulture 2 spaceplane's cantankerous Raspberry Pi rig, we've finally got some custom Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) mission parameters loaded into our rocket ship's Pixhawk autopilot.
Lester Haines, 15 Aug 2014
Advanced English Dictionary

'Aaaah FFS, 'amazeballs' has made it into the OXFORD DICTIONARY'

Quotw This was the week when so-called “sharing economy” car firms – more accurately “slightly different ways to turn a profit” car firms – Uber and Lyft got into a bit of a barney. Lyft told CNN that Uber staff were pranking the company out of profits by ordering rides and then cancelling them, as well as ordering Lyft services for a short drive during which they pitched at the driver to switch to Uber.
An original member of the System/360 family announced in 1964, the Model 50 was the most powerful unit in the medium price range.

Hackers' Paradise: The rise of soft options and the demise of hard choices

Opinion John Watkinson argues that the ubiquity of hacking and malware illustrates a failure of today’s computer architectures to support sufficient security. The mechanisms needed to implement a hack-proof computer have been available for decades but, self-evidently, they are not being properly applied.
John Watkinson, 15 Aug 2014
Sorry we're closed

Brits' BORKED Samsung kit held up after repair centre slips into administration

British Samsung repair centre Samuel King Intelligent IT Solutions has gone under, leaving folks stranded without their serviceable Sammy equipment.
Spam

New voting rules leave innocent Brits at risk of SPAM TSUNAMI

Changes to the electoral registration system have sparked fears that Britons are about to be swamped by a tsunami of unwanted spam from companies that harvest and sell on citizens' personal data.
Jasper Hamill, 15 Aug 2014
7

Oracle claims knockout blow in IP lawsuit

Oracle says new findings by the judge hearing its case against third party software support outfit Rimini Street prove its IP has been pinched.
Simon Sharwood, 15 Aug 2014
Infosec

Who needs hackers? 'Password1' opens a third of all biz doors

Hundreds of thousands of hashed corporate passwords have been cracked within minutes by penetration testers using graphics processing units.
Darren Pauli, 15 Aug 2014
VMware Monster VM
3

El Reg's virtualisation desk pulls out the VMworld crystal ball

VMworld 2014 kicks off in a little over a week.
Simon Sharwood, 15 Aug 2014

Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people

Boffins have overturned the wisdom of parents everywhere by proving that stinky people with tattoos can play a vital role in society: by charging up mobile phones.
Jasper Hamill, 15 Aug 2014
Photo by Michael Conen

NASA's rock'n'roll shock: ROLLING STONE FOUND ON MARS

NASA's Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter probe has spotted a rolling stone on Mars.
Simon Sharwood, 15 Aug 2014
Invasion of the Body Snatchers

Chrome update to raise alarms over deceptive download bundles

Google is planning to roll out an update to the Safe Browsing feature of its Chrome web browser that will alert users to a new category of suspicious downloads: ones that look like they're installing helpful software but could also include additional, unexpected payloads.
Neil McAllister, 15 Aug 2014
5

Merger-hungry Comcast and Time Warner withdraw from FCC commissioner's dinner event

Executives from Comcast and Time Warner Cable are stepping back from plans to fund a gala dinner for Mignon Clyburn, a member of the US Federal Communications Commission(FCC).
Shaun Nichols, 15 Aug 2014

Seven Apple Store staff cuffed in alleged $500k stolen iPhone scam bust

Seven Apple store employees, and a worker at Best Buy, have been arrested and charged in Florida for allegedly selling stolen iPhones.
Iain Thomson, 15 Aug 2014
Sad Anonymous

Know what Ferguson city needs right now? It's not Anonymous doxing random people

Anonymous has called off efforts to name and shame the cop who shot unarmed teen Michael Brown dead in Ferguson, Missouri – after the hacktivists identified a bloke whom the police say has never worked as a beat officer.
Iain Thomson, 15 Aug 2014
android tongue

Google's ANDROID CRUSHING smartphone rivals underfoot

Google's Android mobile OS now runs on 84.7 per cent of the 301 million mobile phones the world created in the second quarter of 2014, according to market-watcher IDC.
Simon Sharwood, 15 Aug 2014
The Windows 7 Desktop

Time to move away from Windows 7 ... whoa, whoa, who said anything about Windows 8?

Companies should start planning now to phase out their Windows 7 installations, according to research firm Gartner.
Shaun Nichols, 15 Aug 2014
Monty Python Norwegian Blue dead parrot sketch

SpiderOak says you'll know it's secure because a little bird told you

Edward Snowden–endorsed cloud storage provider SpiderOak has added an additional safeguard to ensure that its users' data doesn't fall into the hands of law enforcement without their knowledge, in the form of a "warrant canary."
Neil McAllister, 14 Aug 2014
7

Orwell chap snaps in Amazon paperback claptrap yap rap

Amazon is under fire from George Orwell's estate for referencing the Nineteen Eighty-Four author in its legal battle with publishers.
Shaun Nichols, 14 Aug 2014
kilobot

What does a flashmob of 1,024 robots look like? Just like this

Vid Harvard University computer scientists at have built a 1,000-strong robot army that can form itself into shapes with little human input.
Iain Thomson, 14 Aug 2014

Visual Studio Online goes titsup as Microsoft wrestles with database

Updated Microsoft's Visual Studio Online services for software developers are in the midst of a total outage that has lasted for more than four hours. The Redmond giant has blamed a database snafu.
Neil McAllister, 14 Aug 2014

It's time for PGP to die, says ... no, not the NSA – a US crypto prof

A senior cryptographer has sparked debate after calling time on PGP – the gold standard for email and document encryption.
John Leyden, 14 Aug 2014
Euro notes

Uber alles.. NOT: Berlin bans taxi ride app over 'safety' fears

Taxi app Uber has been banned in Berlin after the German capital's government said the service violated passenger safety regulations.
Team Register, 14 Aug 2014
Red Hat Enterprise Linux
2

VM herder Tintri tries on Red Hat, plans support for Microsoft Hyper-V

Hybrid startup Tintri, whose hybrid arrays are VMware virtual machine-centric in their operation and management, now supports Red Hat's KVM as well.
Chris Mellor, 14 Aug 2014

Apple BANS 2 chemicals from iPhone, iPad final assembly line

Apple has reportedly banned its suppliers from using two potentially hazardous chemicals in the final production of the company's iThings.
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Aug 2014
Basis health-tracking wearable
4

Intel launches Internet of Stuff Parkinson's research project

Intel has teamed up with the Michael J Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research to test a way to use the Internet of Stuff for a useful end – to help find a cure for the second most prevalent neurodegenerative disease in the world.
Scale Computing HC3 boxes

Scale Computing scales up sales – but can its HC3 kit take on Marvin?

Start-up Scale Computing is selling lots more of its HC3 converged virtualised server and storage nodes.
Chris Mellor, 14 Aug 2014

Russian PM's Twitter hacked to slap down Putin, post fake resignation

The Twitter feed of the Russian prime minister was hacked on Thursday to post false claims that Dmitry Medvedev had resigned to try his hand as a freelance photographer.
John Leyden, 14 Aug 2014
arrow pointing up

Lenovo posts an INCREASE in desktop PC and notebook sales

Lenovo, the world’s largest maker of PCs, saw its profits leap 24 per cent this spring.
Gavin Clarke, 14 Aug 2014
Spying image

What happens in Europe, doesn't stay in Europe: US giants accused of breaking EU privacy pact

More than 30 big US tech firms are breaking international agreed-upon US-EU Safe Harbor commitments to safeguard Europeans’ data, according to a complaint filed with the US Federal Trade Commission (FTC) on Thursday.
Jennifer Baker, 14 Aug 2014
No Sale
7

NetApp: Revenues are down – but own brand kit wasn't to blame

Revenues down, profits up and no growth for three years: that's the picture from NetApp's first fiscal 2015 quarter results.
Chris Mellor, 14 Aug 2014
Students using MacBooks in a lecture hall

A-level results: Before you smile at that jump-for-joy snap...

Traditionally, newspapers illustrate A-Level results day with pictures of attractive teens in mid-air.
Jasper Hamill, 14 Aug 2014
8

SynoLocker Trojan crime gang: We QUIT this gig

A ransomware Trojan gang appears to be moving on, and has offered to sell its remaining decryption keys in bulk for 200 BTC ($103,000, £61,500).
John Leyden, 14 Aug 2014
money trap conceptual illustration

Dodgy payday loan ads make up 83% of cases probed by UK's FCA

The majority of cases under investigation by the Financial Conduct Authority now involve online adverts for "cheap" credit services, the regulator has said.
Jasper Hamill, 14 Aug 2014
Fraud image

Dragons' Den man and co-CEO to work for FREE at loss-making Outsourcery

Outsourcery bosses Piers Linney and Simon Newton are relinquishing their salaries for the next 12 months in a bid to save the loss-making cloudy biz £500,000, the company told the stock market today.
Paul Kunert, 14 Aug 2014
South Park: Stick of Truth

Totes AMAZEBALLS! Side boob, binge-watch and clickbait added to Oxford Dictionary

The Register is sad to report the rise of Web2.0rhea this morning, after the Oxford Dictionary added words such as tech-savvy, listicle and hyperconnected to its latest online addition.
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Aug 2014
frustration_anger_irritation_annoyance pain
1

Restatements HURT. Just ask global mega distie Tech Data how it's going for them

The world's second-largest wholesale distributor of technology products, services and solutions, Tech Data, was not the first firm to restate its financial results – and it may not be the last.
Felipe Costa, 14 Aug 2014
California Games

Wetsuits, sunshine, bikini babes and a competitive streak: Epyx California Games

Antique Code Show California Games from Epyx cooked up a successful franchise with its winning combination of sunshine, grazed shins, wetsuits and bikini babes. Indeed, its well-considered play mechanics, delivered with multiplayer action and some slightly twisted humour, soon cemented its cult classic status in history.
Giles Hill, 14 Aug 2014
Columns of coins in the cloud
5

Hey, biz bods: OpenStack will be worth $3.3bn by 2018

OpenStack looks like it will inject some $3.3bn into the market by 2018, growing from $890m this year according to 451 Research's recent Open Stack Pulse 2014 report.
Michael Cote, 14 Aug 2014

What's in your toolbox? Why the browser wars are so last decade

Feature Desktop browsers have reached a point where there isn't a huge amount of daylight between them. Google Chrome, Mozilla Firefox and Opera are all on a pretty even playing field when it comes to features and speed.

Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'

Updated Florida newspaper The Gainsville Sun reports that the accused in a murder case is alleged to have used his iPhone to search for ways to dispose of a body. Yet all is not what it seems.
Simon Sharwood, 14 Aug 2014
Rosetta

Rosetta's comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko is one FUGLY space rock

The European Space Agency's (ESA's) Rosetta probe reached its intended orbit around comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko last week.
Simon Sharwood, 14 Aug 2014
Intel 'Haswell' 4th-Generation Core i7 Extreme Edition eight-core processor
8

Intel disables hot new TSX tech in early Broadwells and Haswells

One of Intel's new ways to make software go faster is called Transactional Synchronization Extensions (TSX), an innovation that gives developers fine control over how multi-threaded code uses a CPU's resources.
Simon Sharwood, 14 Aug 2014

Google hops into bed with Brit red-top: Cooks up 'draw an app' coding compo for kids

Comment British red-top The Sun is running a campaign to “Get Kids Coding” in collaboration with Google that demonstrates failures of judgment and technology that have reduced my family as well as some Reg staff to helpless laughter.
Dominic Connor, 14 Aug 2014
ActiveX

Redmond stall means IE Java axe won't swing till September

Microsoft has handed sysadmins a reprieve by delaying the blockage of vulnerable old versions of Java in its flagship Internet Explorer web browser until September.
Darren Pauli, 14 Aug 2014

Boffins brew TCP tuned to perform on lossy links like Wi-Fi networks

The world is awash with proposals to improve the venerable TCP/IP protocol. The latest, from researchers at the University of Cincinnati, addresses shortcomings in the protocol's behaviour on wireless networks.

Avago divests another chunk of LSI to Intel

Fresh from its acquisition of LSI, Singapore-based Avago Corporation has carved out the Axxia network processor business and flogged it to Chipzilla for US$650 million.
Asteroid DA 1950

Spin doctors crack 'impossible' asteroid hurtling towards Earth

Pic Scientists studying a mysterious asteroid that could hit Earth in the 29th century think they've found the reason why the fast-spinning object hasn't blown itself apart.
Iain Thomson, 14 Aug 2014
Face recognition

Face-recog tech spots US fugitive wanted for 14 years ... from a photo

The US Federal Bureau of Investigations says it has captured a fugitive who has been wanted for the last 14 years on child sex abuse and kidnapping charges, and it credits modern face recognition technology for the arrest.
Neil McAllister, 14 Aug 2014

FEAST YOUR EYES: Samsung's Galaxy Alpha has an 'entirely new appearance'

Samsung unveiled its new Galaxy Alpha on Wednesday – and it's an Android smartphone that comes encased in a thin all-metal coating.
Shaun Nichols, 14 Aug 2014
balaclava_thief_burglar

Brit infosec firm lets hackers think they've stolen something

Security strategies generally concentrate on keeping the bad guys out, but British security outfit ClearSwift has stumbled upon another approach: if the bad guys get in, let them out with something. But scrub it clean on the way out the door.
Simon Sharwood, 14 Aug 2014
3

Oz telco results season! Telstra booms, Optus slides

Telstra continues to gorge on the Australian telecommunications market at the expense of its competitors, leaving Optus with a focus on squeezing efficiencies out of its operations to stay profitable.
Ciscoblood
7

Cisco revenue dip means 6,000 staff to be de-assimilated

Facing rising competition, Cisco has announced another round of layoffs – 6,000 – in financial results that beat analyst expectations but were still flat.

Five Totally Believable Things Car Makers Must Do To Thwart Hackers

Car manufacturers are urged to implement a five-step program to improve their motors' computer security defenses.
John Leyden, 14 Aug 2014