The Week in Summary

404bhp of refined fun

Maserati Ghibli S: Who cares what Joe Walsh thinks?

Vulture at the wheel When Joe Walsh sang “My Maserati does 185, I lost my licence so now I don’t drive”, he was lying. In 1978 no Maserati could do that speed.
Simon Rockman, 24 May 2015
Files in manager's desk drawers: manila folder marked "Redundancies". Image via shutterstock
2

BlackBerry: we ARE cutting jobs AGAIN

Blackberry is to axe workers across its loss-making hardware division to lighten overheads, the ailing Canadian smartphone maker has confirmed.
Paul Kunert, 24 May 2015
8

Google patents DEVIL TOY which will BRAINWASH KIDS

A Google patent uncovered by tech law firm SmartUp seems to describe a toy that will look at and talk to your kids, then update a remote media device, depending upon the child's feedback.
1

Look out, Dixon! That there is a dangerously INTELLECTUAL cow

CoTW What's that lumbering over the horizon, groaning theatrically? Yes, it's the late, unlamented corpse of Comment of the Week, reanimated for your reading pleasure, dear commentards!
Gareth Corfield, 24 May 2015
Against Captain's Orders. Image credit: Paul J Cochrane
2

Against Captain’s Orders – a half-term swashbuckling, squash-clutching adventure

Theatre Review There's no sign of Captain Pugwash as I make my way through the streets of Greenwich to the National Maritime Museum, although I do surprisingly spot several swashbuckling Jack Sparrows.
Lucy Orr, 24 May 2015
Knomo Hanover
1

Zip Style Method: Ten swanky laptop bags for her

Product Roundup I’ve long sung the praises of the Longchamp Le Pilage. Stylish and hardwearing, this super light bag weighs in at just 225g. Yes, you have to add your own laptop sleeve, but what’s not to love? Yet in the daytime commute, women everywhere now haul this stalwart bag. A First World problem it might be, but who wants to be one of the homogeneous bunch?
Jennifer Newton, 24 May 2015
1

Vietnam-lovin' VoIP man's 50-nation tally couldn't hold him back

The eXpat Files In this instalment of The eXpat Files, we meet Joshua Puckett – a native of Maryland, USA – who, at 23, has managed to work in 50 countries, with extended stays in Switzerland and Hungary.
Simon Sharwood, 24 May 2015

NEVER MIND the B*LLOCKS Osbo peddles, deficits don't really matter

Worstall @ the Weekend What with another budget just coming up, to correct the one that chancellor of the exchequer George Osborne kidded everyone with before the election, it might be time to answer the question of whether deficits really matter?
Tim Worstall, 24 May 2015

NSA bulk phone records slurp to end when law lapses next month – report

Edward Snowden supporters were claiming victory for the privacy of millions of US citizens today, after the Obama administration seemingly decided not to seek a 90-day extension to allow g-men to collect bulk phone records.
Kelly Fiveash, 23 May 2015
6

'Sorry we outed your affair ... this sort of thing happens every day'

QuoTW This week brought with it cruddy security, an expensive business opportunity and a free lunch.
Team Register, 23 May 2015
Nasty 1 star. Artist's illustration credit: NASA/ESA/G.Bacon (STSci)
1

SLOPPY STELLAR CANNIBAL star is a NASTY 1, astroboffins squeal

Scientists have observed odd features present in a supermassive star in our galaxy that they have somewhat appropriately dubbed Nasty 1.
Team Register, 23 May 2015
Johnnycab with Arnie. Screen shot from Total Recall

VR rift OPENS UP: Total Recall Technologies hurls lawsuit at Facebook's Oculus

Oculus has been named in a lawsuit from a rival, which claimed the Facebook-owned Virtual Reality outfit's founder broke a confidentiality agreement about its head-mounted display.
Kelly Fiveash, 23 May 2015

Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Bog-standard boxty

"Really dad?" It was with a slightly exasperated raise of the eyebrow that my daughter Katarina greeted the news last weekend that we were about to tackle classic Irish spud-based nosh boxty, the better to increase her chances of acquiring a suitable husband* when the moment arises.
Lester Haines, 23 May 2015

Wheely, wheely mad: Petrolheads fume over buggy Formula One app

Furious Formula One fans are fed up with the glitzy motor racing contest's official mobile app, which spews out inaccurate driver information and regularly buckles on customers.
Kelly Fiveash, 23 May 2015
4

Candy-cane optimism tastes sweet in Disney’s Tomorrowland

Film Review I don’t think there’s ever been as Disney-esque a movie as Disney’s new offering, Tomorrowland, from writers Brad Bird (The Incredibles) and Damon Lindelof (Lost).
Longchamp Boxford Hobo Bag

Carry On Computing: Ten stylish laptop bags for him

Product Round-Up If you’ve been promising yourself a new laptop holdall for ages, why not use this Bank Holiday weekend to get yourself, as the saying goes, a brand new bag? We’ll be looking bags for women tomorrow, so everyone can get kitted out with something chic, but first the swanky stuff for men.
Jennifer Newton, 23 May 2015
William Davies, The Happiness Industry: How the Government and Big Business Sold Us Well-Being
7

The Happiness Industry, Seveneves and Confessions of a Tinderella

Page File El Reg bookworm Mark Diston is joined by Vulture South's own Simon Sharwood and Vulture Central's Nigel Whitfield to pore through the latest from the publishing world. William Davies examines the current political and corporate obsession with wellbeing. Neal Stephenson's latest sci-fi tome adds a satirical spin to saving the world and Ms Lonelyheart Rosy Edwards gives an amusing kiss-and-tell account of her trials and tribulations using the addictive dating app Tinder.
Fritz Pfleumer with his magnetic tape recorder

Putting your schlong into the reel-to-reel tape machine is a bad idea

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Last week, I promised you I’d rip my two mighty appearances on Granada Plus’s The Computer Channel (later relaunched as .tv) in 1997 from VHS. Well, a promise is a promise, if only half-kept. Here for your viewing curiosity is just one of my BAFTA nomination-worthy performances for a short-lived night-time satellite TV programme that was watched by literally tens of viewers.
Alistair Dabbs, 23 May 2015
detour

eBay bug turns phishing email links into malware-stuffed booby prizes

eBay is racing to fix a second serious security flaw that may allow criminals to spread malware through files seemingly hosted by the online tat bazaar.
Iain Thomson, 23 May 2015
spy_eye_648

'The Google execs, the journalists, plus Brit and US spybosses in a cosy mansion confab'

A high-level private meeting between Silicon Valley execs, spies and others was held in the UK this month: on the agenda, the state of government surveillance, and what limits should be put on it.
Iain Thomson, 22 May 2015

Is your career lacking growth? Become a porn inspector! Hint: It sucks

As Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart famously said about pornography: "I know it when I see it." What he may not have envisioned was that 50 years later, people would make a living from doing just that.
Kieren McCarthy, 22 May 2015
Marc Benioff of Salesforce. Pic: Techcrunch
5

Salesforce snubbed Microsoft's $55bn biz gobble offer – report

Microsoft wanted to buy cloud giant Salesforce.com for $55bn, it is reported.
Shaun Nichols, 22 May 2015
Brain
5

ROBOQUAFF! Boffins build smooth robot arm to lift a pint of beer

Vid Scientists have developed a brain-controlled prosthetic arm that can perform fine motor movements well enough to lift a pint of beer without spilling it.
Iain Thomson, 22 May 2015

What are cellphone networks blabbing about you to the Feds? A US senator wants to know

US Senator Edward Markey (D-MA) wants America's mobile networks to reveal the types of customer information they share with Uncle Sam.
Shaun Nichols, 22 May 2015
Blade Runner (1982)

More Human: Designing a World Where People Come First

Page File There are two interesting sides to Steve Hilton, the former political advisor once called “Cameron’s Brain”. One is a kind of Holy Fool, who in Government asked questions nobody else dare ask.
Andrew Orlowski, 22 May 2015
Alberta_Prairie
3

Boring old Brocade just sits there making money. Damn them

Brocade's second quarter fiscal 2015 revenue was $547m, up two per cent year-on-year and down five per cent sequentially, as is Brocade's seasonal pattern. Net income was $77m, monstrously better than the $14m loss it announced a year ago.
Chris Mellor, 22 May 2015
Parliament in the clouds

GDS to handle Govt payments? What could possibly go wrong?

Be afraid. The previous government’s “elite digital team” which so brilliantly borked most of Whitehall’s websites, and that failed to meet its own targets, may be put in charge of handling real money: your money.
Andrew Orlowski, 22 May 2015
Sleeper

Huawei peels back the covers in pursuit of partner love

Huawei intends to hop into bed with nearly 50 per cent more partners this year in order to boost its sluggish enterprise sales in Europe.
Kat Hall, 22 May 2015
TOR Logo

New relay selection fix for Tor to spoil spooks' fun (eventually)

Research by American and Israeli academics has lead to the development of Astoria, a new Tor client specifically designed to spoil spooks' traffic analysis of the surveillance-dodging network.
4

Xiaomi greets MediaTek with a handshake, Qualcomm feels awkward

The latest top-of-the-range phone from handset maker and rising dragon Xiaomi will use the ambitious ten core Helio X20 processor from semiconductor company MediaTek.
Simon Rockman, 22 May 2015
MDS_9396S
4

Cisco strengthens its hardware-defined networking products

Cisco has introduced a new Fibre Channel fabric switch to better connect virtualised servers to all-flash arrays, seeing a rise in back-end array connection port-counts and speed needed to satisfy all-flash array IO demands.
Chris Mellor, 22 May 2015

£300m education tech framework is LIVE

Crown Commercial Services has rung the bell on the mega ICT for Education framework, with 21 suppliers passing the entrance exam, one more than was originally planned for.
Paul Kunert, 22 May 2015
School of Rock

DDoS attack downs University of London learning platform

The University of London Computer Centre fell victim to a cyber-attack on Thursday.
John Leyden, 22 May 2015

Wanna buy a software reseller? Comparex big enough for you?

The Austrian parent of enterprise licensing specialist reseller and tech provider Comparex has hired an investment banker to sell the business, The Channel can reveal.
Paul Kunert, 22 May 2015
Panic button
8

Windows Server 2003 end of support draws ever closer

Regcast Sign up RIGHT NOW to watch The Register’s how-to Regcast on coping with Windows Server 2003 End of Service (EoS).
David Gordon, 22 May 2015

Nokia getting there with HERE as rivals talk up price

Nokia HERE, its mapping and location businesses, might be worth more than the former handset giant thought, as rival companies talk up the value, and a consortium of car companies square up to an alliance of Uber and China’s Baidu.
Simon Rockman, 22 May 2015
Poor people in India queue for a political party-sponsored medical check. Pic: Welfare Party of India
2

Zero rating? Zero chance says Vodafone India

Vodafone India, country’s second-biggest mobile operator, has announced it will hold off offering zero-rated services amid a fierce political argument about the practice.
Jennifer Baker, 22 May 2015

Tim Worstall: Metals, mining and my heavyweight book

Reg Events The Register's favourite economist cum metals trader cum miner Tim Worstall will be delivering our next Summer lecture on June 4 and launching his latest book to boot.
Team Register, 22 May 2015

Adult FriendFinder hack EXPOSES MEELLIONS of MEMBERS

Hackers have pilfered and published the personal details and sexual preferences of 3.9 million users of hookup website Adult FriendFinder.
John Leyden, 22 May 2015

SAVE THE PLANKTON: So much more than whale food

Marineboffins have spent three and half years at sea analysing plankton (singular: plankter) in the most comprehensive analysis of the organisms to have ever taken place.
Fluffy grey ragdoll cat relaxes next to laptop.

HP storage revenues declining as the dithering continues

Comment HP storage revenues went backwards in its second fiscal 2015 quarter.
Chris Mellor, 22 May 2015
iPad 2

Multiple fondling on the MIGHTY 12-INCH iOS 9 SLAB — so, so close now

As we approach Cupertino's Worldwide Developers Conference (WWDC) ripened rumours continue to fall off the Apple tree.
Bank vault

UK data watchdog: Massive fines won't keep data safe

The UK’s data protection watchdog has said issuing fines "left, right and centre" is not the way to ensure privacy.
Jennifer Baker, 22 May 2015
Oracle's Java is 20 years old

Celebrating 20 years of juicy Java. Just don’t mention Android

Oracle is celebrating 20 years of Java, which was officially announced at the SunWorld conference in San Francisco on May 23 1995. Java 1.0a2 was made available to download. In addition, Netscape’s Marc Andreessen came on stage to announce that Java would be integrated into the Navigator web browser.
Tim Anderson, 22 May 2015

mSpy: We haven't been breached. Customers: Oh yes you have

Controversial commercial spyware firm mSpy has denied it's been hacked, following an apparent breach of its systems several days ago.
John Leyden, 22 May 2015
the EVO:RAIL value prop

VMware doubles node count for EVO:RAIL hyperconvergenceware

VMware has released a new version 1.2 of its EVO:RAIL software that turns servers from third parties into hyperconverged screamers.
Simon Sharwood, 22 May 2015

Factory reset memory wipe FAILS in 500 MEELLION Android mobes

Half a billion Android phones could have data recovered and Google accounts compromised thanks to flaws in the default wiping feature, University of Cambridge scientists Laurent Simon and Ross Anderson have claimed.
Darren Pauli, 22 May 2015
Screen shots from The Hobbit re-made for the Spectrum 128K

ZX Spectrum 'Hobbit' revival sparks developer dispute

Sinclair appreciation site World Of Spectrum recently relaunched its forums, after they fell over last year and users were forced to endure a temporary replacement.
Simon Sharwood, 22 May 2015
A lamb

Heroic German rozzers rescue innocent lamb from sordid brothel

The German fuzz have nabbed a 25-year-old prostitute for keeping her pet lamb in the Munich brothel where she worked.
HP Logo splitting in two
2

HP beats the street on earnings, misses on revenue in Q2

HP has announced its results for its second fiscal quarter, and the news is mixed.
Simon Sharwood, 22 May 2015
Sean Connery in Dr. No
8

Big sales growth nothing to do with NSA fears - Huawei top brass

Chinese kit-maker Huawei isn't apportioning swelling sales outside the Middle Kingdom to NSA snooping fears, more that double digit growth in Europe is related to brand recognition a decade after it up shop there.
Kat Hall, 22 May 2015

Hacker uses Starbucks INFINITE MONEY for free CHICKEN SANDWICH

Sakurity hacker Egor Homakov has found a way to dupe Starbucks into loading free cash onto the "coffee" chain's payment cards.
Darren Pauli, 22 May 2015
'Fresh' by https://www.flickr.com/photos/vintagechica/ cc 2.0 attribution https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

PCI council gives up, dumbs down PCI DSS for small business

The Payment Card Industry Security Standards Council has created a taskforce charged with improving security among small businesses.
Darren Pauli, 22 May 2015
VMware logo

VMware beta testing database-as-a-service based on SQL Server

VMware is beta testing a database-as-a-service offering running SQL Server 2008 R2 & 2012.
Simon Sharwood, 22 May 2015
New Zealand: Karikari Beach by https://www.flickr.com/photos/elisfanclub/ CC 2.0 attribution sharealike https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

EXT4 filesystem can EAT ALL YOUR DATA

Flaws have been found in the EXT4 filesystem that can cause data loss when running Linux 4.0 and higher.
Simon Sharwood, 22 May 2015
Snowden

Snowden latest: NSA planned sneak attacks on Android app stores

The latest package of documents from whistleblower Edward Snowden details how the intelligence services planned to host man-in-the-middle attacks to install tracking and control software onto Android smartphones.
Iain Thomson, 22 May 2015
Chromebook pixel1
8

School's in for Chromebooks, Google's the top swot in class

Chromebooks will be shipping to the tune of 7.3 million units this year, thanks mostly to educational sales.
Shaun Nichols, 22 May 2015
5

Want to be the hottest thing since Melrose Place? Get these Lycos patents

Dial-up era icon Lycos has finally gotten around to selling off its patents.
Shaun Nichols, 21 May 2015

City of birth? Why password questions are a terrible idea

Using secret questions to give people access to their passwords is a terrible idea, according to a new paper from Google.
Kieren McCarthy, 21 May 2015
Fibre Optic by Barta IV https://www.flickr.com/photos/98640399@N08/ cc 2.0 attribution https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Singapore to trial 10Gbps home broadband

Singapore's dominant telco, Singtel, has announced a pilot deployment of 10Gbps broadband to a select group next quarter, and says that it expects the blistering fast Internet service to be generally available by the later part of this year.
Paul Mah, 21 May 2015
Dragon capsule lands in ocean

SpaceX signs off on another successful mission with Pacific splashdown

SpaceX's Dragon cargo capsule has made a splash-landing in the Pacific Ocean as planned after detaching from the International Space Station.
Iain Thomson, 21 May 2015
Grand Theft Auto Lindsay Lohan lookalike

Grand Theft Auto maker lobs sueball at BBC over biopic

A spat between the creators of Grand Theft Auto and the BBC has spilled over into a legal feud.
Shaun Nichols, 21 May 2015
Windows 10 Build 10122 is smoother with an improved Edge browser

New Windows 10 Build 10122 aims to fix file association hijacking

Microsoft has released a new build of Windows 10, named 10122, which includes an effort to fix file association hijacking, where a newly installed application becomes the default for opening documents with a particular extension, such as PDF, docx, jpg or MP3.
Tim Anderson, 21 May 2015
Resignation_videogame_02
7

404 Boss not found — Bye bye ICANN CEO Chehade

ICANN CEO Fadi Chehade has surprised the internet community by announcing he will step down from the job after just three years in the post.
Kieren McCarthy, 21 May 2015

Spotify smashing new media paradigms with something called ‘video’

Streaming music pioneer Spotify wants to broaden its appeal beyond music buffs by incorporating podcasts, video, and Pandora-style personal “radio stations” into its music service.
Andrew Orlowski, 21 May 2015

Apple announces 'Home' iOS 9 app to run the Internet of Stuff

As humanity lumbers towards its techno-utopian future, Apple's clever-clogs have put together an iOS 9 app called "Home".
Our happy travellers surrounded by armed police at LAX
6

Governance the key if you don't want mobile workers escaping your control

Mobile computing is great. No longer are we chained to our desks when using technology and doing proper work. Not only are laptops getting smaller, lighter and cheaper, it is also possible to do real, productive stuff even more freely using phones and tablets.
Dave Cartwright, 21 May 2015
SEO

NetApp's customers resisting Clustered ONTAP transition

Customer resistance to complex Clustered ONTAP migrations caused a slowdown in hardware sales at NetApp, with revenues clearly shrinking.
Chris Mellor, 21 May 2015
Crop of doctor with pen and clipboard

WHOOPSIE! Vast US health insurer CareFirst plundered of 1.1 MEELLION records

More than 1.1 million user records have been compromised following a hack against US health insurer CareFirst BlueCross BlueShield.
John Leyden, 21 May 2015
bear_cub_with_salmon

Coho Data spawns all-flash MicroArray with fresh funding help

Storage service array startup Coho Data has nearly doubled its funding and got itself a new product to boot.
Chris Mellor, 21 May 2015
Statue of a girl. Pic: Quinn Dombrowski

Backpage child sex trafficking lawsuit nixed thanks to 'internet freedoms'

A judge has dismissed a lawsuit brought against a classified ads site used by pimps to facilitate underage prostitution, arguing that the “internet freedom” of website operators trumped the rights of three girls who were trafficked and raped.
Andrew Orlowski, 21 May 2015
Atomic_explosion_cloud
8

Imation CEO voted off board in proxy war bombshell

Imation's CEO has been provisionally voted off the company's board, as shareholders supported the activist investor Clinton Group in its view of Imation's alleged leadership failures.
Chris Mellor, 21 May 2015
1

Salesforce: Profit pah! We’ll be back in the red before you know it

Software service slinger Salesforce.com banked its first operating profit in 18 quarters — yes, you read that correctly — but reassuringly confirmed it will be back in the red again in the next trading period.
Paul Kunert, 21 May 2015
Belgacom phone box. Pic: Peter van den Bossche

Belgian telco prepares to tear out last of nation's phone boxes

Proximus, the Belgian mobile operator, is about to complete the process of removing its last 300 phone boxes. The last will be ceremonially felled on June 1 in Antwerp.
Simon Rockman, 21 May 2015
China

China spending $182 BEEELLION on net construction by end of 2017

Beijing has announced a $182bn programme of network infrastructure spending, supplementing the development of China's service sector over the next two and half years.
Flash Gordon
3

It pays to fake it: Test your flash SAN with a good simulation

It is pretty obvious that storage systems vary. You could reply, with some justification: “No shit, Sherlock!”
Bryan Betts, 21 May 2015
Funnel of cash. Credit: via SXC – http://www.sxc.hu/profile/Leonardini
2

Post-PC era? Surely you're joking, says Lenovo as computers fly out of door

Computers are still flying out of the door for Lenovo but Q4 profits crashed by more than a third due to a hike in operating expenses that followed several acquisitions.
Paul Kunert, 21 May 2015

A good effort, if a bit odd: Windows 10 IoT Core on Raspberry Pi 2

First Look Microsoft has released a preview of Windows 10 for Raspberry Pi 2, the £30 ARMv7 computer board produced by the Cambridge-based Raspberry Pi Foundation.
Tim Anderson, 21 May 2015
spy_eye_648
8

Choose Deutsche Telekom for all your bargain spying needs

An Austrian newspaper has published what it claims is evidence that Deutsche Telekom spied on Vienna for German spooks for the miserly sum of just €6,500 a year.
Jennifer Baker, 21 May 2015
New World Computing Inc, King's Bounty
7

King's Bounty (1990): Enter the kleptomaniac dragon

Antique Code Show So as Witcher 3: The Wild Hunt stakes its claim as RPG of the millennium, I figured it’s time to look back on a turn-based fantasy questing classic of yesteryear, which definitely doesn’t feature any stuffed unicorn sex.
Lucy Orr, 21 May 2015
4

Daisy Group offers to gobble Phoenix IT Group for £133m

Acquisitive B2B tech and comms player Daisy Group has bid 160 pence per share for AIM-listed Phoenix IT Group valuing the services operation at around £133m.
Paul Kunert, 21 May 2015
Doug Bowser (left) and Bowser
5

NINTENDO assigns BOWSER to run North American sales. No, really

Nintendo has announced it has hired Bowser as its new veep of North American sales.
Simon Sharwood, 21 May 2015
Rows of washing machines in shop aisle
1

Dell inserts Hyper-V smarts into its DL backup boxen

Dell has added two new back-up appliances to its range, top-and-tailing its existing DL1000 product and adding neat features such as virtual standby VMs.
Chris Mellor, 21 May 2015
NASA PhoneSat by https://www.flickr.com/photos/jurvetson/ cc 2.0 attribution https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

NASA plots interplanetary cubesat swarms

NASA has revealed it is working on CubeSat Application for Planetary Entry Missions (CAPE), a plan to use small satellites to explore the solar system.
Simon Sharwood, 21 May 2015

Hacker launches ransomware rescue kit

Security bod Jada Cyrus has compiled a ransomware rescue kit to help victims decrypt locked files and avoid paying off crooks.
Darren Pauli, 21 May 2015
Container meltdown
7

Intel wants containers to be alone again, naturally

Intel's taken its turn trying to advance containerisation technology by announcing a new approach to container security.
Simon Sharwood, 21 May 2015
classroom_shutterstock_648

Mobiles at school could be MAKING YOUR KID MORE DUMBER

Restricting smart watch and mobile phone use can be a low-cost policy to reduce educational inequalities. This is the conclusion of a report by Louis-Philippe Beland and Richard Murphy working at the London School of Economics Centre for Economic Performance (pdf) and Louisiana State University.
Simon Rockman, 21 May 2015
hands waving dollar bills in the air

Delphix offers a mask for your data

Data virtualisation outfit Delphix is looking to the acquisition of Axis Technology Software to let enterprise developers work with real data, while protecting the personal information that data represents.
Anthony Hopkins as Odin in Marvel's Thor
5

Odin (formerly Parallels) bets big on Docker and OpenStack

Junior virtualiser Parallels has split into two companies.
Simon Sharwood, 21 May 2015
3

Andreessen tips spare change into sensor startup Samsara

The founders of Cisco-acquired Meraki have resurfaced with their next venture, an Internet of Things sensor outfit called Samsara.
Cash on scales. Pic: Images Money, Flickr
1

HP looks set to ditch 3Com-spawn H3C Tech

H3C, a networking business that started life as a joint venture between 3Com and Huawei but is now owned by HP, is to become a majority-owned subsidiary of the state-controlled Tsinghua Unigroup.
A large hand flicks an icon of a little red man. Image via shutterstock (Lasse Kristensen)

Extreme Networks restructures again, promises SDN pivot

The indifferent revenue growth and ongoing losses announced earlier this month are having the usual effect on vendor Extreme Networks: it's announced a restructure.

Google DOG WHISTLING fails to send URLs across the room

Google has released an experimental plug-in for Chrome that does something odd: sending URLs around the room using sound.
Simon Sharwood, 21 May 2015
Huawei HQ

Huawei announces tiny 10 KB IoT kernel

Huawei has offered up a good look at its Internet of Things strategy, using its Network Congress 2015 to show off a microkernel that will be the bedrock of its future efforts in the field.
Game of Thrones

The Internet of Things becomes the Game of Thrones in standards war

There is an "internet of things" standards war coming and Z-Wave will emerge triumphant, at least according to two of its leading advocates.
Kieren McCarthy, 21 May 2015
Rand Paul

Rand Paul stages Senate filibuster against Patriot Act

Update Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) is currently four hours into a filibuster on the Senate floor over plans to renew sections of the Patriot Act that allow mass surveillance of American citizens.
Iain Thomson, 21 May 2015
India's ASTROSAT
7

India plans space telescope launch in second half of 2015

The Indian Space Research Organisation (ISRO) says it is ready to launch its first “mission aimed at studying distant celestial objects.”
Simon Sharwood, 21 May 2015
Alix Tichelman has plead guilty to involuntary manslaughter charges

Call girl gets six years for Googler's drug death

A former call girl has plead guilty to felony charges in the death of a senior Google executive from a heroin overdose.
Shaun Nichols, 21 May 2015
Ozjet Boating

Sydney readers: fancy a ride in a JET BOAT?

If you’re into fun on the water, great food and hyper-converged IT infrastructure you’ll want to dive into The Register’s SimpliVity Excitement Lunch.
Team Register, 20 May 2015
FTC building

Robocalling Americans? That'll cost you $1.7 MEEELLION

A pair of US companies have been fined $1.7m by the FTC for violating federal laws on robocalling.
Shaun Nichols, 20 May 2015
Car crash

Get off the phone!! Seven out of ten US drivers put theirs and your lives at risk

Over two-thirds of drivers are dangerously distracted by their smartphones.
Iain Thomson, 20 May 2015

Google, Twitter search deal: Did micro-blabbing site gag racy tweets to satisfy ad giant?

Comment Google will start displaying real-time tweets on its search pages after a deal was struck with Twitter.
Kieren McCarthy, 20 May 2015
ULA Atlas launch

US Air Force launches not-so-secret space plane. Thanks Russia

The US Air Force's not-so-secret space plane, the X37-B, has been successfully launched into low-Earth orbit along with an array of interesting test products.
Iain Thomson, 20 May 2015
Two dollars
5

Altice to buy controlling stake in Suddenlink for NINE BEEELION dollars

Patrick Drahi's telecommunications firm Altice is set to make its first foray into the American telecommunications market after acquiring a controlling stake in Suddenlink for over $9bn.

EU parliament pushes for Dodd-Frank style conflict mineral laws

European electronics manufacturers will have to double check where the minerals in their products come from in future, according to a draft EU law approved by MEPs on Wednesday.
Jennifer Baker, 20 May 2015
The US White House. Pic: Roman Boed

Google Maps gets hit with racist White House listing

Google is once again scrambling to clean up bad behavior by Maps users after a couple of mortifying pieces of online graffiti were found.
Shaun Nichols, 20 May 2015
Nexenta_logos
3

Nexenta flies over the Edge into the object storage bearpit

Nexenta's hypercale block and object storage software has hit the streets, pitting Nexenta competitively against all the other object storage suppliers.
Chris Mellor, 20 May 2015
Uber launch party by https://www.flickr.com/photos/5chw4r7z/ CC2.0 sharelalike attribution https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

Why does Uber keep its drivers' pay so low? Ex-CFO: 'Cos we can'

In an interview on Sunday's episode of Wall Street Week, Mike Novogratz, principal and director of investment firm Fortress Investments, who was speaking about corporate greed and income inequality, explained his thoughts with an anecdote about former Uber CFO Brent Callinicos.
Mohne_Dam_Breached

Cunningham exits EVault, pauses, then takes controls at Springpath

Comment Hyper-converged systems are set to pour through the breach established by Nutanix in the networked storage dam.
Chris Mellor, 20 May 2015
container_ship_hamburg_shutterstock_648

US plans to apply export controls to 0-days put out for comment

US proposals for export controls for zero-day vulnerabilities and malware have finally been pushed forward, re-opening the fault lines of a long-running argument among security experts in the process.
John Leyden, 20 May 2015
Lego lumberjack
5

Average enterprise 'using 71 services vulnerable to LogJam'

As many as 575 cloud-based services have been left at risk to the newly discovered LogJam crypto vulnerability, according to cloud security specialists Skyhigh Networks.
John Leyden, 20 May 2015
management project3
1

Long knives at Logicalis as execs and vendors disposed of

Big changes are afoot at embattled integrator Logicalis UK following the loss of the Wales Public Sector Network (PSN) deal. This includes a re-org, vendor cull and some senior level departures - all ahead of a new boss starting.
Paul Kunert, 20 May 2015
Glorious future of China
1

China megacorp Tencent parrots Communists' 'Internet Plus' edict

Chinese megacorp Tencent is pushing ahead with an edict from China's Communist Party to improve the country's internet connections by upping its investment in software-defined networking.
Kat Hall, 20 May 2015
storage arrays superimposed on cloudy sky
1

Speaking in Tech: How come everyone's stopped doing private cloud on OpenStack?

Podcast Podcast Hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week Ed and Greg are in Vancouver, BC for the OpenStack Summit with Amy Lewis filling in for Sarah. This week we talk about the Apple TV, hacked planes, barista DJ's, OpenStack and containers. Our special guest this week is Mark Twomey, better know as " …
Team Register, 20 May 2015
Alarm clock

Manage your internet performance

Live Regcast Register now to join a few experts for a special three-part Regcast on June 11, at 11:00 BST. Here we will give you the information you need to take control of your network traffic, starting today.
David Gordon, 20 May 2015
RAF Chinook throws up dust cloud. Pic: MoD under Open Government Licence

Hold on to your hats people, the MoD's found the cloud

The Ministry of Defence has inked the single largest Microsoft Enterprise Agreement across the public sector, designed to gradually shift users to the cloud, specifically Office 365.
Paul Kunert, 20 May 2015
BT Openreach van

BT's taxpayer-funded broadband monopoly may lock out rivals, says independent report

BT’s monopoly in supplying Blighty’s national broadband scheme may have permanently locked out future competition – according to an independent report card on the £780m public purse project.
Kat Hall, 20 May 2015
Titanic sinking

IaaS is OVER, ladies. Time for OpenStack to jump clear

Data. Was ever such a single word filled with such promise – and heartbreak – for IT firms?
Gavin Clarke, 20 May 2015

CSC picks up axe, takes aim at its own profitable bits

CSC confirmed last night it is to split the US public sector biz from the rest of the group – the only division last quarter where sales aren’t dropping and which generates the highest operating profit.
Paul Kunert, 20 May 2015
Cloud security
1

Cloud Security Temperature Check

Survey Results It is increasingly common for users and business groups to drive their own adoption of cloud services. But even where IT is involved, as organisations ramp up their use of cloud, activity is often uncoordinated. Pulling the threads together across service silos to manage risks effectively can be a challenge. The right strategy and governance processes, a well-thought-out hybrid cloud architecture, appropriate monitoring and management tooling and suitable operational procedures are all important to success.
Dale Vile, 20 May 2015

Boffins have devised TERMINATOR style LIQUID METAL – for an antenna

Boffins have made a liquid metal device which can alter its shape through voltage alone, removing the need for clunky external pumps previously used to arrange such material.

Virtual reality pr0n on the Rift? 'Why not?' says Oculus founder

Oculus founder Palmer Luckey has said the company will allow pornography on its VR buckets, as Oculus is committed to creating an open platform.
register logo

If IT isn’t careful, marketing will soon be telling us what to do

CIO Manifesto Every business today is a multichannel business with more communication channels generating more data than ever before.
Team Register, 20 May 2015

Healthy Drobo set free by Connected Data to go it alone

Drobo, maker of simple-to-use personal data storage robots which you populate yourself with disk drives, is being spun-out by owner Connected Data, with an investment group buying the business.
Chris Mellor, 20 May 2015
shutterstock_170724905-Fibre

Alca-Lu pitches carrier SDN from Layer 3 to optical

There's still too many disparate systems for carriers to easily go down the software-defined network (SDN) path, Alcatel-Lucent reckons, and it's pitching a network services platform (NSP) to change that.
Woman packs up contents of desk. Image via shutterstock

NetApp consciously uncouples from 500+ staff

We're hearing NetApp has laid-off up to 512 staff world-wide in a cost-cutting exercise before its full-year results come out later today.
Chris Mellor, 20 May 2015
2

SimpliVity opens its doors to KVM, OpenStack

Hyper-converged infrastructure company SimpliVity has announced it now supports the KVM hypervisor and OpenStack.
Simon Sharwood, 20 May 2015

100s of Virgin Media customers hit by handset repair glitch, telco admits

Virgin Media has admitted to The Register that hundreds of its mobile customers were left without their handsets for weeks due to a "glitch" with its repair service.
Kelly Fiveash, 20 May 2015
The Royal Opera House in Muscat by night. Credit: Shenmuelll Licence: CC BY-SA 3.0
8

Spy-tech firms Gamma and Trovicor target Shell Oil in Oman

Exclusive The Sultan of Oman's intelligence services are spying on the local operations of British oil company Shell with the aid of controversial European tech companies, the Register has learned.
Alastair Sloan, 20 May 2015

Candlelit vigil planned to honour executed Newcastle cow Bessie

Tearful locals have convened a candlelit vigil to mourn the passing of Bessie the cow, gunned down on Sunday night by Northumbria Police marksmen after hoofing it from the Rising Sun Country Park in North Tyneside.
Lester Haines, 20 May 2015
Taylor Swift

Twitter CRAWLS to Google ON ITS KNEES, starts blowing content

Twitter has crawled to Google to get Tweets displayed in the ad giant's search results once again. The micro-blabbing site previously had a deal with Mountain View to provide feeds of tweets directly within its search results.
Kelly Fiveash, 20 May 2015
Register Roundtable at the Soho hotel
3

Do any REAL CIOs believe we're in a post PC world? No.

CIO Manifesto One reason for getting a dozen senior IT execs in for a chat is to work out which are the most flagrant lies peddled to us by PRs.
Dominic Connor, 20 May 2015
phishing_648
9

Safari URL-spoofing vuln reveals how fanbois can be led astray

A recently published exploit for the Safari browser demonstrates a URL spoofing mechanism which might convince users they are visiting a legitimate website, when they are actually visiting another site which may be phishing their details.
teslacrypt

Hi! You've reached TeslaCrypt ransomware customer support. How may we fleece you?

The TeslaCrypt ransomware gang raked in $76,500 in around 10 weeks, according to new research into the scam.
John Leyden, 20 May 2015
Vittorio Colao (CEO)
5

Brexit-fearing Vodafone: Of course we’ll make money from 4G

Vodafone has announced steady-as-she-goes results for the year to 31 March 2015, with group revenue up 10.1 per cent to £42.2bn, and the first increase in service revenue for ten quarters (albeit only 0.1 per cent) — all pretty much in line with what the company had forecast.
Simon Rockman, 20 May 2015
axe_648

After #Election2015: How can we save Big Data?

¡Bong! Special The Skype window crackled into life, beaming a little piece of Manhattan live into my Shoreditch loft workspace.
Steve Bong, 20 May 2015
Flying Toaster screen saver rebuilt in CSS

Well YES, Silicon Valley VCs do think you're a CRETIN

Worstall on Wednesday A couple of weeks back I pointed to some rumours about what the stealth (and hugely VC backed) company 21 Inc was up to, with the idea being, seemingly, to stick a Bitcoin mining chip in your toaster. So, as well as that breakfast comestible you could lose money on your electricity bill by attempting to mine for Bitcoin, obviously.
Tim Worstall, 20 May 2015
flag.Spain
2

Orange squeezed over Jazztel buy: Sell your Spanish FTTH network or else

Europe’s competition chief has OKed Orange’s plans to take over Jazztel in Spain, but only subject to a shitload large number of conditions.
Jennifer Baker, 20 May 2015

Last flying Avro Vulcan, XH558, prepares for her swan song

The Vulcan To The Sky Trust has announced "with considerable sadness" that this summer will be the public's last chance to catch Avro Vulcan XH558 thundering through British skies, as the legendary V-bomber will be permanently grounded at the end of this flying season.
Lester Haines, 20 May 2015

'Millions' of routers open to absurdly outdated NetUSB hijack

SEC Consult Vulnerability Lab Stefan Viehböck says potentially millions of routers and internet of things devices using KCodes NetUSB could be exposed to remote hijacking or denial of service attacks.
Darren Pauli, 20 May 2015
Apple Watch Sport

Apple patches FREAK-ed out Watch

Apple has patched a dozen security flaws in Watch, including FREAK and two allowing arbitrary code execution.
Darren Pauli, 20 May 2015
Breach
8

Hackers pop submarine cable operator Pacnet, probe internal networks

Submarine cable and data centre operator Pacnet was breached last month by hackers rummaging through its corporate network accessing emails and administration systems.
Darren Pauli, 20 May 2015
car hacking

Manchester car park lock hack leads to horn-blare hoo-ha

Vehicles across an entire car park in Manchester had their locks jammed on Sunday as the apparent result of a botched criminally-motivated hack.
John Leyden, 20 May 2015
Compressed version of Log Jam

'Logjam' crypto bug could be how the NSA cracked VPNs

Updated A team led by Johns Hopkins crypto researcher Matthew Green* thinks they might have an explanation for how the NSA attacked VPN services: flaws in how TLS implements Diffie-Hellman crytography.
Google car

Driverless cars deal DEATH to Detroit, says Barclays

Shared driverless cars will kill off the multi-car household, and a Barclays analyst reckons that points to a calamitous future for Detroit.
AMD's HBM architecture - on-substrate memory

AMD promises 100 gigabyte/second memory

Lower power, higher capacity, less PCB real estate: that's the list of wins being touted by AMD for its coming High Bandwidth Memory (HBM) architecture.
Airbus President and CEO Tom Enders and the A400M Programme Manager at the OCCAR organisation for the management of European defence programmes, Bruno Delannoy, participate in a parachute jump from an A400M. Credit: Airbus Military

Airbus warns of software bug in A400M transport planes

A software bug may have cause the May 9 crash that grounded Airbus' troubled A400M military transport aircraft.

Hacker data dumps scrape to make huge grey marketing database

Former password collector Steve Thomas plans to tear up the contact broker market by offering a database of 30 million names for free, all built on data sourced by scraping the web.
Darren Pauli, 20 May 2015
KFC Tray Typer

KFC's new secret ingredient is a bluetooth keyboard on your tray

KFC Germany has salted its meal trays with a thin, flexible, Bluetooth keyboard.
Simon Sharwood, 20 May 2015
udp_7000_648

Arcserve boxes clever, takes back-up appliance down a price division

CA spin-out Arcserve has an updated back-up appliance for the mid-market that should be faster, easier, better-priced and more capable.
Chris Mellor, 20 May 2015
storage arrays superimposed on cloudy sky
1

VMware: Our DaaS is is so large it now covers Japan, Australia

VMware has announced that its Horizon Air desktop-as-a-service (DaaS) and application-delivery-as-a-service (AdaaS) offerings will shortly become available from its Japanese and Australian bit barns.
Simon Sharwood, 20 May 2015
Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg, speaking at the 2015 F8 conference
4

I say Zuck off, YOU say Zuck off, we ALL say Zuck off

Mark Zuckerberg's Internet-for-all-via-Facebook, Internet.org, has attracted yet more unwanted attention, with 67 digital rights groups signing an open letter accusing the outfit of violating 'net neutrality.
Three Telstra vans restore one line

Verizon: fibre is MUCH cheaper than copper, we're going all-FTTP

Verizon has put the latest numbers on its fibre-versus-copper experience, and found that glass beats metal on all counts.
The new Pirate Bay logo

Swedish government wins legal case to seize Pirate Bay domains

The Swedish government has won its case to seize piratebay.se and thepiratebay.se, but the site is already back up under another domain with a new logo to show it isn't beaten.
Iain Thomson, 20 May 2015
Uber launch party by https://www.flickr.com/photos/5chw4r7z/ CC2.0 sharelalike attribution https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

Australia forces UberX drivers to become tax collectors

Australia's Taxation Office has issued a guidance note titled “Providing taxi travel services through ride-sourcing and your tax obligations” that makes it clear Uber drivers need to register for, collect and pay the nation's goods and services tax (GST).
Simon Sharwood, 19 May 2015

Uncle Sam spanks PayPal for credit scheme cockup

Updated PayPal is going to surrender $25m to settle charges it enrolled consumers into its credit platform without their knowledge or consent.
Shaun Nichols, 19 May 2015
The X-37B space plane being hoisted into position

US Air Force reveals what's inside its top-secret space plane, this time

The US Air Force has responded to fears that it is weaponizing space through its secret space shuttle by providing some details of what it will contain at launch on Wednesday.
Iain Thomson, 19 May 2015
China

We caught Chinese technology spies RED-HANDED, claims US government

Six Chinese nationals acting as university professors and graduate students have been arrested on charges of stealing wireless technology from US firms and exporting it to the Middle Kingdom.
Shaun Nichols, 19 May 2015

Are we looking at the first domain name meme? Neigh

There have been widely varying views over the value of introducing thousands of new internet extensions: some feel it is a long-needed reflection of the actual internet; others that it is a money-grabbing scheme with little real value.
Kieren McCarthy, 19 May 2015
27in iMac

Get another loan, fanbois, the new MacBook Pro and iMac are here

Apple has updated its MacBook Pro and iMac lines with improved hardware specs and sharper displays, and the usual four-figure price tag.
Shaun Nichols, 19 May 2015
heart.russia

Russia will fork Sailfish OS to shut out pesky Western spooks

Russia's Minister of Communications and Mass Media, Nikolai Nikiforov, has taken part in talks to form a consortium that will aid Russia in developing a custom mobile OS, reportedly a forked version of Jolla's Sailfish OS, to lessen its dependence on Western technology.
Dell chairman and CEO, Michael Dell
1

Nutanix CEO nixes Cisco buy rumours, swears allegiance to Michael Dell

Nutanix CEO Dheeraj Pandey has nixed rumours of Cisco buying his co-founded hyper-converged server/storage/networking startup.
Chris Mellor, 19 May 2015
Amazon Web Services
4

Public cloud? Two vendors float on high, says Gartner

Gartner’s latest report on Cloud Infrastructure as a Service (IaaS) places just two vendors in the coveted top right “Leaders” segment of its “Magic Quadrant” chart.
Tim Anderson, 19 May 2015
Dragon

AI pioneer reckons China's where the Rise of the Machines will start

Artificial intelligence pioneer and former head of the Google Brain project, Andrew Ng, has said China's fast-growing internet economy has created the conditions for the best AI research opportunities in the world.
Kat Hall, 19 May 2015

YouTube Kids 'showed nippers how to make nooses, play with fire'

Two advocacy groups have filed an update to their Federal Trade Commission complaint against Google's YouTube Kids app for "false and deceptive marketing", alleging that Google is deceiving parents by marketing YouTube Kids as a safe place for under-fives when they believe the app is "rife" with inappropriate content.
Exablox node stack

Toshiba pumps 'use-more-Ethernet-drives' cash into Exablox

Scale-out object storage startup Exablox has received a $7m investment from Toshiba to add to its existing $16m pot, taking total funding to $45.5m.
Chris Mellor, 19 May 2015
Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg, speaking at the 2015 F8 conference

Zuck can EFF off: Internet.org is SO NOT the INTERNET

Update The Electronic Frontier Foundation has joined criticism of Facebook's Internet.org project, saying it runs "a real risk" of turning the few websites that Zuck & Co. select, "including, of course, Facebook itself", into a "ghetto" for poor internet users – instead of being a stepping stone to the full WWW.

Amazon cloud to BEND TIME, exist in own time zone for 24 hours

Amazon’s mighty cloud will exist in its own time zone for a 24-hour period next month.
Gavin Clarke, 19 May 2015
Red-haired child in glasses looks thoughtful. Image via Shutterstock -  Copyright: Sofi photo

Microsoft's certification exams: So easy, a child of six could pass them. Literally

A six year-old Brit has become one of the youngest people ever to pass a Microsoft exam.
John Leyden, 19 May 2015
1

Exertis parent DCC swallows Computers Unlimited for £24m

DCC Technology has acquired consumer tech distie Computers Unlimited for £24m, the Ireland-headquartered group confirmed today.
Paul Kunert, 19 May 2015
Cash on scales. Pic: Images Money, Flickr

You've come a long way, Inkscape: Open-source Illustrator sneaks up

Inkscape recently released version 0.91 of their eponymous open source vector graphics application.
Jay Z wearing a silly hat at President Obama's inauguration.

Jay-Z freestyle attack on Tidal's rivals leaked to Tidal's rivals

Criticism of Tidal competitors, delivered by Jay-Z in an exclusive live-streamed performance for subscribers, has ironically been leaked onto those competitors' sites.
Sir Terry Pratchett

LOHAN's final test flight set to honour PRATCHETT

Our search for a suitably snappy title for our forthcoming final Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) test flight has ended agreeably with a reader poll coming down firmly in support of PRATCHETT.
Lester Haines, 19 May 2015
The US White House. Pic: Roman Boed

Please no non-consensual BACKDOOR SNIFFING, Mr Obama

Google, Apple and 140 other technology companies will write to US President Obama today (19 May) to argue against plans which could see the security of electronic communications deliberately and compulsorily compromised for the sake of government surveillance access.
register logo

CIOs: How can IT patrol the border in a multi-channel world?

Reg Events If you expect your company to be around five years from now, you can also expect that the IT department is going to be called on to help sales, marketing and procurement deal with the world far beyond the server room.
Team Register, 19 May 2015
gavel_judgment_channel
2

Vatican 'ghost account' claims as reseller wades into Autonomy-HP legal struggle

MicroTechnologies, a reseller caught up in the long running HP/Autonomy legal battle, has itself fired a legal salvo at the US behemoth. MicroTech claims it is owed millions of dollars for software that was paid for but never delivered.
Paul Kunert, 19 May 2015
playing cards

Microsoft celebrates 25 years' SOLITARY SELF-PLEASURE with GROUP SESSION

May 18th marked the 25th anniversary of Microsoft giving the world its timewasting Solitaire app, so Redmond has come up with a fine way to celebrate – a card-clicking deathmatch for its staff.
Simon Sharwood, 19 May 2015
key

Toshiba flings covers from Key Value disk and device stores

OpenStack Summit Industry leader trailer Toshiba America is demoing direct-addressed Ethernet disk drives for scale-out object storage at the Vancouver OpenStack Summit, and it's developing hybrid flash/disk array tech using the drives.
Chris Mellor, 19 May 2015
Google Cloud logo
7

Psst. Want a cheap cloud, VM? Google has one. But there's a catch

Google has announced what it calls "a new class of compute": virtual machines (VM) that are predictable in price but not in operation.
Tim Anderson, 19 May 2015

South Korea mandates spyware installation on teenagers' smartphones

A law requiring the mass installation of spyware on teenagers' smartphones suggests that the frightening level of population control exercised by its neighbours in "Best Korea" has rubbed off on the Republic's administrators in Seoul.
OpenStack

Maxta polishes OpenStack credentials with Kilo support

Maxta is polishing up its OpenStack credentials by adding Kilo support, service quality policies, and call-home diagnostics to its hyperconverged software-led systems.
Chris Mellor, 19 May 2015
Witcher 3: Wild Hunt

Witcher 3: Wild Hunt – a true monster in the making

Game Theory So, I've had sex with three women this week, and before you ask I haven’t changed sexual preference and succumbed to any Sapphic tendencies. No, it’s because I’m balls deep in what may be the defining action RPG of our time — The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt.
Lucy Orr, 19 May 2015
monsters_vs_aliens_648_v2

BT boss in shock 'bigger is better' claim as £12.5bn EE bid heats up

BT claimed on Monday that its planned gobble of EE was a good thing for competition in the UK – despite the fact that such market consolidation would make the former state monopoly more powerful.
Kelly Fiveash, 19 May 2015
shutterstock_222258445-roadblock

Blocking mobile adverts just became that little bit easier

For those mobile operators wanting to block adverts and prevent them reaching subscribers' screens (all in the name of reducing bandwidth usage and saving customers’ money of course) Israeli tech company Shine can make that happen.
Simon Rockman, 19 May 2015
Monty Python TV viewer

Apple threw its TV out the window after years of research: report

Apple spent ten years working on a television, but gave up last year after deciding it couldn't devise something that would crack the competitive market.
Simon Sharwood, 19 May 2015

Milking cow shot dead by police 'while trying to escape'

Firearms officers from Northumbria Police have shot dead a fugitive cow following an escape attempt by some cattle.

Robots.txt tells hackers the places you don't want them to look

Melbourne penetration tester Thiebaud Weksteen is warning system administrators that robots.txt files can give attackers valuable information on potential targets by giving them clues about directories their owners are trying to protect.
Darren Pauli, 19 May 2015
Stonehenge by https://www.flickr.com/photos/archeon/ cc 2.0 attribution no derivatives

Pundits ponder perilous placement of STANDING STONES on Comet 67P

The European Space Agency (ESA) has released images of what it's cautiously calling "an unusual formation of boulders in the Aker region on the large lobe of Comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko ... reminiscent of so-called 'balancing rocks' on Earth."
Simon Sharwood, 19 May 2015
Broom

QLogic escapes HBA flat trap with Ethernet and add-on services

QLogic, a storage networking adaptor vendor, is escaping the sagging Fibre Channel host bus adapter (HBA) revenue trap by focussing on fast Ethernet and adding in-line data reduction, availability and encryption services.
Chris Mellor, 19 May 2015
CeBIT 2013 VIP Showfloor Tour - Senator Hon Scott Ludlam023 by https://www.flickr.com/photos/cebitaus/ cc2.0 attribution https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/
3

iiNet claims victory in Dallas Buyers Club case it lost

Australian internet service provider (ISP) iiNet has proclaimed a victory of sorts in its legal stoush with Dallas Buyers Club LLC (DBC) and Voltage Pictures LLC (Voltage).
Simon Sharwood, 19 May 2015
Google's Cardboard VR headset
4

Google wraps search designer in Cardboard

Google luminary Jon Wiley has taken a sideways jump that's seen as signalling a serious move on the virtual reality market.
Ricoh's "electrifying rubber"

Ricoh rolls out electrifyingly exciting RUBBER!

It'll be good if they can pull it off: Ricoh has come up with a way to brush up on electricity generation with nothing more than a piece of rubber.
Photo of an insulin pump made by Medtronic
5

IEEE's prescription for med-tech crowd: preventing hacks is better than a cure

Medical devices shouldn't be hackable, so the IEEE has published the first steps towards laying down decent security practise for the sector.
Open-mouthed Burmese python
1

Oracle releases antidote for VENOM vulnerability

Oracle has released patches for its virtualisation software to crimp the VENOM vulnerability that allows attackers to break out of virtual machines to attack hosts.
Darren Pauli, 19 May 2015
The Office
7

SDN to bring new round of internecine office wars to IT shops

Software-defined networking (SDN) will give IT teams a new reason for internecine conflict, as those looking to build automated, software-defined data centres come up against the hard-headed trust nobody pragmatism of security teams.
Simon Sharwood, 19 May 2015
Navteq vehicle in Oxford
2

Baidu now backing Uber's bid for Nokia maps

Less than two weeks after Uber kicked off the bidding war for Nokia's HERE maps unit, the price has escalated and the rumoured alliances have shifted.
Padlocks by Simon Cocks Flickr CC2 license

Redmond promises even MORE cloudy crypto

Get ready for the spooks to howl: Microsoft Research has developed another layer of security to lock up customer data in the cloud.
Moments of perspiration

Airplane HACK PANIC! Hold on, it's surely a STORM in a TEACUP

Claims by a security researcher that he hacked an aircraft in flight have been questioned widely across the hacking community and the airline industry.
Iain Thomson, 19 May 2015
NBN Logo
1

Arianespace: NBN sats will orbit this year – PROMISE*

The delayed national broadband network (NBN) satellite launch will happen in 2015, Arianespace reckons.
4

Google Google GOOGLE! Cloud cloud CLOUD! These prices are INNNSAAAANE!

Google is cutting prices on its Cloud hosted computing service.
Shaun Nichols, 18 May 2015

Google sells .car, walks away from generic domain names

Google has sold its rights to all internet addresses ending in ".car" to a joint partnership of two other registry operators.
Kieren McCarthy, 18 May 2015
Cow skull

FTC to scavengers: Radio Shack corpse doesn't include customer data

The US Federal Trade Commission (FTC) has issued an official warning to the companies taking over the assets of North American electronics retailer Radio Shack — namely, don't touch customer data.
Shaun Nichols, 18 May 2015

You can't put a price on LOVE, says Apple after court's Samsung payout slash

Apple suffered a big legal setback today when a US court reversed part of its patent case against rival Samsung - losing a third of its $930m settlement against the huge Korean chaebol.
Shaun Nichols, 18 May 2015
Revenant in Doom reboot

Doom is BOOM! BOOM! BACK!

It's been nearly 11 years but Doom is back.
Iain Thomson, 18 May 2015

Reach for the popcorn: Obama opens personal presidential Twitter account

Hold on to your hats, Barack Obama has arrived on Twitter in his formal position of President of the United States.
Kieren McCarthy, 18 May 2015
Gavel

Man sues Uber for a BEEELLION dollars over alleged theft of concept

Uber is being sued by the founder of a small wireless business who claims Uber stole his idea for a ride-sharing app.
channel_teaser_exit

EMC UK channel overlord Poole exits role but not company

Ten months into Russell Poole’s chairmanship of EMC’s Brit channel and he trekking into Europe to take on a more lofty role in the organisation.
Paul Kunert, 18 May 2015
Crop of doctor with pen and clipboard

NHS Scotland to refresh creaking, 25-year-old apps

NHS Scotland is dragging its big iron software into the 21st century by putting out a call for suppliers to replace some very dusty applications, which in some cases are a quarter of a century old.
Paul Kunert, 18 May 2015
Tim Cook

Use your Apple gizmos only for good, says Tim Cook

Apple CEO Tim Cook has confirmed that Steve Jobs' vision of the fruity firm's products conquering the world has been a success, while highlighting how smartphones help tackle injustices.
Files in manager's desk drawers: manila folder marked "Redundancies". Image via shutterstock
5

Unite: CSC using staffers' profitability to shape the future

The Unite union reckons some of CSC’s highest-paid Brit staff could be headed for the chopping block in the company's latest job purge, as it enters consultation with local management.
Paul Kunert, 18 May 2015
spok

It's the end of life as we know it for Windows Server 2003

Windows Server 2003 will pass out of Microsoft support on July 14, 2015. Different organisations report different numbers, but all agree that there are millions of Server 2003 servers still running in the wild.
Trevor Pott, 18 May 2015
grand_theft_auto_v_gta_5_648

Screech! Grand Theft Auto V malware mods warning

Cybercrooks are cooking up malware disguised as mods for the Grand Theft Auto V video game.
John Leyden, 18 May 2015
Nissan Leaf

Nissan CEO: Get ready, our auto-wagons will be ready by 2020

Nissan's CEO has said the company is on track to deliver its driverless cars by 2020, although he expects government regulation to be a stumbling block to their usage on public roads.
Abbott and Costello dressed as policemen

Welsh police force fined £160,000 after losing sensitive video interview

South Wales Police has been hit with a £160,000 fine for losing a video recording which formed part of the evidence in a sex abuse case.
John Leyden, 18 May 2015
Containers

ALIBABA Vs AMAZON: Let the Global Tat Bazaar war begin

Chinese Amazon equivalent Alibaba has unveiled plans to become the dominant international tat bazaar, aiming to shift more Chinese wares to the international market while simultaneously encouraging foreign companies to flog more goods to Chinese punters.
Kat Hall, 18 May 2015
Cash on scales. Pic: Images Money, Flickr
7

EMC to channel: Put all your sales eggs in our basket and we'll hurl cash at you

EMC is dangling fatter back-end loaded rebates in front of channelites who agree to all but wipe rivals from their sales ledger.
Paul Kunert, 18 May 2015
Hubble_Horsehead_nebula
1

Big Data, OpenStack and object storage: Size matters, people

COMMENT I’m talking about Big Data, OpenStack and object storage. In the last two days I’ve come across a couple of articles (here and here), which discuss the adoption of these technologies.
Bebo president Joanna Shields

Ex 'Tech City' chief Shields appointed junior Fun minister for internet safety

Tory Baroness Joanna Shields OBE, ex-Tech City supremo, ex-head of Bebo*, ex-head of Facebook Europe and ex-MD of Google EMEA, has been appointed minister for internet safety and security.
Simon Rockman, 18 May 2015
grateful_dead_1970_648p

Violin acknowledges Valley's hippy roots with Grateful Dead gig lottery

In a move calculated to appeal to the aging hippies who now run Silicon Valley, Violin is entering readers of its marketing white paper-type docs into a Grateful Dead concert ticket sweepstake.
Chris Mellor, 18 May 2015
5

Europe targeted as Alibaba's cloudy world domination plans take shape

Expansion-hungry Alibaba is set to increase the global reach of its cloudy biz Aliyun by opening a data centre in Europe, a senior hand has told El Reg.
Kat Hall, 18 May 2015
7

Cisco tipped to buy 'dominant' STORAGE BADBOY Nutanix

+Comment Jared Rinderer, a senior research analyst at Equity Capital Research Group, has claimed Cisco is about to buy converged infrastructure enfant terrible Nutanix.
Simon Sharwood, 18 May 2015
Xubuntu core desktop

Stripped to the core and full of Xfce: Xubuntu Linux loses it

Review The Xubuntu project recent unveiled a stripped-down build of its Xfce-based Ubuntu: Xubuntu core. Core offers a very basic version of the Xfce desktop, along with the basic look and feel of Xubuntu, but any extras like an office suite, media player, Xfce add-ons or even a web browser will have to be installed separately.
Interesting USA map

Apple GOBBLE: GPS startup Coherent may make Maps somewhat more so

Apple is making efforts to improve its locationware by acquiring Coherent Navigation, a startup developing a "high-precision navigation service" using GPS.
Microsoft Surface 3 Windows 8.1 tablet

Microsoft's Surface 3 is sweet – but I wouldn't tickle my nads with it

Review There’s a commuter who gets off the train where I live who has a tablet down his trousers. Call it the middle-class version of builder’s crack or the male equivalent of the inappropriate G-string, it peeks out over the top of his chinos.
Gavin Clarke, 18 May 2015

Can Barracuda become the big fish in a small cloud?

Interview It was a rare surprise when Bill (BJ) Jenkins left his position as boss of EMC's Backup Recovery Systems division to become CEO of Barracuda. Barracuda?
Chris Mellor, 18 May 2015
Azure Stack
5

MS Azure Stack. It's like Azure Pack but with even more cloudiness

Microsoft announced the Azure Stack at its Ignite event earlier this month, for running something like Azure on-premises, but how does it differ from the existing Azure Pack, which kind-of does the same thing?
Tim Anderson, 18 May 2015
Hungry goat licks lips. Pic: David Goehring

Ofcom: Oi, BT! Don't be greedy – feed dark fibre to your rivals

Britain's communications watchdog wants BT to open up its fibre broadband network to rival telcos.
Kelly Fiveash, 18 May 2015

High-level, state-sponsored Naikon hackers exposed

The activities of yet another long-running apparently state-sponsored hacking crew have finally been exposed.
John Leyden, 18 May 2015
Oil Pump Jack by https://www.flickr.com/photos/paul_lowry/  cc 2.0 attribution

Crude scammer targets Brit oil brokers

Panda Labs researchers have identified a scammer who is fleecing British oil buyers using a malware-free spin on the classic Nigerian scam.
Darren Pauli, 18 May 2015
OpenStack
8

OpenStack private clouds are SCIENCE PROJECTS says Gartner

OpenStack can run a fine private cloud, if you have lots of people to throw at the project and are willing to do lots of coding, according to Alan Waite, a research director at Gartner.
Simon Sharwood, 18 May 2015
Fluffy grey ragdoll cat relaxes next to laptop.

PANIC! RSA keys are compromised!

Just as quickly as a panic emerged about vulnerable 4096-bit RSA keys, it's been defused.
6

Google App Engine Java sandbox is leaking, say researchers

Security Explorations hacker Adam Gowdiak says three partial Java sandbox security holes still exist in Google App Engine.
Darren Pauli, 18 May 2015
1

Arista revenue rises to US$179 million in March quarter

Arista Networks has reported continuing growth, taking its revenue to US$179 million, but at the cost of a slimming of its margins to 65.8 per cent (down from 69.4 per cent a year ago).
Michael Fassbender as Steve Jobs

Steve Jobs movie gets October release date

The Aaron Sorkin-penned, Danny Boyle-directed and Michael Fassbender-starring Steve Jobs movie has emerged with a release date and teaser trailer.
Team Register, 18 May 2015
Qualcomm
6

AllJoyn your whitegoods, says Qualcomm

Qualcomm is giving its AllJoyn protocol another shove with new Internet of Stuff silicon targeting the home appliance market.
Dark matter map

Australian dark matter hunter wins AU$1.75 million funding

In among the continuing bad-news stories for science funding in Australia, the federal government has at least found some spare coins for dark matter research.
Apple Watch Sport

Apple Watch rationing caused by the MOON GOAT, not quality

Apple's Watch may not be a buggy, broken mess after all - and those adjectives can instead be applied to human resources practices at Taiwanese OEM Quanta.
Darren Pauli, 18 May 2015
Mosquito by Enrique Dans on Flickr, CC2 License

Viagra makes it HARD for malaria, bug-boffins discover

The Bill & Melinda Gates foundation has been buying Viagra, in a good cause: it seems to help beat one of the common malaria parasites, Plasmodium falciparum.