Waterfowl situation... Some alpha ducks bully smaller ducks so much when competing for mates that the beta birds' undercarriages barely take off, so to speak, a new study has found. Ducks are pretty unusual, in that some species temporarily grow their penises for the mating season, and penis shape and size is already diverse …

British Airways’ website is displaying a penis carved into a beautiful sandy beach – the same inappropriate erection that was standing over bing.com yesterday. The offending phallus went viral around the internet yesterday as giggling folk spotted the offending cock standing proudly on Bing, which we have heard is some kind of …

Scientists have discovered a new species of millipede with four penises lurking deep within the crystal cave of Sequoia National Park. In a paper published in ZooKeys, the team of researchers have named the millipede Illacme tobini. It is tiny, thin, pale, and looks like a piece of thread. Diplopodologists – scientists who …

Swedish authorities are investigating the mysterious case of a Smaland man whose wedding tackle went into rapid decline after his dentist prescribed a mouthguard to cure him of grinding his teeth. Apparently 90 per cent of Swedes involuntarily grind their teeth. The condition can lead to jaw pain, damaging their own gnashers …

A Thai chap's "morning routine of a shower and protracted bowel movement" was rudely interrupted earlier this week when a 4-metre python clamped its laughing gear round his todger as he squatted over the throne. According to an eye-watering report by Khaosod English - (some pics quite possibly NSFW) - Atthaporn Boonmakchuay of …

An Australian man whose penis somehow became lodged in a ring spanner earlier this week was freed in the traditional manner - by a fire crew bearing an angle grinder. According to this local report, "firies" were called to a hospital in the New South Wales city of Tweed Heads on Monday to perform what for them is apparently …

An Aussie builder was the victim of a classic redback spider attack earlier his week when an eight-legged beast sank its fangs into his todger while he sat on a portaloo. The unnamed 21-year-old "tradie" (tradesman) was enjoying an early-morning squat on the mobile dunny at a site in the south of Sydney when the creature …

A Munich man has set what may prove an unassailable record for the number of steel rings lodged on a penis after presenting himself at a local hospital with no less than 13 engorgement aids encircling his swollen member. Die Welt explains that the unnamed 52-year-old had endured four days of entrapment when he rolled up at …

Firemen from the Spanish town of Dénia, in Alicante, enjoyed an entertaining shout last week when they were called to remove four steel rings from the base of an unfortunate chap's todger. An unnamed 40-year-old foreigner rolled up at the local hospital in the early hours of Friday morning, unable to extract his member from …

A British man is facing a possible five years in a Kyrgyz jail after ill-advisedly comparing local horse meat sausage chuchuck to a stallion's todger. Welding superintendent Michael McFeat was celebrating New Year's Eve at the Kumtor open-pit goldmine in eastern Kyrgyzstan when he posted photos on Facebook of a "fantastic …

Indian doctors have published the eye-watering account of a farmer who was bitten on the penis "while he was urinating in an open field". The unnamed 46-year-old hobbled to accident and emergency three hours after taking a hit from a "gunas", the local name for the Levantine viper (Macrovipera lebetina). The Levantine viper. …

Visitors disembarking at the ferry terminal on the Scottish Isle of Bute are sadly no longer greeted with a Gaelic sign reading: "Welcome to Rothesay – The doorway to the beauty of Penis Island", after the local council moved swiftly to correct a balls-up and add a missing accent. According to The Scotsman, the sign had for …

Vid One of the more unusual interviews with NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden left the fugitive reduced to describing freedom-chilling, globe-spanning spy programs in terms of sexy selfies. Youtube video The face-to-face chat was filmed in Moscow with British comedian John Oliver, host of Last Week Tonight, and focused on the …

An Irish competitive mountain biker required delicate surgical intervention after his wedding tackle came off the worse for wear after a collision with his bike, resulting in a seven-week erection. According to the Irish Medical Journal, the unnamed 22-year-old hobbled up to Dublin's Tallaght Hospital "with a five week history …

Users of a Ghanean public toilet fled the premises in panic after a "big black snake" sank its fangs into an unfortunate 34-year-old's todger. Kwabena Nkrumah was going about his business in Faaman, some 250km northwest of the capital Accra, when he "suddenly felt a sharp pain at the tip of his manhood", according to GhanaWeb …

Residents of an estate in Wirral fear house prices might be seriously affected by the revelation that their sleepy corner of Merseyside resembles a giant gentleman's undercarriage when viewed from aloft. The penis-shaped configuration of houses in Wirral The ensemble of Edward Road, George Road and Yeoman Cottages do indeed …

NSFL Sawbones at Canberra Hospital have published an illuminating, if eye-watering, account of how they extracted a 10cm fork from a septuagenarian's penis. According to the report by doctors Krishanth Naidu, Maurice Mulcahy and Amanda Chung, published in the The International Journal of Surgery (PDF, images NSFW), "a 70-year-old …

A Chinese man who slid into a spa tub full of eels to enjoy some rejuvenating piscine exfoliation ended up in hospital with one of the slippery customers lodged firmly up his todger. Zhang Nan, of Honghu, Hubei Province, recounted: "I climbed into the bath and I could feel the eels nibbling my body. But then suddenly I felt a …