Articles about donkey

A donkey

Lock them up and throw away the (don)key

Eight donkeys were released from an Indian jail yesterday after the law proved itself to be, well, an ass, and imprisoned them for eating the prison officers' plants. The jail in Urai, Uttar Pradesh, freed the beasts of burden after four days due to an unnamed local politician paying their bail on the owner's behalf. The …
Richard Priday, 28 Nov 2017
The Register breaking news

Google denies smacking Botswanan ass

Google has strenuously denied that it is responsible for the death of a Botswanan donkey after concerned netizens discovered the poor animal, which appeared to have been floored by a Street View vehicle. Botswana got the Orwellian black Opel treatment last year, and images of the country grabbed by Mountain View went live at …
Lester Haines, 15 Jan 2013
The Register breaking news

Special Projects Burro pops his hooves

It's with heavy hearts that we announce today the death of Aladdin – our Special Projects Burro. Aladdin poses for the camera Our asinine mascot was perfectly OK yesterday afternoon when I popped out to see that all was well with the donkey herd, but a couple of hours later he'd inexplicably gone hooves-up. There was no …
Lester Haines, 24 May 2012
The Register breaking news

El Reg appoints Special Projects Burro

Video It's Friday, so we're sure you'll join us in raising a glass to Iberian beast of burden Aladdin - as of right now our official Special Projects Burro. Veteran followers of El Reg will recall that Aladdin was born back in September 2010... Aladdin and mum Susi ...and has since grown into a fine, strapping and extremely …
Lester Haines, 2 Mar 2012
The Register breaking news

Zimbabwean claims prostitute turned into donkey

A Zimbabwean man collared having sex with a donkey sensationally claimed the object of his affections was actually a prostitute who mysteriously metamorphosed into a hot piece of ass. According to this report, 28-year-old Sunday Moyo was cuffed after a couple of cops found him making the beast with six legs in his yard in …
Lester Haines, 28 Oct 2011
The Register breaking news

World Solar combatants rev their engines batteries

WSC The heat is rising here in the capital of Oz's Northern Territory ahead of tomorrow's starting flag of the World Solar Challenge. El Reg's Special Projects Bureau is here braving improbable humidity, Oz beer and internet connection shenanigans to bring you the very latest on the world's leading heliowheels, but at 8:30am …
Lester Haines, 15 Oct 2011
The Register breaking news

NAME that DONKEY: Bella bests Barbarella

I'm pleased to report that after a not inconsiderable amount of pondering, and some behind-the-scenes third-party lobbying, my daughter has finally decided on a name for the latest addition to the El Reg Iberian bureau's asinine fold. Since the fine jenny was born during our second year of breeding operations, we asked readers …
Lester Haines, 17 Jun 2011
The Register breaking news

Virgin IT dept shocked by donkey-shagging Taliban

Four Virgin Atlantic employees at Gatwick airport were sacked after a video purportedly showing a member of the Taliban having sex with a donkey was emailed to the airline's entire IT department. The vid, called “What the Taliban do when they are not making improvised explosive devices", according to the Sunday Mirror, was …
Lester Haines, 6 Jun 2011
The Register breaking news

Name that donkey: Barbarella battles Bathsheba

We at the El Reg Iberian bureau's Donkey Affairs Department are very much obliged for all your suggestions as to how we might name the latest member of our asinine fold – the splendid jenny seen here* yesterday challenging kittens in baskets for a slice of the 2012 cute creature calendar market: Our unnamed jenny seen …
Lester Haines, 3 Jun 2011
The Register breaking news

Reg hack applauds asinine augmentation

I'm delighted to announce that the El Reg Iberian bureau this morning celebrated the second happy new addition to its donkey portfolio, in the shape of a perfectly-formed jenny. Those of you who've been following the fortunes of our resolutely non-IT-related attempts to preserve Spain's donkey stocks will doubtless remember …
Lester Haines, 30 May 2011
The Register breaking news

Reg hack celebrates happy event

The IT angle obsessionists among you are not going to like this one bit, but we're delighted to announce that El Reg's Iberian Bureau today welcomed a new member to the Vulture Central fold, in the form of a small but perfectly-formed donkey foal, or buche, as they're known in these parts. The lad in question is being well …
Lester Haines, 8 Sep 2010
The Register breaking news

Brits trump Ruskies with flying horse

We're delighted to report that the RAF have shown Russian donkey dangler Vasily Gorobets - the man responsible for the Sea of Azov airborne ass - just how it's really done. Gorobets defiantly laughed in the face of international outrage at his asinine parasailing stunt, and declared: "I'm a hero. Nobody has ever flown a …
Lester Haines, 28 Jul 2010
The Register breaking news

Brigitte Bardot demands flying donkey action

A furious Brigitte Bardot has demanded that those responsible for the Sea of Azov flying donkey outrage be brought to book, the Sun reports. Police apparently quizzed one Vasily Gorobets over the parasailing stunt in Golubitskaya, during which 17-year-old Anapka was sent heavenwards to promote a private beach. Despite an …
Lester Haines, 27 Jul 2010
The Register breaking news

The Sun saves parasailing donkey's ass

There's some top quality news today for the animal lovers among you: the Sun has moved with lightning speed to save the Sea of Azov's very own flying donkey, Anapka, who recently found herself on the wrong end of an asinine promotional stunt: The Telegraph reports that the beast is none the worse for her ordeal, with a vet …
Lester Haines, 23 Jul 2010
The Register breaking news

Russians quizzed over parasailing donkey

Russian police are less than impressed with the instigators of a parasailing donkey stunt which saw an innocent beast of burden hauled into the skies to promote a private beach on the Sea of Azov. According to AFP, several Russian businessmen decided it was a bright idea to use a flying donkey to advertise their stretch of …
Lester Haines, 20 Jul 2010
The Register breaking news

Man jailed for sex with donkey and horse

The 66-year-old man who in April pleaded guilty in Leicester Crown Court to charges of "buggery of a donkey between February 2 and February 5, 1999, and buggery of a horse between March 15 and 18, 2004", has been jailed for 22 months. Joseph Squires - of "no stable address" - also admitted two charges of damaging property, " …
Lester Haines, 24 May 2010
The Register breaking news

Shrek's Donkey poses with bustier-clad strumpet

DreamWorks and Paramount big-wigs are none too happy with a fashion shoot in men's mag VMan, featuring characters from the Shrek movie franchise cavorting with scantily-clad models. The studio powers that be gave VMan the green light for the spread, apparently hoping for some top exposure before the imminent release of Shrek: …
Lester Haines, 15 Apr 2010
The Register breaking news

Taliban attack Brit troops with explosive donkey

British troops in Afghanistan's Helmand Province will in future eye donkeys with suspicion after the Taliban strapped an improvised explosive device to an unfortunate beast of burden and sent it "galloping" towards a military camp. Major Richard Streatfeild, of the 3rd Battalion the Rifles Regiment, said the insurgents had " …
Lester Haines, 3 Dec 2009

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