Articles about collider

Star Trek Into Darkness

BEAM ME UP SCOTTY: Boffins to turn PURE LIGHT into MATTER

A trio of theoretical physicists reckon scientists will be able to make matter out of pure light* within the next year using today's technology. The photon-photon collider that could prove the Breit-Wheeler theory of how to turn light into matter The idea of making matter out of light sounds far-fetched, but it’s an …
Large Hadron Collider Pop-up Book

WIN YOUR OWN HADRON COLLIDER pop-up book with El Reg

Competition Roll up! Roll up! El Reg has copies of the thoroughly exciting and very awesome - if somewhat short - "Large Hadron Collider Pop-Up Book: Voyage to the Heart of Matter" to give away. Large Hadron Collider Pop-up Book Have you ever wanted to know exactly what was going on in the particle accelerator that discovered the Higgs …
The Register breaking news

LHC knocked out by ANOTHER power failure

Exclusive The Large Hadron Collider - most puissant particle-punisher ever assembled by the human race - has suffered another major power failure, knocking not only the atomsmasher itself but even its associated websites offline. The machine remains unserviceable at present. However its crucial cryogenics seem to have been unaffected, and …
Lewis Page, 2 Dec 2009

Collisions at LHC! Tevatron record to be broken soon?

Forging ahead much faster than had been expected, particle-smashing boffins at the Large Hadron Collider have now carried out actual collisions - blasting beams of protons into one another at a healthy 450 giga-electron-volts each for total whack of 900 GeV. Since the mighty LHC was crippled last year in an unfortunate electro …
Lewis Page, 24 Nov 2009
Cat 5 cable

LHC starts beaming Saturday: Collisions Dec 3

Exclusive As all the world knows, the Large Hadron Collider - the mightiest particle-punisher in the world and possible portal to other dimensions - is shortly to fire up again, following last year's catastrophic liquid helium superfluid explosion. You can learn that much by following other media outlets like any ignorant drone. But you …
Lewis Page, 18 Nov 2009
The Register breaking news

New antimatter atomsmashers 'may destroy themselves'

A top British atom-smasher boffin says that next-generation antimatter accelerators being planned to replace today's Large Hadron Collider (LHC) are at significant risk of "destroying themselves", as they rend the very fabric of the universe apart in their search for cosmic secrets. The LHC has already shown that rashly …
Lewis Page, 6 Oct 2009
The Register breaking news

Austria pulls out of Large Hadron Collider

Austria has announced plans to pull out of CERN, the international science alliance which runs the world's most powerful particle-punisher - the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) - and whose people invented the world wide web. "I feel bad about every membership that we cannot keep up," said Science Minister Johannes Hahn on Friday, …
Lewis Page, 11 May 2009
The Register breaking news

Report: UK physics 'damaged' by budget blunder bloodbath

An authoritative review into the management of physics in the UK has concluded that overall things are in good order. However, the panel led by Professor Bill Wakeham also identified "weaknesses" in the present physics setup, and said that "significant damage" had been caused by recent funding decisions. "UK physics enjoys …
Lewis Page, 2 Oct 2008
The Register breaking news

Hawaiian anti-LHC lawsuit thrown out

Famous eccentric American botanist, lawyer and soi-disant physicist Walter L Wagner has failed in his bid to have the US courts close down the Large Hadron Collider (LHC). The Hawaiian federal judges reportedly felt that the enormous 27-km proton deathrace track lay somewhat outside their jurisdiction, located as it is beneath …
Lewis Page, 1 Oct 2008
The Register breaking news

LHC downed until after Xmas - Boo

Proton-punishing boffins at the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) have confirmed that a recent technical mishap will down the colossal particle-masher until well into next year. The various treats promised once the LHC began living up to its name will not, now, arrive in time for Christmas. Physicists had hoped that the tremendous …
Lewis Page, 24 Sep 2008
The Register breaking news

Superfluid leak downs LHC for months

Bad news broke at the weekend for fans of the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) - the titanic underground magno-doughnut proton punisher located outside Geneva. Technical mishaps will mean at least a two-month delay before the inaugural hadron headbang. It appears that problems arose after a faulty electrical connection between two …
Lewis Page, 22 Sep 2008
The Register breaking news

Boffinry bitchslap brouhaha: Higgs and Hawking head to head

Famous retired physics prof Peter Higgs - of boson renown - has stingingly counter-poohpoohed the theories of his equally well known Nobel Prize rival, Stephen Hawking, who has already poohpoohed Higgs' particle concept. The clash of intellects is expected to be settled by particle-punishment results at the Large Hadron Collider …
Lewis Page, 11 Sep 2008
The Register breaking news

Today is not Hadron Collider Day

All the world's media is going bananas over "first beam" day at the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) - the world's most stupendous particle-punisher, which switched on this morning (following an initial hiccup which appeared to be fixed by the traditional expedient of turning it off then on again). Today, it is being strongly implied …
Lewis Page, 10 Sep 2008
The Register breaking news

Hadron boffins: Our meddling will not destroy universe

Boffins preparing to fire up the most powerful particle-smasher ever built have released another reassuring report which says that their machine will definitely not destroy the universe - nor even the planet Earth. The Large Hadron Collider (LHC), a titanic 27-kilometre doughnut made of ultra-chilly superconductor magnet pipe …
Lewis Page, 5 Sep 2008
The Register breaking news

CERN: LHC to fire first proton-smash ray next month

Scientists operating from a hollowed-out lair deep beneath the Franco-Swiss border have announced that their enormous, unprecedentedly powerful 27-kilometre proton cannon will shortly be ready to open fire. To be precise, "first beam" is scheduled for 10 September. Uncharacteristically, perhaps, the boffins made their …
Lewis Page, 8 Aug 2008

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