Articles about apparently

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Larry Ellison becomes Chief Monk Officer

April Fool Larry Ellison on Thursday came to the startling yet enlightening realization that he is not god. As a result, Oracle's CEO has gone totally monastic. Ellison's breakthrough occurred following a recent brain-glazing procedure. The billionaire software maker felt a slight, post-op twinge and then saw god before him. The god …
Ashlee Vance, 1 Apr 2007
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MPs pay themselves £10,000 website allowance

MPs have voted in favour of a government proposal to give each of them £10,000 to spend on websites to give the public more of an idea of what goes on in Parliament, the BBC reports. House of Commons leader Jack Straw told MPs: "The purpose of this allowance is to contribute to better public understanding of what this …
Mark Ballard, 29 Mar 2007
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Fire marshal quits over psychic emails

A Wisconsin fire marshal has resigned after 22 years of service after admitting that he consulted psychics to advise with office politics. Tom Weber was accused of working against his boss, fire chief Aaron Harris, and of sending emails to psychics asking whether or not he and his colleagues would succeed in their bid to push …
Lucy Sherriff, 26 Mar 2007
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NZ plans four-nippled sheep

New Zealand scientists plan to tackle the thorny problem of ewes producing more lambs than they have nipples to accommodate, by simply upping mum's teat-count, Stuff.co.nz reports. Apparently, NZ's ovine population has become more fertile over the past 10 years and females often drop triplets. AgResearch Invermay scientist …
Lester Haines, 21 Mar 2007
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Denise Van Outen ordered to get Joss Stoned

US TV bosses have instructed Denise Van Outen to do a Joss Stone and lose her Brit accent - because audiences over the pond have not warmed to her chirpy Essex twang. Van Outen, 32, was signed to present Grease, "a reality show which is aiming to find a new cast to play the characters from the hit Seventies movie", the Evening …
Lester Haines, 20 Mar 2007
The Register breaking news

BA upgrades corpse

A first class British Airways passenger got short shrift from cabin crew after expressing his displeasure at waking up to find them manoeuvering a corpse into the seat next to him, the Daily Mirror reports. The elderly woman had apparently died shortly after take-off, and was quickly upgraded from economy to first class …
Lester Haines, 19 Mar 2007
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NZ council sues self and wins

A New Zealand council has taken itself to court and successfully been fined $4,800, the New Zealand Herald reports. Waitakere City Council decided to take action "in the name of even-handed administration of regulations after it failed to get consents to move six houses". Specifically, it "brought the charges after learning it …
Lester Haines, 16 Mar 2007
The Register breaking news

French succumb to Franglais

Our chums across the Channel are currently marking "French language week", but apparently have little to celebrate as English loanwords continue to pollute their beloved mother tongue, the Daily Telegraph reports. Indeed, according to Xavier North (whose job is to "guarantee the primacy of French on national territory" and to …
Lester Haines, 14 Mar 2007
The Register breaking news

Joss Stone pays price for Brits train crash

Joss Stone is apparently paying the price for her sensational appearance at this year's Brits, at which she adopted an inexplicable US accent and alienated just about everyone in the UK. According to Brit tabloid The Sun, this and other recent outrages have left her latest album Introducing Joss Stone wallowing at No 12 in the …
Lester Haines, 14 Mar 2007
The Register breaking news

Israeli envoy to El Salvador found naked in street

The Israeli ambassador to the sun-kissed Central American paradise of El Salvador is for the high jump after being found "in a street, drunk, wearing only bondage gear", the BBC reports. Tzuriel Refael - on his first ambassadorial assignment following elevation from "a foreign ministry position" - was apparently discovered by …
Lester Haines, 12 Mar 2007
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Man claims to have made love to over 30 cars

A British man has confessed to making love to over 30 different cars and setting up a website to explain his techniques to the masses. It was British tabloid The Sun which today lifted the bonnet on people who love cars – a little too much. It quoted the story of Chris, apparently a 38 year old from the West Country, who …
Joe Fay, 9 Mar 2007

Philips offers sensory delights for gamers

Philips will this year release its range of amBX PC gaming peripherals, the company announced at its European Range 2007 event in Marbella, Spain this week. amBX will provide gamers with a full "sensory surround experience" by empowering game developers to use light, colour, sound, vibration and even airflow during gameplay. …
Jan Libbenga, 1 Mar 2007
The Register breaking news

Iran launches space rocket

Iran distracted attention from its nuclear programme this weekend, by announcing it had shot off a rocket into space. Or, according to who you believe, it had tested a dirty great missile. The Islamic Republic definitely launched something over the weekend. Iranian media described the device as a rocket capable of reaching …
Joe Fay, 26 Feb 2007
The Register breaking news

James Cameron finds grave of Jesus & Son

Hollywood giant James Cameron has set himself his biggest challenge yet – rewriting the bible after discovering that Jesus sired a son before being buried outside Jerusalem. Cameron claims to have found the, now empty, tomb of one Jesua, son of Joseph. The sepulchre also apparently contained the bodies of Mary. As well as …
Joe Fay, 26 Feb 2007

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