Articles about Woe

Encryption, wiretaps and the Feds: THE TRUTH

Figures published this month suggest fewer Americans are using encryption to secure their communications – but if you look into the detail, the opposite is probably closer to reality. The latest Wiretap Report from the US courts system – which counts up the number of requests from investigators to spy on people's chatter in …
Shaun Nichols, 30 Jun 2016
Ripley (Sigourney Weaver)

'Boss, I've got a bug fix: Nuke the whole thing from orbit, rewrite it all'

Line Break Hello, world. Welcome back to Line Break, our weekly column of terrible code readers have spotted in the wild – think of it as a group therapy session. Let's skip to the main() course. Beauty or the beast Since SSL/TLS is in the news again, let's start with some weird code spotted by Georgi in OpenSSL and LibreSSL, a fork of …
Chris Williams, 02 Mar 2016
Node Knockout code

This is why copy'n'paste should be banned from developers' IDEs

Line Break Welcome to the latest instalment of Line Break, the column in which we share ghastly code readers have sadly encountered in the wild. Pen is mightier than the source We'll crack on with this appetizing anecdote sent in by Ian: A long time ago I was working on the driver for a touchscreen controller chip. This driver was …
Chris Williams, 10 Feb 2016

Bank fail: Ready or not, here's our new software

Today, I was a user Every now and again The Register runs articles from sysadmins around the world about the horrors of working in IT. From time to time, however, it is probably worth reading something from the user's point of view. This is one such story. Today at the grocery store, I saw an advertisement for a smallish regional bank. I used to …
Trevor Pott, 10 Feb 2016

iOS's infected app-list continues to grow, says Lookout

Security outfit Lookout is watching iThing users' backs, with a rolling list of apps affected by the XCodeGhost bug. Cupertino continues cleaning-up the iOS App Store after its first big malware attack. This comes after hackers slipped their nasty software into a number of apps by modifying the Xcode development tools used by …
Bill Bennett, 22 Sep 2015
Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella

WinPhone community descends into CANNIBALISM and WOE

Analysis Windows Phone fanbois are turning on each other in an online orgy of recrimination. So says Daniel Rubino of unabashed fan site Windows Central – formerly Windows Phone Central. Rubino made the observation in a candid post entitled: “The Windows Phone community is imploding”. “The tone today from many is dire,” he laments. “ …
Andrew Orlowski, 11 Sep 2015
internet explorer 8

Norton Internet Security antivirus update 'borked Internet Explorer'

Users of the world's second best* browser were forced to use alternatives after an overnight update to Norton AntiVirus prevented Internet Explorer from working at all. Aggrieved users who'd thought far enough ahead to install Google Chrome, Mozilla Firefox or any of the other alternatives took to Norton's official forum to vent …
Gareth Corfield, 21 Feb 2015
Game of Thrones Season One Blu-ray disc set

Game of Moans: Sky coughs to BORKED set top box BALLS-UP

Sky customers have been complaining for months about a firmware update that has cocked up their set top boxes but the media giant has been slow to repair the glitch, it has been claimed. An unknown number of Sky HD boxes have been crashing, failing to record pre-set programmes or altogether disrupting the TV service. Sky has …
Kelly Fiveash, 17 Feb 2015
Pigeon crapping on statue

Music fans FUME over PJ Harvey ticket CHAOS as Somerset House site buckles

Many PJ Harvey fans who rushed to buy tickets from Somerset House's online store on Friday were left bitterly disappointed, after the website buckled under demand. It was announced yesterday that the two-time Mercury Prize winner would be collaborating on a live installation in London with Somerset House on the artist's …
Kelly Fiveash, 03 Jan 2015
Register Roundtable at the Soho hotel

CIOs: Want to get onto the Board? Just 'running' IT isn't enough

Reg Roundtable For our third round table a few weeks back we took on an issue dear to the hearts of IT execs: getting a seat at the decision making top table. And who better to talk through this one than a roomful of CIOs who were on their own firms' boards. Your first tip for moving up is to stop saying "the business". Stop saying it now …
Dominic Connor, 05 Dec 2014
Planetoid crashes into primordial Earth

Apple patents NEVERSMASH iPHONE for fumbling fondlers

Apple has filed a patent that could save iPhones from certain death when they crash to the ground. The patent is called "protective mechanism for an electronic device" and allows an iThing to rotate whilst in freefall. When it begins its journey to terminal velocity, the iPhone will be saved by a motor connected to an " …
Jasper Hamill, 02 Dec 2014

Yahoo! blames! MONSTER! email! OUTAGE! on! CUT! CABLE! bungle!

Yahoo! has apologised to customers, some of whom have been unable to access their email accounts since Thursday, after an underwater fibre cable was mistakenly severed. The Purple Palace blamed an unnamed outfit for the major mishap. It said in a status update on its website: We are aware that Yahoo Mail is slow or …
Kelly Fiveash, 22 Nov 2014
Qantas A380 tail

Data entry REAR-END SNAFU: Weighty ballsup leads to plane take-off flap

We're all accustomed to tales of woe that children are becoming too fat, but how about too-light kiddies spoiling the balance of an aircraft? An error at Australia's Canberra airport left a 168-seat Boeing 737 struggling to take off because a group of 87 schoolchildren was entered into the check-in system as adults. As noted in …

Woe, Daddy! GoDaddy customers wail as hosting service GOES TITSUP

Hosting outfit GoDaddy is suffering what appears to be a pretty widespread outage hitting website operators in the UK this morning. The company's own site was struggling to load at time of writing. A miserable message wrapped in a pink box on GoDaddy's support page coughs to a "known issue" with its hosting system. However, …
Kelly Fiveash, 01 Sep 2014
Edward Snowden

Snowden on NSA's MonsterMind TERROR: It may trigger cyberwar

Rogue NSA sysadmin Edward Snowden says his former employer has developed software that will automatically attack foreign computers deemed to be a threat – without checking in with a human first. The system, dubbed MonsterMind, is designed to detect strikes against key US servers and block the assaults as quickly as possible. But …
Iain Thomson, 13 Aug 2014
Picture by Afonso Lima

The internet just BROKE under its own weight – we explain how

512KDay On Tuesday, 12 August, 2014, the internet hit an arbitrary limit of more than 512,000 routes. This 512K route limit is something we have known about for some time. The fix for Cisco devices – and possibly others – is fairly straightforward. Internet service providers and businesses around the world chose not to address this …
Trevor Pott, 13 Aug 2014
1950s style illustration - Smiling woman talks into rotary phone

BT FON fail: Telco CHARGES customers for FREE Wi-Fi usage

Telecoms giant BT has admitted charging a number of customers for the traffic racked up by its FON services, which uses a portion of each customer's Wi-Fi connection to provide hotspots accessible to the public. A few weeks ago The Register reported that bungling cops in the grim north of England didn't understand the idea …
Jasper Hamill, 06 Aug 2014
BBC iPlayer

iOS services intended solely for diagnostics: 'I don’t buy it for a minute'

QuoTW This was the week when Edward Snowden revealed that not only is the National Security Agency (NSA) snooping on everyone, violating their privacy and raking through their online information, they’re also sniggering at their nudie pics. Snowden told The Guardian that one of the “perks” of the job of snooping on everyone’s web …

Apple fanbois SCREAM as update BRICKS their Macbook Airs

Apple fanbois have erupted in rage after an update bricked their Macbook Airs. On the official Apple support forum, dozens of angry customers claimed that the latest software update for the 2011 Macbook Air had gone horribly wrong. Some posters said their Airs had been totally borked by the update, while others reported …
Jasper Hamill, 23 Jul 2014
Grumpy cat

Virgin Media goes titsup AGAIN. The cause? Yet MORE DNS strife

Virgin Media has declined to comment on yet another DNS outage that hit some of its subscribers on Monday night. The telco, when quizzed by The Register, admitted that it had suffered yet more downtime woe but refused to explain what was behind the company's recent network wobbles. A spokesman at the Liberty Global-owned …
Kelly Fiveash, 08 Jul 2014
Nevada plate for Google car

'Disruptive innovation' is nonsense? Not ALWAYS, actually

Worstall on Weds If the theory of disruptive innovation is wrong then why do companies act as if it's true? Proof is rather in the pudding after all..... The latest topical shouting match in my corner of the economics-meets-tech world is an essay by Jill Lepore in the New Yorker. All this talk of “disruptive innovation” is just that – talk – …
Tim Worstall, 02 Jul 2014

EBay, you keep using the word 'SECURITY'. I do not think it means what you think it means

eBay‬ has told people to change their passwords for the online tat bazaar after its customer database was compromised. Names, dates of birth, phone numbers, physical addresses, email addresses, and "encrypted" passwords, were copied from servers by attackers, we're told. Credit card numbers and other financial records were not …
John Leyden, 21 May 2014

The Reg Quid-a-Day Nosh challenge: What's the point, exactly?

It's been an entertaining week so far for the El Reg Quid-a-Day Nosh Posse, as team members battle to survive on just £1 per day for food as part of the Live Below the Line challenge. Calorific intake concerns aside, we've managed to knock up a few decent meals, and even forage a bit of extra nutrition. Of course, living for …
Lester Haines, 30 Apr 2014
School of Rock

Brain surgery? Would sir care for a CHOC-ICE with that?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Another Easter, another long weekend, another splurge of CVs sent into the ether. Englishmen joke about Bank Holidays reliably bringing rain but the other thing you can count on following a public holiday is an exodus of staff seeking pastures new – or rather, pastures less strewn with the rank, metaphoric faeces of their …
Alistair Dabbs, 25 Apr 2014
Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella

How Microsoft can keep Win XP alive – and WHY: A real-world example

Sysadmin blog What if Microsoft announced it's not ending support for Windows XP next Tuesday after all, and instead will offer perpetual updates (for a small fee, of course). Something inside me, somewhere between my sense of humor and soul-crushing cynicism, drove me to turn that dream into an April Fool for this year. But all cruel joking …
Trevor Pott, 02 Apr 2014

Plusnet goes titsup for spectacular hour-long wobble

Plusnet's broadband and phone service is slowing coming back to life, after the telco's network suffered a nasty hour-long outage this morning. The BT-owned firm did not cough to the cause of the downtime, which struck customers at 9:30am, but it did confirm that subscribers would struggle to get online. Anecdotal reports on …
Kelly Fiveash, 04 Mar 2014
Speedball

Globe grabbin,’ sphere slammin’, orb-tossin’, pill poppin’... Speedball

Antique Code Show When the Commodore Amiga and Atari ST together ruled the home computing scene, video games were a long way from the million dollar money-spinners they have become. Getting public and media attention for a game wasn’t easy, but one of the more effective techniques employed by game designers was to create titles that took ‘ …
Giles Hill, 27 Jan 2014
JC Boyle saluting device patent

Tales from an expert witness: Prior art and patent trolls

John Watkinson is an expert witness and on many occasions has had to deal with patent litigation. Here he describes the application of ideas in the art of invention both historically and currently from Galileo to patent trolls. A patent is a form of contract between society and the inventor that benefits both. In return for …
John Watkinson, 15 Jan 2014

FREEZE, GLASSHOLE! California cops bust Google Glass driver

California cops have issued what is thought to be the first ticket for wearing Google's head-mounted Glass computers while driving. "A cop just stopped me and gave me a ticket for wearing Google Glass while driving!" said Cecilia Abadie on her Google+ page. "The exact line says: Driving with Monitor visible to Driver (Google …
Iain Thomson, 30 Oct 2013
BlackBerry bleeding

BlackBerry's AD BLITZ: Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated

BlackBerry is taking out full-page adverts in 30 newspapers across nine countries - to reassure everyone that it hasn't flatlined, not yet anyway. "You've no doubt seen the headlines about BlackBerry," read the ads, which will run from Tuesday. "You're probably wondering what they mean for you as one of the tens of millions of …
Iain Thomson, 14 Oct 2013
Apple iOS 7

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it ... Win Phone 8? No, it's APPLE'S iOS 7

Review Apple's iOS 7 has come some way since its initial preview release and public unveiling back in June at Apple’s Worldwide Developer Conference. Back then the focus was inevitably on the operating system’s new visual styling, and Apple does seem to have taken on board the early criticism of the new look. The ultra-spindly font …
Tony Smith, 19 Sep 2013

You MERCILESS FIEND... you put that audio file on AUTOPLAY

Something for the Weekend, Sir? It was a quiet morning at the office. The early risers among the team were settling gently at their desks and discreetly going about their business. All that could be heard was the swish of papers, the soft clicking of mice and several varieties of birdsong. Birdsong? I thought I might be suffering the effects of the previous …
Alistair Dabbs, 26 Jul 2013

Big Switch Networks quits OEM-led SDN scheme

Big Switch Networks, a startup with everything to gain from adoption of its software defined networking (SDN) technology, has left an SDN group dominated by traditional OEMs who had much to lose, after the group went with Cisco's tech over Big Switch's as the base of an SDN spec. Big Switch announced on Wednesday that it was …
Jack Clark, 06 Jun 2013
IBM graphene broadband frequency mixer

Australia downloads a limping 13 Mbps, says Ookla

There are, it seems, 44 countries in the world with better broadband download speeds than Australia, according to the latest Netindex release by Ookla. This has brought a predictable round of soul-searching, particularly as Mongolia appears higher on the list than Australia (it scored an average speed of 13.79 Mbps, while …
The Register breaking news

Zynga banks fluke profit - won't happen again, says CEO

Top dogs at Zynga say the online gaming firm just needs a little more time to turn around its losing streak - after forecasting worse losses than expected for this year's second quarter. The struggling FarmVille maker managed to scrape together a surprise profit for the first three months of this year after cutting costs, but …
The Register breaking news

Heroku PaaS floats over to Europe

Heroku's platform-as-a-service cloud has come to Europe, giving local developers a chance to reduce the latency of applications they've stuck on top of the application automation technology. The Salesforce-owned company announced on Thursday that brave devs can try serving their apps from Ireland rather than America, if they …
Jack Clark, 24 Apr 2013
The Register breaking news

Salesforce: Internet of Things is 'third wave of computing'

Salesforce is desperate for more of the world to get wired up with little sensors, so it can get at this data and hook it into its suite of technologies, then sell companies on the benefits of an increasingly data-led sales strategy. This lust for an instrumented world was outlined by Salesforce chief executive Marc Benioff in …
Jack Clark, 23 Apr 2013

Yahoo! webmail! hijacks! are! back!...

Yahoo! has blamed cross-site scripting security bugs, which it claims to have squashed, for a recent upsurge in webmail account takeovers. Over the last few days several Reg readers have been in touch to complain that their Yahoo! webmail accounts have been hijacked or to point us towards complaints on various support forums …
John Leyden, 08 Mar 2013
Richard Bedford's bacon on a roll with melted cheese

Bacon sarnies can kill: Official

In devastating news for bacon sarnie lovers, boffins have warned of the potentially deadly effects of overdoing it on processed meat products. The chilling results of a Europe-wide survey conclude that those scoffing more than 20g of processed meat a day - equivalent to one meagre rasher of bacon - were at increased risk of …
Lester Haines, 07 Mar 2013
The Register breaking news

Satanic Renault takes hapless French bloke on 200km/h joyride

A disabled French driver was taken on a 200km/h white-knuckle ride by his "insane" Renault, as a quick shopping trip turned into a high-speed, 210 km jaunt to Belgium. Frank Lecerf, 36, left Pont-de-Metz, close to Amiens, in his Renault Laguna 3 to hit the shops in nearby Dury. His route took in a short section of the A16 …
Lester Haines, 15 Feb 2013
DVD-Ram disc

Commentards Ahoy! How about a Petabyte of storage?

A little experiment from us: we are rounding up comments on a couple of articles - and turning them into articles. Some might call this stretching the material - social media types might call it amplification. But we think that not all of our commentards are mad - and many have very interesting insights to share. Today, we mine …
Lucy Sherriff, 31 Jan 2013

Patent trolling surges, but righteous cavalry on the way

Patent trolling is a "cancer" that poses an "existential threat" to US business – especially startups – according to a panel of experts at last week's CES 2013. But there are plans in the works to fight back. "There's a great quote from Scientific American," congressman Peter DeFazio told his audience at a CES 2013 panel. " …
Rik Myslewski, 16 Jan 2013
Champagne parachute

It MUST be the END of the WORLD... El Reg man thanks commentards

Sysadmin blog As the year draws to a close, I'd like to take the time out to thank companies and individuals that have made my life as a writer, a systems administrator, and business owner easier in 2012. Readers of The Register - myself among them - are notorious for their endless cynicism and love of a right good digital kicking, but some …
Trevor Pott, 21 Dec 2012

IBM borgs StoredIQ for big data build-out

Everybody is crazy about storing any kind of data their employees and systems generate in the hopes that they can turn all that big data into money. But the dirty little secret is that this hoarding tendency has risks as well as rewards. Keeping some kinds of data is as financially harmful as not processing other kinds. And …
The Register breaking news

'Facebook is completely undreamt of even by the worst spying nation'

QuotW This was the week when Google+ head Bradley Horowitz told the world that that whole Facebook thing was soooo last year. According to the +er, Facebook is the "social network of the past", mainly because Zuck's ad strategies are so intrusive they're putting people off. When people are online socialising, they should really be …
HTC 8x

Windows Phone 8 must be Microsoft's priority one, two AND three

Analysis Unless Microsoft gives Windows Phone some urgent attention, all of its hard work will go up in smoke and take Europe's largest technology company with it. We've now seen Windows Phone 8 running on four strong handsets - two each from Nokia and HTC - and it's fair to say the manufacturers have kept their side of the bargain. …
Andrew Orlowski, 06 Dec 2012
The Register breaking news

Help-desk hell: Can YOU beat this iPad-winning tale of woe?

A competition to find the best help-desk tale of despair, with an iPad up for grabs for the winner, has solicited a collection of bizarre and amusing anecdotes. Long-suffering IT technicians submitted their best yarns of dealing with users' problems to the "Confessions of an IT Professional" contest over the last two months. …
John Leyden, 30 Nov 2012
The Register breaking news

Windows Phone 8 reboot woe causes outpouring of forum misery

Early adopters of Windows Phone 8 hardware are complaining that it reboots at random, up to several times a day, and that they're not being offered any prospect of a quick fix. The complaints relate specifically to the HTC 8X and, to a lesser extent, Nokia's Lumia 920, with Windows Phone 8 locking up or randomly rebooting on …
Bill Ray, 19 Nov 2012
The Register breaking news

Sky rudely barges TalkTalk off the top-three UK ISP podium

The decline and fall of TalkTalk sales each quarter is becoming a regular tale of woe for the budget telco, which this morning told the City that revenues had once again gone south as the company bled yet more punters. The numbers also tell another story: TalkTalk is no longer the third-biggest ISP in the country. That …
Kelly Fiveash, 13 Nov 2012
Thanks from Facebook employees

Facebook's IPO was a disaster? RUBBISH, you FOOLS

Woe, woe and thrice woe unto the capitalist system: for Facebook's IPO has been a failure. Mere months after they floated the thing off, the share price is under half what it was and this is indeed, as those like The Guardian tell us, a large and serious problem, prompting headlines such as: Why has Facebook's stock market …
Tim Worstall, 10 Nov 2012