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A rescued joey

Prehistoric swingbelly KANGAROOS were TOO FAT to jump – scientists

It's certainly Australia's iconic animal, yet boffins have claimed the kangaroo hasn't always performed its most famous trick: hopping. Once upon a time, the Skippy the Bush Kangaroo's ancestors may not have actually bounded along, instead favouring a gait akin to a drunken human. "At best, they'd have been really clumsy …
Jasper Hamill, 16 Oct 2014
Stephen Hawking, weightless and happy

Hawking: Higgs boson in a BIG particle punisher could DESTROY UNIVERSE

Once upon a time, Stephen Hawking was so sure the Higgs Boson was a fantasy that he bet $100* against its discovery. But now the British boffin has dramatically changed his mind, warning that the so-called god particle could go rogue and destroy the entire universe. Clearly annoyed that Peter Higgs, who predicted the existence …
Jasper Hamill, 09 Sep 2014
Slide from Tim Cook's presentation at the Apple product roll-out event of October 22, 2013, indicating Apple's single-minded focus

Yes, yes, Steve Jobs. Look what I'VE done for you lately – Tim Cook

Apple CEO Tim Cook has written to his employees to tell them that the past few quarters have been the most successful in the company's history. To the faithful, only the golden age of Steve Jobs can be described in such terms. But even though he's failed to release an exciting new product range since the first fruity fuhrer was …
Jasper Hamill, 21 Oct 2014

Apple TV 'close' to deal with Time Warner - report

Cupertino is close to closing a deal with Time Warner that will allow fanbois to watch proper grown-up telly - and Disney films - through their Apple TV boxes. Bloomberg says that insiders "with knowledge of the negotiations" spilled the beans. When the agreement is officially inked, it will mean that Time Warner Cable customers …
Jasper Hamill, 03 Jul 2013

Apple: Ta for blowing £££s on apps, fanbois. Now we've set them FREE

Apple is marking the fifth anniversary of its app store by doling out free software and games. In a move that may anger anyone who's shelled out for one of the titles, Apple has made them available gratis in the run up to Wednesday's big day. The fruity firm has yet to discuss its plans for the anniversary, but it likely the …
Jasper Hamill, 09 Jul 2013

Look, no client! Not quite: the long road to a webbified Vim

The most revolutionary aspect of all the changes that have taken place in web development over the last two decades has been in the web browser. Typically we think of web browsers as driving innovation on the web by providing new features. Indeed this is the major source of new features on the web. For example, Microsoft …
Apple Watch

Microsoft to enter the STRUGGLE of the HUMAN WRIST

The battle for the future of the human wrist entered a new phase on Monday after it was claimed that tech goliath Microsoft is planning to release its own wearable computer in the coming weeks. If true, this would mean that Redmond's smartwatch would hit stores some way in advance of Apple's own wrist 'puter, which is expected …
Team Register, 20 Oct 2014
Fall of the Berlin Wall, 1989

Party like it's not 1999: Cry FREEDOM for a better web

If you travelled back to 1999 and told web developers that one day hundreds of them would pony up cold hard cash to get a feature in a web browser, none of them would have believed you. 1999 was the high water mark of the browser wars between Microsoft's Internet Explorer and Netscape Communications' Navigator. Microsoft was …

Dammit, Foxconn: Where's our 1 MILLION-strong robot ARMY?

Foxconn's much-vaunted robot army will do little more than insert screws, polish parts and assist human workers, it has been claimed. A report in the Taiwanese press has suggested that "Foxbots" are nowhere near sophisticated enough to replace real people in Foxconn's factories, which have been the scene of worker suicides. …
Jasper Hamill, 09 Jul 2014
don't click

Has Cisco made a $415 MILLION mistake with the Whiptail buyout?

Is the $450m that Cisco paid for Whiptail too high, seeing as the possible costs of the deal could include losing the EMC/VCE and NetApp/FlexPod partnerships? Let's back up a moment. Once upon a time Cisco sold networking gear. Then it entered the server market with its UCS line. It then had two players in the 4-part data centre …
Chris Mellor, 30 Jan 2014
ClusterStor 3000 SSU

Xyratex thrusts a Lustre cluster knuckleduster at Intel's bluster

Storage biz Xyratex is polishing its high-performance computing credentials by acquiring the Lustre trademark, logo, website and associated intellectual property from Oracle. Xyratex said it will support Lustre's community-oriented development. Lustre is an open-source cluster file system popular in supercomputer land. Once upon …
Chris Mellor, 26 Feb 2013
Abacus. Credit: Newsum Antiques

The IT kit revolution's OVER, say beancounters - but how do they know?

One of the great problems within economics is in trying to work out what's a structural change, what's a cyclical change and what's being buggered up just because you're not measuring it properly. For example, we can look at how much companies (or more accurately, non-household entities) are spending on the computing …
Tim Worstall, 03 Sep 2014

REVEALED: Google's GINORMOUS £650m London Choc Factory

What would you do if you had a golden ticket that helped you avoid having to cough a big wodge of tax cash? Well, if you were Google, you'd build a hulking great glass monstrosity as wide as The Shard is tall, smack bang in the middle of London. The advertising giant has filed plans for a new £650m, 330m-long UK Chocolate …
Jasper Hamill, 01 Jul 2013
Bandaid

Server tech is BORING these days. Where's all the shiny new goodies?

Once upon a time, a mere 10 years or so ago, servers had direct-attached disks or network-attached disk arrays. The flash in the arrays – SSDs primarily, but also in the controllers – made data access faster. However multi-core, multi-threaded CPUs have an almost insatiable appetite for data. Any access latency is bad when the …
Chris Mellor, 11 Feb 2014
The ITMugs Surf for Porn mug

Google went behind our backs and really HURT US, squeal upset porn kingpins

The porn industry has hit back at Google after its decision to ban smutty sites from using its main advertising platform. The search engine's new policy on porn came into force last week and effectively bans any grumble movie makers from promoting their sites using Adwords, a service which puts paid-for advertising next to …
Jasper Hamill, 10 Jul 2014
For Sale sign detail

It's time to end the Windows Wait

Flash memory is going to turn back time - in a good way. Once upon a time in a galaxy far away, PCs started up instantly: lean operating systems leapt from chips in machines that were not saddled with obese software and weighed down with bloatware. We've all got so used to drumming our fingers on desks, waiting for the computer …
Chris Mellor, 02 Nov 2011

Entry-level HP SAN array stoops to conquer small biz bods

Once upon a time, HP had an MSA entry-level SAN array line-up with MSA 1000 (2gig FC) and MSA p2000 (8gig FC, 10gig iSCSI, 6 gig SAS) products. Now again it has two MSA array products: the MSA 1040 and 2040 dual-controller array products. Updated StoreEasy and StoreOnce product features were announced at HP's channel event in …
Chris Mellor, 24 Mar 2014
Elgato Thunderbolt Dock

Plugging the gaps in today's Macs: Elgato Thunderbolt Dock

I remember the days when Elgato was busy knocking out clever telly and video capture gadgets for Macs and PCs. It still does, and for fondleslabs, mobiles and game consoles too, but in the last couple of years the company has obviously caught some kind of Thunderbolt bug. Elgato Thunderbolt Dock Making all the right connections …
Bob Dormon, 03 Jun 2014

GreenBytes guts its arrays, turns self into chompable doughnut

Once upon a time there were two suppliers with VDI-focussed storage arrays: GreenBytes,with an all-flash array; and Tintri, with a hybrid flash/disk array technology. Now GreenBytes has become a software-only business. Why? The reasoning, outlined by GreenBytes' CEO and chairman Stephen O'Donnell, is that over time mid-market …
Chris Mellor, 20 Aug 2013
iPad Psycho image

NUDE SELFIE CLOUD PERV menace: Apple 2FA? Sweet FA, more like

Apple’s two-factor authentication doesn't actually protect iCloud backups or photo streams, contrary to what many iPhone and iPad fondlers might wish to believe. Scores of (mostly female) celebrities, including Oscar winner Jennifer Lawrence, had their iCloud hacked before miscreants siphoned off private nude snaps which …
John Leyden, 03 Sep 2014

Enterprise storage vendors cosy up to small businesses

The storage landscape is changing. The storage products and skills needed for a small firm have so far been very different from those needed in large enterprises. Yet we now have some storage vendors delivering enterprise-class products aimed at workgroups, while some enterprise buyers choose mid-range products to save money. …
Chris Mellor, 09 Jun 2014
VW's e-Up is a small car

Gid E-Up? Vulture's claw presses pedal to metal on VW's 'leccy motor

After the driving the Citroen C-Zero, the Volkswagen e-Up! is a fantastically different experience. It shouldn’t be quite so much better, as the VW is cheaper (£19,704 as opposed to £21,216 – both prices including rebates) yet while the Citroen is clearly engineered to a price – albeit a typically electric twice the internal …
Simon Rockman, 25 Jun 2014
Parts for the Liberator 3D printed pistol

You want to put 3D gun designs on the web? You'll need a 2D printer

Much fun has been had over the Liberator, the 3D printed plastic gun. Our editor - a man who knows about such things - here at El Reg has pronounced it a piece of crap. Innumerable people have declared that it's either the end of civilisation as we know it or proof perfect that the Commie statists will never win. My own …
Tim Worstall, 14 May 2013
The Register breaking news

2020: A Press Odyssey – reporter licensing explained

It's 2020, and a schoolgirl is doing her homework. "Daddy, what's a press licence?" "Oh, that. Well a press licence allows you to call yourself a journalist and get into official events, for official journalists." "What for?" "Well you get into events held by the government or a company, or for example a football club, and …
Andrew Orlowski, 07 Feb 2012

Klingon and Maori roar into 'mutt's nuts' dictionary

Those of us who don't give a tinker's about an IT angle have been having a fine time compiling the mutt's nuts dictionary - the definitive international guide for those wishing to express excellence in canine testicular terms. This world-class piece of tomfoolery kicked off after we recklessly suggested our Vulture 2 spaceplane' …
Lester Haines, 23 May 2014
The Register breaking news

Rupert Murdoch legs it from British newspaper boards

Rupert Murdoch has quit the boards of his once beloved British newspaper business, paving the way for the tycoon's News Corp empire to be split in two. The media giant confirmed in June that Murdoch would head up the broadcasting and entertainment division created from the breakup of News Corp. For Murdoch, it's a significant …
Kelly Fiveash, 23 Jul 2012

DJANGO UNCHAINED: Don't let 'preview' apps put you off Fedora 20

If you're a fan of GNOME 3 and the GNOME Shell, Fedora 20 will be a welcome update. This release sees an upgrade for Fedora's default GNOME spin, bringing the desktop to GNOME 3.10. Fedora's live desktop CD has used GNOME by default for many years now. Once upon a time that was completely unremarkable. However, since Ubuntu now …
Acer Aspire Liquid E3

Say goodbye to landfill Android: Top 10 cheap 'n' cheerful smartphones

So, you want a smartphone but you don’t want to pay more than £150 (and ideally a whole lot less). You’re going buy a Motorola Moto G, right? Probably. The G is a very safe bet. But are there alternatives? Indeed there are. All the devices poked here with The Reg stick run Android bar one. That device will soon to get an Android …
Alun Taylor, 18 Jul 2014

Data protection bods Bocada list dog on senior management team

Look, first things first, we're not making this up. Enterprise data protection company Bocada has one Tommy, er, Bocada listed as its director of employee well-being. And while Tommy may very well have experience in "enterprise, data storage, software development, sales, and support", he is nevertheless a member of the species …
Chris Mellor, 14 Aug 2013
club

Do you think spinning rust eats flash's dust? Join the hard drive daddies club

Disk drive makers have joined forces in a desperate bid to keep disk sales up and fend off the flash threat. Western Digital, HGST, Seagate and Toshiba have formed the Storage Products Association to provide "a forum to educate and advocate about the role of hard disk drives (HDDs) and Solid State Hybrid Drives (SSHDs) in …
Chris Mellor, 14 Aug 2013
A tape reel from IBM's 726 tape drive

Tape never died, it was just resting

Once upon a time, you could find tape drives everywhere. Even home offices used DAT, QIC and other small tape cartridge formats to do backups. In the days when having a hard disk as large as 500MB seriously impressed people, tape was pretty much the only economical way to make a copy of your data. So what went wrong for tape – …
Bryan Betts, 14 Oct 2013
Bletchley Park

Why Bletchley Park could never happen today

Following the torrent of revelations about US and British government surveillance unleashed by whistle-blower Edward Snowden, we now know what many had previously guessed: with a few exceptions*, the spies have the electronic world pretty much wired. Some spied-upon countries – such as Brazil and Germany – have reacted furiously …
SA Mathieson, 25 Oct 2013

Perish the fault! Can your storage array take a bullet AND LIVE?

Storage doesn't have to be hard. It isn't really all that hard. If you ask yourself "can my storage setup lead to data loss" then you have already begun your journey. As a primer, I will attempt to demystify the major technologies in use today to solve that very problem. Certain types of storage technologies (rsync, DFSR) are …
Trevor Pott, 13 Mar 2013
Don Basile CEO of Violin Memory

Sceptical markets snub Violin Memory: Can the flashy biz bounce back?

Violin's IPO was a right debacle: investors judged the stock was worth a fifth less than the valuation of the bankers backing the public offering. What are they seeing that the bankers didn't? The days of easy flash array pickings are coming to a close. Listen hard and you can hear the screeches in the wind from the iron gates …
Chris Mellor, 30 Sep 2013

El Reg drills into Office 365: The science of compliance

Office 365 may well be the most impressive attempt at providing international information on legal compliance ever attempted. Microsoft has hired many of the world's foremost experts on the various layers of legal compliance that exist and has created a software solution that helps enterprises meet compliance levels that would …
Trevor Pott, 05 Jun 2013
management mobile6

The irresistible rise of the corporate app

The rise of the corporate app is due to both fashion and user demand. Once upon a time there were programs. Today they are called apps. The big difference is that apps are fashionable, and fashion drives a lot of what even sane IT types do. So much so that even the Windows Phone has settings in the control panel for “company …
Simon Rockman, 08 Jul 2013
RNLI boat

Search and rescue: Why Facebook AND Yahoo! need Microsoft

A surprising rumour suggesting that Yahoo! had been in talks with Facebook about a possible search deal popped up in the British Sunday press yesterday. It then quickly catapulted its way to Silicon Valley - only to be almost immediately pooh-poohed as nonsense. The Sunday Telegraph reported that Yahoo! chief Marissa Mayer had …
Kelly Fiveash, 19 Nov 2012

Space-saving ideas for improving storage performance

Once upon a time pretty much the only thing a storage manager had to worry about was running out of capacity. Disk space was expensive and a slew of products offered data compression, moving disused files off to tape and so on. Disk space is pretty cheap now, with multi-terabit drives readily available along with petabyte-class …
Bryan Betts, 06 Nov 2013
The Register breaking news

Barack Obama: Bland, predictable and cheesy ... on Spotify

It turns out Barack Obama likes his music streamed from a certain Sweden-based music service. Not The Pirate Bay - Spotify. As a cunning pre-election ploy, the Obama campaign has tweeted his Spotify playlist. Don't say you're not interested in the mundane mixture of mainstream rock, country and some recent pop. This is the …
Anna Leach, 10 Feb 2012

BlackBerry Q10: This quirky QWERTY will keep loyalists perky

Eight million people in the UK use a BlackBerry and almost every single one of those phones has a physical QWERTY keyboard. And as good as the virtual keyboard on BlackBerry's touchscreen Z10 may be - it's the best, for my money - a fair number of people will want to use a smartphone with a real keyboard. The Q10 is BlackBerry's …
Andrew Orlowski, 07 Feb 2013

If only enterprise IT worked like my iPad ... or at least my car

Do you remember when computers were hard to use? Not so long ago our collective opinion was neatly summarized by the apocryphal GM press release which asserted that if they developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars that for no reason at all, would crash twice a day, shut down and refuse to restart. Since …
David Sprott, 04 Apr 2013

'Not even Santa could save Microsoft's Windows 8'

Once upon a time any problem at Microsoft could be magically resolved with a new Windows release. Since Windows Vista, however, that formula hasn't worked. In fact, according to new sales data from NPD Group, it may be getting worse. In late 2012, departing Microsoft board member Reed Hastings called Microsoft's Surface tablet " …
Matt Asay, 08 Jan 2013
The Register breaking news

Katie Price's teasing 'strapline reveal' avoids bust

It's official: Katie Price, AKA once-upon-a-time-glamour-model Jordan, is clueless about the European debt crisis unless an ad campaign takes over her Twitter account and waxes lyrical about economics for the sake of punting a chocolate bar. Advertising watchdog the ASA batted aside two complaints this morning that challenged …
Kelly Fiveash, 07 Mar 2012
The Register breaking news

Google signs Deepak Chopra and Madonna in TV blitzkrieg

Two months ago Google chairman Eric Schmidt assured TV industry executives that Google was complementary to them, not a competitor. All the Chocolate Factory wanted to do, he said, was help. But as Schmidt was delivering his honeyed words, Google was busy putting the final touches to its TV blitz. The company will unleash 100 …
Andrew Orlowski, 31 Oct 2011
Mercedes Gull-wing car

STEC's flash daddy on SSD rivals, NAND and having your OWN controller tech

Mark Moshayedi, CEO of flash pioneer STEC, doesn't think "flash is forever". While his firm is now battling it out in the enterprise solid state drive space, he has a different vision for the future. El Reg storage desk recently met with Moshayedi, where he expanded on the firm's current strategies and explained how it had saved …
Chris Mellor, 16 Jan 2013
Belkin Express Dock Thunderbolt adaptor

Review: Belkin Thunderbolt Express Dock

If the word from the Apple WWDC is to be believed, we’re just months away from hooking up all our peripherals using Thunderbolt 2 cables. Funny that, as I thought this was supposed to happen when the original Thunderbolt ports appeared on Macs back in 2011. Even though this Apple-Intel interface love-in can be found on PCs too, …
Bob Dormon, 14 Jun 2013
Broken CD with wrench

Does Box really need $284m in VC cash?

Once upon a time Joe Kraus dreamed that future start-ups would be 30 times cheaper to build. Clearly he hadn't talked to Aaron Levie, chief executive of enterprise collaboration company Box, which just raised $125m on a reported $1.2bn valuation. Box is playing a high-stakes poker game which will end in complete victory. Or …
Matt Asay, 03 Aug 2012
The Register breaking news

Balanced, neutral journalism is RUBBISH and that's a FACT

New research has revealed what we here at the Register have always known to be the self-evident, hard, cold, factual truth: which is that balanced, neutral journalism is not just incredibly boring, it is also bad for readers' mental health and turns them into apathetic drones who can't be bothered to engage with the world around …
Lewis Page, 11 Mar 2011

Wikipedia doesn't need your money - so why does it keep pestering you?

It's that time of year again. As the Christmas lights go up, Wikipedia's donation drive kicks off. Wikipedia claims that the donations are needed to keep the site online. Guilt-tripped journalists including Heather Brooke and Toby Young have contributed to Wikipedia in the belief that donations help fund operating costs. …
Andrew Orlowski, 20 Dec 2012
The Register breaking news

OFT waves through Sky's Virgin TV slurp

BSkyB has received final clearance from the OFT for the acquisition of Living TV Group, which once upon a time was called Virgin Media Television. Sky now owns LIVING, LIVINGit, Challenge, Challenge Jackpot, Bravo, Bravo 2 and Virgin1, which will be renamed in due course. Sky is to stump up £55 million to Virgin Media to …
Drew Cullen, 14 Sep 2010