Articles about Loud

Huawei P9 Plus: Leica-toting flagship gets a big brother

Review The P9 Plus deserves to be Huawei’s real flagship of 2016, and given the price tag, it’s a belter. Like the iPhone Plus, it feels like a very different beast to its smaller sibling. In a nutshell, you can save a small fortune by opting for the P9 Plus over an iPhone or Samsung’s Galaxy S7, but you’ll miss out on the latter’s …
Andrew Orlowski, 29 Jul 2016

She wants it. She needs it. Shall I give it to her or keep doing it by myself?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? “Give it to me pleeeese!” she begs, staring longingly into my eyes. “I’m desperate and will do anything.” It’s 5:30am and we are the only people in the office. I stutter that I’m not at liberty to satisfy her demands right there and then. It’s too early for me. Could she wait a while? She takes a step towards me and begins …
Alistair Dabbs, 22 Jul 2016
loud

After Monday's landing, SpaceX wants to do it in triplicate

SpaceX has applied to local authorities for permission to build two new rocket landing pads in Florida ahead of the launch of its Falcon Heavy rocket later this year. The Falcon Heavy consists of three modified Falcon 9 rockets strapped together – a more complex machine that Elon Musk describes as having a "heavy pucker factor …
Iain Thomson, 20 Jul 2016
Do the right thing on the internet of things

If managing PCs is still hard, good luck patching 100,000 internet things

Internet of Things (IoT) hype focuses on the riches that will rain from the sky once humanity connects the planet, but mostly ignores what it will take to build and operate fleets of things. And the operational side of things could be hell. “IT can barely keep their desktops patched,” Splunk chief technology officer Snehal …
Simon Sharwood, 19 Jul 2016

You can’t sit there, my IoT desk tells me

Something for the Weekend, Sir? I don’t know what to do with my arse. Should I be swivelling on it? Should I do it leaning forward with pressure applied to the small of my back? Or would I be better advised to do the business standing up? For various reasons, I am in the market for a standing desk: that is, a desk that you can work at while standing upright …
Alistair Dabbs, 08 Jul 2016

Sysadmins: Use these scripts to fully check out of your conference calls

Rejoice, system admins; Splunk developer Josh Newlan has created a series of scripts that will with the right tools get you out of time-wasting teleconference meetings. The scripts, built on Splunk and IBM Speech to Text Watson but which can be ported to use open source tools, allow over-worked crushed souls to have relevant …
Darren Pauli, 07 Jul 2016
Supermicro MicroBlade Chassis

Supermicro's macro Microblade: That chassis is... huge

Review Supermicro has a neat new product it calls "Microblades". Supermicro has made blade servers for some time, and Microblades are blade servers, but smaller. Supermicro sent a chassis and a pair of blades over for review. Each vendor has its own approach to server management, be that blade management or baseband management …
Trevor Pott, 05 Jul 2016
Twilight Zone, 'Time Enough At Last'

A trip to the Twilight Zone with a support guy called Iron Maiden

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Thank you for submitting a support request. You can put your clothes back on now. In another dimension, logging a call could involve a full invasive strip search. Or perhaps there’d be a sado-dimensional version of Zendesk in which, having determined that a user is raising frivolous issues, sends attitude-corrective electric …
Alistair Dabbs, 01 Jul 2016
Boy with a backpack hides his eyes and cries. Pic by Shutterstock

I want to learn about gamification but all I see is same-ification

Something for the Weekend, Sir? “You don’t know you’re born,” they would say to me during my first holiday job. “You don’t know you’re a sad, blubber-arsed freeloader coasting towards retirement,” I’d reply… in my head, of course. Out loud, I would complain that they were being unfair, and I would be slapped down with that most frustrating of clichés “Life’ …
Alistair Dabbs, 24 Jun 2016
Big Bang

Gravitational waves: A new type of astronomy

The first time physicists announced that the Laser Interferometer Gravitational-wave Observatory (LIGO) had detected gravitational waves, on September 14, 2015, it was breaking news. The discovery coincided with the 100-year anniversary of Einstein's theory of General Relativity, which predicted the existence of gravitational …
Katyanna Quach, 20 Jun 2016
Black & Decker PD1820L Dustbuster

Swede who spent 28 years vacuuming in the nude to be evicted

A sweep-silly Swede is being turfed out of his studio apartment following complaints from hard-pressed neighbours upset about his gratuitous vacuum cleaner usage – and nude laundering. A judge in Sweden has finally given the landlord of the flat in Linköping, southern Sweden the green light for him – after 28 years of trying …
Paul Kunert, 17 Jun 2016
A family listening to a crystal radio set

Shhhh! Facebook is listening

Facebook wants to hear what you have to say. Literally. Professor Kelli Burns claims to have tested a hunch that the social media giant's mobile application is listening to everything you say and providing ads based on that content, and discovered it was true. The mass communication prof at the University of South Florida, …
Kieren McCarthy, 31 May 2016
Oxford campus photo by shutterstock

Brexit? Cutting the old-school ties would do more for Brit tech world

Opinion In the early 2000s the United Kingdom was the powerhouse of European science and innovation. For many young, aspiring scientists from continental Europe, this meant coming here to world-leading institutes and universities to pursue research not possible in the constraints of their home countries. In comparison to, especially, …
Boris Adryan, 31 May 2016
Weapon of the information wars from Shutterstock

'Acts of war in a combat zone are not covered by your laptop warranty'

ON-CALL ON-CALL Welcome again to On-Call, our end-of-week waltz through readers' memories of odd jobs they've been asked to do. This week, reader “Jackson” shared the story of his time working for a very large and old three-letter-company, where he was part of a ““IT service consolidation” project that meant his client's employees …
Simon Sharwood, 20 May 2016
Electric Mountain under construction, photo by First Hydro Company

Inside Electric Mountain: Britain's biggest rechargeable battery

From the outside, Elidir Mountain looks like an old industrial site that has returned to nature. The slopes facing the Llyn Peris reservoir have been hacked into terraces by slate quarrying – this was once the second-biggest quarry in the world, with 3,000 workers – but they are now peaceful. Only a few buildings at ground …
SA Mathieson, 16 May 2016

'I thought my daughter clicked on ransomware – it was the damn Windows 10 installer'

At the end of April, Microsoft's Windows 10 nagware interrupted a live TV weather broadcast to urge meteorologist Metinka Slater to upgrade her computer. A week later, while playing Counter Strike: Global Offensive to 130,000 spectators on Twitch.tv, Erik Flom was blasted out of his match by the Windows 10 installer. This was …
Chris Williams, 06 May 2016
The Incredible Shrinking Man

HPC kids find bite-sized clusters are just as chewy

HPC blog Although the teams in the ASC16 Asian Student Cluster Competition are all using the same Inspur-provided gear, there's a LOT of variety in what they built. Cluster sizes in this competition range from three to twelve nodes, with anywhere from zero to eight accelerators. Let's meet the teams who believe that smaller is better …
Sensor descends down a hole in the ice as part of the final season of IceCube. Credit: NSF/B Gudbjartsson

They Came From Beyond Our Galaxy And Landed In The Ice!

“Big Bird”, a neutrino spotted in December 2012, probably started its life nine billion years ago in a quasar far, far away: so says the international team of boffins who run the IceCube detector beneath the Antarctic ice. By 2013, the IceCube collaborators believed they'd spotted extragalactic events: now they believe which …
Man types something into Mac while sipping a glass of lemon water. Not a brilliant idea. Photo by SHutterstock

Which keys should I press to enable the CockUp feature?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? The person sitting next to me has confessed that sometimes he likes to do it sideways. Apparently this way he can make use of the full length without straining his neck. He’s lucky: not everyone has the facility to rotate their computer display. Even those that do often don’t realise they can. A manager I worked for quite a …
Alistair Dabbs, 01 Apr 2016
Satya Nadella

Stop! Before you accept that Windows 10 Mobile upgrade, read this

Windows 10 updates have begun rolling out to eligible Windows Phone 8.1 devices. Microsoft has promised not to be as aggressive as it has been with pushing Windows 10 onto desktops – a promise that’s surely not hard to keep. It’s made good progress fixing the bugs, cranking up the performance, and making the UX transition …
Andrew Orlowski, 18 Mar 2016
Still from Boston Dynamics video (Robotic mule runs through the forest)

Google tries to run from flailing robotics arm

Google's parent company Alphabet is fixing to flog its money-munching robotics arm, Boston Dynamics, which it only bought three years ago. Executives at Alphabet reckon that military robotics tech firm Boston Dynamics is unlikely to produce any real revenue in the next few years, reported Bloomberg, and as such has quietly put …

Dell plans sale of non-core assets to reduce EMC buy debt

Dell and EMC have agreed on the documentation to be put to the latter's shareholders at a forthcoming meeting that will vote on the merger of the two companies. And the document reveals that Dell plans to sell off some non-core businesses after the merger. The document in question is a Form S-4, one of the many regulatory …
Simon Sharwood, 15 Mar 2016
London bus photo, by Nando Machado Shutterstock

Alice, Bob and Verity, too. Yeah, everybody's got a story, pal

Stob Once there were a million A&B stories on the Naked Web. Now there are a million-and-one. Alice and Bob are two commonly used placeholder names. They are used for archetypal characters in fields such as cryptography, game theory and physics – Wikipedia I had caught the H[redacted] bus heading east (via Turd Park, Central …
Verity Stob, 07 Mar 2016
Indian mobile use

India challenges US visa price hike at World Trade Organisation

India has complained to the World Trade Organisation (WTO) about the United States' decision to increase visa application fees. The USA last year doubled the fee required to apply for an H1-B visa, a class of temporary visa for skilled workers. Fees rose to US4,000 per application. Indian technology companies have complained …
Simon Sharwood, 07 Mar 2016

Amazon crafts two more voice-controlled gizmos in its Echo chamber

Amazon is putting its full weight behind its surprise tech success, the Echo voice system, with the release of two complementary products. The Amazon Tap is a smaller, portable version of its $180 standalone Echo that costs $130, and the Echo Dot is a cut-down version of the Echo that costs $90. In both cases, Amazon's hope is …
Kieren McCarthy, 03 Mar 2016

My devil-possessed smartphone tried to emasculate me

Something for the Weekend, Sir? My left testicle is bruised. Next to me, my wife is looking at me with a surprised expression. Once the stars fade from my eyes, I realise I have just screamed out loud like a little girl. Given what had just happened to my testicles, I almost became a little girl. I really must try to remember to adjust the position of my …
Alistair Dabbs, 26 Feb 2016
Yawning Cat by Johnc24 at Flickr, CC-20 License at https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

This program can detect if you're bored – which is going to make annoying ads, articles so much more annoying

Scientists at the University of Sussex, UK, have developed computer software that monitors the movements of the user to tell if they are bored with what's on the screen. The code works by measuring non-instrumental movements, the involuntary twitches and tics we all make subconsciously. If someone is mentally engaged with what …
Iain Thomson, 25 Feb 2016

The paperless office? Don’t talk sheet

Something for the Weekend, Sir? A report has arrived in my email inbox, claiming to provide information on “the paperless office”. Instinctively, I check the calendar. No, it isn’t 1985. Perhaps I misread the subject line? Nope. There it is: “the paperless office”. Ah bless. I’ve heard people talking about the concept of office work without paper since my …
Alistair Dabbs, 19 Feb 2016
Node Knockout code

This is why copy'n'paste should be banned from developers' IDEs

Line Break Welcome to the latest instalment of Line Break, the column in which we share ghastly code readers have sadly encountered in the wild. Pen is mightier than the source We'll crack on with this appetizing anecdote sent in by Ian: A long time ago I was working on the driver for a touchscreen controller chip. This driver was …
Chris Williams, 10 Feb 2016
Puppy and bone, image via Shutterstock

Software devs' new mantra: Zen dogs dream of small-sized bones

One of the primary principles of DevOps is moving from large software releases to a series of small batches. What do we mean by “large”? Six-to-12-month (or longer) projects that follow the infamous “water-scrum-fall” model. While development teams may create builds weekly, the code isn’t deployed to production and used by …
Michael Coté, 04 Feb 2016

Sensors, not CPUs, are the tech that swings the smartphone market

A computer without sensors is a pitiful, useless thing. Keyboards are sensors, as are mechanical-optical paper-tape readers, magnetic heads on storage discs, and the logic scanning for ones and zeroes on an ethernet interface. Everything a computer does - outside of calculations - involves a sensor. Despite this, we tend to …
Mark Pesce, 28 Jan 2016

What do Angolan rebels, ISIS widows, Metallica and a photographer have in common?

It's an unfair stereotype that America is the home of crazy lawsuits. Which is why we proudly present to you four lawsuits – all of which have emerged in the past few days – that put the stereotype proudly back on the map. You remember that lovely Angolan rebel chief Jonas Savimbi? You know, the one who was a Marxist and …
Kieren McCarthy, 14 Jan 2016
BigDog

US Marines kill noisy BigDog robo-mule for blowing their cover

Vids The US military's flirtation with robotic pack animals looks set to end: the Marine Corps has halted further testing of the BigDog contrivance from Google stablemate Boston Dynamics. Youtube Video BigDog, aka the Legged Squad Support System, has been under development at a cost of $32m, with the goal of making a four-legged …
Iain Thomson, 29 Dec 2015
Developer in a rage

Bringing discipline to development, without causing pain

There’s that question you’ve always wanted to ask in an interview when the dialogue has gone really well and you know you’re about to get offered the job, but you don’t want it anyway. Interviewer: “Great, so do you have any questions that you would like to ask me?” Candidate: “Well, if I’m traveling in a car at the speed of …
IBM 26 on/off switch by https://www.flickr.com/photos/mwichary/ cc 2.0 attribution generic https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Outsourcer didn't press ON switch, so Reg reader flew 15 hours to do the job

On-Call Welcome again to On-Call, our weekly wander through readers' recollections of their ramblings to customer sites after being called out to fix stuff. This week, reader Tim shares a tale from “About 7 years ago when I was working for a software-as-a-service company based in the UK.” Things were going well and the company was …
Simon Sharwood, 27 Nov 2015
"Nope in Manchester" - Erokism on Flickr - CC 2.0 license

Samsung yanks plug out of rumors of networking biz sell-off

Samsung is nipping in the bud talk of selling its mobile network business. The South Korean electronics giant said on Wednesday that rumors posted earlier this week suggesting it was looking to find a buyer for its networking operations were untrue. "Some news media have contended that Samsung Electronics is considering to …
Shaun Nichols, 25 Nov 2015
Super Woofer by Pleuntje, Flickr, under Creative Commons 2.0

Love your IoT gadget but could you keep the noise down?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Shutupshutupshutup. There’s a man with an extraordinarily annoying voice on this floor and I wish he would take his fulsomely resonating gob somewhere else. Blah blah market synchronisation blah blah invested intelligence blah blah cooperative disruption arse bollocks. Don’t you just love open-plan offices? Actually, come to …
Alistair Dabbs, 20 Nov 2015

Scarface's explosive 'Little Friend' goes under the hammer

The M16 rifle used to explosive effect by Al Pacino as Cuban drug dealer Tony Montana in the climactic battle scene of Scarface goes under the hammer later this month in Los Angeles. The Scarface M-16. Pic: Julien's Auctions The non-firing firearm, complete with prop M203 grenade launcher, features large and loud in Brian …
Lester Haines, 06 Nov 2015
Woman drawing  boxes and arrows

When hyperconvergence meets the cloud (but who will need it?)

Hyperconvergence is a term that's being bandied about all over the place. Whatis.com tells us that it's “a type of infrastructure system with a software-centric architecture that tightly integrates compute, storage, networking and virtualization resources and other technologies from scratch in a commodity hardware box supported …
Dave Cartwright, 26 Oct 2015

Steve Jobs, The (real) Movie

¡Bong! I have been dismayed but not surprised to hear complaints that the movie by my friend Danny Boyle misrepresents the life of Steve Jobs, and contains numerous factual inaccuracies. Following our highly successful partnership on the 2012 Olympic opening ceremony, Danny and I worked closely developing the movie. Indeed, at one …
Steve Bong, 23 Oct 2015

Paris bins banlieue bit barn because cloud is too loud

Interxion will have to launch an appeal in France if it's to save a €130m-plus data centre in Paris. An administrative court in the Paris suburb of Montreuil has withdrawn the 9,000 square metre data centre's planning permission following action brought by residents. The residents had three complaints: the bit-barn's …
Passenger plane exploding on the gournd

Self-driving vehicles might be autonomous but insurance pay-outs probably won't be

Something for the Weekend, Sir? I enjoy travel but I do not fly well – especially if the aeroplane’s wings are rusted, the tail has been attached with vinegar and brown paper, and the undercarriage is still sitting in the ditch it fell into at the end of the departure airport’s runway some 300 miles away. As you might have guessed, I am a big fan of the TV …
Alistair Dabbs, 17 Oct 2015

Amazon Echo: We put Jeff Bezos' always-on microphone-speaker in a Reg family home

Review So, um, I love the Amazon Echo. For those of you already frothing at the mouth in righteous indignation, please feel free to scroll to the bottom right away, click "Post a comment" and vent about privacy, Jeff Bezos' secret police, and whatever else is bothering. Meanwhile, for the rest of you, let's get straight to it: the …
Kieren McCarthy, 16 Oct 2015

Ring Chime: Needy wireless doorbell or $30 bling t'ing?

Review We were quite taken with the Ring doorbell earlier this year. For $200, and after some very basic DIY, you get a high-tech security device. It includes an HD camera, an intercom, a motion sensor and, yes, a doorbell. The Ring links to your phone, gives you alerts, lets you watch video of people through it and lets you have a …
Kieren McCarthy, 14 Oct 2015
HD8_hero

Amazon Fire HD 8: Mid-spec Nokia Lumi... er, MediaTek slab

There’s a wind of change blowing through the Amazon devices lineup, and I suspect its source is the pricey fart that was the Fire Phone. Previous Fire tablets have tended to offer high-end parts for mid-price money. The HDX 8.9, which is still being offered, is a good example. But I reckon the HDX’s days are numbered. HD8_flat …
Alun Taylor, 13 Oct 2015

External vs internal: Why hybrid cloud is the way to go

A never-ending stream of cloud providers tells us that they can do a better job than our internal IT departments. And occasionally we come across surveys claiming the same thing. Is it all marketing puff or is there some substance in claims that external is better than internal? They look after the servers for you … but ... …
Dave Cartwright, 12 Oct 2015
Ronnie Barker: All I Ever Wrote book cover

Ten years on: Ronnie Barker, Pismonouncers Unanimous founder, remembered

Feature It’s ten years ago today that much-loved comedian, writer and actor Ronnie Barker passed away. By then, despite having retired way back in 1987, he had already won four BAFTAs, a Royal Television Society award for Outstanding Creative Achievement and been made an OBE. Ronnie Barker – Mispronunciation Sketch He’d also produced …
Phil Strongman, 03 Oct 2015
retro cartoon featuring two men fighting against cloud backdrop

Aspera high speed file transfer: Let the cloud protocol wars begin

There is a problem with cloud storage that affects almost all of us, yet is something of which most of us remain blissfully unaware. The problem isn't the object stores underpinning cloud storage; used properly, object storage is great. Look instead to the bit shuffling data between end users and the cloud. It's not the …
Trevor Pott, 01 Oct 2015
The refreshed OneDrive for Business browser view

Microsoft previews less buggy OneDrive for Business client

Microsoft is previewing a new client for OneDrive for Business cloud storage, following many complaints about sync reliability in the existing client, which was based on Office Groove. OneDrive for Business is part of Office 365, where it is also known as SharePoint online. It uses different technology than the consumer …
Tim Anderson, 01 Oct 2015
The quarter of a million pound Rolls Royce Wraith outside Villa Mirador in St Jean Cap Ferrat

Spirit of the Ghost: Taking a Rolls-Royce Wraith around France

Vulture at the Wheel There used to be a tradition on Personal Computer World magazine of writing reviews on the computer you were reviewing. This is being written from the passenger seat of a Rolls-Royce Wraith travelling between Dijon and Reims. The two-door, four seat Wraith has just become the Rolls-Royce of interest because the company …
Simon Rockman, 27 Sep 2015