Articles about Cock

Weapon of the information wars from Shutterstock

Sysadmin figures out dating agency worker lied in his profile

On-Call Thank the Galactic Spirit it's Friday: your correspondent is beat! But not so beat I can't dip into the On-Call mailbag to dredge up another story in which your fellow Reg readers explain how they've rescued clients and colleagues from chronologically-inconvenient computational cock-ups. This week, meet “Hal”, who tells us …
Simon Sharwood, 02 Dec 2016

Redcentric CFO quits after botched accounts discovered

The chief bean counter at managed services slinger Redcentric has left the business with “immediate effect” following the discovery of multi-year accounting misstatements that will cost a minimum of £10m to rectify. The London Stock Exchange-listed biz made the admission about fiscal errors to the City this morning, and the …
Paul Kunert, 07 Nov 2016

Blighty's Home Office database blunders will deprive hundreds of GB driving licences

The UK Home Office's dream of a database state – in which Theresa May's anti-immigrant policies can be automatically executed through SQL commands – now looks less likely. An independent review has slammed officials' for making critical mistakes through their handling of personal data. Hundreds of people have been refused …
Woman frustrated while trying to make mobile phone call... Photo via Shutterstock

Level3 switch config blunder blamed for US-wide VoIP blackout

Updated Backbone provider Level3 says an outage that knocked out VoIP service for much of the US Tuesday morning was the result of improperly configured equipment. It seems the outage, which smashed call services offline for much of the country, was not the result of any fiber cuts or facility damage, but rather some classic bad …
Shaun Nichols, 05 Oct 2016
Man in tie smashes printer with baseball bat in a field.

If we can't fix this printer tonight, the bank's core app will stop working

On-Call Thank Arioch it's Friday, because the working week is nearly over and we can ease you into it with another instalment of On-Call, our end-of-week trawl through readers' memories of awkward jobs. This week, meet “Jonny G”, resident of Canada who “Once upon a very long time ago, worked for a large IT vendor in a role as an on- …
Simon Sharwood, 23 Sep 2016
Joey from the sitcom friends pokes his head around the door (invasively). Photo copyright NBC

Cisco snaps shut remote pwnage hole in Cloud Services Platform

Cisco has provided a patch to address a remote hijacking vulnerability in its Cloud Services Platform (CSP). Switchzilla said that all customers who run CSP 2100 software should install the 2.1.0 update to close a remote code execution flaw it considers to be a high security risk. Designed as an efficient way to manage …
Shaun Nichols, 21 Sep 2016

Labour election 2FA fail

Britain's Labour party has sent its members both parts of a two-factor authentication code in the same plain-text email. The cock-up, which happened as the party's leadership election opened, was reported on the Guido Fawkes political blog. Screenshots of the snafu can be seen at the link. The point of 2FA authentication …
Gareth Corfield, 22 Aug 2016

'ICANN's general counsel should lose his job over this'

Interview It has been four years since Shaul Jolles, as CEO of Dot Registry, filed applications for five new internet extensions – .corp, .inc, .llc, .llp and .ltd – and wrote a check for just under $1m to have them considered by domain name system overseer ICANN. Unlike the other applicants for the three US corporate entity suffixes . …
Chris Williams, 04 Aug 2016
SHUT UP!

Cyberpunks might not be crooks but they're really very rude

FotW An innocuous El Reg story about Russian web miscreants provoked an entirely unexpected reaction when an offended cyberpunk took it upon himself to tell us how the headline hurt his feelings. The sensitive individual - who used the cock.li mail service - took objection to a piece entitled Oh deer.io: Cyberpunks using one-stop …
Gareth Corfield, 29 Jul 2016
mistake

Samsung spills beans on mystery username, password emails to devs

Weird emails from Samsung to third-party developers containing usernames and passwords had some worried that the chaebol had been hacked. But the electronics giant says it's nothing to worry about. Earlier in the week, several Reg readers got in touch after they each received an email from Sammy titled "Your Login Information …
Iain Thomson, 16 Jul 2016

Microsoft planning blockchain-as-a-service for Azure apps

Microsoft might not be keen on Bitcoin, but it's cock-a-hoop about the backend blockchain the currency uses and has given the first details of Project Bletchley, a plan to add the tech into Azure services via some new middleware. "Project Bletchley is a vision for Microsoft to deliver Blockchain-as-a-Service (BaaS) that is …
Iain Thomson, 16 Jun 2016
Super-villain Dr Evil puts finger to lip in scheming manner, asks for one million dollars. Pic: New Line Cinema

Apple nominated for Internet Hero of the Year, Donald Trump for Villain

IPBill It's that time of the year again, and plucky little indie outlet Apple has been nominated for the internet hero of the year award at the 2016 UK Internet Industry Awards, which has also nominated Donald Trump as the villain of the year. The nominations, which are “based on crowdsourced suggestions from the public with a final …
A hammer and bent screw

French B&Q equivalent 'hacked' to offer visitors vulgar DIY tools

French DIY goods store Castorama has pulled its website offline after miscreants manipulated the site search function to suggest rude versions of household appliances. Yesterday Castorama.fr's home page was swapped out for a message translation experts reckon means: "Dear Internet, this site's page in unavailable. Thank you …

Software snafu let EU citizens get referendum vote, says Electoral Commission

A software snag was behind a number of EU citizens in Britain being sent polling cards for the EU referendum later this month – even though they aren't eligible to vote in it. Political blog Guido Fawkes reported yesterday that EU citizens had wrongly been sent polling cards. The Electoral Commission blamed “an issue with …
Gareth Corfield, 03 Jun 2016

Cock fight? Not half. Microsoft beats down Apple in Q1

Microsoft won bragging rights over Apple in Britain’s biz slab sales stakes following the first full quarter the two rivals went head to head with their Pro devices. The iPad Pro, released in last October, sold 107,000 units in the UK in Q1 versus 275,000 Surface Pro devices, which was up on the 83,000 units Microsoft flogged …
Paul Kunert, 23 May 2016
Wall of Spam. Pic: freezelight

Sainsbury’s Bank insurance spam scam causes confusion

Numerous UK surfers were left confused on Monday after receiving email confirmations for insurance products with Sainsbury’s Bank that they never bought. People are receiving emails claiming they have started new policies for travel, home and car insurance from the UK supermarket giant’s banking business. El Reg learnt of the …
John Leyden, 17 May 2016
Cthulu emerges from a printer. Image created by illustrator Andy Davies. Copyright: The Register

You can always rely on the Ancient Ones to cock things up

Something for the Weekend, Sir? We have installed a water feature in Dabbs Mansions. It’s an impressive vertical fountain with a splash radius of two metres. In hindsight, it was probably a mistake to install it in the utility room. To be honest, I don’t even remember ordering it. The first I knew about the whole thing was returning home after an hour and a …
Alistair Dabbs, 06 May 2016
Mobile banking, image via Shutterstock

Old, complex code could cause another UK banking TITSUP – study

Another major banking outage similar to the RBS disaster back in 2012 is likely to happen again in the UK, given the amount of legacy code in the sector, according to research. The average mission critical banking application has around 600,000 lines of code, according to a study by software firm CAST which analysed systems …
Kat Hall, 03 May 2016

Embattled 123-reg flings six months' free hosting at angry customers

Customers still unable to access their websites following a mega cock-up at hosting site 123-reg over the weekend have been offered six months' free VPS and backup recovery services as a sweetener. The biz 'fessed up to customers this week that a script containing a catastrophic error which was run on Saturday (16 April) took …
Kat Hall, 21 Apr 2016
Scotty in the original Star Trek

Qualcomm channels Star Trek's Scotty as it faces a mobe chip wreck

Analysis Mobile chip designer Qualcomm typically channels Star Trek's Montgomery Scott, the chief engineer who under-promises to appear a miracle worker when he eventually delivers. The California-based biz follows the Scotty playbook by the letter. Just like the Enterprise's engineering guru would suck his teeth, cock his head, say it …
Chris Williams, 21 Apr 2016

Catastrophic 123-reg VPS cockup deletes Ross County FC website

Ross County Football Club's website was among those deleted amid a web-hosting company 123-reg's mega cock-up. Virtual servers vanished for a large number of customers after the hosting firm ran a script containing a catastrophic error at 7am on Saturday 16 April as part of its clean-up process on the 123-reg VPS platform. “ …
Kat Hall, 19 Apr 2016
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Optus patches crap credential cock-up in cable modems

Optus has patched a vulnerability in its popular routers that allowed attackers to change administrative passwords without knowing the existing logins. The flaw, reported by The Register, exists in the CG3000v2 cable modem and means attackers could type anything into the current password field to change the code to one of …
Darren Pauli, 04 Apr 2016
Road closed

Pothole campaigner sprays Surrey street with phallic paintings

A tarmac vigilante with a tin of spray paint has attempted to shame a local council into filling-in potholes in Cock Lane, Fetcham, England, by daubing penises the length of the thoroughfare. The irate road campaigner has been dubbed the Cock Lane Crusader, after spraying their penis images around the Surrey street’s notorious …
Team Register, 24 Mar 2016

UK.gov will scrutinise all its Atos contracts following IT cock-up

The government is to cast a critical eye over all its contracts with Atos – worth £696m per year – after MPs urged the Cabinet Office to review its relationship with the outsourcer following an IT failure last year. A report by the Public Accounts Committee in December singled out Atos as having failed to show "an appropriate …
Kat Hall, 07 Mar 2016

Everything bad in the world can be traced to crap Wi-Fi

Something for the Weekend, Sir? “Ah, it’s sod’s law,” murmurs the person sitting next to me. I nod agreeably. It was inevitable. I am attending a brief awards ceremony for student journalists prior to this year’s Hugh Cudlipp lecture. Young journos, we were reminded, were masters of digital content and were making their names through the use of social media …
Alistair Dabbs, 04 Mar 2016
Free range chicken and farmer photo via Shutterstock

GDS gets it in the neck from MPs over Rural Payments Agency farce

The Government Digital Service's reset of the Rural Payments Agency's IT system, which ended in disaster last year, was “inappropriate for farmers”, according to a Public Accounts Committee (PAC) report. Last March a failure to integrate the digital front-end with the back-end system of the Common Agricultural Policy IT system …
Kat Hall, 02 Mar 2016
Chi Onwurah MP

Ofcom must tackle 'monopolistic' provider BT, says shadow digital minister Chi Onwurah

Shadow digital economy minister and former Ofcom head Chi Onwurah has called on the communications regulator to tackle BT’s hold on the broadband market, ahead of its major sector review next week. Speaking to The Register, Onwurah said it is imperative that the once-in-a-decade review addresses the nationwide lack of …
Kat Hall, 15 Feb 2016
Trane

Trane thermostat is a hot spot for viruses on home networks

That shiny Internet of Things thermostat might look oh-so cool on the wall, but new research from Cisco shows it could be harboring a whole host of ugly malware. Back in April 2014, the Cisco Talos security team alerted Trane that its Wi-Fi-connected ComfortLink II thermostat had some serious security flaws. The most egregious …
Iain Thomson, 08 Feb 2016

Dragons and butterflies: The chaos of other people's clouds

Cloud computing was meant to solve the reliability problem, but in practice, it still has a long way to go. Is that an endemic problem with the complexity of cloud computing, or a problem with the way people use it? Cloud infrastructures are meant to be resilient, because they tend to use lots of cheap servers and scale out. …
Danny Bradbury, 05 Feb 2016

Who would code a self-destruct feature into their own web browser? Oh, hello, Apple

Something for the Weekend, Sir? “Put down the sacrificial dagger and step away from the goat.” Tsk, typical. I make all the effort of finding a remote hillock in Wales and an inexpensive black doe for my pagan ritual and I’m not even halfway through the banishing ceremony. It’s wet and cold and the trailing edges of my robes are muddy, and now some norm in a …
Alistair Dabbs, 05 Feb 2016
Tommy Lee Jones delivers implied facepalm. From No Country for Old Men  Copyright Miramax Pictures. 2007.

FTC apologizes for leaking attendee details … to privacy conference

The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) has put in a strong bid for the 2016 Ironic Idiocy Award when they sent the details of every attendee to one of its conferences to every other attendee. The conference? Privacy CON. The conference, taking place today in Washington DC, is heavy on university research and covers topics like " …
Kieren McCarthy, 14 Jan 2016
steam_dota_character_648

Video game retailer GAME in email marketing FAIL

Hundreds of UK video game fans became unwitting recipients of each others’ email addresses this week following a messaging cock-up at online retailer GAME.co.uk. El Reg learned of the snafu through reader David, who seems to have been something of a patient zero in the minor privacy flap. Human error meant that “To:” field …
John Leyden, 14 Jan 2016
Book learning, image via Shutterstock

Learn you Func Prog on five minute quick!

Stob Functional Programming is the great paradigm shift that is sweeping through software development. The object-oriented era of coding is at last drawing to an inevitable and shameful close. We can – and we must! – all join hands and skip gaily into a brave new world, where sloppy state and careless side effects are excised …
Verity Stob, 13 Jan 2016
Afraid of the dark, image via Shutterstock

Lights out! Newbie IT manager's dark basement trip

This Damn War Hello and welcome to a brand-new Register series taken from the front line of high tech and business, encompassing war stories from our readers and writers about clumsy contractors, slippery suppliers, and the machinations of management. It's tales of fail, "I told you so" moments, and of getting away with it. Kicking off is …
Dave Cartwright, 11 Jan 2016
Bowie image via Shutterstock

David Bowie: Musician, actor... tech admirer

Obituary David Bowie, the iconic rock star, has died aged 69 following an 18-month battle against cancer. Bowie’s death was announced on his Facebook page and confirmed by son Duncan Jones on Twitter. A chameleon, Bowie meant different things to different people thanks to a creativity that spanned music, film, fashion, technology, …
Gavin Clarke, 11 Jan 2016

Day 2: Millions of HSBC customers still locked out of online banking

Potentially millions of customers are still unable to access their HSBC accounts online, with the service outage now in its second day. As The Register reported yesterday, the problems occurred at 8am Monday (4 January). The bank has ruled out a DDoS attack as the cause, but has not elaborated further. Business Banking …
Kat Hall, 05 Jan 2016
Microsoft patch

Pause Patch Tuesday downloads, buggy code can kill Outlook

The El Reg inbox has been flooded with reports of a serious cock-up by Microsoft's patching squad, with one of Tuesday's fixes causing killer problems for Outlook. "We are looking into reports from some customers who are experiencing difficulties with Outlook after installing Windows KB 3097877. An immediate review is under …
Iain Thomson, 11 Nov 2015
Skip full of rubbish outside an office building. Photo via SHUTTERSTOCK

Deutsche Bank's creaking IT systems nervously eyeing bins

Deutsche Bank is the latest financial institution to announce plans to rip out its creaking IT, according to reports. According to the Financial Times, John Cryan, the new boss of Deutsche Bank, is determined to overhaul the creaking computer systems that he blames for its woes. It follows a major management restructure last …
Kat Hall, 27 Oct 2015
Cheat by https://www.flickr.com/photos/sohelparvezhaque/ CC 2.0 attribution https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

VW’s case of NOxious emissions: a tale of SMOKE and MIRRORS?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Karma must be a great comfort to those who believe in it. The assurance that nasty deeds will be accounted for, eventually, must make all the shit we have to put up with worthwhile. Take Martin Winterkorn, forced to resign his role as head of Volkswagen this week, amid revelations that his company had been systematically …
Alistair Dabbs, 26 Sep 2015
dislike_facebook_648

Global productivity explodes as Facebook's service takes a dive

As US West Coast workers sat down at their desks for the day's work, the most popular form of slacking off was unavailable as Facebook went offline for a bit. Uh oh. #FacebookDown for you as well? pic.twitter.com/vFLrqCdF45 — Rappler (@rapplerdotcom) September 24, 2015 Facebook corporate hasn't responded to requests for …
Iain Thomson, 24 Sep 2015

Revealed: Why Amazon, Netflix, Tinder, Airbnb and co plunged offline

Netflix, Tinder, Airbnb and other big names were crippled or thrown offline for millions of people when Amazon suffered what's now revealed to be a cascade of cock-ups. On Sunday, Amazon Web Services (AWS), which powers a good chunk of the internet, broke down and cut off websites from people eager to stream TV, or hookup with …
Chris Williams, 23 Sep 2015
impressive_cock_648_check_credits

Why did the chicken and CHiPs cross the road? FOWL-UP foiled in Oakland

Why did the chicken cross the road? The owner, Ken Houston, a former Oakland mayoral candidate, has stepped forward and revealed the answer to the Associated Press. The known fugitive chicken (KFC?), which was named Chip, for it was the California Highway Patrol (CHiP) that captured it, escaped from a cardboard box in the back …
Team Register, 11 Sep 2015
Stop sign in front of a bush. Image via Shutterstock

Google Adblock shock a load of cock – users mock post hoc

AdBlock Plus has denied Google has found a way of getting around its adblocking tool, instead blaming the problem on Chrome. Users complained that ads were loading on YouTube and not displaying a skip button. Initially it was thought the failure to use the adblocking tool was an aggressive tactic by Google to combat its …
Kat Hall, 07 Sep 2015

Visitors no longer welcomed to Scotland's 'Penis Island'

Visitors disembarking at the ferry terminal on the Scottish Isle of Bute are sadly no longer greeted with a Gaelic sign reading: "Welcome to Rothesay – The doorway to the beauty of Penis Island", after the local council moved swiftly to correct a balls-up and add a missing accent. According to The Scotsman, the sign had for …
Lester Haines, 25 Aug 2015
Facepalm

Spain triumphs! Fascist anthem hails Spanish badminton champ

The Badminton World Federation (BWF) evidently needs to update its international anthems CD library after it played the old-school fascist Spanish Royal March to hail Carolina Marín's successful defence of her world women's singles title on Sunday. Marín, who saw off India's Saina Nehwal in the world championship final in …
Lester Haines, 18 Aug 2015

IT jargon is absolutely REAMED with sexual double-entendres

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Alistair Dabbs is currently hanging upside down in a cave at an undisclosed location. While he slakes his thirst with the blood of those who crossed him, El Reg is re-running one of his timeless classic columns. My wife is looking at online porn again. This can happen accidentally to anyone from time to time, usually while …
Alistair Dabbs, 15 Aug 2015
Snap of chains and leaves on the Fujifilm FinePix X100 Provia setting

All smartwatches are insecure, reveals unsurprising research

Update A study by Hewlett Packard (HP) has revealed that a hefty 100 per cent of smartwatches contain significant security vulnerabilities. As part of HP's extended shuftie over the Internet of Things thing, the company has unveiled a new report (PDF) in which it confirms that wristjob wearing wallies are even wider open to …
Dead_Invicta_parrot

The green salamander is OUT: Cisco gives up on Invicta flash arrays

That’s that then: it was a $415m mistake. We have heard from several sources that Cisco has laid off virtually the entire Invicta all-flash array engineering and development team. If true, Cisco – still led by John Chambers – has admitted the 2013 Whiptail acquisition was a complete cock-up. Timing-wise, this has happened at …
Chris Mellor, 23 Jul 2015
2001: A Space Odyssey

Evil computers sense you’re in a hurry and mess with your head

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Error 51: Consult service manual. Error 51? Is that supposed to be a joke? I mean, it sounds like a bad pun on “Area 51”. Oh, those wacky error-message coders on the firmware development team, they kill me, they really do. Let’s try again. Print. Error 51: Consult service manual. Come on, come on, don’t give me that. …
Alistair Dabbs, 18 Jul 2015
Kindle Big Brother

Metadata slurp warrant typo sends cops barging into the wrong house

The Interception of Communications Commissioner's Office (IOCCO) half-yearly report revealed 17 serious errors committed by British authorities using interception powers, including one which lead to an innocent citizen's home being raided after the police mistyped a suspect's email address. In addition to whistleblower …