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Bernard Sumner: Chapter and Verse

Weekend reads: Tales of Madchester in Chapter and Verse plus Shark and Ring of Steel

El Reg bookworm Mark Diston reviews the latest literary treats. Lauded wordsmith Will Self's new novel takes some extraordinary twists and turns. Joy Division and New Order guitarist Bernard Sumner tells his life story and Alexander Watson delivers a unique take on WWI, history, not from the victors, but as told from the centre …
Mark Diston, 20 Sep 2014
Red Hat 100 Dollar

Red Hat to Wall Street: I came here to chew FeedHenry and kick some ass. And I'm all out of FeedHenry

Red Hat surprised analysts with very strong earnings for the second quarter of its fiscal 2015 on Thursday, even as the Linux vendor looked to enter the enterprise mobile apps market with a €63.5m ($82m) acquisition. The Wall Street wizards were expecting Red Hat to report revenues of $437.13m but it beat that figure handily, …
Neil McAllister, 19 Sep 2014
June Whitfield shows old people how to use Twitter to complain

June Whitfield and EE to old folk: Would you like a nice cup of tea and some internet, dear?

EE has realised that while the vast majority of their target market has at least one phone, there is a whole untapped business opportunity in older people. So the company is inviting loads of them around for a cuppa to try and sell them a phone and internet connection. On September 9th EE will be devoting the morning to hosting …
Simon Rockman, 23 Jul 2014
Curiosity Mars rover's latest hole in Mars

Curiosity GOUGES AND SCORCHES Mars with drill and laser

Nuclear-powered space tank Curiosity as struck another blow for humanity by scorching Mars with seven smears of its mighty lasers. NASA published photos of the rover's latest exploits yesterday, explaining that the latest unfurling of Curiosity's laser weapons was done after the vehicle had first unleashed its drill and …
Simon Sharwood, 16 May 2014
John Legere

T-Mobile boss: 'High and mighty' Verizon and AT&T are 'raping you for every penny you have'

T-Mobile CEO John Legere is outspoken at the best of times, but went further than ever before in his criticism of the conduct of Verizon and AT&T in the US market at the company's latest Un-carrier initiative launch. "These high and mighty duopolists that are raping you for every penny you have," Legere said. "The fuckers hate …
Iain Thomson, 19 Jun 2014
cloud

Telstra puffs Cisco cloud into Honkers and Singapore

Telstra has announced two new offshore Intercloud POPs and has signed with Equinix for connections in Sydney and Melbourne. Under the international expansion, the carrier says it's going to kick off operations in Hong Kong and Singapore. The Cisco-powered Intercloud solution, launched in Australia earlier this year, is based on …
big droplets falling from rain cloud

Citrix rips up and rebuilds CloudStack business

Citrix has shaken up its cloud division with at least one senior executive checking out. The company has combined its Cloud Platforms and Cloud Networking groups to create the Networking, Cloud and Service Provider Group (NCSP). Group vice president and general manager for the Cloud Platforms Group, Sameer Dholakia, has left …
Gavin Clarke, 11 Sep 2014
SanDisk Extreme Pro SSD

SanDisk Extreme Pro SSD – courting speed freaks and gamers

Typical. Just when we've gotten over the shock of a SSD drive being offered with a 10-year warranty, namely Samsung’s SSD850 PRO (reviewed recently), when another appears on the block, this time from SanDisk. SanDisk Extreme Pro SSD SanDisk Extreme Pro SSD I wonder if you asked the man in the street to name his top four SSD …
Simon Crisp, 22 Sep 2014

Top Gear Tigers and Bingo Boilers: Farewell then, Phones4U

"Their marketing seemed to be aimed at the more erm ... chav infested end of the market", wrote one Reg reader on the demise of Phones4U, which went into administration on Sunday. But the drinking classes needs phones too, and why shouldn't they have them? Phones4U catered to this need very astutely, and with more care than any …
Andrew Orlowski, 18 Sep 2014
Doom printer hack

Infosec geniuses hack a Canon PRINTER and install DOOM

Security researchers have demonstrated a hack that allowed them to get into the web interface of a Canon Pixma printer before modifying its firmware to run the classic 90s computer game Doom. The proof-of-concept demo by security researchers at Context Information Security, which involved remotely accessing the web interface on …
John Leyden, 15 Sep 2014

Bill Gates, drugs and the internet: Top 10 Larry Ellison quotes

When it comes to soundbites, Oracle chief executive Larry Ellison is a pro. Reporters show up not just to hear what he says, but how he says it. Bill Gates, Microsoft, SAP, IBM, cloud, yachting, his own phenomenal success – all have been subject to Ellison's barbs and meditations. Scheduled or off-the-cuff, his words turned a …
Gavin Clarke, 22 Sep 2014
The Antikythera Mechanism

Archaeologists and robots on hunt for more Antikythera pieces

Archaeologists have set out on another expedition to the Antikythera wreck site, with the aim of finding the missing pieces of the site's famous “ancient computer”. The Antikythera Mechanism is a device which has fascinated the world ever since its discovery in 1901, since it seemed to embody technology far beyond the roughly 60 …
The iconic Buzz Aldrin image

Moon landing was real and WE CAN PROVE IT, says Nvidia

It's only a product promo, but it's a smart one: Nvidia reckons the judicious application of its graphics technology can debunk one of the world's favourite “moon landing was a hoax conspiracies”. As a demo of the VXGI – voxel based global illumination – technology included in the company's new Maxwell graphics architecture, a …
Hadoop Elephant

Intel: Hey, enterprises, drop everything and DO HADOOP

How important will Big Data be to the typical enterprise IT department within the next few years? More important than any other workload, if you believe Intel. "Within a couple of years, Hadoop will be the number one application. It will be running on more servers than any other single app. It will be more common for enterprise …
Neil McAllister, 10 Sep 2014

YouTube, Amazon and Yahoo! caught in malvertising mess

Cisco has spotted some big names serving up malicious advertising: YouTube, Amazon and Yahoo! among them. A Borg blogger, Armin Pelkmann, with fellow-authors Shaun Hurley and David McDaniel, writes that what the company calls the “Kyle and Stan” malware campaign began in May, and uses redirects to try and trick users into …
Adobe security

Critical Adobe Reader and Acrobat patches FINALLY make it out

Adobe belatedly pushed out critical updates for its frequently-attacked Reader and Acrobat PDF software packages on Tuesday. Mac and Windows users of Adobe Reader XI (11.0.08) and earlier versions should update to version 11.0.09. Adobe Reader X (10.1.11) users who can't upgrade are being offered a patched version of the earlier …
John Leyden, 17 Sep 2014
Kim Jong-un

NORKS ban Wi-Fi and satellite internet at embassies

North Korea has sent a stern request to foreign embassies, asking them to stop using WiFi and satellite internet services within their walls. NKNews.org reports that the hermit kingdom's State Radio Regulatory Department has written to diplomatic missions to remind them that licences are required to operate radio equipment. …
Simon Sharwood, 12 Sep 2014

Man buys iPHONE 6 and DROPS IT to SMASH on PURPOSE

In the queue to buy the iPhone 6 today, Vulture South met a chap named Alex McCredie, the founder of Sydney iThing repair company FixPod. Alex intended to buy an iPhone 6 Plus, then drop it to see what happened. To say Alex was a bit conflicted about the project is an understatement: he was clearly struggling with the idea of …
Simon Sharwood, 19 Sep 2014
Seagate logo

Seagate spins up new Cloud Systems and Solutions group

Seagate has announced a new “Cloud Systems and Solutions group” it says will deliver the planet's very best storage rigs for cloud operators, a raft of new arrays and some new enterprise disk drives. The company's rolling out the “explosion in unstructured data” line to explain the need for the group, which it says melds the …
Simon Sharwood, 11 Sep 2014
Jaws on Blu-ray disc

Stricter shark and manta ray trade rules enforced from today

Manta ray species and five types of shark now have greater protection from international trade, following new measures that were adopted last year. From today, anyone without an adequate permit will be banned from selling meat or fins taken from oceanic whitetip shark (Carcharhinus longimanus), scalloped hammerhead shark ( …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Sep 2014

The Apple Watch and CROTCH RUBBING. How are they related?

We would know when Peter had scored the night before because he’d walk into the office rubbing his crotch. The “lucky” girl to have been the subject of his special favours would invariably trot in a few paces behind, beaming smugly at her colleagues. These were the 1980s. Today everyone is obsessed with arses – Miley Cyrus’s …
Alistair Dabbs, 13 Sep 2014
Apple Watch

iPhone NFC: 'Apple, photos and security ... WHAT could go WRONG?'

This was the week when Apple released their newest iteration of the iPhone and revealed the long heralded iWatch, sorry, justWatch: and told fanbois and gurrls that they could start paying for stuff with their mobes. But you knew that already. What does it all mean? Gartner veep Van Baker reckons that Apple has finally caught …

Yahoo! Made! $8bn! In! One! Day! And! You'll! Easily! Guess! How!

Sprawling web souk Alibaba didn't see its stock-market debut go as planned on Friday. It went much better. The Chinese giant closed its first day on the US stock market with a share price of $93, up 38 per cent from its opening price of $68 per share. The offering netted the biz $21.8bn in investment, and marked the largest IPO …
Shaun Nichols, 19 Sep 2014
The actor playing a young Julian Assange in the telemovie Underground

I saved Bitcoin and the PERFECT DRAFT OF HISTORY, says Assange

Julian Assange has alleged that Bitcoin “founder” Satoshi Nakamoto asked WikiLeaks not to use the cryptocurrency as a means of raising funds, for fear of attracting unwanted attention. The allegation surfaced in a Reddit Ask Me Anything (AMA) session Assange conducted to promote a new book. In that session he offers this extract …
Simon Sharwood, 16 Sep 2014
medical_doctor_health_channel

Open source and the NHS: Two huge disorganised entities without central control

To outsiders, Britain’s National Health Service must look like a monolith, with more than a million staff marching under one three letter acronym to provide healthcare free at the point of delivery, paid for by the taxes. But the NHS is actually an assortment of several hundred organisations. Each UK nation runs its own health …
SA Mathieson, 19 Sep 2014
Quooker Fusion

Boiling point: Tech and the perfect cuppa

Last week, coffee drinkers were treated to some alternative brewing techniques. So, is there any special gadgetry for those with a taste for tea? Jennifer Newton discovers there’s more to letting off steam than meets the eye. Youtube Video Smart: perhaps one of the most overused words in the modern lexicon is now being bandied …
Jennifer Newton, 30 Aug 2014
Bull trout. Credit: Joel Sartore/ National Geographic & Wade Fredenberg/ USFWS

TROUT and EELS in SINISTER PACT to RULE the oceans

Boffins have observed a worrying alliance between trout and eels, which have joined forces to launch a sea-had (jihad, geddit?) against other ocean-dwelling species. Cooperation is as rare in the animal kingdom as it is in the United one, so fish-folk at the University of Cambridge were astonished to see two different underwater …
Jasper Hamill, 10 Sep 2014

What TODO with open source: Google, Facebook and Twitter launch collab project

Some of the web’s biggest users of open-source gear have thrown their weight behind a project to make open-source “easier.” Facebook, Google and Twitter, cloud collaboration services Dropbox and Box and code site GitHub have joined payment providers Square and Stripe, US retailer’s WalMart Labs and a body called the Khan Academy …
Gavin Clarke, 17 Sep 2014
Columns of coins in the cloud

Microsoft Gold and Silver cloudy boy makes big hires

Microsoft’s cloudy poster boy Content and Code has parachuted in a couple of directors to free up time for CEO and co-founder Tim Wallis to work on special biz dev projects. The London-based based Microsoft partner, which carries Gold and Silver badge certifications, has hired big hitting former ISC and Kelway exec Simon Lawless …
Paul Kunert, 05 Sep 2014
MIT robot cheetah

MIT boffins cry havoc and let slip the ROBOT CHEETAHS of Whoa

MIT roboticists in the US have exhibited a robo-cheetah that will run and bound across the landscape without the need for a power cord. Youtube video The big cat bot is of particular interest to robotics scientists since it's the fastest quadruped found in nature. The US government's secret-squirrel science nerve-center DARPA ( …
Iain Thomson, 15 Sep 2014
Apple CEO Tim Cook in 1979, during his freshman year at Auburn University

Apple CEO Tim Cook: TV is TERRIBLE and stuck in the 1970s

Some may fondly remember the era that bought us The Clangers, Fawlty Towers and The Sweeney. But not Apple boss Tim Cook, who reckons the goggle box is stuck in a time warp so intense that watching it is like being sucked back back into the 1970s. In an interview with American talk show host Charlie Rose, Cook dropped a clanging …
Jasper Hamill, 15 Sep 2014
The fashion world’s most privileged urchin lounges in a luxury hotel in Paris, 1993. © Geoff Wilkinson/RexUSA

Weekend reads: A new Poirot, drug-fuelled Champagne Supernovas and The Establishment

El Reg bookworms Mark Diston and Lucy Orr pore over the latest book releases. Owen Jones, author of Chavs , has a pop at the establishment, Maureen Callahan gets right under the skin of the fashion world's excesses in the 1990s, and Sophie Hannah's new work is the supposed "literary event of the year" – a brand new Poirot …
Dunce

Read IBM's note to staff announcing mandatory training and 10% pay cut

IBM has instituted a new, mandatory training program for some US employees whom management claims don't measure up in the skills department – and participants will be required to give up 10 per cent of their salaries for the privilege. The program was announced in a memo issued to the affected staffers, all of whom work in the …
Neil McAllister, 17 Sep 2014
Regina Egbert, El Reg's virtual news anchor

And now ... pre-recorded from London: It's the NEWS!

Youtube Video Take a tour through this week’s tech news, guided by miniature, pleasingly oval news anchor icon Regina Eggbert. Didn’t get enough from the headlines? Read more about Google lobbying, NATO treaties and outages here, here and here. ® Regina Egbert, El Reg's virtual news anchor
Bearded dragon handing out with Spicerex

'Sony and Twitch' hacking crew Lizard Squad: 'We quit'

The Lizard Squad hacking crew appears to have called it quits over the weekend following high profile assaults on Sony as well as online attacks on Blizzard and Twitch, a broadcast platform for gamers, among others. The eight-strong group of trickster hackers posted a notice of their intention to throw in the towel on their …
John Leyden, 02 Sep 2014
Fatherland extract

Weekend reads: Perfidia, Fatherland and The Incredible Unlikeliness of Being

El Reg bookworms Mark Diston and Lucy Orr leaf their way through the latest literary treats from the uncompromising James Ellroy, TV's favourite scientist Alice Roberts and atmospheric comic novelist Nina Bunjevac. Youtube Video Perfidia James Ellroy is back on his home turf with the LAPD in his latest novel, Perfidia named …
A fake tattoo on the leg of Canberra Raiders footballer Sandor Earl, sent by Huawei as an April Fool

Huawei: Our sales in Europe and US are TINY, admits red-faced exec

Huawei’s enterprise biz outside of China is crawling along, hampered in Europe by a slower-than-forecast recruitment of channel partners and in the US by government paranoia concerns over espionage. The networking, server and storage kit division accounts for nine per cent of Huawei’s overall revenues of £23bn in 2013, and …
Paul Kunert, 17 Sep 2014
RoCE v2 stack image

Oi! You noisy servers! Talk among yourselves and stop bothering that poor router!

The group behind the RDMA over converged Ethernet standard – RoCE to its friends – is tweaking the spec to support UPD and IP in the stack. RDMA - remote direct memory access - has become increasingly important in large-scale data centres, since it lets data move between different servers' user space without having to drop down …
medical_doctor_health_channel

NHS grows a NoSQL backbone and rips out its Oracle Spine

The NHS has ripped the Oracle backbone from a national patient database system and inserted NoSQL running on an open-source stack. Spine2 has gone live following successful redevelopment including redeployment on new, x86 hardware. The project to replace Spine1 had been running for three years with Spine2 now undergoing a 45-day …
Gavin Clarke, 09 Sep 2014
Houses of Parliament in night-time

Give us a digi-Czar and more bureaucrats, begs UK tech-services biz

New policy proposals published by tech services trade group Tech UK (formerly Intellect) today seek to grapple with its members being marginalised by recent Government fads. Many of the proposals are familiar - ring-fencing the science budget, making the hiring of skilled foreign tech workers easier, and urging Government to …
Andrew Orlowski, 16 Sep 2014
Divinity: Original Sin

Divinity Original Sin and Wasteland 2 reviews: Turn-based gaming's NOT DEAD YET!

It seems it’s taken Kickstarter to revive the turn-based strategy RPG, especially as the big game developers trip over each other to mishmash genres into huge titles like Destiny, so that everything seems have been turned into a shitty FPS. Divinity: Original Sin Divinity: Original Sin – a quality player Thankfully, Divinity …
Lucy Orr, 19 Sep 2014
The original 'Bondi Blue' iMac G3

The Mac at 30: Hardware and software wars – again and again and ...

The countdown continues as we step through the 10 most important events that have shaped the evolution of the Apple Macintosh over the past 30 years. Click here for Part 1... or read on. In this episode: the return of the prodigal son, the attack of the clones, the invasion of Chipzilla, and how an old enemy came to the rescue …
Power lines

Power station fault cuts electricity, water and internet in Cairo

A massive power outage in Cairo has left the city sweltering in nearly 40˚C heat, without running water or internet services. A Reg reader, who is the chief tech officer at a global conference call provider, told us that the firm’s workers in the city have been without power for around four hours. “Our first concern is for our …
iPhone forensics beaten image

Apple Fanbois (and girls) already lining up for NEW iPHONE

Apple has yet to formally introduce or set a release date for its next iPhone, but that hasn't stopped rabid fans of iStuff from queuing up for Cupertino's next shiny release. Customers in New York have already begun camping out in front of the company's flagship store for the honor (and attention) of being the first in line to …
Shaun Nichols, 04 Sep 2014

Broadband slow and expensive? Blame Telstra says CloudFlare

CloudFlare has carried the fail-bucket to Australia and dumped it on incumbent Telstra's doorstep. The cloud provider has published benchmark peering price comparisons which it says show that Telstra is staggeringly expensive as an Internet transit provider: “we pay about as much every month for bandwidth to serve all of Europe …
Kindle Fire HD for Kids

Amazon rekindles e-readers and Fire OS without weeks of whack-a-leak fun

Amazon.com has given its Kindle range a thorough refresh, springing a new range on world+dog today without the usual weeks of “will they or won't they and what's inside” leaks and speculation. Instead we got a series of trim announcements of the new range, which comprises: A new Voyage model, a mere 7.6mm thick, 180 gms in …
Simon Sharwood, 18 Sep 2014

City hidden beneath England's Stonehenge had HUMAN ABATTOIR. And a pub

Boffins have discovered the remains of a hidden city two miles from Stonehenge, after creating digital maps of the ancient site to an unprecedented level of detail. The researchers found 17 previously undiscovered religious monuments, as well as a huge burial mound, dozens of smaller ones and the remains of a timber building …
Jasper Hamill, 10 Sep 2014
Terminators

Who wants a ROBO-BUTLER? Google and pals do – and they've just put $2m towards it

Google has placed a bet on a robotics company that is working to create "services" robots for use in hospitals, care homes or hotels. Mountain View's investment arm, Google Ventures, handed over an undisclosed sum of money to startup Savioke, which is headed up by Steve Cousins, former CEO of PR2-maker and robotics pioneer …
Jasper Hamill, 10 Apr 2014
The USB 3.1 Logo

New USB spec offers two-way power flows AND double-sided plug

The USB Promoters Group has loosed the USB Power Delivery v2.0 and USB Billboard Device Class v1.0 specifications on the world. Don't snore, dear readers, because these specs make it possible to reverse the role of devices popped into USB plugs. As the 534-page Power Delivery v2.0 spec (contained in this 42-megabyte .zip file) …
Simon Sharwood, 10 Sep 2014

Starship Troopers beat Aliens, Robots AND Chuck Norris to WIN in a FIGHT

The Big Data has spoken, and has answered the Great Question of pub/water-cooler debate: Who Would Win In A Fight? It doesn't matter just who's fighting who, as our pioneering bigdata analysis included nearly every kind of specfictional protagonist - and surely the readership of the Register contains the greatest repository of …
Lewis Page, 13 Sep 2014