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June Whitfield shows old people how to use Twitter to complain

June Whitfield and EE to old folk: Would you like a nice cup of tea and some internet, dear?

EE has realised that while the vast majority of their target market has at least one phone, there is a whole untapped business opportunity in older people. So the company is inviting loads of them around for a cuppa to try and sell them a phone and internet connection. On September 9th EE will be devoting the morning to hosting …
Simon Rockman, 23 Jul 2014
Curiosity Mars rover's latest hole in Mars

Curiosity GOUGES AND SCORCHES Mars with drill and laser

Nuclear-powered space tank Curiosity as struck another blow for humanity by scorching Mars with seven smears of its mighty lasers. NASA published photos of the rover's latest exploits yesterday, explaining that the latest unfurling of Curiosity's laser weapons was done after the vehicle had first unleashed its drill and …
Simon Sharwood, 16 May 2014
John Legere

T-Mobile boss: 'High and mighty' Verizon and AT&T are 'raping you for every penny you have'

T-Mobile CEO John Legere is outspoken at the best of times, but went further than ever before in his criticism of the conduct of Verizon and AT&T in the US market at the company's latest Un-carrier initiative launch. "These high and mighty duopolists that are raping you for every penny you have," Legere said. "The fuckers hate …
Iain Thomson, 19 Jun 2014
Quooker Fusion

Boiling point: Tech and the perfect cuppa

Last week, coffee drinkers were treated to some alternative brewing techniques. So, is there any special gadgetry for those with a taste for tea? Jennifer Newton discovers there’s more to letting off steam than meets the eye. Youtube Video Smart: perhaps one of the most overused words in the modern lexicon is now being bandied …
Jennifer Newton, 30 Aug 2014

Broadband slow and expensive? Blame Telstra says CloudFlare

CloudFlare has carried the fail-bucket to Australia and dumped it on incumbent Telstra's doorstep. The cloud provider has published benchmark peering price comparisons which it says show that Telstra is staggeringly expensive as an Internet transit provider: “we pay about as much every month for bandwidth to serve all of Europe …
The original 'Bondi Blue' iMac G3

The Mac at 30: Hardware and software wars – again and again and ...

The countdown continues as we step through the 10 most important events that have shaped the evolution of the Apple Macintosh over the past 30 years. Click here for Part 1... or read on. In this episode: the return of the prodigal son, the attack of the clones, the invasion of Chipzilla, and how an old enemy came to the rescue …
Terminators

Who wants a ROBO-BUTLER? Google and pals do – and they've just put $2m towards it

Google has placed a bet on a robotics company that is working to create "services" robots for use in hospitals, care homes or hotels. Mountain View's investment arm, Google Ventures, handed over an undisclosed sum of money to startup Savioke, which is headed up by Steve Cousins, former CEO of PR2-maker and robotics pioneer …
Jasper Hamill, 10 Apr 2014
Still from Miley Cyrus music video for Wrecking Ball

Facebook, Google and Instagram 'worse than drugs' says Miley Cyrus

Offensively-and-dangerously-in-control of her sexuality popette Miley Cyrus has declared that social media is worse than drugs. In an interview with Australian news magazine program Sunday Night ahead of a tour down under, Cyrus was asked whether her use of marijuana has deleterious effects on her health. Her response was to …
Simon Sharwood, 01 Sep 2014
Telephone

BT customers face broadband and landline price hikes

BT's broadband and landline tariffs are set to balloon by more than 6 per cent, the one-time state monopoly has said. Customers are being told to expect prices to climb from December. It comes after rival Virgin Media informed its broadband-only subscribers of plans to jack up tariffs on its network. BT's price tags are set to …
Kelly Fiveash, 24 Aug 2014
Logitech gaming keyboard and mouse

Six of the best gaming keyboard and mouse combos

I would like to think my gaming skills make me invincible but if I ever do get pwned it’s always easiest to blame the hardware. In the case of the keyboards and mice I’m reviewing, it might be difficult to put forward a convincing argument that they are to blame, as they are all developed to make the very best of my gaming …
Lucy Orr, 26 Aug 2014
Storage disks, photo: Gavin Clarke

Like condoms, data now comes in big and HUGE sizes

If condoms were made in a range of different sizes, the old joke goes, the options would be “huge”, “gigantic” and “enormous”. We mention the joke in reference to The Linux Foundation's decision to create a new conference, called “Vault”, to “... bring together the world’s leading developers in filesystems and storage in the …
Simon Sharwood, 29 Aug 2014
medical_doctor_health_channel

Cutting cancer rates: Data, models and a happy ending?

In theory, the definitive treatment for early stage cancer patients should be surgical resection. Just get in there and cut the tumour out. If the lump is small and well-constrained, then surgical removal is all that should be needed. Unfortunately, this isn’t usually what happens. Even when the tumour is nice and small and …

Ninja Pirate Zombie Vampires versus Chuck Norris and the Space Marines

No fewer than 1,784 of you kindly volunteered to have your brains slurped in the initial stage of the Weekend Register's pioneering attempt to use hefty-data techniques to solve the most pressing puzzle of our era - namely who would win in a fight: pirates, ninjas, zombies, vampires, werewolves, aliens, robots, jedi, various …
Lewis Page, 29 Aug 2014
VMware logo

Suppose they gave a VMworld and vSphere didn't show up?

A hypothetical VMworld 2014 attendee utterly unfamiliar with VMware could conceivably have emerged from the event unaware that the company's flagship product is called vSphere. But if one poked one's head into the right places at the show it was possible to learn a little about the product's future. Our tip that version 6.0 of …
Simon Sharwood, 29 Aug 2014
Sticker sheet

Weekend reads: Colorless Tsukuru, Kool Korea and strange encounters with IKEA wardrobes

El Reg's avid bookworm Mark Diston chews his way through some of the latest foreign language bestsellers recently translated into English and Lucy Orr discovers how South Korea became cool. Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage Mystery and Melancholy of a Street (1913) by Giorgio di Chirico A Mystery and …

Show Mother Russia you love her: Click HERE and AHHH NYET!

Software being offered to patriotic Russians as a way to attack Western governments, especially the US, is actually loaded with malware that attacks supporters' computers, security researchers warn. Hackers have crafted ingenious spam messages that help them deliver the Trojan to those who support the Russian cause and are …
John Leyden, 26 Aug 2014
What Linus Torvalds thinks of NVIDIA

Linux turns 23 and Linus Torvalds celebrates as only he can

Linus Torvalds released issued Linux 3.17 rc-2 on Monday. Linux-loving readers will note that releasing on a Monday is not Torvalds' style. He usually releases on Sundays. The reason for the change is detailed on the Linux kernel mailing list as follows: “So I deviated from my normal Sunday schedule partly because there wasn' …
Simon Sharwood, 26 Aug 2014

Germany 'accidentally' snooped on John Kerry and Hillary Clinton

Calls made by US secretary of state John Kerry and his predecessor Hillary Clinton were "accidentally" intercepted by German intelligence agencies, Der Spiegel reports. The Bundesnachrichtdienst (BND), the German intelligence service, snooped on a satellite phone conversation that Kerry made in 2013, a year after it intercepted …
John Leyden, 18 Aug 2014

Hot students, 'liquid coolant', bagpipes and Brazilians: It's a cluster compo, folks

Both the UK and South America were ably represented at the recent 2014 International Supercomputing Conference Student Cluster Competition, held in Leipzig, Germany. For some reason, I want to Google up trendy cuisine to see if Scottish-Brazilian fusion restaurants actually exist. But I'm afraid of the possible results – so let' …
big droplets falling from rain cloud

Dropbox cuts cloud storage prices $10 per terabyte, matching Google and Microsoft

Dropbox has become the latest company to slash its cloud storage costs as the price war in the sector heats up, leaving consumers to reap the cost benefits. "We don’t want you to worry about choosing the right plan or having enough space," the company wrote in a blog post. "So today, we’re simplifying Dropbox Pro to a single …
Iain Thomson, 27 Aug 2014
SteamOS installer splash screen gets psychedelic

The agony and ecstasy of SteamOS: WHERE ARE MY GAMES?

Gamers' perception of Steam over the years has changed considerably. This digital distribution platform, which was developed by Valve, was met with derision when it launched back in 2004 – but jump forward 10 years and Steam is the coolest kid on the block. What self-respecting gamer doesn’t blow all their money on a Steam sale …
Lucy Orr, 20 Aug 2014

Why has the web gone to hell? Market chaos and HUMAN NATURE

It's possible to have a certain sympathy for Sir Tim Berners-Lee as he looks at what people have done to his glorious world wide web. Instead of it remaining the glorious bottom-up egalitarian creation it once was, it's become infested with people like Facebitch using it to scramble for filthy lucre. Diddums to that, really: …
Tim Worstall, 27 Aug 2014
Chetan_Venkatesh

The man who found Atlantis: 14PB of storage, flashy models and Moore's Law

Chetan Venkatesh is the latest subject in Willem ter Harmsel’s interview series. As the founder of Atlantis, he provided a great background to Atlantis. Following on from the interview with the now ex-CEO Bernard Harguindeguy, I had the pleasure of speaking with the CTO of Atlantis, Chetan Venkatesh. Chetan_Venkatesh Atlantis …
Dolby UK demo listening room with Atmos enabled speakers

Dolby Atmos is coming home and it sounds amazing

Can Dolby Atmos save the beleaguered home cinema business? With sales of AV receivers tanking, makers of multichannel home theatre receivers are banking on the latest in surround sound technology to rekindle interest. Pioneer LaserDisc advertisement Remember the days when two speakers would keep movie buffs happy in the home? …
Steve May, 13 Aug 2014

Rejoice, Windows fans: Stable 64-bit Chromium drops for Win 7 and 8

Smoother video is on the way for fans of Google's Chrome browser on Windows 7 and 8. The Chromium development team has claimed delivery of a stable release of 64-bit Chrome for Microsoft’s platform. The news, announced on the Chromium blog, marks the successful of testing started in the Chrome dev and canary channels in June …
Gavin Clarke, 28 Aug 2014
Dunce

Banking apps: Handy, can grab all your money... and RIDDLED with coding flaws

The whopping 70 per cent of retail and 69 perc ent of financial services apps are vulnerable to data breaches. That's according to an analysis of 705 million lines of code as used by 1,316 enterprise applications carried out by software analysis and measurement firm CAST. The firm reckons a growing number of data breaches and …
John Leyden, 27 Aug 2014

Fast And Furious 6 cammer thrown in slammer for nearly three years

A man who illicitly recorded action film Fast And Furious 6, uploaded it to the internet and then sold copies online has been locked up for nearly three years. The jail term was handed down to Philip Danks, 25, of Livingstone Road, Bloxwich on Thursday, according to the Walsall Advertiser. A copy of the Universal Pictures' …
Kelly Fiveash, 23 Aug 2014
management strategy2

Insight grabs EMEA sales and marketing veep

Insight has plucked a former Microsoft licensing honcho to run its sales and marketing function across EMEA, at a time when it is looking to move well beyond straight software transactions. Alexander Kaatz is joining the reseller titan to fill the shoes vacated by Ashley Gatehouse, who departed last autumn along with a bunch of …
Paul Kunert, 04 Aug 2014
HTC One M8

Microsoft and HTC are M8s again: New One mobe sports WinPhone

HTC has launched an M8 phone running Microsoft's latest Windows Phone OS – but only in the US and only for the Verizon network. "Consumers love the HTC One (M8) and today's introduction extends that enthusiasm to new audiences hungry for choice in their mobile experience," said Jason Mackenzie, President of HTC Americas in a …
Iain Thomson, 19 Aug 2014
Stradivarius violin reproduction

Violin Memory FINALLY writes dedupe and compression into its latest Concerto

Violin Memory has fixed a gaping hole in its data management feature set by adding deduplication and compression to its Concerto memory array controller product. This will cut its effective cost/GB figures to new lows, and strengthens its competitive hand against other all-flash array vendors – such as EMX XtremIO, IBM …
Chris Mellor, 19 Aug 2014

Vampires and Ninjas versus the Alien Jedi Robot Pirates: It's ON

For long ages past, the sages of the internet have debated one of the knottiest questions of modern times, namely: Who would win in a fight - pirates, or ninjas? Similarly, Hollywood has sought to determine whether Aliens or Predators (Predators of course are also aliens, technically the film should have been Aliens versus Other …
Lewis Page, 22 Aug 2014
ULLtraDIMM_front_and_back

Supermicro adorns servers with bright and shiny ULLtraDIMMs

Supermicro is using fast flash access ULLtraDIMM technology from SanDisk to enable its Green SuperServer and SuperStorage platforms to access data faster. An ULLtraDIMM is flash memory interfaced to a memory DIMM connected to a computer's main CPU-Memory bus instead of the PCIe bus, which avoids the latter's longer latency …
Chris Mellor, 07 Aug 2014
Vmware EVO Rail logo

EMC to toss Avamar and other code into its VMware's EVO boxen

EMC is designing a version of the EVO:RAIL hyper-converged appliance VMware announced today but isn't in a rush to get it to market but is looking forward to winning back the business the likes of Nutanix are currently taking from it. EVO is the artist formerly known as MARVIN and combines four servers, direct-attached storage, …
Simon Sharwood, 25 Aug 2014

Euro banks will rip out EVERYTHING and buy proper backend systems ... LOL, fooled ya

European banks are in a "holding pattern" when it comes to integrating the latest technology into their core banking systems, with the majority only carrying out modernisation initiatives when necessary rather than with a view towards long-term transformation, according to a new survey. None of the 27 banks or two financial …
OUT-LAW.COM, 29 Aug 2014
arrow pointing up

Lenovo posts an INCREASE in desktop PC and notebook sales

Lenovo, the world’s largest maker of PCs, saw its profits leap 24 per cent this spring. The China-based manufacturer reported first-quarter profits of $211m, compared to $170m for the year before. That was from revenue that jumped 18 per cent to £10.39bn. Earnings per share for the giant were up, from $1.65 to $2.03 for the …
Gavin Clarke, 14 Aug 2014

VMware's MARVIN emerges as 'EVO' for branch offices and web-scale rigs

VMware has confirmed its long-suspected move into converged infrastructure hardware by announcing “EVO:RAIL”, a new “ hyper-converged infrastructure appliance” the company says “is the first solution in a family” of such offerings. EVO:RAIL will be a 2U, four-node, bundle of compute and storage hardware, plus vSphere, VSAN, …
Simon Sharwood, 25 Aug 2014

Ericsson and Ciena ink SDN development and distribution deal

Telecoms giant Ericsson will develop capabilities targeting software-defined networking and IP-optical convergence under a distribution deal with network specialist Ciena. Under the agreement, Ericsson will sell Ciena’s Converged Packet Optical systems, including the 6500 Packet Optical Platform and 5400 family. The former …
Gavin Clarke, 17 Feb 2014

Meet the Flockers... and please, do try to contain yourself

What on Earth is a Flocker? It's a piece of open source software that lets you run databases, key-value stores and queues inside Docker containers, and comes from ClusterHQ. Any wiser? Docker is an open-source Linux container technology that runs multiple apps under a single OS inside a containing structure instead of each …
Chris Mellor, 13 Aug 2014
cloud

Ex-VMware engineers chuck $4.5m and OpenStack at AWS

A pod of former VMware engineers armed with OpenStack and $4.5m in venture cash have thrown their hats into the ring against Amazon’s AWS. The virty giant’s ex-coders have removed their company, Platform9, from startup mode, announcing they’d landed the money from Redpoint Ventures. Manning Platform9 are Sirish Raghuram, …
Gavin Clarke, 13 Aug 2014

AMD unveils 'single purpose' graphics card for PC gamers and NO ONE else

Chip giant AMD took the wraps off the latest in a series of graphic cards on Saturday when it revealed the Radeon R9 285, which it claims is speedier than rival Nvidia GTX 760. The company revealed its new card at its "30 Years of Gaming and Graphics" shindig yesterday. AMD said that the Radeon R9 will be released on 2 …
Team Register, 24 Aug 2014

Steve Jobs statue: Ones and ohs and OH NOES – it's POINTING at us

Apple godhead Steve Jobs was known for his love of superb but pricey design and flawless aesthetics. So why on Earth has the fruity firm decided to immortalise him with a monstrous statue that's been described as a "huge dildo" for fanbois? Twitter critics have erupted in rage and disbelief after the statue was unveiled on the …
Jasper Hamill, 27 Feb 2014
big droplets falling from rain cloud

Citrix drizzles lightly and briefly on VMware's parade with Xen update

Citrix swears blind that the 7.6 release of XenApp and Xen Desktop it announced today had nuh-think at all to do with the fact VMware's VMworld colosso-conference kicks off on Sunday. “It is a release that has been planned for a while,” insists product marketing veep for desktop and apps Calvin Hsu. “This is our second half of …
Simon Sharwood, 20 Aug 2014

65 patches later and Java STILL breaks stuff

Software tool vendors are complaining that recent updates to Java are breaking their environments. The problem seems to be in JVM's bytecode verification, in Java 8, Update 11 and Java 7, Update 65. According to InfoQ, developers running into the bug include JRebel (from ZeroTurnaround), the Groovy programming language, the …
John Legere

Cult of T-Mob US wants you to INDOCTRINATE your friends and family

T-Mobile US has promised a year's free mobile data for subscribers who convince friends and family to join its network. The biz said that from 29 August it will reward customers who refer peeps from other carriers with one year of free LTE data for both the customer and the referred party. Those with unlimited data plans will …
Shaun Nichols, 22 Aug 2014
California Games

Wetsuits, sunshine, bikini babes and a competitive streak: Epyx California Games

California Games from Epyx cooked up a successful franchise with its winning combination of sunshine, grazed shins, wetsuits and bikini babes. Indeed, its well-considered play mechanics, delivered with multiplayer action and some slightly twisted humour, soon cemented its cult classic status in history. Video from 2004 looking …
Giles Hill, 14 Aug 2014
Intel 'Haswell' 4th-Generation Core i7 Extreme Edition eight-core processor

Intel disables hot new TSX tech in early Broadwells and Haswells

One of Intel's new ways to make software go faster is called Transactional Synchronization Extensions (TSX), an innovation that gives developers fine control over how multi-threaded code uses a CPU's resources. TSX is a reasonably big deal, because as Intel never tires of pointing out it long-ago decided that grunt alone is not …
Simon Sharwood, 14 Aug 2014
BlackBerry logo

BlackBerry sets BBM Voice and Channels live on iOS and Android

Terminally consolidating smartphone firm BlackBerry has added support for its Voice and Channel services on the BlackBerry Messenger (BBM) app for Android and iOS. The company said that the update would bring a new set of collaboration and telephony options to users who still run BBM on their Apple and Android devices. The BBM …
Shaun Nichols, 13 Feb 2014

Samsung faces down TAB and smartphone MOUNTAIN HORROR

Samsung has confirmed sluggish sales of smartphones and tablets combined with efforts to shift the stock mountain that cast a shadow over Europe, denting group sales and profits for calendar Q2. The Korean chaebol has been out of step with falling market demand and as exclusively revealed by The Channel back in May, Sammy UK …
Paul Kunert, 31 Jul 2014
Internet of Things

IoT: Industry snakeoil or one-way ticket to fame and riches?

Is the Internet of Everything (IoE) just another tech buzz word in an industry known for marketing bluster? It is doomed to go the way of Service Oriented Architectures and Web 2.0? If you think so, maybe you should take a peek around you. Cisco boss John Chambers said earlier this year it would have five to 10 times the impact …
The Register vulture logo (black)

Vulture South party: the winners and grinners from our limerick comp

A couple of weeks ago Vulture South offered tickets to our exclusive Sydney party to readers who could hack out a clever limerick. Here are the best, prize-winning entries. To the authors: your invitation is in the mail. To those who didn't enter, we're doing a second chance draw that's explained after the winning rhymes. On to …