Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2013/09/20/qotw/

Cook: 'We're not in the junk market segment'. Not on PRICE, anyway

You have to nail jelly to a few cats before you can do a good torture scene

By Jasper Hamill

Posted in Phones, 20th September 2013 14:31 GMT

QuoTW This is the week when fanbois around the world prepared for the launch of a new iPhone - and some other piece of rubbish called the 5C, though the C doesn't stand for cheap. When Tim Cook said that Apple was uninterested in the "junk business", just the day before the mobes went on sale, he was talking about price not quality.

The price starts at £469 for a SIM-free version of the brightly-coloured plastic jesus mobe. Cook told Businessweek:

There’s a segment of the market that really wants a product that does a lot for them, and I want to compete like crazy for those customers. I’m not going to lose sleep over that other market, because it’s just not who we are. Fortunately, both of these markets are so big, and there’s so many people that care and want a great experience from their phone or their tablet, that Apple can have a really good business.

The week started with an Apple attack from Microsoft, who are perhaps jealous of all the attention aimed at their arch-rival. Over the weekend, a video emerged which sent up the shiny happy of people of Cupertino. However, Microsoft then pulled the videos because their “light-hearted poke at our friends from Cupertino” was deemed “off the mark”.

The meanies at Microsoft did not stop two fanbois from queuing outside London's flagship Apple Store for three days in a bid to be the first to pick up the iPhone 5S. However, Westminster Council and the Crown Estate had other ideas and asked them to take down the temporary shelter they were using to shelter from the rain.

Michael Roberts said:

We didn't have hassle from anyone during the nights, apart from this man from the Crown Estate. I think he thought he were yobs and told us to take our greenhouse shelter down, saying that a lot of people pay huge sums of money to rent the shops on Regents Street and that staff as well as shoppers shouldn't have to look at a shanty town.

Grand Theft Auto V was released this week, featuring chilling torture scenes, a massive map and more casual murder than a mad dictator's final days. We also found out that making it was "like trying to nail jelly to kittens". In an interview with the Guardian, creative director Gary Penn said:

Anarchic almost makes it sound sexier than it really ought to be. It was just messy.

If you're worried about catching a virus, it might interest you to know that Phil Collins' daughter is the most infectious celeb. Click on her, said anti-virus outfit McAfee, and you'll get something nasty.

Paula Greve, director of web security research at McAfee, said:

Cybercriminals prey on consumers’ addiction to breaking news and leverage this behavior to lead them to unsafe sites that can severely infect their computers and devices and steal personal data.

It may not actually be a quote, but Linux overlord Linus Torvalds admitted he had been asked by US spooks to provide a backdoor into the operating system. Here's how our security supremo John Leyden put it:

During a question-and-answer ‪session ‬at ‪the LinuxCon gathering in New Orleans this week‪, Torvalds ‬and his fellow kernel programmers ‪w‬ere‪ asked by moderator Ric Wheeler whether America's G-men leaned on the Finn to compromise Linux's security, allowing spies to infiltrate computers.

Torvalds replied with a firm "no" while nodding his head to say yes, a response greeted with laughter fr‪o‬m the audience. He quickly followed up by repeating "no" while shaking his head in the negative.

Google also announced plans to solve the tricky problems posed by death. Mountain View have started a company called Calico, which will focus on aging and illness. Page took to this Google + page to write:

OK ... so you're probably thinking, 'Wow! That's a lot different from what Google does today'. And you're right. But as we explained in our first letter to shareholders, there's tremendous potential for technology more generally to improve people's lives.

Wow. ®