Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/11/26/german_incident/

Girlfriend 'tried to MURDER ME with her AMPLE BREASTS'

Battle of the Bulges: Germans in boudoir boob blitzkrieg

By Lester Haines

Posted in Bootnotes, 26th November 2012 13:51 GMT

A German woman is up in court on a charge of "attempted manslaughter with a weapon", after allegedly trying to smother her boyfriend with her ample 38DD assets.

Lawyer Tim Schmidt, 30, claims 33-year-old Franziska Hansen forced his head into her voluminous top-hamper while they were making the beast with two backs back in May in the town of Unna.

"She was sitting on me naked and I was kissing her breasts," Schmidt told the court. "Suddenly she grabbed my head and pushed me between her breasts with all of her force. I couldn't breathe any more, I must have turned blue. I couldn't tear myself free and I thought I was going to die."

Schmidt added that he managed to escape the Ride of the Valkyrie, and fled naked to a neighbour's house, from where he called the cops.

Regarding a motive for the bazonga blitzkrieg, Hansen was apparently jealous of her other half's successful law career while she "struggled to adapt to life and failed to hold down a string of jobs".

She has denied the charge, and insists the whole thing was a sex game that went wrong and Schmidt panicked.

However, her defence has not been strengthened by a phone call she allegedly made to Schmidt, during which she explained her choice of weapons by telling him: "Treasure - I wanted your death to be as pleasurable as possible." ®