Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/11/11/chicken_fillets/

Chicken fillets: The affordable alternative to Bulgarian Airbags

Bra padding saves car crash Scot's life

By Team Register

Posted in Bootnotes, 11th November 2011 13:12 GMT

Women wanting the protection of Bulgarian airbags in a car crash situation, but wary about going under the knife will be reassured that a couple of pairs of chicken fillets makes an ample substitute.

The road safety breakthrough is reported in the Daily Mail, which recounts the heartwarming story of a 28-year-old Scots woman who was saved from death in a car crash by a double set of the slip in/slip out bust enhancers.

According to the Mail Lisa Somerville was driving in a "violent rainstorm on a notorious stretch of road" near Glasgow while wearing a double set of "chicken fillet" bust enhancers in her bra. Somerville had regularly "doubled up" since her teens to augment her otherwise AAA figure. The unfortunate lass lost control of her car in the treacherous conditions and ended up smashing into the oncoming traffic.

After being cut free she was rushed to hospital, where doctors discovered she had a punctured lung, four cracked ribs and a broken schnoz. However, doctors told her that had it not been for the double layer of silicone, her ribs would likely have pierced her heart.

While she had always felt unhappy over her "inadequate" body, and her need to augment her thoracic portions with something that looked liked it would be happier in the freezer, "for the first time in my life, I was grateful for them".

To celebrate, she decided to go the whole hog and splash out £4,000 for a boob job. She told the Mail that she was now 10 times more confident than she'd ever been, "But I'll always be thankful to the chicken fillets that saved my life."

While the fillets proved a worth substitute for Bulgarian Airbags in a car crash, there is as yet little evidence they would stop a slug from a semi-automatic rifle or turn an attempted stabbing. ®