Iron-on armpit BO stench-filters 'ideal for modern lifestyle'
'Teabag' pong-busters derived from military gasmasks
The list of boons which military-driven R&D has conferred upon a suffering humanity is a long one: computers and their networks, aircraft, brass bands etc. But now warboffinry has truly penetrated deep into civilian life - even unto the actual armpits of ordinary consumers - to tackle one of the most fearsome scourges besetting Western civilisation today.
We refer, of course, to BO. Stenchful armpit niffs are today blighting the lives of millions: ruining journeys on public transport, rendering lifts uninhabitable, inhibiting many a cheery high-five or above-the-head handclasp victory gesture by undermining people's confidence, snuffing out promising romances in clouds of inopportune hormone-pumped sub-brachial odour.
But fear not. Shropshire-based firm Odegon has the answer, the saviour which the world has been waiting for - that is, in-armpit stench filter technology, deployed in the handy medium of iron-on tags for attachment to one's garments.
“Odegon Tags were discovered whilst formulating new materials for special filters to protect military personnel from lethal nerve gases and agents,” explains company honcho Tom Rawlings.
“We were right to assume that if the material met the most demanding tests ever devised against chemical, biological, radiological and nuclear (CBRN) suit requirements, it would be able to tackle BO. We understand that deodorant products may not be keeping up with today’s active lifestyles and that there is consumer reluctance to throw more chemicals at the problem."
Rather than people around one having to wear gasmasks against one's offensive stench, then, the necessary filters are moved from the sufferer's nostrils to the perpetrator's armpits.
Odegon refer to their proprietary filter tags as "military-grade technical fabric" and say that they use "nano technology to capture, store and eliminate the [stinky] molecules". According to the firm's PR materials:
A new small and totally discrete [sic] underarm clothing tag ... the ultimate antidote to today’s hectic lifestyles which see millions unsatisfied with the use of deodorants alone ... will come as a huge relief to those who work long hours or are ‘on the go’ until late in the day, particularly at this time of year. If you don’t like the thought of always painting or spraying on chemicals that are absorbed into your armpits then Odegon Tags are ideal ... Odegon (for “odour, gone”) ... the antisocial odour resulting from human sweat is eliminated via a teabag-sized fabric patch housing a piece of activated nano porous special material.
There's more - much more - from Odegon here.
We would like to point out, for those enthused by the new technology, that Odegon seems to follow the same general model as the renowned Flat-D™ in-pant flatulence filter, likewise said to be based on Porton Down's cutting-edge chemical warfare defence technology. Presumably a few Odegon teabag pongstoppers might usefully be ironed into the pants, as well as the upper garments.
Interestingly, Odegon does say that it has further products in development. ®