French mock British G-spot probe
It does exist, you just can't find it
French experts have roundly condemned British research which concluded that the legendary G-spot is probably a myth.
The King's College London team declared that the Gräfenberg Spot "may be a figment of women's imagination, encouraged by magazines and sex therapists" and that it was "rather irresponsible to claim the existence of an entity that has never been proven and pressurise women and men too".
The researchers probed 1,800 women, identical and non-identical twins, expecting that if the G-spot existed, "both identical twins, who have the same genes, would report having one".
However, the results showed that the identical twins "were no more likely to share a G-spot than non-identical twins who share only half of their genes".
Professor Tim Spector, who co-authored the study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, concluded: "Women may argue that having a G-spot is due to diet or exercise, but in fact it is virtually impossible to find real traits. This is by far the biggest study ever carried out and shows fairly conclusively that the idea of a G-spot is subjective."
Not so, according to surgeon Pierre Foldes, who told a "G-Day" conference across La Manche: "The King's College study shows a lack of respect for what women say. The conclusions were completely erroneous because they were based solely on genetic observations. It is clear that in female sexuality there is a variability. It cannot be reduced to a yes or no or an on or off."
In fact, conference organiser Sylvain Mimoun insisted that 60 per cent of women have a G-spot, and that the King's College conclusions proved nothing more than the fact that the British were incapable of finding it.
Gynaecologist Odile Buisson went further, risking a Channel ports gunboat incident by thundering: "I don't want to stigmatise at all but I think the Protestant, liberal, Anglo-Saxon character means you are very pragmatic. There has to be a cause for everything, a gene for everything. It's totalitarian."
The gloomy conclusion to be drawn from this unholy spat is that we uptight Protestants will have to continue to make do with fish and chips, lager and second-rate sex while the French enjoy haute cuisine, fine wines and earth-shattering climaxes. ®