Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/01/15/lohan_tape/
World braces for Lindsay Lohan sex tape
47 seconds of 'adult activity' set for net premiere
Lindsay Lohan is said to be "devastated" that a 47-second video of her indulging in "adult activity" with a member of the opposite sex is about to get a worldwide internet release.
The perpetrator of the kiss-and-tell outrage is reportedly "a waiter with a well-known chain restaurant" who has punted the clip to Hustler for £100k. He's apparently been told he cannot - for copyright reasons - profit from the footage, so it looks likely to end up on some "offshore" smutmongering website from where it will be disseminated without impediment to a delighted world.
An unnamed inside source told the Daily Mirror: "This video file is dynamite. It is pretty seedy and shows Lindsay engaged in a particular sex act which, obviously, should remain behind closed doors.
"Lindsay was desperate to start 2010 off on a good footing and this is the very last thing she needs. If and when it is released on the internet, via a spurious, unofficial website, there is absolutely nothing she or her lawyers can do about it."
The insider added: "She is devastated - particularly as she is working hard on cleaning up her act. Lindsay has just made a serious documentary on child poverty in India for the BBC, she is terrified this will be put in jeopardy now. It is fair to say that Lindsay has had a pretty torrid past 24 hours."
Whether Lohan's torrid 47 seconds affect her attempt to become the next Mother Teresa remains to be seen, but she can take solace from the fact that "One Night In" Paris Hilton's career positively benefited from her own amateur grumble flick.
Down in the internet's malodorous sewers, meanwhile, spammers are already busy tempting punters with offers of an eyeful of Lohan, although we suspect the video will eventually reveal it's Lohan who gets the eyeful, if we've correctly interpreted the Mirror's description of the sex act in question. ®