Pig plague alert: Avoid missionary position
Adopt reverse cowgirl, Cosmopolitan urges
Cosmpolitan has done its bit to fight the terrifying advance of the H1N1 pig plague by advising its readers to avoid the missionary position during sex and instead adopt the reverse cowgirl.
According to the handy guide (spotted by Gawker, which has a grab here) explaining how not to die as a result of human contact, gals should mount their partner from above, facing his feet, because "the farther apart your mouths and noses are, the less likely you'll be to breathe in viral particles".
Other no-nos are "Lip-kissing goodbye", "Bear-hugging" and "Shaking hands", which should be replaced with "Blowing a kiss", "Greeting with a light upper-arm squeeze" and "Bumping fists", respectively.
All of these can, of course, be substituted for the simple "Lock yourself in a hermitically-sealed room until everyone else is dead or the media hysteria surrounding pig plague subsides, whichever comes sooner". ®