Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/11/27/cotw_2009_3/

Sh*t the bed, it's Comment of the Week

Or feel free to read a storage story instead

By The Moderatrix

Posted in Bootnotes, 27th November 2009 15:33 GMT

CoTFW It's Friday, and across the internet is heard the thin cry from a thousand (OK, maybe a couple of hundred) hapless souls forced against their will to read Comment of the Week. O cruel fate! If only they were given choice as to what to click on.

Well, too late now, bozos. It'll look like you've read it in the stats even if you haven't, so you might as well make the most of it.

So! Myriad lols have been rofled in the Moderatrix pain-chamber this week with your hilarious musings on mutant dogs with built-in die-by dates, and I have read with interest your fresh insights into and sober commentary upon the ongoing McKinnon case. But the real meat was elsewhere.

Sandman was inspired to misquote his favourite crooner in the matter of the ISS piss saga.

To quote Dononvan...

I was amazed like everyone when man began to fly

out of earthly regions to planets in the sky

My romantic vision shattered when it was explained to me

Spacemen all wear diapers in which they shit and pee...

Can someone riff on Wichita Lineman with regards, say, DARPA or something? I love that song. Also the big orchestral swoopy bit at the end is perfect for drowning out screaming.

One AC got a little upset about the customer service in Dixons but succeeded in calming himself. Good job. Self-control is important.

How to save Dixons: Every time you ask a question and the guy doesn't know the answer, so goes to get his mate who doesn't know the answer, so goes to get his mate who actually has an IQ>10 and talks to you while THE OTHER TWO SLACK-JAWED DRIBBLERS JUST STAND THERE WHILE A HUGE QUEUE BUILDS UP, you should be able to pull a gun out of an emergency sort of box thing and put them both out of your misery.

<breathes>

How I long for such an emergency sort of box thing, AC. We should talk.

Meanwhile, another little AC voice piped up with a rare moment of dissenting positivity on the amusing tale of Bing's ability to smush vocabulary like some kind of search-based Godzilla. What do you think of Bing, Mr Coward?

i like bing.

Well, aren't you cuter than a bug's ear.

Less adorable was Eponymous Cowherd, who should hang his head in shame for this risible attempt at poetry inspired by Dell's adventures in Limerick:

There was young man from Dell

A computer he failed to sell

Made in Poland, said he

Can be yours for a small fee

And you get Windows 7 as well.

That may rhyme, EC, but scan it does not. You are a solid mass of walking wrong. Stick to haiku in future. (I shall be dealing with all the numpties in that thread who can't cope with the 5-7-5 format in due course.)

Top of the bile-heap this week is one more AC for this extravagant slice of withering sarcasm in the case of the Kent police photographer botherance.

quite frankly the police garb and manner is just way too terrifying.

Instead they should be forced to wear:

Pink Lederhosen Shorts

String Vest, Hollywood Cerise

A Yellow Carnation tucked into the back of the shorts

Strapless Mid Level Heels, painted (colour as to personal taste) toes showing

A Tufty Club Badge (no pin, taped on)

When approaching a human being, they should first thank them profusely for their job, and then do a short ditty of 'I am little Tea Pot Short and Stout' with hand actions. On Bank Holidays they combine that with the 'Birdy Song' full body movements, partnered with an accordion.

After they have done that, and said their piece, which they must do in Latin for it is the legal language, they should skip and frolic off, whilst showering petals from an ever so cute little hand basket.

Oooof. Alas, since the author in this case was too shy to put his name to his work, he gets no Camel Ball bubblegum goodies from me. Instead, the legendary gobbit of joy is bestowed upon Moiety, who got stuck into the sex researcher story, suggesting that he/she (it's he, isn't it) would gladly apply for the job in question, except:

you have to work the first week in hand.

This pleases me momentarily with its neatness. Well done, Moiety. You also have the best name.

However, if you think another commenter deserves this week's glittering prize, feel free to make their case (or your own, if you're That Guy) in the comments below. Otherwise, you can suck it up. Nighty night! ®