Original URL: https://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/11/13/cotw_2009_2/
To horse! It's Comment of the Week
I preferred the 'Dungeon' theme but whatever
CoTW Fortified as I am by the greasiest, kebabingest TechnoWrap™ Soho has to offer and a generous nip of desk brandy, I suppose I can just about stomach a traipse through your scintillating contributions to modern discourse. Welcome back to Comment of the Week, your new favourite Reg regurgitationfest.
Last week's controversial winner, the deadpan "brick dust where you would never expect to find brick dust" stunner, was always going to be a hard act to follow. Indeed, this week's comments seemed unusually listless in tone. But one or two of you did provide some semblance of... something.
Regular beastie The Big Yin was inspired to flights of fuckery by the happy tale of the amazing haptic hand of Sweden, imagining a 'Reg headline from 2025':
"Robo-hand worm strikes!"
"Users of the Robo-matic Tug-Master series were waking up today to the first ever cyborg worm. Those foolish enough to jailbreak their neural adaptors so that they can connect to non Robo-matic devices (such as the Ann Summers "CyberRabbit" [see reg: The Rabinator has come]) and forgot to change their default SSH password discovered that their limb was no longer under their control.
"The worm causes the rampant limb to give the on-fingered-salute every thirty seconds. Attempts by the user to remove the worm prompt a back-hack into their own brains causing them to speak like they are on the set of a Carry On Film. Ooo, matron.
J. Q. Jackbadger of MS's Cyborg 9 OS team said 'This is why it is dangerous to use opensource for such crucial systems. With everyone knowing the default passwords it is too easy for this kind of attack to happen. This would never happen with close, proprietary code'
"Of course not J. Q., users of MS Cyborg 9 would be too busy punching themselves in the head for paying the the $1,750 upgrade; assuming their limbs had't crashed."
Yes. Very good. Pat yourself on the crotch for that.
The demise of computer-flogger Morgan had you all lining up to blubber like the weak and feeble women you so disdain. Ian 25, however, cut through all the unmanliness and proved his mettle with this arachnophilic anecdote. (He slew Ians 1 to 24, you know. He slew them with his sword.)
I loved Morgan but had the most extraordinary experience when I bought online rather than from the shop. Order went thru on Sunday morning but received an email the next day asking me to confirm my identity. I phoned first (and rang around several places until i could find someone that knew anything about their web operations), cos the email sure didn't look like it came from Morgan and it all smelt dodgy...
I rang them, and they told me that I need to fax them various pieces of ID for them to process my order - apparently they checked *every* order against the publicly available Electoral Roll (which I very sensibly opt out of as it is the junk mailers wet dream) as an anti fraud technique and anyone who didn't appear was marked as a potential fraud which they would then follow up...manually. After a lot of arguing and me pointing out that no way was I going to send a copy of my passport to them electronically just to get a cheap hifi, they agreed to send my order. I wonder if they made much money from that website? [Yes yes Ian get to the bit with the spider.]
I eventually got a lovely Pure hifi from them at a ridiculously cheap price - the only fault with it is the dead spider in the display (which is probably why the previous customer returned it). The spider is now known as Boris.
Isn't that lovely? I think it is lovely. I like spiders. Send us a picture, Ian 25. Send us a picture or there may be consequences.
In the absence of a zingy riposte of the week, the pedantic Pete 2 can have his moment with his smirky reply to another poster in the Luvvies fight to save radio mics thread:
"but when small bands complain about piracy, or sound technicians complain about radio mics, no-one listens."
... they don't have their mics turned on?
Lol, Pete 2. Lol on you.
Some Anonymous Coward offered relief to conspiraloons the world over with his snippy comeback to an ambiguous paranoiac with regards NASA's revelations that contrary to popular film and to the chagrin of those of us who cannot see the point in living, the world will not end in 2012.
Way to cover your tracks, with the </sarcasm> addition.
Don't worry we know you know that they know but pretend not to know so that those who don't know won't know.
(Let it be known at this point that it is easier for a Camel Ball to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for an Anonymous Coward to enter the kingdom of Comment of the Week. You won't win if you don't at least have the cojones to write under a nom de com. K? K.)
This week's yummylicious Camel Ball goes to none of these, and is instead bestowed upon Annihilator, who took time out from throwing chairs at sweaty mullet-sporting men in the wrestling ring to give us a bit of backronym fun after Google announced its free Wi-Fi gift.
"One might ask whether a suggestion that the passenger stayed at home might have been even better for the environment. But once again, where's the fun and branding opportunity in that?"
How about this for a brand opportunity?:
Well done, Annihilator, you are king of the commentards and may invite them all to bend their pathetic tongues to your noble boot.
Next week, expect the winning comment to be a coruscating nugget of Coward-esque brilliance in the matter of Michael Jackson's robot twin. ®