Original URL: https://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/09/08/names_of_fear/
Why teachers fear Callum, Chelsea, Connor and Crystal
School register of mischief
As teachers eye the register on the first day back at school this September, they'll be nervously keeping a sharp look-out for certain names which "strike fear into the nation's tutors".
The list of those likely to make mischief includes young 'uns dubbed Aliesha, Brooke, Brooklyn, Casey, Chelsea, Connor, Crystal, Demi, Jack, Jake, Jessica, Kyle, and (pay attention at the back there El Reg's Executive Vice President, Global Sales), Liam.
This roster of foreboding comes courtesy of Bounty.com, which polled 3,000 blackboard botherers to determine just which names spell trouble. Doubtless there are those among you who have a lad called Jake who's an absolute angel, but that makes no difference to tremulous teachers, because they've already got him marked down as a wrong 'un as soon as they clock his ID.
Indeed, 49 per cent of those polled admitted they "make assumptions about a child when they take their first look at the register in September".
Bounty’s Faye Mingo diplomatically offered: “Teachers are only human and make assumptions like the rest of us. Rightly or wrongly, most of us make assumptions based on something as simple as a person’s name and we base these on our previous experiences."
There is, however, some good news for Jessica or Demi's mum and dad: 57 percent of pollees said "the naughtiest children at school are also the most popular and often make friends easier than well behaved children".
Furthermore, over a third "claimed that the naughtiest children are often the brightest - and the most sensitive".
So there you have it. For the record, the poll also gleaned the names least likely to provoke a panic attack, so if you want your kids well disciplined but insensitive and friendless, you'd better stick with Alexander, Alice, Benjamin, Charlotte, Elizabeth, Emma, Harry and William. ®