Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/02/02/rail_websites/

Wrong kind of winter brings England to a halt

Panic buying in Guildford, enormous c**t stalks Notts

By Team Register

Posted in Bootnotes, 2nd February 2009 11:24 GMT

England was plunged into a Siberian winter this morning with train company websites frozen right across the South East.

A chill wind from Russia dumped a mountain of snow on England, with some gardens experiencing drifts of up to 18 inches deep. Panic buying of milk, prosciutto, Bordeaux and other essentials promptly broke out in cut-off communities such as Guildford.

As workers followed the BBC’s advice and turned to the web to check if they would be able to reach their offices today, train companies' information services decided it really was the wrong kind of snow and promptly gave up the ghost.

South Eastern Railyways was particularly badly hit, with the plunging temperatures literally freezing its nodes off.

'No suitable nodes are available to service your request, says Southeastern Railway

South West trains – the City worker’s favourite way of sitting in the country and not going anywhere – decided a full blown server error was the best way to explain the situation.

Server error in '/SWTRAINS' Application

It managed to improve its web service by about 10am - some time after die-hard passengers would have struggled to their local service stations to find that trains were running every two hours if at all.

South West Trains website unavailable

Even the National Rail service succumbed, with online times about as rare as a snowplough on the rail network.

'Failed to Connect' error at National Rail

Mayhem broke out on the roads as Chelsea farmers and extreme sports types realised they didn't actually know how to use their vehicles' four wheel drive and promptly wiped out, blocking whatever roads were open.

Traffic jams around London

Anyone who had made it into London would have found barely any tubes running, and not a bus to be seen. Meanwhile, Heathrow, Stansted and London City airports put up the shutters, while Gatwick was experiencing severe delays.

It was down to the hardy folk up North to sum the situation up, with this bunch taking advantage of Nott’s online network of CCTV cameras to make their point. (Warning - image on next page contains rude word and may not be safe for the more delicate of workplaces.)

Still from CCTV in Nottingham showing giant 'c*nt' written in snow

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