Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/02/16/comments/
Exploding moose steals copper cables
And evades Heathrow plods
Comments An illegal immigrant evaded security at Heathrow airport by having it away on her legs,. Later, she worked as a cleaner at the House of Commons. You cheered her on:
Absolutely hilarious. I think she should be given a visa and allowed to stay indefinitely.
She has done an invaluable service to this country, she has exposed a fool proof way for Al Quaeda to breach our national borders and she has also shown how worthless ID cards will be. After all, she was given a pass to allow her into Parliament, which one might think would be somewhat secure.
HMG: 0 Brazilian Cleaning Ladies: 1
"...officials seem not to know where she got the pass or to whom it had been issued in the first place"
Every security pass I've ever carried has had two things in common, they all bore a picture of my face, and my name. Sometimes more, but never less.
This seems to suggest that despite all the TWaT hysteria that our 'representatives' foist upon us, those within parliament still don't really believe the threat sufficiently to implement even the basics of a door entry system such as one might find in any mid size corporation.
I mean seriously, even if this is something like the temporary blank 'contractor' pass you get issued when you get to work and realise you left your key card in your other pants, someone would have had to enter the card in the system originally, abd to set the timeout.
Unless these idiots genuinely just turn out piles of the damn things and leave them in a basket at the security desk for anyone who wants to take a handful.
I refuse completely (foolish, I know) to believe that anyone could truly be that incompetent by accident. This absolutely stinks of MPs rigging the system for their own convenience.
Another instance of them exempting themselves from the checks and balances they seek to impose on the rest of us ?
The Other Steve
Sometimes, when I don't have time to revalidate my travel pass before the weekend, I need to use it to get into town so I can buy an update. I find as long as I wave something resembling a photo pass, I can get past all three checks with a Jedi Mind Trick. That's a bus driver, a train inspector and the wall of inspectors in the station. It got to the point I stopped showing them my valid pass, just to see how far I could get before having to show them the real one. I gave up when I realised I'd never be stopped, even if I was showing an out of date ticket to the wrong zones with a mate's photo on it.
They don't even care if it's a valid pass any more, as long as it resembles something close to one. These are actually the droids you're looking for, you chimps.
I used to work at a secure military establishment. There was a sweepstake to see who could get passed security with least ID. The winning pass was lightly grilled and eaten with butter for lunch.
Police in Derbyshire have been searching for a criminal who attempted to cut through an 11,000V power line. They have been unable to locate the "badly scorched" crim.
Many years ago a relative of mine worked in the System Control Centre for the Jamaica Public Service Company, the electric utility in Jamaica. One night reports of an outage came in when there was nothing indicating a problem on the board, so System Control had Transmission & Special Services send a truck out to find out what was going on. When they arrived at the outage area, the T&SS men called in that the reason for the outage was that someone had removed about several hundred metres of 24,000 volt primary distribution cable. Whoever had done it hadn't cut through the cable, they'd climbed the poles where there were attachment points and dismantled the attachments. A more difficult, but much safer, way to steal cable.
Perhaps citizens of the <cough> ex-Mother Country </cough> might learn a thing or two.
I remember years ago that the tenants of one of the houses near me took all of the lead pipe out of their house and sold it, then they claimed they had been robbed. The council put in a new kitchen, bathroom and at the same time central heating! Sometimes stupidity does pay!
When recently working for a signage company, one of our installation guys was setting up an external sign outside a large office building. He was told to move the sign to a different location as the original site was over a 35kV main line. He moved, and proceeded to excavate using a mini-jackhammer. Five feet down, he hits said 35kV line. He's a big chap but he still managed to jump straight out of the hole...
Jackhammer melted beyond repair. Installer OK though.
The FBI and the Department of Homeland Security have warned of the threat of female suicide bombers pretending to be pregnant, but really having fake bellies packed with explosives.
But why disguise yourself as a pregnant women (max explosive carrying capacity circa 10lbs) when you can disguise yourself as an average American and smuggle 200lbs of explosives under a golf shirt?
I'll be off...
" I banged her and 9 months later she went POP ! "
72 virgins for you and for ever might be a nice reason to give up your life as a young man (even though I'd take 2 experienced ones over 72 virgins every day as a much better deal...), I fail to see how this may help to recruit women suicide bombers...
Presumably the idea behind this is so that if a pregnant woman gets on a bus or a train, every single able-bodied person will leap up and crowd into the corner furthest away from her, allowing her to sit down and have plenty of space. It was our loss of respect for others that made this necessary, I tell you.
Now all they have to do is issue a warning about bombs hidden in old ladies' wigs, and they'll get their seats back as well.
A moose at the end of its tether plummeted 150 feet to land dangerously close to Alaska State Trooper Howard Peterson's car. It faced the moose-ic alright, but that wasn't the worst of the puns:
"he was nearly killed by a falling moose"
I've seen a fair few moose in my day. There forever scampering around the corn fields and I've even had the odd one in my hoose. BUt I aint ever seen a moose big enough to crush a car. That must be some crazy moose. My wee field moose would run away terrified!
Was the cat chasing the moose? Did the cat land okay? Did it eat the moose?
So Lord Rockingham was right then when he said, "Hoots mon! There's a moose loose aboot this hoose!"
However, I note that the story fails to mention if it this occurred on a braw bricht moonlicht nicht. Sloppy journalism indeed.
That 'moose't have been a bit of a shock!
Mine's the fur one with the antlers......
You missed the obvious pun
No one is quite sure what happened - It's a moose-tery.
You've never eaten moose? It's fantastic. Chocolate's my favourite
Please pass me my coat and a blamonge . Ta
Twits moose-querading as wits. Well, I'm not one to talk... ®