Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/01/28/comments/

The internet's up sh*t creek, but at least we have aliens

No 'dwarven underlords' jokes, please

By Robin Lettice

Posted in Letters, 28th January 2008 15:03 GMT

Comments Alien hunters trawling NASA images for evidence of life have posted what appears to be a little green humanoid in a snapshot taken by the Spirit rover on Mars. The image has since been the focus of a great deal of debate, both informed and otherwise, and you lot were full of interesting theories:

It's the Virgin Mary!

How long before NASA auctions it off to a casino via eBay?

Anonymous Coward


The Little Marsmaid? Looks a bit like that statue in Copenhagen, I wonder if it's a copy.

Actually, looks a bit more like a rock shaped a bit like the above, but then "Spirit discovers rock on Mars" isn't much of a headline, is it?

I'll get my coat, the title was a shocker and I'll be lucky not to be court-martianed. I'll get my other coat too.

Harvey Trowell

Clearly the Danes are originally from Mars, and the Copenhagen statue is intended to remind them of their glorious past. Maybe.


If you look long enough at eroded rocks, you will eventually find one that looks interesting (for suitable definitions of "interesting").

Given these sad "alien hunters" have apparently spent man years on this stuff, it is a wonder they haven't found anything sooner.

But, really, it is probably just the flash-frozen remains of a member of a top-secret failed manned mission to Mars. :-)

Torben Mogensen


I think you'll find it is amanfrommars - note the lack of complete gibberish in this thread? That's because he has nipped home for a holiday.

Dan


They are producing these images on the same set that the so called Moon landing was created on. There must be plenty of places on this planet with this type of terrain. Use of a colour filter rather than the Black and White images from the 'Moon' now make it look like Mars.

Somebody obviously got through the security perimeter and ended up in shot.

Mine is the foil hat, thanks. Taxi!

Paul


if you look closely enough you can clearly see the rock woman snaking on a crisps bearing an image of Christ.

Craig


Its Lord Lucan..

Finaly found after all these years

Ray


Broadband provider H2O Networks has announced plans to run fibre cables through the sewers of Britain. They claim this will allow the impressive data transfer speed of 100Mbit/s. The only danger is that our computer systems may be hacked into by super-intelligent mutant rats, who are unlikely to have purely peaceful intentions.

In some areas, the sewers are not that big - this is made worse by years of **** and **** and other noxious substances being washed down the various drains, along with other decaying matter which solidify, and then reduce the size of the aperture. Shoving a fibre cable along a narrow pipe makes it narrower - just wait for all the drains to start backing up and houses filling up with sewage.

But just how look how fast you can surf the pron sites - makes it all worthwhile!

Tony


But my toilet is quite a distance from my office and also having a wire poking out of the pan will make cleaning it rather awkward. Not to mention the rats clambering along the cable and finding their way out of the loo. The other option of having it trailing out from the kitchen sink would lead to it getting fouled on the blades of the waste disposal unit. This is madness.

Hmmm, 100Mbit/s residential connection. Blu-ray doesn't look so rosy if online content were to be available at those kind of bandwidths. The implications for installation are nonetheless a bit scary, with many variables at each location. Think about cowboy cable installers and then imagine them drilling holes in your waste plumbing, pulling out excrement covered cables, nooo!

Andrew Bush

A decent troll, and sure enough it snagged a fish:


You really think their cable will come out of your toilet?

It's not practical to run IP-over-SHIT into each house, it's more a technology that comes to the end/ middle of your street, using the sewer like a fscking big duct. The cable is brought out of the nearest suitable sewer manhole, and onto the pavement, into an enclosure. From that point on, fibre is run in a conventional manner to the end point.

That said, if there was a green box at the end of each street (a-la BT connection points that are littered all over our 'burbs), fed with multi-gigabits of connectivity, containing a small DSLAM, each home would be within a few metres of the "exchange", without having to dig a big long duct back to it.

Paris, because she'd be stupid enough to think it would just shine out the pan.

Anonymous Coward


Wouldn't like to use a packet sniffer on that network...

Paul


Gives a whole new meaning to the term 'lay a cable'

Anonymous Coward


About time. There's a serious lack of fibre entering the sewers due to the unhealth British diet these days.

Mal Franks


The title of the next Bond film - the second starring Daniel Craig - will be Quantum of Solace. The name was announced to a resounding chorus of "What the hell does that mean?" You had some ideas:

Sounds like a cross between a Harry Potter book and an Open University course module.

At least John Cleese will probably be wearing a lab coat.

Andy Taylor


Fantastic! Or possibly maybe not that fantastic - Quantum of Solace is up amongst my favourite short stories of the series, and I'll be interested to see how the Americans screw it up.

Anonymous Coward


quan·tum n.

1. A quantity or amount.

sol·ace n.

1. Comfort in sorrow, misfortune, or distress; consolation.

surely that's a good title as it sums up Bond's need to recovering from the whole falling for and being betrayed by Vesper

knowing Bond, the form of this consolation will be in the form of hot birds, fast cars, cool gadgets and lots of explosions and heaps of dead bad guys

jai


How the hell are they going to fit that into the opening credits song?

*waahhnnyyahnaahh* He's got a quantum of solace *wahhhnyyaaahnaahhh* And a googleplex of sanctimony *wwwaaahhhnyyaaahhhnaaah* He'll aspirate your apathy *wwwaaahhhnyyyaannaaah* With anaerobic dialysis *waaahhnnyyyaaanaahhh*

Spleen

Nice. Getting rhymes is a bit tricky though.

He needs the quantum of solace
His name sure isn't Wallace
And if you don't watch out
He'll put you on a trellis

Which one of you bastards nicked my coat? It's the one with six different rip cords.


Question of Sport. That's what QoS stands for. Maybe Sue Barker can be M this time.

Anonymous Coward


Swedish police investigating a series of thefts of valuables from coach cargo holds are questioning "people of limited stature" (as opposed to people of unlimited stature, such as Stretch Armstrong). Their suspicion is that dwarven folk are being smuggled aboard in bags and riffling through passengers' baggage. These pint-sized perps may think they're high and mighty, but sooner or later they'll be brought up short by the long arm of the law.

Nothing wrong with a little crime. They should get inch high private eye on the job. I can see the film now "zero vert crime"

Paul Darcy


I was going to suggest evacuating the cargo hold or flooding with CO, but flooding it with nitrous oxide would be funnier all round.

Steve


Nothing new under the sun - Dickens documented the use of children in crime in the 19th century (Oliver Twist, for example)! And I daresay it had been around for a while then.

Paul Cooper


Hire British baggage handlers..the little bastards will be too injured to do anything!

Sam


Perhaps the police have already drawn up a shortlist of gnome suspects.

</coat>

David Heys


Police announced this morning that notorious crimelord Snow White has been taken into custody. Ms White of Dwarf Cottage is known to be the leader of a seven strong gang of miscreants.

Ms White accused her step mother of trying to poison her four years ago, however the case was dropped due to a lack of evidence. It has been speculated that the resulting frustration may have been the motivating factor in her subsequent crimes.

One-armed Freddy


I can hear their normal-sized accomplices accepting at the Crime Awards now.

"I'd like to thank the little people..."

David Wiernicki

As would I. They've helped me bash together another comments feature. Thank you, thank you...

Back next week. ®