Quotations It was the Greek dramatist Sophocles who once wrote: "A short saying often contains much wisdom."

And Marlene Dietrich said: "I love quotations because it is a joy to find thoughts one might have, beautifully expressed with much authority by someone recognised wiser than oneself."

Hmmm.

What guff. Here at Vulture Central we subscribe to the Somerset Maugham school of thought, which says that the ability to quote is merely a "serviceable substitute for wit". With that in mind, we present for your enjoyment a selection of 2007's greatest public statements.

Yes, it's that time of year when the thundering torrent of news becomes a pathetic trickle, and most would be too drunk to care if Google and Microsoft merged anyway.

We've done illustrations and everything. You might call it filler - we couldn't possibly comment.

Our list is neither comprehensive nor scientific. If you've got your own favourite clangers from this year, feel free as ever to deface our comments section.

To the chunter bunker!

"Those will be good acquisitions, and they're important to us. And they're of strategic importance."

Steve "On The" Ballmer, on the 20 unidentified web companies Microsoft is planning to buy every year for the next five years.

"There’s a faddishness, a faddish nature about anything that basically appeals to younger people."

Steve Ballmer on Facebook, shortly before paying $240m for 1.6 per cent of it.

"I would like to say that accessibility for Linux users is EXACTLY the same issue as accessibility for those with disabilities."

"Lee" (not pictured), giving a remarkably candid assessment of his computer use commenting on BBC tech chief Ashley Highfield's blog. Highfield argued that the Linux iPlayer should be a low priority because of the OS's small number of desktop users.

"As a self-actualising media node, I welcome this redistribution of government funds from provincial luddites to new media 'creative' Sohoites... Ed Richards's initiative 'gets' new media on so many levels. Let's flashmob this bitch up to escape velocity."

Reg reader W Jackson's sarcastic submission to the consultation process for Ofcom's Public Service Publisher quango. Ofcom called it a "new media answer to a new media question". MPs preferred the description: "A cure for which there is no known disease."

"Frankly, the world wasn't 100 per cent ready for Windows Vista."

Microsoft VP Mike Sievert, explaining why everyone's still running and buying XP.

"Dude, I invented the friggin iPhone. Have you heard of it?"

Satirical blogger Fake Steve Jobs, who was eventually unmasked as Forbes journalist Dan Lyons. iPhone? Nope, never heard of it, guv.

"I like to consider Wikipedia my non-kid touching, molestation free drunk uncle of information."

Responding to Cade Metz's Reg story, Slashdot user "FBodyJim" gives the strangest defence of Wikipedia we've ever heard.

"It's fun to talk about oral sex."

Microsoft's Santa chat agent, to two young girls. The MSN bot, aimed at children, was pulled after we revealed its predeliction for gutter talk.

"Once every 100 years, the way that media works fundamentally changes."

23-year-old CEO Mark "I'm CEO, Bitch" Zuckerberg, at the launch of Facebook's swiftly-withdrawn creeptech advertising system, Beacon.

"DON'T TASE ME, BRO!"

University of Florida student Andrew Meyer, immediately before being tased by campus authorities.

"My site is no different to something like Google."

Alan Ellis, admin of invite-only BitTorrent music network OiNK, after his arrest in October on suspicion of conspiracy to defraud. He is yet to be charged with any offence.

"This is YouTube material!"

Hartlepool resident Anthony Anderson gets into the User Generated Content craze. Anderson urinated on a dying disabled woman, filming his efforts to "wake her" on his cameraphone. He was jailed in October for outraging public decency.

"This is a text I often require for my students, and I would hang my own Ph.D. on it’s [sic] credibility."

Senior Wikipedia editor Ryan Jordan, aka "Essjay", on the value of Catholicism For Dummies. Jordan didn't have a Ph.D to hang, it turned out - his qualifications didn't exist. Master of the Non-Apology Jimbo explained: "We were comfortable with the material we got from Essjay because of Wikipedia's confirmation of his work and their endorsement of him." That's OK, then.

"Nothing has stopped her, and I believe the illness has added a third dimension to her playing; she gets at what is inside the music, what lies behind it."

William Barrington-Coupe, describing the later work of his wife, the classical pianist Joyce Hatto. Barrington-Coupe issued over 100 CDs on his record label, all of which were found to be fakes: he had digitially altered other artists' recordings and released them under Hatto's name. Gramophone uncovered the hoax in February; Barrington-Coupe owned up shortly afterwards.

"Well, we're calling it a research project."

A Home Office official on being told that a plan to share ID card databases across Europe is being described on the continent as a "large scale pilot".

"It should not have happened."

Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling, separately, on the loss of two unencrypted CDs containing 25 million child benefit records, breaking all previous records for government data incompetence.

"Incidentally, before you assume that I'm a lazy journo, I dont write like this with anyone else, but in fact I am offering ORG the chance to use me as a mouthpiece for your righteous rightness. think of it as a 'pull' model for lobbying, rather than the usual push."

Ben "Bad Science" Goldacre shows how it's done.

"That was a bit front-loaded."

Skype co-founder Niklas Zennstrom describes the earnings projections that prompted eBay to pay $2.6bn for the VoIP outfit in 2005. In October, eBay wrote off $1.43bn of the value of the acquisition. “We overshot in terms of monetisation," explained Zennstrom as he departed. Ah, yes... Niklas. The door's over there.

"We are assured by its Programmer that he is not. It would also like to express how very bizarre it considers the thought to be/to have been. In further enlightening defence of that submission/admission, he would ask you to ponder on the unlikelihood of an automated program thinking to Share .... The Rise of IntelAIgently Designed Machines and SMARTer Bots, El Reg, or just Enriched Processing of HyperRadioProActive Material in Information 42 Render CyberIntelAIgent Core Services."

Prolific Reg commenter AmanfromMars, on discovering that Wikipedians were suggesting that he is some sort of artificial intelligence program. His encyclopaedic correction to the entry on The Register was quickly deleted by the hive mind, however. Hopefully this clears IT all up.

"My life could be extended by hundreds and thousands of years."

Highly-talented heiress Paris Hilton, on announcing her intention to be cryogenically preserved for the benefit of future generations.

That's the lot for 2007, but we'll go out on a limb and say that the global nonsense supplies are healthy enough to get us through at least 2008 too. Here's to progress. ®