Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/10/14/comments/
Never trust a robot with anal beads and a fixed grin
A flying car? Your pants are on fire
Comments The flying car, that which we Reg hacks demand of all and sundry after a few pints, looks like becoming a reality. The Terrafugia Transition® is a bit more like a plane that can drive, but it seems to fit the bill anyway. You shared our excitement:
"Marty, where we're going, we won't need roads, just a runway. Oh, and you might want to leave that skateboard behind, I don't think we'll get up in the air with that on board."
"This would mean that learning to fly a PAV would be no more demanding than getting a regular driver's licence."
This fills me with a fear no words can describe. I don't know about drivers across the Pond, but here in the US of A, a majority of drivers don't deserve their licenses. But to allow these same people to pilot an aircraft?
Looks like I'll have to finish building the bomb shelter my grandfather started building in the 50s.
Try parking that thing in a dodgy neighborhood... Do you have any idea how much graffiti would be on the wings?
Graffiti on the wings? You mean the wings will still be there?
At least bad drivers will be quickly and efficiently culled from the herd.
It sounds like a fab idea. Likely huge repercussions for society. Think of the mayhem as the paparazzi chase celebs around the sky. Weekend in Paris? Customs? Pah! Mobile phones won't work properly though (maybe a good thing). How will the speed Taliban persecute the motorists now? No more getting stuck on a windy road behind some dodery airhead towing a caravan...
An airport worker's iPod nano burst into flame while inside his trouser pocket. You all figured he must be lying, since his pants were manifestly on fire. But what of the jokes? There were plenty:
Brings a whole new meaning to 'Hot Pants'
Liar! Liar! I mean c'mon, his trousers caught on fire.
goodness gracious great balls of fire!
...erm, taxi for one please?
Is that an Apple in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?
What was the "glossy paper" in his pockets? That old Bronco/Jeyes toilet paper we used to have in school? Playboy? The Radio Times?
And what for?
Amazon has been contributing to the downfall of all that is decent and proper, by flogging anal beads to the young and impressionable. Unsuspecting nippers who innocently searched the site for a Spiderman watch were subjected to an entry for the foul playthings, which were rather disquietingly filed under "Used & New". You joined us in registering your outrage:
"1 Used & New for 2.99" Used? Yuck... New? Yuck too...
This is probably due to someone buggering about.
how bloody big are these beads...........
package weight is 11kg ..... now thats gotta hurt
Perhaps they're ultra-dense for maximum satisfaction.
My Grandad had a watch like that! His father bought it in a little general store in Knoxville, Tennessee. He wore it everyday during the first world war and bequeathed it to my father. My father wore it in WWII. He was shot down over Hanoi and put in a Vietnamese prison camp. He looked at that watch as my birthright and knew it would be confiscated so he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something....I'll get me coat!
OMG - nearly coughed up my spleen laughing when I read the review:
Bought this for my son, he loves it.
Thanks very much.
Try the gag too
OK, i admit it, i bought them. But i'm sending them back sharpish, as not only do they not tell the time, they look nothing like Spiderman.
A man, evidently kept on a tight leash, has placed his car up for sale because he bought it "without proper consent from the wife". Some of you doubted the ad's veracity, but others felt more like dissing the poor bloke:
Stupid bloke. If I were him, I would divorce the missus and keep the car.
The force is weak in this one. No man mucle
I liked this one better:
"FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. No longer needed. Got married last month. Wife knows everything."
This thing is definitely real, it's quite frequently parked outside Scan, I park near there when I go watching Bolton lose. I guess the real story is... he wants to sell it so he can buy a bigger, faster penis extension and he fancied tagging a funny comment on the end. Fair enough. And I bet he's a high-ranking employee and he won't have to pay a penny to sell it on there, so why donate money to Autotrader?
Well, it's happened. Fearsome machines have taken the first tentative steps towards usurping humanity's traditional mastery and establishing a new world order. The strategy appears to be one of divide and conquer, namely forcing the obsolescence of men by vastly outdoing us as lovers. Whether this is simply a temporary alliance that will be discarded once we males are out of the way, or if the machines intend to forge a new hybrid cyborg race is unknown at this point. Don your tinfoil hats, people.
Chainsaw with tounges?! Good Lord, that's got to be scary! It's like Sir Killalot with amorous intentions O_O
I'm not quite sure how they made the design leap from "chainsaw" to "pleasure machine".
I seriously hope fuckzilla doesnt become self aware - forget the enslavement and destruction of mankind - pass the pampers!
This is just a load of perverted b*ll*cks maquerading as legitimate use of technology.. Where can I get tickets and when's it coming to the UK?
If it takes a two hansded robotic chainsaw dildo fuckmonster to pleasure a woman, how can I compete?
My willy feels smaller and smaller just thinking about it. At least if they had a chainsaw sheath for it..........maybe with built in taser capabilities to stun my prey. Captain Cyborg beware. And you thought playing "swords" would end there.
What about the technology for men? Why is it that all I get are various lubes, the Fleshlight, and if I happen to have several grand a Real Doll? Where is my mega-cuntzilla with pulsating hyperfriction walls? Seriously. And while you're at it make it tell me how sexy I am when I write regexes.
Did Burke just get bored of writing articles about online gambling regulations and insist he be sent on a jolly to cover something with naked women? Or did they think "who is the most depraved individual on the payroll? I know, we'll send the lawyer."
Also, does he know what Burke actually means? Could this also be the reason he was sent?
Burke won the all-Reg wrestling match over attending Arse Elektronika. Things looked a little slippery for a while, but Burke stood triumphant, beating off all comers and grasping victory firmly with both hands.
I think I need a bit of a lie-down... ®