Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/05/26/ebay_email_trauma/

eBayer driven to edge by email quippery

Web wags target defenceless car vendor

By Lester Haines

Posted in Media, 26th May 2006 13:47 GMT

It's a simple enough prospect: you've got a second-hand silver Ford Galaxy Ghia automatic you want to offload, so where better to get rid of it than on eBay? Here's the plan - set up auction, post nice pictures, include full details and wait for the bids to roll in.

Or rather, wait for the emails to roll in. Hundreds of 'em, as every muppet and wag in the land jumps on the "bait the vendor" bandwagon.

That's what happened to the seller of this fine automobile...

Looks straightforward enough...

...who was subjected to a barrage of queries and quips which might well have unhinged the mind of a lesser mortal. The full transcript of his struggle to hold back the tide of insanity makes fine Friday afternoon reading. Enjoy while thanking reader Steve Powell for the tip-off:


On 22-Apr-06 at 13:49:33 BST, seller added the following information:

Ok for the person who came to test drive it and exclaimed "Oh it's Silver - I don't want a Silver one!" Yes it's Silver. Just so that there is no error here The title says it's Silver, the description confirms this and guess what? When you look at the photo's what do you see? Yup you got it. It is indeed Silver. I am so glad that you came to view it, thanks for brightening my day.


On 22-Apr-06 at 13:58:42 BST, seller added the following information:

Hi,

Had 4 or 5 people asking what the reserve is....I can't see a reserve price on it...can you? ...er there isn't one. This is selling all the way. When the hammer falls the highest bidder wins regardless.


On 22-Apr-06 at 14:45:39 BST, seller added the following information:

Ok a round up of the latest emails:

Arghhh


On 22-Apr-06 at 19:45:14 BST, seller added the following information:

Ok I think I have become email capital of ebay...a real magnet for wonderful questions:

Keep up the emails as there is nothing else I'd rather be doing with my time. have fun and happy bidding. Is it a full moon tonight?


On 22-Apr-06 at 23:00:22 BST, seller added the following information:

Come on guys give it a rest it's saturday night...get a life...


On 23-Apr-06 at 12:00:55 BST, seller added the following information:

Sunday the day of rest...yeah right...more gems from ebay land...

Thought this might interest you - On one of my last auctions the guy who won it said that he had hooked himself up to a blood pressure monitor in the closing minutes of the bidding and his pressure went up to some ridiculous level. I do wonder some people on the net at times. Must get out more and interact with more carbon based life forms (humanoid) springs to mind.

Ok guys enough for today. I'm off to do some things as I have a life. More tomorrow no doubt.

On 24-Apr-06 at 09:35:52 BST, seller added the following information:

Well stuff me sideways with a large mexican cactus...a mail box crammed with 100's of emails...thanks just what I want to be doing on my Birthday. Yes Happy birthday to me, oh the joys of age...Ok another and possibly the last round up as ebay won't let me add anything I think within 24 hours of the end. The end is nigh.

Thankfully not long to go now so bid.

Thanks for the many messages of appreciation and yes for those that asked try this http://multiversity.blogspot.com/.

Have fun bid high. I'm off to blow out far too many candles.


On 24-Apr-06 at 10:04:28 BST, seller added the following information:

No I don't live in Lancaster??? I live in Oxford.


On 24-Apr-06 at 10:42:55 BST, seller added the following information:

Heaven help us...

Another is it left hand drive?

  1. Don't you read or something? If not then I guess this isn't going make a lot of sense then. In which case I guess I can call you anything and you won't know! Nit.
  2. Do you think that I have cunningly turned the photo's around to make it just look like a right hand drive vehicle just to fool you???? Give me strength. NO ITS A BLOODY RIGHT HAND DRIVE MPV.

On 24-Apr-06 at 13:35:55 BST, seller added the following information:

Last few:


On 24-Apr-06 at 13:38:39 BST, seller added the following information:

No Bob the cup holders are not broken or damaged in any way. As I said they work.


On 24-Apr-06 at 13:41:05 BST, seller added the following information:

Well Bob I just suppose that depends on how big your cups are doesn't it. No I haven't tried them with tins. I Don't drink and drive Bob.


On 24-Apr-06 at 13:47:14 BST, seller added the following information:

Bob haven't you got work to do or do you find that you have a problem relating to the rest of the human race? What is it with the cup holders? My suggestion is that rather than buying a car you go out and buy a cup holder. It's much safer - trust me.


On 24-Apr-06 at 13:51:15 BST, seller added the following information:

Thanks Bob and I hope that you have a nice day too. Oh by the way Bob you are now barred from bidding. I figure that the motoring and pedestrian population of Great Britain are safer that way.


On 24-Apr-06 at 15:10:48 BST, seller added the following information:

Bob sending me an email under a different name won't work either. You are the only person in the world who is even remotely interested in the cup holders and you have misspelled the swear words in exactly the same way as you did in your last email. Nobody and I mean nobody cares about cup holders. Now let me make some predictions Bob and you tell me if I'm right.

How am I doing?


On 24-Apr-06 at 15:20:42 BST, seller added the following information:

Hi Bob,

Thanks for your prompt reply. How did I know about the trainspotting, the telly thing and the shirts? Just a wild crazy guess I suppose. Even though you are not a virgin are only living with your mum temporarily you are still barred. Hey tell you what, there is a chap who would love to swap emails with you. He's not doing much at the moment, he's just tending some land in the middle east and buggering up a few million peoples lives. He would be delighted to have a friend. How about you send him an email on vice_president@whitehouse.gov . All the best.


On 24-Apr-06 at 22:32:49 BST, seller added the following information:

Ahhh back on! I would like to thank all the people who have sent me e-birthday cards and greetings. Thank you.

*Jamie I am sooo pleased that you have been in tears reading this. Me too - the bidding is slow!

Thanks to everyone (except Bob and Donald). Bid now please.