NSFW Last September we ran a shamelessly non-IT-related piece on UK sex toy e-tailer LoveHoney's online ejaculation pole* - a frankly preposterous survey of how many strokes it took Linux programmers to achieve explosive climax when indulging in a quick five-knuckle shuffle while perusing a Natalie Portman topless sunbathing snaps website.

Well, the results are in and - although we really are ashamed of ourselves in giving this filth even more coverage - the average level of spam javelin worrying it takes the average male to go bang is...

No, that would spoil the fun. Click here to get the full low-down, including the sensational revelation that left-handers can blow their load a full two strokes sooner then their right-handed counterparts - thereby allowing them vital extra time to enjoy post-monocoital pizza.

One thing remains - we now demand that LoveHoney conduct a poll for women to establish once and for all how much petting the pink taco it takes for the earth to move. Get to it.®

Bootnote

*No emails please - we know how poll is spelt.

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