Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/08/12/britney_birth/
Britney to drop sprog on live TV?
If Kevin Federline gets his wicked way
Britney Spears' squeeze Kevin Federline wants the highly-talented chanteuse to drop her sprog on live TV, a breathless Yahoo! reports. Britney is due to eject her bun in October, and young Kev reckons - in the wake of the couple's recent ratings flop Chaotic - that the sight of the pop sensation, legs akimbo, grunting her Hollywood rugrat into the world might prove an audience-puller.
Britney is, lamentably, not so keen - not because it's about as low as you can go in terms of self-publicity - but because she's worried about how she might look on camera. A "friend" said: "Britney feels that when a woman gives birth, she's certainly not looking her best, and she doesn't want to have to worry about how she looks in front of the camera when she should be concentrating on birthing a healthy baby."
Well quite. To be fair to our Brit, her mate does add: "Britney told me that it wouldn't be Kevin screaming and crying out in pain on TV. She said giving birth should be a very private thing for just Kevin and her to share, and that she's not sure she wants the whole world looking on."
Good for you girl. But then again, Britney's pal concludes: "Britney has agreed to allow Kevin to tape the big moment with their personal video camera, and depending on the outcome and just how difficult a time she has, she says she might reconsider and allow it to air after the fact."
Hmmmm. That's all well and good, but we can't help feeling Kevin may have missed the boat here. After all, we reckon the real ratings hit would have been video evidence of the conception, complete with cervixcam to capture the explosive climax to the event.
The advantages of such a "Britney gets banged up" TV special are obvious: unlike giving birth, where you don't really have much control over proceedings, there's nothing to prevent a girl taking a quick breather so her hair stylist and make-up guru can move in to repair the damage caused by torrid rumpy-pumpy. A bit of judicious editing and viola! - an immaculately-coiffeured Brit going at it like a jack rabbit. Now that's entertainment. ®