Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/02/25/breast_shape/

Jubologist links breast type to personality

Fruitful research into female assets

By Lester Haines

Posted in Bootnotes, 25th February 2005 14:51 GMT

An Italian sexologist has claimed that he can tell a woman's personality from the size and shape of her breasts, and his research has revealed some interesting and previously unknown facts about human females.

Piero Lorenzoni this week expounded his mammicular theory to German tabloid Bild. Shortly thereafter UK jub enthusiasts at the Sun got their quips out for the lads.

Likewise, we at El Reg feel duty-bound to share Lorenzoni's expertise in the matter, as follows:

That's right - the shocking conclusion of Lorenzoni's study is that women don't like sex very much and the form and volume of their assets makes little or no difference in the matter.

Having said that, there is another possible explanation, and one favoured by our own Lucy Sherriff: that women do not want to have sex with Piero Lorenzoni and he has not realised that this may not apply to other males. Interestingly, a web search for a picture of the Italian breastologist returned absolutely no results whatsoever. There are only two conclusions to be drawn from this: that Lorenzoni is so breathtakingly handsome that women fear they may die of sexual ecstasy if they indulge in rumpy-pumpy with the Italian Stallion; or that he he so closely resembles John Merrrick that the merest glimpse of his hideous form provokes females to run screaming for the hills taking their fruit with them.

Whichever is the case, we can understand why Lorenzoni wishes to keep his appearance a closely-guarded secret. ®

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