Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2004/06/24/ebay_salvo/
eBayer fires salvo at PS2-vending mum
Distributing clue to parent
Those readers who wrote in after our original piece to point out the linguistic deficiencies of the enraged mum's auction blurb will be delighted that the seller of a "new parenting clue" has well and truly taken her to task on the matter, as well as throwing in a few parenting tips:
This "CLUE" is for Sale to All Parents of Recalcitrant Teenagers Who Think that an Ebay Auction is a Suitable Means of Parenting~!
This clue will entitle you to the following;
1. You will learn how to properly spell the word Congratulations and the word Recoup, so that you don't look like a complete idiot to the rest of the world. I will also include instructions on how to spell even more words so that when you are attempting to punish your 13 year old son in a public forum, you don't look like an ignorant redneck.
Perception and Presentation are so important to getting the most out of your Punishment skills!!!
Proper grammar instruction, as well as sentence structure and paragraph formation, will have to be pursued through your local adult eduction classes.
Please, for your own sake and the sake of the English language, look into those adult education courses!!!
2. You will get instructions on how to parent a teenager with special instructions on how to supervise them on weekends.
Included free of charge, will be instructions on wielding a belt, a paddle or any other instrument of shame and real punishment! Pain and humiliation will not "harm" his precious self-esteem. That type of punishment will be sure to get his attention and I seriously doubt that it is something he will brag about to his friends or laugh about as they watch the evening news.
Marvellous. Working up a head of steam, the vendor of this priceless advice continues:
If my 13 year old son got drunk with his buddies on a Friday nite and then thought he could spend Saturday morning playing his flippin' video games, I would sell
ALL OF HIS BELONGINGS ON EBAY!
B. Consult with a local attorney and find out just exactly what the law demands in your state and then spell that out to him. Take him to family court and let him learn firsthand what life in juvenile detention is like or let him see what kind of parenting he will get through the foster care system.
C. If all else fails, remind him and yourself, that you brought him into this world and you can take him OUT!!!
And there you have it. For the record, bidding has now closed on this particular sermon. Surprisingly, it received not one bid, so we can only assume that American teenage ne'er-do-wells will continue to drink dad's beer and quaff expensive champagne with impunity. ®
Thanks very much to reader Coran Stow for the tip-off.