Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2004/06/04/fotw_honourary/

FoTW: Turbots don't have scales, you idiots!

Honourary award

By Lucy Sherriff

Posted in Letters, 4th June 2004 14:04 GMT

FoTW It seems, from recent correspondence, that we may be guilty of misleading headlines [Now there's a shocker - Ed] In this case, we suggested you might want to purchase a shiny gadget, capable, we said, of removing scales from a fish - an essential skill in today's competitve corporate world. After all, once your job has been outsourced to India, you still have to eat, right?

We were quite specific about the kind of fish you might want to descale too: the mighty Turbot.

Guess what? It turns out that Turbots don't have scales. Who'dathunkit?

Subject: You don't sell anything capable of descaling a turbot

(Scophthalmus maximus), broad-bodied European flatfish of the family Scophthalmidae or, in some classifications, Bothidae. A highly valued food fish, the turbot lives along sand and gravel shores. It is a left-sided flatfish, with its eyes normally on the left side of the head, and it is scaleless, though its head and body are studded with numerous bony knobs, or tubercles.

Lucy seems to know about Science, and biology was certainly a science when I was at school, so maybe you should ask her.  Something to deknob a turbot is a different proposition altogether, but you probably don't want to advertise that.

Keith Meldrum

PS - I've always wanted to get a flame of the week, but I don't think the required vocabulary would get through our profanity filter.

Please feel free to insert colourful language and a statement in caps about how pinko European journalist blah de blah de blah not fit to write about the majestic Scophthalmidae.... Etc.  Many thanks.

Well, let's see what we can do...

Subject: ARE YOU ALL STUPID OR SOMETHING?!!????! you blasfeemous crettins!!! how DARE YOU claim (ha!) that you could be fit to decsale a glroious turbot when th GOOD LORD has not seen fit to put scales upon its horny back. You OBVIOUSLY never stop to think for your selves when you write these so called 'stories' of yours instead of merely regurgiutayting microsfot propoganda about fish then you might get MORE RESPECT from your readers. IT IS THE SAME PEEOPL AS IS BEHIND THE MOON HOAX YOU IDIOTS!!!!! it's SO obviouss. If we had actually LANDED on the moon then the TURBOT, or Scophthalmidae would not be besiged by asylum seekers and terrorists now. it is ONLY because of bleeding heart liberals like YOU letting single mothers steal our hard earned tax MONEY that the problem of copyright on FISH is not solved. THINK ABOUT THAT!!!!! A**HOLES!!!!

That should do it. Oh, and if you want something capable of descaling a fish with actual scales on, check out our handy gadget section. ®