Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2003/01/27/fotw_look_in_the_mirror/

FoTW: "Look in the mirror, Mr Piranha"

It's the public dole for us

By Andrew Orlowski

Posted in Letters, 27th January 2003 13:39 GMT

Flame of The Week Yes, the Flame of the Week feature has become very irregular recently, but only because we get so few candidates that make the grade. The well has run dry. Even Qualcomm shareholders - a hitherto reliable source of survivalist paranoia - appear to be more interested in making intelligent conversation these days.

How dull.

However a brief reference to a carnivorous fish in this story, MS to hire 1,500 sales team to win more server revenue produced this stirring to defense of the Microsoft sales force.

Dear John:

Grasping piranha and desperadoes?????

If it wasn't for these so called piranha's or their brethren in your business you wouldn't have a pot to piss in. If somebody wasn't out selling advertising or subscriptions for the publishers of your useless articles you would probably be on the public dole. I would venture to say your contribution tot the world economy is probably nil. If these so called piranha's weren't so good at their jobs, there wouldn't be an economy period!

If you received any compensation for your worthless article you should sent it back. I think that the real piranha in your article appears to be you. The next time you put pen to paper look in the mirror, Mr. Piranha.

Louis G. LaBash

[Flames of the Week are published unedited and in full]

For some Flamers, the opportunity is but a brief moment of glory. But other Flamers go forth and spread their talent internationally, taking their talent for antagonism to a wider stage.

A recent Flamer, we learn, continues to spread his wings. "jpzr" was a Nokia employee when he wrote this stirring defense of Microsoft's Beth Goza (to whose freebie "Mobius Summit" he had recently been summoned) and he featured in the Flame of the Week called "I will attack you in cyberspace!". "jpzr" has left Nokia's employ and moved to Germany, from where he penned this tribute to Finland on his new website "Microsoft Mobiles".

(Now there's a damascene conversion, you're thinking, but that's beside the point.)

So please, pop over to jpzr's latest missive, entltled Finland is lame, ("Version 16"). which is a glorious addition to the world of FoTW folk-art - an outsider art in its own right, only you one you won't read about in coffee-table mags like RAW Vision.

Note how the text turns red at the very moment he starts talking about women, namely the "thick-boned" Finnish women. It turns red at random points, including quite inexplicably, at the phrase "Similarly is in buses and trains".

(These indicate the latest revisions to the draft).

And in what is a very low blow, "jpzr" even debunks the Finnish claim to be the home of Father Christmas:-

"Finns are spreading marketing propaganda that [Santa Claus] 'lives in Finland' just because reindeers live in nature in Finland," he writes.

Magnificent indeed, and a colorful addition to the Microsoft Smartphone/PocketPC camp. But we suspect that the Finnish Ambassador to Germany will not be seeking out "jpzr" with a box of Ferrero Rocher chocolates, this Christmas. ®

Recent Flames

"I will attack you in cyberspace!"
FoTW: "You will be executed in secret. LOL"
Reg envies Billg's omnipotence
FoTW: Bad language breeds Bad language
FoTW: The British Bendover
FoTW: "You hafe no balls and are all homosexulle"

FoTW: "i am going to stop comming to your gay site"
"You smell funny, your annoying and your opinion is no startling suprise"