Original URL: https://www.theregister.co.uk/2001/06/29/no_mr_bond_i_expect/

No, Mr Bond, I expect you to die

US Army 'SmarTruck' takes up fight against deranged villainy worldwide

By Lester Haines

Posted in Personal Tech, 29th June 2001 15:03 GMT

Now, pay attention 007

You know how it is. You're out for a quiet drive in the country, maybe heading for the golf course or the roulette wheels of Monte Carlo. The next thing you know, you've been picked up by a giant magnet slung under a helicopter, slapped about a bit and then strapped to a table by a deranged lunatic who intends to cut you in half with an industrial laser.

Perhaps if you'd been driving the US Army's SmarTruck instead of an Aston Martin DB5, you'd never have got yourself in this mess in the first place. Really, revolving number plates are all well and good, but what you really need is:

Yes indeed, the US Army's latest experimental beast - basically a Ford F-350 with a few 'extras' - might be just the thing to get you out of a tight squeeze.

According to the Integrated Concepts & Research Corporation, designers of this Blofeld-beating bad boy of trucks, the SmarTruck initiative addresses the Army's need for inserting the latest wireless communication, situational awareness and soldier safety technologies into its Tactical Wheeled Vehicles.

Long gone are the days of a simple moving map tracking device built into the dash. This is state-of the art computer kit we're looking at here:

The DT 2000 Truck PC is an all solid state Windows CE touch screen computer with PCMCIA slots, serial RS 232 ports, and a SAE J1708 / J1939 dedicated interface. The DT 2000 has a load tendering, dispatch and messaging module. It also includes standard keyboard and mouse ports. The Driver Tech Truck PC supports both satellite and terrestrial wireless communications and has an optional GPS unit capable of supporting NIMA maps.

In addition to this, the SmarTruck carries a ruggedized 12 Volt DC powered computer specially designed for vehicle use. The Vehicle PC serves as a diagnostics and event recorder - much like a black box.

All well and good. But how are you going to fight off a limousine full of Bulgarian assassins? Fear not, because you also get:

Hold on a minute, what about the ejector seat? Everyone knows you've got to have an ejector seat. Now, pay attention 007... ®

Related link

Would-be Bonds can get further info on the SmarTruck here.