How to get back your nicked mobile

Regarding mobile phones, Gareth Williams has some sound advice for Reg readers:

Just read your article on getting back your nicked mobile phone. Amusing stuff, although the advice from the Met seems to be lacking a certain je ne sais quoi.

As such, I thought I'd draw up the following ways of ensuring people don't half-inch your precious personal communications accessory...

1/ Don't believe that 'the A-Team Theme Tune' ringtone you've downloaded is in any way humourous;

2/ Don't feel obliged to call your loved one to tell them when you're waiting for the train to arrive, then when the train has just arrived, then when you're sat down in the train, then when the train has been delayed, then when the train has left the station, then when the train has arrived at the next station, then when the train..... etc... etc...etc...;

3/ Don't assume that the person you're calling is deaf and that by shouting at the top of your voice, they'll be able to hear you better;

4/ Don't be fooled into thinking that the shiny gold cover you bought for 99p from that dodgy geezer in Leicester Square makes you look rich or classy;

Basically, for the terminally-dumb, stop acting like a complete prick with your mobile phone and people won't steal it from you!

Also:

A/ Don't have the ringer volume on your phone unnecessarily turned up to full so that the person sitting next to you has a heart attack when it rings.

B/ Don't discuss in public with a friend how many ring tones your phone has and then demonstrate the whole lot.

C/ Don't shove your mobile up your backside. Fellow passengers can do that for you.

D/ Just don't, alright?