Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2001/01/22/register_tariff/

Register Tariff 2001

We'll do anything for money

By Lester Haines

Posted in Bootnotes, 22nd January 2001 18:06 GMT

Welcome to the Register Tariff 2001

Welcome to the improved Register Tariff 2001. Our existing customers know that we will do anything for money. Now we've made it even easier for busy executives to avail themselves of this facility. You know it makes sense in today's hectic dog-eat-dog business environment.

All you have to do is select one of our four service levels, set up a standing order and away you go. Every option offers the following customer support and benefits:


Gold Card - A budget £1500 per month for cash-strapped PR companies

Good for PR companies on a tight budget, the Gold Service delivers the sort of results your clients demand - and fast. For this sort of money we will:


Don't like something you've read? For £2500 per month our Platinum service guarantees its removal in minutes

Need a bit more sway down at Vulture Central? Then our Platinum option's the one for you. For mission-critical scenarios in real time, we can give you all of the above plus:


For £5000 per month, our Diamond option gives you virually what you want, when you want it

For the big swinging dicks of the IT world there is only one choice - Diamond Service. Additional benefits of the Diamond card include:


For £10000 per month, you can have our vital organs as well

Has your dotcom gone titsup.com? Stressed out? Been overdoing it on the vodka and Bolivian marching powder? Feeling poorly? No problem. With our Diamond Plus account you can have any Reg staffer's vital organs dispatched to you overnight. Note that we cannot guarantee full functionality of any organ (especially livers) and they are delivered as seen.

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Feel free to contact us at any time to discuss our service in complete confidence. We still accept alcohol, cigarettes and decent technology in return for occasional one-off deals. Integrity - we've heard of it. ®