Never explain, never apologise - who was it that first said that? Probably Margaret Thatcher. Anyway, readers' letters haven't been as good as last week and we're itching to get out in the sun and pull on a cold beer, so this week's contribution is going to be short and sweet. Okay?

[Actually, while waiting for Pran Pran, the horny sales man to turn up, we've done more than expected. Enjoy]

Scunthorpe babes? Well, one or two are alright
Internet vote rigging to get the howlers in.

Nutters: there's alternative thinking and just plain oddness
A prize if any of you can tell us what they're on about

Best of the Rest: mostly chip stuff
Randomly thrown in. It's a kinda treasure trove

Threat of the Week Mike's a dead man
It's a sort of scary version of Flame of the Week ®