Columnists

'Printer Ready'. Er… you actually want to print? What, right now?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Reg columnist snorts suspicious powder
Alistair Dabbs, 29 Jan 10:02

Sensors, not CPUs, are the tech that swings the smartphone market

The more your phone knows about the world, the more useful - and invasive - it becomes
Mark Pesce, 28 Jan 08:01

Whew! How to tell if a DevOps biz is peddling a load of manure

Comment Take your SaaSy nonsense and shove it, pal. This is the real deal

BOFH: I want no memory of this pointless conversation. Alcohol please

Episode 1 The internet’s new motto: Citius, Altius, Fortius
Simon Travaglia, 22 Jan 14:11

Five technologies you shouldn't bother looking out for in 2016

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Mystic Meg? Bring it on, Delusive Dabbs!
Alistair Dabbs, 22 Jan 10:03

Columnist Roll

Alistair Dabbs

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Alistair Dabbs is a freelance technology tart, juggling IT journalism, editorial training and digital publishing.

Who would code a self-destruct feature into their own web browser? Oh, hello, Apple

Something for the Weekend, Sir? “Put down the sacrificial dagger and step away from the goat.” Tsk, typical. I make all the effort of finding a remote hillock in Wales and an inexpensive black doe for my pagan ritual and I’m not even halfway through the banishing ceremony. It’s wet and cold and the trailing edges of my robes are muddy, and now some norm in a …
Alistair Dabbs, 05 Feb 2016
Still from the movie Zoolander: Derek and a fellow model try to get the 'files' out of the Mac by smashing it to pieces. copyright Paramount Pictures

'Printer Ready'. Er… you actually want to print? What, right now?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Whirr whirr click. Oh come on, print, dammit. Bzzzzt. Whirr click [silence] brrrrrrrrrrr [silence]. Why is it that an office printer manages to churn out pages day after day without delay or complaint, yet chooses to play silly buggers the moment you are in a hurry? Eh. Phut. Click. The green activity light is blinking …
Alistair Dabbs, 29 Jan 2016
The Seeing Eye by Valerie Everett, Flickr, CC2.0

Five technologies you shouldn't bother looking out for in 2016

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Welcome to the future! The skies are full of flying cars, the waters are full of personal submarines and our digital wallets are full of 57 varieties of mutually incompatible blockchain-based monetary currency. Food is consumed in the form of nutrition pills. The outdoor temperature is determined by Weather Control in Berlin. …
Alistair Dabbs, 22 Jan 2016
Photo by Heather Sorenson / sxc.hu

Put your private parts on display if you want to keep earning a living

Something for the Weekend, Sir? My prospective client is staring at my nuts. The quality of my work is apparently not too important. What really matters are the warm bits that dangle between my legs. Indeed, the human resources rep is insisting that I be prepared to present my lobster and urchins on demand, as regularly as possible. You’d think I would be …
Alistair Dabbs, 15 Jan 2016

Smartphone hard, dudes, like it’s the end of the world!

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Welcome back. Just think, it’s been a week already since glum users began reluctantly re-occupying seats that had been blissfully empty during most of Christmas and New Year. No doubt your Monday was spent dealing with forgotten-password requests, Tuesday helping the same users who had already forgotten the replacement password …
Alistair Dabbs, 08 Jan 2016
that's all folks featuring Porky Pig

If it still works six months from now, count yourself lucky

Something for the Weekend, Sir? My underwear smells of bacon. The idea, I think, is to make carnivorous members of society salivate in the unlikely event that they should ever bring their faces into close proximity of my shreddies. Unable to test the effectiveness of this theory "in the field", as it were, I am forced to take it on trust. That said, I can …
Alistair Dabbs, 04 Dec 2015