Columnists

Evil computers sense you’re in a hurry and mess with your head

Something for the Weekend, Sir? And printers play silly buggers for fun
Alistair Dabbs, 18 Jul 07:00

Time for a brutal TELLY-OFF: Android TV versus Firefox OS

Breaking Fad The fight for the living room's future is on
Steve May, 17 Jul 12:18

Game of Thrones: Where to now for headless Nintendo?

Game Theory Finding direction and picking an heir to the late Satoru Iwata
Mike Plant, 16 Jul 12:09

Attention dunderheads: Taxpayers are NOT giving businesses £93bn

Worstall @ the Weekend A look in the ledgers of Trotter & Worstall Independent Traders
Tim Worstall, 12 Jul 07:05

What do you MEAN, 'Click on the thing which looks like a Mondrian?'

Something for the Weekend, Sir? No, his post 1920s work, you fool
Alistair Dabbs, 11 Jul 08:00

Smartphones are ludicrously under-used, so steal their brains

Who needs computers everywhere when the one in your pocket is ready for work?
Mark Pesce, 09 Jul 02:30

Columnist Roll

Alistair Dabbs

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Alistair Dabbs is a freelance technology tart, juggling IT journalism, editorial training and digital publishing.

It’s DEJA VU: Customer forgets to tell us about essential feature AGAIN

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Déjà vu. I’ve just walked into the offices of a prospective new client for the first time and everything looks familiar, from the faux marble cladding and chromed door handles in the reception to the roughened white wallpaper and very specific shade of blue carpet tiles on the main floor. The Matrix - Déjà vu For all their …
Alistair Dabbs, 25 Jul 2015
2001: A Space Odyssey

Evil computers sense you’re in a hurry and mess with your head

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Error 51: Consult service manual. Error 51? Is that supposed to be a joke? I mean, it sounds like a bad pun on “Area 51”. Oh, those wacky error-message coders on the firmware development team, they kill me, they really do. Let’s try again. Print. Error 51: Consult service manual. Come on, come on, don’t give me that. …
Alistair Dabbs, 18 Jul 2015
"Composition with yellow, red, black, blue, and grey" by Piet Mondrian (1920)

What do you MEAN, 'Click on the thing which looks like a Mondrian?'

Something for the Weekend, Sir? A minicab driver is cross with me. As we swing around the tidy little streets of 60s-built suburbia, none of which look familiar, he fixes me in his rear-view mirror and snarls: “Don’t you know where you live?” Yes I do, I reply in calming tones, adding – less helpfully – it’s you who doesn’t know where I live. If I’m guilty …
Alistair Dabbs, 11 Jul 2015
Nikola Tesla's fake lightning, Recuerdos de Pandora on Flickr CC2.0 license

Let me PLUG that up there, love. It’s perfectly standaAAARGH!

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Want a new driveway? No problem, mate. Fix your garage door? Sorted. Oh, what, you want the the garage door to open on to the driveway? Oh no no no no, no can do, pal, that’s not done, they is sep’rate. Tell you what, though, I got a mate who could build you a shortcut so you can get the car from the drive to the garage through …
Alistair Dabbs, 04 Jul 2015
Darth Vader choking someone

That man told me to stuff a ROLE up my USER ENTRY!

Something for the Weekend, Sir? “Who are you, again?” Well, that’s just great. I’ve been talking to tech support customer services for barely two minutes and already he’s forgotten my name. To be honest, I can hardly blame him, considering my own inability to memorise names instantly, as recounted in this column many times. Tell me your name and within 10 …
Alistair Dabbs, 27 Jun 2015

FLICK my FLINT and SNIFF my TREE on the streets of Naples

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Youtube Video "See Naples and die" the saying goes. After visiting the city recently, I can believe it. Hang around there long enough and you’ll be dead. The likely causes of your imminent death in Naples are many: you might be run over by a motor scooter, stumble into a pothole in the broken pavements, get hit by falling …
Alistair Dabbs, 20 Jun 2015