Columnists

Didn't the Left once want the WORKERS to get all the dosh?

Worstall @ the Weekend And yes, we can prove that markets can beat racism
Tim Worstall, 22 Feb 10:00

For pity's sake, you FOOL! DON'T UPGRADE it will make it WORSE

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Mr Dabbs, you are incompatible with today's IT world :)
Alistair Dabbs, 21 Feb 08:00

BOFH: The Great HellDesk geek leave seek

Episode 1 Is that leave without absence, or absence without leave?
Simon Travaglia, 20 Feb 14:57

Euro broadcast industry still in a fug over that 4K-ing UHD telly

Breaking Fad 'More How than Wow' says Sky
Steve May, 20 Feb 12:14

The Order: 1886 – Round Table gaming's all right on the knight

Game Theory 'Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!'
Lucy Orr, 19 Feb 13:01

Vodafone didn't have a £6bn tax bill. Sort yourselves out, Lefties

Worstall on Wednesday Quit whinging. Change the system if you care that much
Tim Worstall, 18 Feb 12:32

Columnist Roll

Alistair Dabbs

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Alistair Dabbs is a freelance technology tart, juggling IT journalism, editorial training and digital publishing.

I, ROBOT ~ YOU, MORON. How else will automated news work?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? They want to replace me with a robot. This is an excellent idea. In a world of unlimited connected information, it’s about time that the middleman stopped getting in the way. Things happen, facts materialise, they end up online, then you read them. Simple, really. What’s a journalist for? Even better, El Reg commentards will …
Alistair Dabbs, 28 Feb 2015

For pity's sake, you FOOL! DON'T UPGRADE it will make it WORSE

Something for the Weekend, Sir? It’s decided: I am going to be an actor. Apparently, actors have better sex lives than any other profession. In fact, according to the press release in front of me, they shag 550 per cent more often than bankers. Oh, hang on. The survey didn’t quote “actors” exactly, it said “those in acting and performing”. Given that some of …
Alistair Dabbs, 21 Feb 2015
Glorious future of China

In praise of China’s CROONING censors: Company songs NOW!

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Clear the desk of work, put the phone on voicemail, set your email to auto-reply and sign that restraining order against the increasingly desperate Madonna. Allow nothing to interrupt the 3:11 of sheer pleasure that is Cyberspace Spirit, the televised performance of the official anthem for China’s web censors. As soon as I …
Alistair Dabbs, 14 Feb 2015

Smartphones don’t dumb you down, they DUMB you UP

Something for the Weekend, Sir? My wife has asked me to produce my dong when she is least expecting it. Apparently, this will help her to refocus during lengthy meditation exercises. She has also asked me to produce this occasional chiming sound (that’s right, a "dong" – why, what did you think I meant?) from different locations in the room. Better still, to …
Alistair Dabbs, 07 Feb 2015
Angry woman on mobile

BYOD is NOT the Next Biggest Thing™: Bring me Ye Olde Lappetoppe

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Remember BYOD? Well, it’s BYODded off into the sunset. It was the Next Big Thing, just before the next Next Big Thing that came after that and it followed hot on the heels of the Previous Big Thing. Without doubt, BYOD was big and it was a thing – but the party is over. For the benefit of occasional readers of this column who …
Alistair Dabbs, 31 Jan 2015

YOU. Your women are mine. Give them to me. I want to sell them

Something for the Weekend, Sir? A friend of mine had his wife stolen three times this week. The first two times, they gave her back within hours. On the third occasion, however, they seemed determined to hold on to her for a month. This is the risk you take if you insist on uploading your wife to YouTube. I’d better explain. Be prepared for a sorry tale of …
Alistair Dabbs, 24 Jan 2015