Columnists

Sony hack was good news for INSURERS and INVESTORS

Spilling Hollywood's secrets woke money-land to the need for intrusive oversight
Mark Pesce, 15 Jan 06:02

Grand Theft Auto 1997: 'Sick, deluded and beneath contempt'

Antique Code Show But oh how we love it
Lucy Orr, 14 Jan 10:01

What will happen to the oil price? Look to the PC for clues

Worstall on Wednesday Fracking analagous to move from mainframe to PC
Tim Worstall, 14 Jan 09:05

Tax Systems: The good, the bad and the completely toot toot ding-dong loopy

Worstall @ the Weekend And how to spot the difference
Tim Worstall, 11 Jan 08:00

Last year was utter rubbish. Thanks for being part of it!

Something for the Weekend, Sir? A great time for natty cyberpunk Kim Jong Un, though
Alistair Dabbs, 10 Jan 07:00

CES 2015: The good, the mad and the POINTLESS

Breaking Fad Coming to a living room near you – yikes!
Nigel Whitfield, 08 Jan 13:03

Columnist Roll

Alistair Dabbs

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Alistair Dabbs is a freelance technology tart, juggling IT journalism, editorial training and digital publishing.

YOU. Your women are mine. Give them to me. I want to sell them

Something for the Weekend, Sir? A friend of mine had his wife stolen three times this week. The first two times, they gave her back within hours. On the third occasion, however, they seemed determined to hold on to her for a month. This is the risk you take if you insist on uploading your wife to YouTube. I’d better explain. Be prepared for a sorry tale of …
Alistair Dabbs, 24 Jan 2015
President Putin on horseback

‘Whatever happened to Vladimir Putin?’ and other crap New Year prophesies

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Cross my palm with bitcoin, dearies, and I shall tell your fortune. Why not? Everyone else is doing it. Blogs, press releases and fashion celebrity know-nothings seem compelled to share their trend-spotting tips for the year, under the sneaky guise of making shit up. To gauge how useless these annual predictions can be, for a …
Alistair Dabbs, 17 Jan 2015
North Korean leader Kim Jong-un

Last year was utter rubbish. Thanks for being part of it!

Something for the Weekend, Sir? I’m glad 2014 is over. It was rubbish. However, given the circumstances, can we have it back please? This year is worse. Not only was last year crap for many, Facebook’s algorithm oompaloopas made sure they rubbed it in by showing us graphically how crap it was via its now-notorious Year in Review fail. To be fair, all it did …
Alistair Dabbs, 10 Jan 2015
Angry old man

You have a 'SIMPLE QUESTION'? Well, the answer is NO

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Old Man by Neil Young I am accosted in a shop by an aged gentleman with a posh accent, impeccable manners and a dripping nose. “Excuse me, I have a simple question.” Confession: I am in a suburban Apple Store so you may be inclined to think I deserve whatever I get simply for being there. In my defence, let me assure you I had …
Alistair Dabbs, 20 Dec 2014

Real Ale TWATS: In SPAAAACE, no one can churn your cream

Something for the Weekend, Sir? How can you get pissed, generously fed AND intellectually intrigued for a mere tenner in this day and age? Easy: sign up to attend one of The Register’s Christmas Lectures. Oh, except you can’t because the last one was held earlier this week in central London. Sorry if you missed it, heh. OK, a few pints won’t get the average …
Alistair Dabbs, 13 Dec 2014

How HAPPY am I on a scale of 1 to 10? Where do I click PISSED OFF?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? I am in a long, slow-moving queue of anxious passengers trudging through airport security like chained natives thrown into the lava pit by Ursula Andress giving a “lesson in obedience”. I remove all items from my trouser pockets and put them in my coat pockets. I take off my coat and put it in a plastic tray. My laptop goes in …
Alistair Dabbs, 06 Dec 2014