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Unbridled BONKING and rampant ROGERING at YOUR office!

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Ten ways to fool you into reading online lists
Alistair Dabbs, 18 Jul 10:37

Running the Gauntlet: Atari's classic ... now and then

Antique Code Show Food shooting N00bs
Lucy Orr, 16 Jul 09:03

Programming languages in economics: Cool research, bro, but what about, er, economics?

Worstall on Wednesday Let's just call it a runtime error
Tim Worstall, 16 Jul 08:05

The final score: Gramophones 1 – Glassholes 0

Something for the Weekend, Sir? My life according to a Google Arse
Alistair Dabbs, 11 Jul 10:01

Say goodbye to the noughties: Yesterday’s hi-fi biz is BUSTED, bro

Breaking Fad Are the days of floorstanders and separates numbered?
Steve May, 10 Jul 09:03

Tegile boots Dell array out of chemical biz. Dell responds: Tegile, who?

Blocks and Files Upstart says it's up, up and away ... but not on the giants' radar – yet
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Chris Mellor, 10 Jul 05:04

Columnist Roll

Simon Travaglia

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Simon Travaglia is the author of BOFH, the Bastard Operator from Hell, the long-running series about a rogue sysadmin. He lives in New Zealand.

BOFH: It's DANGEROUS to go alone. Take THIS

“I can’t smell anything,” the Boss says, leaning back from his half-consumed plate of the last of the onion bhajis at the staff cafeteria. “Well you wouldn’t, would you?” the PFY says. “Why not?” “Because we’re professionals.” “I’m a professional!” the Boss says defensively. “Please,” the PFY says sadly - but almost kindly …
Simon Travaglia, 29 Nov 2013

BOFH: One flew over the PFY's nest

"He's what I refer to as a... megalotechno," the psychiatrist explains happily to me. "Completely devoted to IT - it's so rare to capture one alive. We've tried to study him of course but he's much too geeky for our standardised aptitude tests." "Mmm," I murmur non-committally, following him through pale green corridors and …
Simon Travaglia, 15 Nov 2013

BOFH: Is WHAT 'running slow'!? GOD

Sometimes it feels like my life consists  mostly of waiting. Long, long periods of waiting. I don't know how much of my time has been spent watching little dots slowly ticking over a monitor as a kernel loads, the moria-like spinning of /-\| characters on the screen while a RAID card configures or the slow crawl of a progress …
Simon Travaglia, 01 Nov 2013
Beginning SQL

BOFH: Go on, beancounter, type DROP TABLE asset;

"Don't put that there," I snap - calmly, but firmly, as a Beancounter goes to drop a chunk of IT detritus on my desk. "What?" he asks, feigning innocence. "That. Don't put it on my desk, it doesn't belong there." "But it's IT equipment!" he bleats. "It's IT crap and it doesn't belong on my desk - any more that real crap …
Simon Travaglia, 31 May 2013

The BOFH is BACK: And it's cloudy with a 90% chance of beatings

"I just need you to go through it for me once," the user whines down the line at me. "You mean once more?" I reply. "Once more?" he snivels. "Yes, as I already went through this with you a few weeks ago. You said you understood, you even wrote something down." "Really - are you sure that was me?" "Positive." "How can you …
Simon Travaglia, 24 May 2013

BOFH: My HELPDESK HELL - lies, phones lines and statistics

"I'm just a bit worried about these statistics," the Boss says, lurching into Mission Control with yet another swadge of meaningless numbers. "Told you so," I respond. [FLASHBACK TO A WEEK AGO] "I'm a bit worried about these weekly statistics," the Boss says, lurching into Mission Control with a swadge of meaningless numbers …
Simon Travaglia, 15 Mar 2013