Columnists

IT jargon is absolutely REAMED with sexual double-entendres

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Let’s bring it back to level pegging
Alistair Dabbs, 15 Aug 07:00

Budget UHD TVs arrive – but were the 4Kasts worth listening to?

Breaking Fad Haters begone! You can now buy 'em with your bangers and mash
Steve May, 14 Aug 09:02

Perhaps middle-aged blokes SHOULDN'T try 34-hour-long road trips

Worstall @ the Weekend Not if it's just to dodge some taxes, anyway ...
Tim Worstall, 09 Aug 07:00

All hail Ikabai-Sital! Destroyer of worlds and mender of toilets

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Don’t trust experts to fix anything
Alistair Dabbs, 08 Aug 07:00

X-wings, pirates and a generic Lara: Gamescom 2015

Game Theory Fun-packed thrills for couch potatoes ... or something like that
Mike Plant, 07 Aug 08:03

Clueless do-gooders make Africa's conflict mineral mines even more dangerous

Worstall on Wednesday Dodd-Frank stupidity writ large
Tim Worstall, 05 Aug 09:04

Columnist Roll

Simon Travaglia

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Simon Travaglia is the author of BOFH, the Bastard Operator from Hell, the long-running series about a rogue sysadmin. He lives in New Zealand.

BOFH: My diary is MINE and mine alone, you petty HR gimps

Episode 9 "Wow, that's like the Matrix!" the Director's PA gasps. "Yes, it's what we call a terminal session," the PFY chips back drily. "It's so... green." "Yes," I sagely nod. "It's a monochrome terminal session, green on black." "I don't know what that means." "Back in the day - when IT required more skills than it took to use …
Simon Travaglia, 31 Jul 2015

BOFH: Explain? All we need is this kay-sh with DDR3 Cortexiphan ...

Episode 5 The PFY has crossed the line. Even though he knows better, he's attempted to explain something technical to management. I don't know why he did it – he's aware of the risks, and yet he still did. "KAY-SHING – not CASHing" he says, speaking slowly so the Boss can understand. "But surely it's the same thing?" "It IS the same …
Simon Travaglia, 18 Apr 2015

BOFH: The ONE-NINE uptime solution

Episode 2 "So what's the problem again?" the Boss asks, lurching into Mission Control like a Dalek with stepper motor problems. "We're not sure - it's not internet connectivity because we can get to other sites ok, but we're definitely having problems with the email site." "We shouldn't be!" he snaps back, presumably thinking that a …
Simon Travaglia, 27 Feb 2015

BOFH: The Great HellDesk geek leave seek

Episode 1 "Well that would be on the form, surely?" the H.R. person burbles smugly over the phone. "It sort of is," the HellDesk user replies, "only it's hard to see because the characters are all blurred." "They'll be blurred because your browser doesn't support downloadable fonts," H.R. replies in a know-it-all tone. "What browser …
Simon Travaglia, 20 Feb 2015
Stained glass angels

BOFH: A miracle on PFY Street

Episode 17 Christmas! Who doesn't love Christmas?? Most of the company as it happens! It's true, many of the staff here have an element of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder when it comes to Christmas - and not just because of the PFY and myself. The last day is always one full of trepidation, alcohol and a little sprinkle of emotional …
Simon Travaglia, 26 Dec 2014
Chicken Jalfrezi and rice with a beer. Pic by Shutterstock

BOFH: Capo di tutti capi, bah. I'm having CHICKEN JALFREZI

Episode 16 We have new Director, just in time for Christmas! It appears that, through some convoluted twist of fate, our former Director took a dagger in the back for "creating a hostile workplace environment". APPARENTLY his misogynistic leanings "fostered a culture of a male hierarchal structure" and he's been made an example of by H.R …
Simon Travaglia, 13 Dec 2014