Columnists

BOFH: Explain? All we need is this kay-sh with DDR3 Cortexiphan ...

Episode 5 You opened Pandora's Box, you shut it again
Simon Travaglia, 18 Apr 09:00

Let’s PULL Augmented Reality and CLIMAX with JISM

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Oh come on! It's ripe for renaming
Alistair Dabbs, 18 Apr 07:00

The Internet of things is great until it blows up your house

How to stop hackers letting the gas flow in your connected oven? Bitcoin has the answer
Mark Pesce, 17 Apr 05:02

DTS announces DTS:X – sparks object-based audio war with Dolby

Breaking Fad New multi-channel sound technology loves the speakers you already have
Steve May, 16 Apr 11:57

'Granola-eating tree hugger' takes plunge, becomes IoT upstart

Doing my own 'ting Sweating the small stuff, again and again
Damon Hart-Davis, 13 Apr 12:22

The Walton kids are ABSURDLY wealthy – and you're benefitting

Worstall @ the Weekend That's the Waltons of Walmart, not John-Boy and family
Tim Worstall, 12 Apr 09:00

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Simon Travaglia

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Simon Travaglia is the author of BOFH, the Bastard Operator from Hell, the long-running series about a rogue sysadmin. He lives in New Zealand.

BOFH: Explain? All we need is this kay-sh with DDR3 Cortexiphan ...

Episode 5 The PFY has crossed the line. Even though he knows better, he's attempted to explain something technical to management. I don't know why he did it – he's aware of the risks, and yet he still did. "KAY-SHING – not CASHing" he says, speaking slowly so the Boss can understand. "But surely it's the same thing?" "It IS the same …
Simon Travaglia, 18 Apr 2015

BOFH: The ONE-NINE uptime solution

Episode 2 "So what's the problem again?" the Boss asks, lurching into Mission Control like a Dalek with stepper motor problems. "We're not sure - it's not internet connectivity because we can get to other sites ok, but we're definitely having problems with the email site." "We shouldn't be!" he snaps back, presumably thinking that a …
Simon Travaglia, 27 Feb 2015

BOFH: The Great HellDesk geek leave seek

Episode 1 "Well that would be on the form, surely?" the H.R. person burbles smugly over the phone. "It sort of is," the HellDesk user replies, "only it's hard to see because the characters are all blurred." "They'll be blurred because your browser doesn't support downloadable fonts," H.R. replies in a know-it-all tone. "What browser …
Simon Travaglia, 20 Feb 2015
Stained glass angels

BOFH: A miracle on PFY Street

Episode 17 Christmas! Who doesn't love Christmas?? Most of the company as it happens! It's true, many of the staff here have an element of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder when it comes to Christmas - and not just because of the PFY and myself. The last day is always one full of trepidation, alcohol and a little sprinkle of emotional …
Simon Travaglia, 26 Dec 2014
Chicken Jalfrezi and rice with a beer. Pic by Shutterstock

BOFH: Capo di tutti capi, bah. I'm having CHICKEN JALFREZI

Episode 16 We have new Director, just in time for Christmas! It appears that, through some convoluted twist of fate, our former Director took a dagger in the back for "creating a hostile workplace environment". APPARENTLY his misogynistic leanings "fostered a culture of a male hierarchal structure" and he's been made an example of by H.R …
Simon Travaglia, 13 Dec 2014
Santa Claus on his laptop

BOFH: Santa, bloody Santa

Episode 15 "HE PUNCHED HIM IN THE FACE!" the Director shouts, gesturing both wildly and furiously at the absent PFY's desk. "Well yes," I say calmly, "but let's be reasonable about this - he WAS asking for it." "HE WASN'T BLOODY ASKING FOR IT!" the Director shouts again - in serious danger of bursting one or two major cranium-based …
Simon Travaglia, 06 Dec 2014