Lewis Page

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Former editor of the Register, having previously been Defence/Killer-robot correspondent. Formerly an analyst and journalist on military matters: author of the book Lions, Donkeys and Dinosaurs - Waste and Blundering in the Military. Served 11 years as a Royal Navy officer: highlights included commando training, mine clearance diving, live EOD (bomb disposal) operations and discovering genuine WMDs in 2003 (in Wales).
Bacon inhaler

Horrifying MOCK BACON ABOMINATION grown in BUBBLING VATS as ALGAE

There's disturbing and yet possibly uplifting news today on the science beat, depending how much you like eating bacon – and/or things grown in bubbling vats. That's because boffins in Oregon say they have managed to grow a kind of algae or seaweed in bubbling vats and that it is in every way as nice to eat as proper bacon …
Lewis Page, 15 Jul 2015

Cell division: The engine of life – and of CANCER. Now some of its secrets are revealed

We each begin our existence as a single cell, which divides into new cells which divide into new cells. Old tissues are replaced, wounds heal, our ears – not especially useful – keep on growing even once they're quite big enough, thank you*. Cell division is pretty much the miracle of life – and yet we still don't understand …
Lewis Page, 14 Jul 2015
Credit: PLoS One/Danielle Dufault

Wendi the horny dino named after Canadian fossil hunter. Charming!

Pics A very big-boned and horny-faced ceratopsian dinosaur has been dubbed Wendiceratops pinhornensis as a tribute to the work of Canadian fossil hunter Wendy Sloboda. The new dino was identified from fossilised bones found in Alberta, Canada. Boffins involved in the dig believe that W pinhornensis was roughly 20 feet long and …
Lewis Page, 09 Jul 2015
flying_pig_648

FLYING PIG crash-lands in Utah: Rider survives, bacon saved

Heartwarmingly, news has reached us here on the Register flying-cars-and-related-matters desk that a large flying pig has crashlanded in Utah. The airborne porker's rider suffered only minor injuries. The incident took place recently in the town of Provo, Utah, where locals were celebrating the anniversary of the Land of the …
Lewis Page, 09 Jul 2015
Philae takes a first look at the surface of Comet 67P

Dormant ALIEN SLIME LIFE frozen in SPEEDING comet will AWAKEN - boffins

Top astrobiologists say that the approaching comet 67P/Churyumov-Gerasimenko could be loaded with slumbering alien organisms capable of living on Earth, which will wake up and become active as the frosty spaceball comes nearer and nearer to the Sun. Dr Max Wallace and Professor Chandra Wickramasinghe say that data from the …
Lewis Page, 06 Jul 2015

Florida cops cuff open-carry, balls-out pirate packing 'operational' flintlocks

A Florida pirate was arrested recently after allegedly firing shots at passing cars using his pair of "operational" black-powder pistols, presumably flintlocks. The Florida Keys Keynoter and Reporter has the story. It seems that Monroe County sheriff's deputies, responding to notifications of shots fired on the old Seven Mile …
Lewis Page, 06 Jul 2015
University of Chicago press-release picture. Credit: Giant Screen Films LLC

Boffin: Will I soon be able to CLONE a WOOLLY MAMMOTH? YES. Should I? Hell NO

Poll It will definitely be possible within the foreseeable future to bring back the long-extinct woolly mammoth, a top geneticist has said. However, in his regretful opinion such a resurrection should not be carried out. The assertion comes in the wake of a new study of mammoth genetics as compared to their cousins the Asian and …
Lewis Page, 03 Jul 2015

Original Lizard Jesus is found in Wyoming

Rejoice! For the Lizard Jesus (or jesus lizard if you prefer) has been found hidden smack bang in the middle of the United States of America (or Wyoming to be a little more precise). Yes – it's true. And this is the original jesus lizard, mind you, not any later imitation. We are told: Modern relatives of the Jesus lizard …
Lewis Page, 02 Jul 2015
Vulcan bomber bomb bays, photo Phil Holding

Goodbye Vulcan: Blighty's nuclear bomber retires for the last time

Visit a British air show before September and it's possible you’ll get the opportunity to witness the last Vulcan bomber in flight - and this is definitely the last year you'll get the chance, this time. Alongside the staple leather-clad wing-walking ladies, the Battle of Britain Memorial Flight, simulated Apache attack- …
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Police robot duo storm Colorado house, end four-day siege

A pair of police robots are being hailed as heroes in Colorado, after they stormed a house in which a possibly drug-addled, armed man had barricaded himself. Officers seem likely to be enjoying celebratory doughnuts and battery charging back at the station after a four-day siege ended in the town of Greeley, Colorado, on …
Lewis Page, 22 Jun 2015
Man drinking through a straw CC2.0 attribution Bradley Gordon https://www.flickr.com/photos/icanchangethisright/

Sharing Economy latest: Women's BREAST MILK is the new 'liquid GOLD' of the internet

Perhaps you don't think that there's a massive and highly lucrative trade in human breast milk on the internet, much of the milk apparently being quaffed by adult men? Perhaps you need to pull your head out of the "real" world, get back online and get up to speed, my friend. To be fair, we here on the Reg breasts-and-related- …
Lewis Page, 18 Jun 2015
Short animated gif from the film Tango and Cash

Noshing moth menaces misled into male-on-male mating

Crafty museum curators in London, outraged by lepidopterans gobbling their well-stuffed exhibits, have fought back with a sinister plan that has seen the noshing attackers tricked into orgies of male-on-male sex and hence unable to reproduce. We learn of the scheme from the Telegraph, reporting on a mysterious London …
Lewis Page, 17 Jun 2015
Monty Python foot UHDTV

Pavegen: The Company that can't make energy out of crowds tries to make money out of them

A company selling floor tiles which extract tiny, pointless amounts of energy from crowds walking across them is seeking fresh investment through the medium of crowdfunding. The company in question is Pavegen, which we've covered before. The firm is the brainchild of Laurence Kemball-Cook, who describes himself in a press …
Lewis Page, 26 May 2015

Attack of the possibly-Nazi clone parakeet invaders

The various waves of invading parakeets currently sweeping the world are "genetically identical" and all come from a small remote region in Latin America, scientists say. We are told: The parakeets that have invaded Europe and North America over the last forty to fifty years, creating massive nests in many urban areas, seem …
Lewis Page, 13 May 2015

Massive police 'heavy equipment' robot drags out suspect who hid inside television

A hefty police robot described by its human colleagues as "heavy equipment" charged into a besieged house through a barrage of stun grenades and choking riot gas at the weekend, before finding and forcefully apprehending a wanted man who had somehow managed to conceal himself inside a television. The robot belonged to the …
Lewis Page, 12 May 2015
Star Wars: Force Unleashed II

Boffins' ball barrage bombardment biffs bumbling bimble biped-bot

Morning Vid For your amusement this morning we have this video of a walker robot being attacked by a gang of boffins in a park: The machine was built at Oregon State University, is known as the ATRIAS and - you guessed it - is funded by Pentagon warboffin bureau DARPA. It's to be a contender at the DARPA Robotics Challenge in California …
Lewis Page, 05 May 2015

US Navy robot war-jet refuels in air: But Mav and Iceman are going down fighting

A US Navy X-47B unmanned aircraft demonstrator has successfully carried out air-to-air refuelling from a tanker, the last of the feats the X-47B project was intended to accomplish. The two robot jets will now be retired, either to museums or the Pentagon's famous desert aircraft boneyard in Arizona. The test took place …

Apple Watch: We ROUNDUP the ROUNDUPS. Yes, Roundup-squared

FOUR THINGS ye must know about the Apple Watch: First, it is from APPLE. Second, it is a bit like a WATCH. For instance, it goes on your wrist. Third, without an iPhone 5 or 6 it is USELESS. Actually maybe that should have been first. Sorry. Fourth, the world's media are now publishing many, many reviews and commentaries on …
Lewis Page, 09 Apr 2015
The reverse cowgirl

Watching porn makes men 'better in bed'

It's widely believed that watching more porn tends to be a bad thing for a man's performance in real-world boudoir athletics: but a new study by academics in Montreal suggests that in fact the reverse may be true. The study involved 280 Montreal men, who were asked how much porn they viewed in a week (with some apparently …
Lewis Page, 18 Mar 2015
Google Street View penguins

PENGUINS are just TASTELESS, say boffins

Penguins may be immaculately tailored but it seems they may be a bit tasteless in other areas; specifically that of, erm, taste. This is according to new genetic research which indicates that the smartly turned out flightless birds of the Antarctic have the genes to detect only two of the five tastes (which are sweet, sour, …
Lewis Page, 17 Feb 2015
A still from Eppendorf's epMotion video

Want to find LOVE online? Make sure your name is high up in the alphabet

A scientist, sickened by repeatedly getting turned down when seeking a date online, roped in a colleague and carried out extensive research through scientific literature so as to develop a set of foolproof methods for finding love on the internet. He now has a girlfriend, with whom he spent last week in Rome. The boffin in …
Lewis Page, 16 Feb 2015
Artist's conception showing the inner four planets of the Gliese 581 system. GJ 581g, potentially habitable, is in the foreground. Credit: Lynette Cook/NSF

ATTENTION SETI scientists! It's TOO LATE: ALIENS will ATTACK in 2049

Today, top experts on aliens will debate one of the most pressing issues of modern times: to wit, should the human race send out signals with the aim of letting any possible extraterrestrial beings know we are here? But the brainboxes assembled in San Jose for the annual shindig of the American Association for the Advancement …
Lewis Page, 13 Feb 2015

UN negotiations menaced by THOUSANDS of TOPLESS LADIES with MAYONNAISE

Sensitive international negotiations on arms control taking place in Geneva could be menaced by mobs of screaming, topless women throwing mayonnaise, according to one of the delegates. Mr Ivan Grinevich, representing the nation of Belarus, made the remarks on Tuesday during a meeting of the United Nations Conference on …
Lewis Page, 13 Feb 2015
Reconstruction of past climate. Credit: Insititute of Geography, Johannes Gutenberg University Mainz

'Giving geo-engineering to this US govt is like giving a child a loaded gun'

An official US government report just has recommended that further research should be carried out into various methods of "geoengineering" the climate so as to combat global warming. But one of its authors disagrees with himself, saying that giving such technology to the current US leadership would be "like giving a loaded gun …
Lewis Page, 11 Feb 2015
A person's chubby legs are seen above a scale. Photo via Shutterstock

SWINGBELLIES! Take heed! Drinking WINE is good for your LIVER

Great news today for those who haven't seen their feet lately and who enjoy a slurp of red wine: chemicals in dark grapes have been found to protect the liver from the harmful effects of being a fatty. Glugging red wine - or munching actual grapes, should that be your bag - doesn't prevent or reduced actual embulgement. What …
Lewis Page, 09 Feb 2015

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