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Joe Fay

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Joe Fay is group editor of The Register, and The Channel.
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Surrey nudists tossed out into the cold after lease expires

A group of Surrey naturists is looking for an accommodating farmer, after their landlord refused to renew the lease on their old site. The Surrey Downs Sun Club leased their site from a holiday and residential company, which has decided to expand its own facilities at the Farley Green site, the Surrey Advertiser reports. The 70 …
Joe Fay, 01 Mar 2011
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Euro court slaps down insurers over gender risks

The European Court of Justice has ruled that insurers should not treat gender as a risk factor when assessing premiums, clearing the way for higher costs for women. And probably men. A Belgian consumer organisation had brought the case, which centred on exemptions from the EU's anti-discrimination directive that allowed …
Joe Fay, 01 Mar 2011
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Lloyds, First Direct websites hit by payday outages

Customers of two of the UK's biggest banks were locked out of their online accounts this morning, as payday collided with an outbreak of server sleeping sickness. The problems came on the last Friday of the month, when many of the nation's workers pile online to check their salaries have hit their bank accounts and start paying …
Joe Fay, 25 Feb 2011
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Customs officers get X-ray machines for down under searches

Aussie customs officers are to get right under the skin of visitors to the Lucky Country with body scanners that will allow them to peruse suspected smugglers' internals without the need for a doctor's expertise. Ingesting drug-filled condoms and the like has become a favourite quick and dirty method for smugglers to evade …
Joe Fay, 25 Feb 2011
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Jacqui Smith 'shocked' to discover we're drowning in sea of porn

Former Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has professed herself "shocked" at the availability of porn on the internet after investigating the issue for a radio documentary. Which raises the question of what exactly she thought she was cracking down on during her time in charge of law and order. Smith famously left her job as Gordon …
Joe Fay, 22 Feb 2011
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Who needs 600 friends when you're a bride of Christ?

A Spanish nun has been kicked out of her closed religious order after clocking up 600 friends on Facebook. After 35 years closeted at the 700-year-old Santa Domingo el Real convent in Toledo, Maria Jesus Galan is back living with her mum, and has declared she rather fancies visiting New York and London. The convent reportedly …
Joe Fay, 21 Feb 2011
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EU bottoms up committee slates body scanners

An obscure EU Committee has slammed the introduction of body scanners, raising concerns over the health and human rights risks of the technology. The European Economic and Social Committee has delivered an opinion on scanner technology, which sets out concerns over the scanners' ability to improve security "which, coupled with …
Joe Fay, 17 Feb 2011
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Sarkozy: Microsoft represents all that is great about France

French president Nicholas Sarkozy delivered a profound judgement on Microsoft yesterday, declaring that the company personifies the values of France and Europe. While such a declaration would quicken the heart of US artists and filmmakers, it might not be the sort of endorsement that a nakedly capitalist, (sometimes) bleeding …
Joe Fay, 17 Feb 2011
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Knife-waving knob nabs fat stack of jazz mags

A small hamlet in Surrey has been left reeling after a knife-wielding thief stole a whole top shelf's load of adult magazines. The masked raider struck the shop cum post office in Gomshall on Tuesday afternoon, the Surrey Advertiser reports. He first demanded money from the shop keeper, who resisted until he was pushed with a …
Joe Fay, 16 Feb 2011
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Gov will pay £2.25m compo to ID card suppliers

The cost of compensating suppliers after the scrapping of the ID card scheme is likely to hit £2.25m, Home Office Damian Green has confirmed. Green disclosed the figure in a letter to former Labour Home Secretary and erstwhile ID card enthusiast David Blunkett, the Daily Telegraph reports. On top of the payments of £2.25m to …
Joe Fay, 16 Feb 2011
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Clinton demands net freedom for all... 'cept Wikileaks

Hillary Clinton will bang the drum for internet access as a human right today when she outlines the US vision for the net in the wake of recent political turmoil in the middle east, and its own savaging in the wake of the Wikileaks disclosures. The US Secretary of State will claim that the debate about whether the internet lends …
Joe Fay, 15 Feb 2011
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Techies floored by 'virus' after Playboy mansion party

LA Public Health Officials are investigating The Playboy Mansion after 100 techies became horribly ill in the wake of a party there. According to local reports, Hef's mansion was the venue for a fundraiser and end-of-show party for the DomainFest conference earlier this month. The show itself was at the Fairmont Miramar Hotel in …
Joe Fay, 14 Feb 2011
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MPs' IT support costs £1.122m

If you've ever wondering how much it costs to show MPs and their staff how to use their computers, the answer is in - £1.22m. The figure came in a Commons answer yesterday. Geoffrey Clifton-Brown had asked what the cost of IT support for members was. John Thurso, speaking for the House of Commons Commission, replied that the …
Joe Fay, 10 Feb 2011
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Facebook's position on real names not negotiable for dissidents

Facebook's real-name-only approach is non-negotiable – despite claims that it puts political activists at risk, one of its senior policy execs said this morning. Simon Axten, of Facebook's public policy team, said today that the "real name culture" was an essential element of the social networking platform. However, the policy …
Joe Fay, 08 Feb 2011
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Nationwide customers find online front door shut

Nationwide Building Society customers looking to check their accounts or peruse mortgage rates via its online front door were left frustrated today as its website's front page told them it was, er, too busy. Customers typing in nationwide.co.uk today were greeted with the following: Server is too busy The front page seems to …
Joe Fay, 07 Feb 2011
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Apple pressed to show succession plan

Apple has come under further pressure to tell shareholders how it plans to manage the eventual succession to Steve Jobs, after the CEO announced his latest and open-ended stint of medical leave. Institutional Investor Services, a particularly influential shareholder advisory firm, has thrown its weight behind the Central …
Joe Fay, 04 Feb 2011
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Post-a-puppy woman hit with cruelty charges

A Minneapolis woman has been hit with animal cruelty charges after she tried to relocate a puppy to Atlanta, via airmail. Stacey Champion told post office workers in downtown Minneapolis to be particularly careful with the tightly sealed package she submitted for sending as a birthday gift to a relative in Georgia. Champion …
Joe Fay, 03 Feb 2011
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Norwegian MP nominates Wikileaks for Nobel Peace Prize

Julian Assange could find just himself in the company of Barack Obama, the Dali Llama and Aung San Suu Kyi, after a Norwegian politician nominated Wikileaks for the Nobel Peace Prize. However, the hacker turned world's favourite leaker-in-chief will no doubt be rather conscious of what happened to the likes of Martin Luther King …
Joe Fay, 02 Feb 2011
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Republican reps push for mandatory gun ownership

Republican politicians in South Dakota have filed a bill that would require every citizen in the land-locked virtually empty state to buy a gun as of next year. The bill, put forward by Sioux Fall representative Hal Wick, would require every citizen over 21 to buy a firearm "suitable to their temperament, physical capacity, and …
Joe Fay, 02 Feb 2011
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UK.gov doesn't know its IT spend – but insists it will spend less

The government has put the kybosh on IT projects worth £1bn, but has no idea how much it will still be spending, as it doesn't keep an overall tab on its tech spend. Cabinet office minister Francis Maude was asked yesterday – by Charlie Elphicke MP – "how much government departments budgeted for expenditure on IT in 2010-11, and …
Joe Fay, 02 Feb 2011
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Citigroup clutches EMI to bosom

Ownership of EMI, home of The Beatles, Pink Floyd and Sir Simon Rattle, has passed into the hands of US mega money corp Citigroup. EMI said in a statement today that Citigroup had acquired 100 per cent of its share capital, and completed a recapitalisation of the debt-laden music group. Through this, the group's debt has been …
Joe Fay, 02 Feb 2011
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China drafts in parent army to battle internet addiction

China has sought to battle the scourge of internet addiction among the youth by giving parents the right to monitor their offspring's online meanderings. Eight government departments have issued new guidelines due to come into force from next month. These will allow, among other things, parents to set restrictions on their kids …
Joe Fay, 01 Feb 2011
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Gov will spend £400k to destroy ID card data

Taxpayers will finally see some value for money out of the former goverment's ID card scheme. The cost of destroying the personal data collected under the ill-starred programme will be a mere £400,000, Home Office minister Damian Green revealed yesterday. The figure came in a commons reply to Paul Goggins MP, who'd asked what …
Joe Fay, 20 Jan 2011
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Yahoo! buzzing over 'nonce Pope's' Christmas message

Yahoo!'s buzz service took a pop at the papacy overnight, apparently informing its readers: "Nonce Pope to deliver Christmas message on the BBC". Buzz, for those who haven't noticed, is a Digg-alike service allowing Yahoo! users to flag up content – and crucially giving them the ability to add in their own headline. And for …
Joe Fay, 23 Dec 2010
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Sluggish economy means hard times for US executioners

Economic turmoil has wreaked havoc on the US execution industry, latest figures show, with the total number of prisoners put to death well down on last year. The Death Penalty Information Centre's annual report showed 49 executions were carried out across the US last year, a 12 per cent drop compared to 2009. Even more dramatic …
Joe Fay, 21 Dec 2010
cloud

Adobe forgets to thank Apple as it hits $1bn per quarter

Adobe put a troublesome year behind it yesterday, announcing its first ever billion-dollar quarter and jacking up its forecasts for next year. The developer and creative software vendor turned in revenues of $1bn for its fourth quarter ending 3 December, well up on last year's $757.3m, and ahead of the $998m Wall Street was …
Joe Fay, 21 Dec 2010
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eBay buys into German fashion club

eBay has lashed out $200m for a German online "fashion club" as the international tat bazaar looks to consolidate its position as the top destination for fashion fans who don't feel the need to actually try on clothes before they buy them. brands4friends is described as "Germany’s largest online shopping club for fashion and …
Joe Fay, 20 Dec 2010
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BA flights website grounded by snow

British Airways' website was up and down this morning, which is still more than can be said for its aircraft. The UK's flag carrier's terrible weekend carried on right into Monday, as its shiny new base at Heathrow was snowbound with few flights taking off, and fewer still arriving – in common with the rest of the airport it has …
Joe Fay, 20 Dec 2010
channel

Windows 7 really was some girl's idea, rules ASA

The ASA has ruled that it's perfectly plausible to claim that Windows 7 was developed by a bunch of rugby players' girlfriends, "private-browsing" dads, and spud-faced kids in Spanish cafes rather than a bunch of highly trained, generously paid developers in Redmond. The ruling came in response to eight complaints about one of …
Joe Fay, 15 Dec 2010
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Naked cemetery man was simply photographing orbs

A Mississippi man found naked in a cemetery explained to Sheriff's deputies that he was not indulging in indecent exposure but was simply looking to snap some "spirit orb" photos. Robert T Hurst, 47, was reeled in by deputies after a man was "photographed naked and setting up his own camera on a tripod by a game camera in the …
Joe Fay, 14 Dec 2010
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DUI suspect was watching porn DVD

An Indianoplis man was pulled in by cops last week for drunk driving while watching porn. Actually, he was only charged with drunk driving – Indiana law not appearing to have a law governing the viewing of smut while hurtling down the highway while nominally in control of a tonne-and-a-half of car. At least not at the moment. …
Joe Fay, 13 Dec 2010
channel

Death of ID card scheme left £6.5m of kit going begging

The government is working out what to do with £6.5m worth of kit left gathering dust after it pulled the plug on the ID card scheme earlier this year. Home Secretary Theresa May was asked in a commons question: what the cost was of IT equipment purchased by or on behalf of the government in respect of the identity cards scheme; …
Joe Fay, 09 Dec 2010
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Walmart falls in with Washington's war on terror

The US Department of Homeland Security has joined forces with the most relentless and observant patrol force available in the US - Walmart shoppers. The Washington anti-terror agency will call on the cut-price chain's army of aisle-plodding bargain spotters to apply those same skills to spotting the enemies of the United States …
Joe Fay, 08 Dec 2010
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Ad man offers fine drugs and finer print to Macbook thief

A Philadelphia ad exec is offering a "fabulous drug stash" reward in a bid to get back the Macbook he foolishly left in his unlocked car. Kurt Shore was leaving his office car park in early November when he realised he'd left something inside. He rushed back in, leaving the lights on, but not the central locking. On his return …
Joe Fay, 08 Dec 2010
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Alan Sugar's 'cockup braindead in call centre clueless' BT row

Alan Sugar showed UK business how to secure tip top service from BT today, pursuing a dual strategy of ranting on twitter while pulling the "don't you know who I am" line on the call centre staff. Trouble first started brewing about six hours ago, with LordAlun taking a break from slagging off Piers Morgan and touting his new …
Joe Fay, 07 Dec 2010
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Blighty's kids nosedive down global reading, maths rankings

Britain's schoolchildren have slipped down the international league in reading, maths and science, according to the latest batch of numbers from the OECD. The organisation's biennial PISA study ranks international 15-year-olds by their performance in the three disciplines. This year the UK's schoolies gave a distinctly average …
Joe Fay, 07 Dec 2010
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Tehran conscripts Ninja masters to crush democracy

The Iranian government has been attempting to co-opt the country's Ninjas and other martial artists to help out with some light repression duties, US diplomatic cables released by Wikileaks claim. Authorities in the country have been attempting to outsource some of the grunt work involved in political repression to martial arts …
Joe Fay, 07 Dec 2010
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Crazed reindeer stalks, attacks Scottish woman with antlers

Children are advised to hide under the duvet if they hear sleighbells this Christmas Eve, after it emerged that reindeers appear to have developed a taste for human flesh. The reindeer's ability to transform from Santa's little helper to ravening maneater was illustrated by the tale of a 57-year-old woman who was subjected to a …
Joe Fay, 06 Dec 2010
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Sarah Palin calls for US to stand by North Korea

Sarah Palin has redefined US foreign policy and put YouTube under a little bit of strain by telling right wing radio host Glenn Beck that America must stand by its North Korean allies. Palin, sometime Alaska governor and current reality TV star, was responding to a question from Beck about how she would respond to a developing …
Joe Fay, 25 Nov 2010
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Pumpkin pie could prompt Thanksgiving sexual free-for-all

The US will become a seething mass of unbridled passion tomorrow, as millions of American men succumb to the penile enlargening properties of that traditional Thanksgiving dish pumpkin pie. A US academic has disclosed that in a study of the effects of assorted fragrances on "male sexual response" the smell of warm, smooth, …
Joe Fay, 24 Nov 2010
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Fugitive tech CEO settles backdating case with SEC for $53m

A former tech firm CEO has finally settled a stock backdating case with the Feds, almost five years after skipping the US and heading to the South West African bolthole of Namibia. Jacob "Kobi" Alexander, co-founder and former chairman and CEO of Comverse, will pay the SEC $47.6m in disgorgement and prejudgment interest and a $ …
Joe Fay, 24 Nov 2010
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'Plastic surgeon' cuffed for in bar boob checks

Police in Idaho have put a call out to women who may have submitted to breast examinations in bars and clubs, after it emerged that a booze house female plastic surgeon from South Africa was allegedly no such thing. Kristina Brittany Ross, from Boise, was nabbed after cops in the potato state received reports that a South …
Joe Fay, 18 Nov 2010
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Chicago officer beats off dildo-wielding bill-skipper

An Illinois woman allegedly launched an ill-considered assault on a cop with a “rigid female pleasure device” after an altercation over an unpaid Crab Shack bill. Carole Bildsten, a 56-year-old from the Chicago suburb of Gurnee, was accused of leaving an unpaid bill for dinner and wine at Joe's Crab Shack in the town earlier …
Joe Fay, 12 Nov 2010
globalisation

BT sees revenues slip in first half, but jacks up profits outlook

BT reported a slip in revenues in its interim results this morning, but for once, its Global Services arm was not the main culprit. The telecoms giant turned in overall revenues of £4.98bn for the six months ending 30 September, down 3 per cent on the year on an adjusted basis. "Adjusted" EBITDA was £1.4bn, up 3 per cent. …
Joe Fay, 11 Nov 2010
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ASA rules 'Bare T*Ts Project' ad offensive

The ASA has ruled that an ad for a smutty premium rate phone service breached taste guidelines after it was broadcast on a sex channel at 6.40am. The ASA recounts that the ad on the Tease Me 2 channel featured mock documentary footage titled The Bare Tits Project, and stated "In 2009 4 students went out to make a naughty …
Joe Fay, 10 Nov 2010
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Co-op cashier's breasts overcharged for fruit and veg

The Co-op in Jersey has launched an investigation into recent fruit and veg sales after it emerged that a customer had been overcharged by a sales assistant's breasts. A customer at the unnamed branch raised the alarm after she was charged almost £2 for a pepper that should have cost 79 pence, the Daily Mail reports. A …
Joe Fay, 09 Nov 2010
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Bare breast ballot finds scant support in small US town

A ballot measure that would have allowed women to walk around bare-breasted has failed to find support among voters in a small town in Massachusetts. The non-binding measure put to voters in one district in Pittsfield proposed mandating the district's state legislator to press for a change to the state's definition of nudity. …
Joe Fay, 04 Nov 2010
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Sexy Hustler honeys unlikely to corrupt Croydon yoof

The youth of Croydon is unlikely to be corrupted by adverts promising HUSTLER HONEYS IN THEIR STARS 'N' STRIPES GETTING ALL WET, the UK's advertising regulator has declared. However, adults confronted by the ad – punting Larry Flynt's Huster Club (Croydon branch) – were likely to be offended by the ads. Mr Flynt's haven for …
Joe Fay, 03 Nov 2010
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Cops cuff nappy-wearing man who demanded sweets with menaces

A man was facing disorderly conduct charges yesterday after after swearing at trick-or-treating kids while wearing nothing but a very large nappy. Joseph DiVanna, 47, from Florida, launched a series of tirades against trick-or-treaters and their adult chaperones in West Ocean City on Sunday. When not swearing he apparently …
Joe Fay, 02 Nov 2010
homeless man with sign

SAP legal u-turn delivers new HP boss for Monday start

It looks like Leo Apotheker will be able to get through his first day as HP boss without getting hauled into court to testify in former employer SAP's trade secrets theft case with Oracle. Apotheker is expected to get his feet under the table at HP on Monday. However, the same day was scheduled to be the opener in Oracle's court …
Joe Fay, 29 Oct 2010