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Joe Fay

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Joe Fay is group editor of The Register, and The Channel.
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BT Tower falls over, crushes X Factor hopefuls

BT's iconic central London tower flipped out on Saturday evening, delaying transmission of an episode of The X Factor for 15 minutes. The delay to the start of Saturday night talent-show-cum-hard-luck-story-cringefest sparked a cascade of conspiracy theories, as concerned fans stayed on their arses to bombard Twitter and …
Joe Fay, 14 Nov 2011
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Az mayor offers Prince Harry beer and pizza in fornication row

The Mayor of Gila Bend, Arizona has offered Prince Harry a pizza supper and a "beer summit" to lay to rest claims that he warned the third in line to the throne off fornicating with the local ladies. However, the proposed booze-up is bound to be interpreted as a cunning ruse designed to render the playboy prince incapable of …
Joe Fay, 10 Nov 2011
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Hong Kongers fight for right to stand in line for iPhone 4S

Apple's Hong Kong store appeared to have banned the traditional queue fest ahead of its launch of the iPhone 4S this weekend, after "tongue fights" between "professional" queuers and their amateur counterparts threatened to get much nastier. The queueing "ban" came after a day of rising tensions, which culminated in police " …
Joe Fay, 10 Nov 2011
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Prince Harry given free run of Arizona town's womenfolk

Prince Harry has been given the green light to deflower the maidens of a small US town, after the town manager explained reports Cap'n Windsor had been warned off "fornicating" as "a total fabrication". The UK tabs were cock-a-hoop yesterday about reports that the mayor of Gila Bend, where Harry is completing a weapons course, …
Joe Fay, 08 Nov 2011
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Americans' right to hang fake balls on trucks left dangling

Americans on the horns of a constitutional dilemma over their right to hang simulated, over-sized testicles from the back of their pickups will have to wait even longer for the issue to be decided. Truck nuts Virginia Tice, of Bonneau, South Carolina, was hit with a $445 ticket back in July for hanging a pair of the "truck …
Joe Fay, 03 Nov 2011
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Catholic Bishops: 'Would you mind not bringing guns to church?'

Wisconsin's Catholic hierarchy have told the faithful that they'd really prefer them not to pack heat when they go to Mass, after the state enacted a new law authorising the carrying of concealed weapons. But, the Bishops add, if parishoners do want to come to mass with guns, tasers, knives and billy clubs, well, that's OK too …
Joe Fay, 02 Nov 2011
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Civil servants cough up more lost BlackBerrys

Further evidence of civil servants' apparent inability to hold onto their BlackBerrys emerged yesterday as ministers' revealed further losses of the smart devices. Gareth Thomas MP has been conducting a crusade to expose Whitehall losses of IT kit. Yesterday, it was the Scotland Office and Department of Communities and Local …
Joe Fay, 02 Nov 2011
SGI logo hardware close-up

Why can't civil servants keep a grip on their BlackBerrys?

Butter-fingered civil servants are continuing to hurl away their personal tech devices, figures released to the House of Commons yesterday show, with BlackBerrys particularly prone to going walkies. Labour's Gareth Thomas MP asked tabled questions to a number of ministers about whether their departments had "lost any (a) …
Joe Fay, 01 Nov 2011
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US radio evangelist: Apocalypse now

Reg readers are advised to get their earthly affairs in order today as the long-predicted Rapture should sweep the good sheep up to heaven sometime after lunch. The prediction is, of course, from Oakland-based radio evangelist Harold Camping, who nailed 21 October as Rapture day back in May. Camping marked his calendar just …
Joe Fay, 21 Oct 2011
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Crap alchemist jailed for poo-into-gold experiment

A Northern Ireland man has been jailed for three months for causing £3,000 of damage to his flat after attempting to turn his own faeces into gold using an electric heater. Paul Moran, 30, admitted arson and endangering the lives of others, the Belfast Telegraph reports. He will spend 12 months on licence upon his release. The …
Joe Fay, 20 Oct 2011
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This just in: Brussels shatters CRT cartel

The European Union has squeezed a settlement out of CRT glass manufacturers it accused of operating a cartel back in the days when people used glass screens. Three vendors will cough up a total of €128m (£111m) to settle the investigation. Nippon Electric will pay €43.2m, Schott AG will pay €40.1m and Asahi Glass will pay €45.1m …
Joe Fay, 20 Oct 2011
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Nipples and teen lesbians sexy even when ironic, ASA rules

The Advertising Standards Authority has put the kibosh on an ad for Duke Nukem Forever that confronted post-watershed viewers with pole dancers, schoolgirl lesbians and multiple nipple flashes. The ad regulator said it had received 34 complaints about the ad, shown last June, that had questioned whether it was "offensive and …
Joe Fay, 19 Oct 2011
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Man 'drinks 2 pizzas' before skidding off road

A Kentucky man is facing drugs charges after driving into a ditch before telling officers he'd "drunk too much pizza" for lunch. Officers were called to the intersection of La Costa Road and Stonybrook Drive in Louisville on Saturday to investigate a vehicle which had found its way into a ditch. Local news outfit WLKY reports …
Joe Fay, 18 Oct 2011
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Facebook wants to poke politicians 'who share our goals'

Facebook is looking to get a firmer grip on Washington by bankrolling its own Polticical Action Committee, which will back politicians it wants to be friends with. Facebook told political blog The Hill that the committee "will give our employees a way to make their voice heard in the political process by supporting candidates …
Joe Fay, 27 Sep 2011
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Truck nuts swing onto US freedom of speech agenda

NSFW The lower portions of the US are distracting themselves from the Washington debt-ceiling car crash by asking whether the use of "truck nuts" constitutes obscenity or is a question of free expression. The constitutional freedom issue has swung into the national consciousness after a South Carolina woman was ticketed for hanging a …
Joe Fay, 29 Jul 2011
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Bulgarian coeds exposed in hidden camera stuffed apartment

A brace of Bulgarian coeds have been left shaken after discovering that their Florida apartment was bristling with hidden spy cams. Vanya Samokovareva and Ralitsa Dzhambasova, both in their early 20s, came to the US for two months as exchange students, and were working part-time as waitresses before becoming "pizza babes" for a …
Joe Fay, 28 Jul 2011
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Vatican launches second website in just 2000 years

The Vatican is to update its notoriously creaky comms operation this week, with a new easy to use and doctrinally sound news portal. News.va will, apparently, be launched with a papal click of the mouse by Pope Benedict himself, doubtless leading to questions as to whether this will make the site the world's only infallible …
Joe Fay, 27 Jun 2011
channel

Opera boss walks off stage, citing musical differences

Jon S von Tetzchner is leaving Opera, the browser company he co-founded back in 1995 and headed until last year. The company and its former CEO put a bland spin on his departure at the close of last week, but this was rapidly overtaken by the leak of his valedictory email to staff and subsequent comments to the media. "It is of …
Joe Fay, 27 Jun 2011
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Network Solutions battered by DDoS and period features

Network Solutions has been hit by a DDoS attack which has left customers complaining they are unable to access the domain giant's servers. Reg reader Chris told us: "Multiple worldnic.com DNS servers are currently unavailable. Recorded message on the Network Solutions helpline (+1 570 708 8788) is putting the blame on a DDoS …
Joe Fay, 21 Jun 2011
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Commons hit by rash of laptop thefts

The House of Commons' perennial theft problem has become increasingly high tech, with sporadic thefts of computers in recent years turning into a veritable run on laptops, according to the latest figures. In a Commons answer last week, John Thurso detailed cases of theft on the Commons Estate over the last five years, for the …
Joe Fay, 14 Jun 2011
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Phishers LAMP web hosts

Phishers compromise LAMP-based websites for days at a time and hit the same victims over and over again, according to an Anti-Phishing Working Group survey. Sites built on Linux, Apache, MySQL and PHP are the favoured targets of phishing attackers, the APWG report found, with between 76 and 82 per cent of respondents using one …
Joe Fay, 10 Jun 2011
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China goes on attack over Google phishing claims

China has angrily denounced Google's claims that it has uncovered a sophisticated spear phishing attack on key US individuals which originated from the heavily firewalled country. Google said in a blog post that the campaign "affected what seem to be the personal Gmail accounts of hundreds of users including, among others, …
Joe Fay, 02 Jun 2011
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BPI works out how to put PG stickers on downloads

The BPI has invoked the spirit of Tipper Gore in its effort to warn parents and kids when downloads might be offensive to young ears and eyes. The BPI said its Parental Advisory Scheme "will stipulate that UK digital music retailers and streaming services should clearly display the internationally recognised Parental Advisory …
Joe Fay, 02 Jun 2011
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Francis Maude goes back 110 years for cybersecurity strategy

Francis Maude kicked off his tenure as the UK's lead on Cyberspace Security by recalling the early days of motoring in the UK. On the day that Google unveiled another attempt by Chinese hackers to break into the email accounts of prominent individuals in the US, the Cabinet Secretary suggested that the UK could learn a lot by …
Joe Fay, 02 Jun 2011
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Ousted Egyptian prez fined £20m for net cut-off

Ousted Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak has been hit with a £20m fine for cutting off the internet during the popular revolt in the country earlier this year. Reuters reports that an administrative court slapped the former prez and two other former officials with the fines over the weekend. As well as Mubarak's 200m Egyptian …
Joe Fay, 31 May 2011
cable

Intel to extend data centre tyranny into mobile, says CFO

Intel's CFO has rubbished ARM's prospects of making a serious dent in the data centre, arguing that whatever the chip IP developer is aiming at, Intel will be well ahead. At the same time, Stacy Smith insists that Intel will soon be eating into ARM's position in the mobile arena, despite the recent flight of its anchor partner …
Joe Fay, 26 May 2011

Tablet marketgasm? Don't make us laugh, say Intel chiefs

Intel execs poured cold water on overheated predictions for tablet sales today, pointing out to investors that notebook shipments still massively outnumber fondleslabs, and there is little prospect of that changing. CFO Stacy Smith and EMEA General Manager Christian Morales hit investors with a mountain of data at at an investor …
Joe Fay, 26 May 2011
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ASA smackdown for Yahoo! Thelma & Louise

The UK's advertising regulator has slammed the brakes on a Yahoo! ad which is said encourage irresponsible driving. The ASA received a complaint about "an ad on a login screen, for an email service provider, [which] was headed 'Faster is funner. Introducing the 2x faster New BT Yahoo! Mail. Find out more about BT Yahoo! Mail …
Joe Fay, 25 May 2011
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Big Brother man: TV viewers will swap privacy for content

Big Tent The man who brought Big Brother to the UK this week painted a nightmare vision of the future where people trade their personal information for the chance to watch TV programmes. Peter Bazalgette, former chief creative officer of Endemol turned digital media investor, said old advertising models could not much longer support TV …
Joe Fay, 20 May 2011
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Schmidt explains the Google way to self-erasure

Google bent over backwards yesterday to show that it has learned its lessons and is really finally taking individuals' concerns over privacy seriously. Honestly. And while there were some tangible commitments, they were unlikely to satisfy the regiment of privacy activists, academics and bloggers the ads colossus had arranged to …
Joe Fay, 19 May 2011
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Mumsnet founder: Our members are 'very keen' on PORN ...

Mumsnet founder Justine Roberts piled back into the net-nannying debate yesterday, calling on ISPs to do more to guard their youngest customers while confirming that many of her readers are themselves avid smut fans. Roberts, who was slated earlier this year for supporting Tory plans for ISPs to impose wider blocks on content …
Joe Fay, 19 May 2011
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Google's Egypt hero: Tech biz, keep out of Arab politics

The Google marketing manager who became a hero during the Egyptian revolution warned Western governments and companies to butt out of the region's politics at a privacy conference in London yesterday. Wael Ghonim also put the role of Facebook and other online tools into perspective, at Google's Big Tent privacy shindig. Ghonim …
Joe Fay, 19 May 2011
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Schmidt: Android will bring DEMOCRACY to the WORLD

A combination of Moore's law and Android will bring down corrupt and authoritarian regimes over the coming years, Eric Schmidt declared at a Google conference on Privacy today. The former Google CEO turned exec chairman and company ambassador also appeared to maybe rule out the firm becoming involved in the creation of facial …
Joe Fay, 18 May 2011
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Google will throw open lid on music locker service today

Google is expected to barge into the music industry this afternoon with the launch of its own music locker service, without prior approval from record labels. The search and ads giant is expected to open up on its locker service at its I/O developer conference, the Wall Street Journal said, citing those omniscient people …
Joe Fay, 10 May 2011
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MobileMe drove Steve Jobs to foul-mouthed fury

Apple fanbois were shocked to the core today at the news that not only does Steve Jobs swear but that the sainted one actually declared that a Mac product was a pile of steaming crap. Jobs' alleged tendency to rant and rage at his cowering VPs was revealed in a piece by Fortune magazine. The piece itself is subscription only, …
Joe Fay, 09 May 2011
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UK.gov would pay to have benefit claimants' tattoos erased

The government has confirmed that it is prepared to pay for plastic surgery for tattoo-emblazened benefit claimants – if the inked-up individuals get a job offer first. The unemployment eraser plan was confirmed in a Commons answer yesterday. David Ruffley MP had asked the Secretary of State for Work and Pensions "what …
Joe Fay, 06 May 2011
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Surrey voted tops for tits in birdwatching poll

Surrey is the best place in England to spot tits in gardens, a survey has revealed. The British Trust for Ornithology's Garden Birdwatch showed that a greater percentage of leafy Surrey's gardens were visited by Blue Tits and Great Tits than any other country. Householders in the stockbroker belt taking a peek into their back …
Joe Fay, 05 May 2011
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Vatican blogger meeting says no to copyright, yes to lifting content

Speakers at a bloggers conference at the Vatican this week gave themselves an indulgence, saying it is OK to lift content from "old media" and that copyright was old hat. The Vatican's Councils for Culture and Social Communications had invited 150 bloggers to a meeting in Rome yesterday. While many of the Catholic bloggers had …
Joe Fay, 03 May 2011
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Golden Gate swallows up Lawson Software

Veteran ERP vendor Lawson software is being swallowed by acquisitive VC house Golden Gate Capital, the firms announced this morning. Lawson will be lined up with Golden Gate's GGC Software affiliate and Infor, another software firm in its portfolio. "Infor and Lawson will create a rich, integrated enterprise application suite …
Joe Fay, 26 Apr 2011
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Computer glitch opens un-staffed supermarket to happy Kiwis

Canny Kiwis were given a Good Friday bonus when a computer system automatically opened a supermarket to all comers. The Mill St Pak 'n Save in Hamilton, New Zealand should have been shut for Good Friday, but the godless computer system overrode a manual command to shutter up, and flicked on the lights and threw open the …
Joe Fay, 26 Apr 2011
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ICO makes school stand in corner over data theft

The ICO has given an Oldham school a stern telling-off after an unencrypted laptop with pupils' details was stolen from a teachers' car. The laptop contained "personal information" relating to 90 pupils at Freehold Community School when it was half-inched from the boot of the corduroy's car, which was parked outside their home …
Joe Fay, 21 Apr 2011
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SF fire dept lost computer password during massive blaze

San Francisco authorities appear to be having network problems again, after the Fire Department lost the password for its backup network in the middle of a major shout. The revelation came into an inquest into a major blaze in the North Beach area of the city on New Year's Eve which left 48 people homeless, the San Francisco …
Joe Fay, 20 Apr 2011
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Google gives Eric Schmidt 124,999,900% salary increase

Google has rewarded Eric Schmidt for shifting from the CEO's office to exec chairman by bumping up his salary from $1 to $1.25m. The company's latest filing at the SEC shows that Schmidt will also qualify for a bonus of 400 per cent of that salary. The filing also details the move of Alan Eustace from senior VP of engineering …
Joe Fay, 20 Apr 2011
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Fast-fingered oldster relieves shop worker of iPhone cash

Surrey Police are hunting a slick-fingered 60-year-old who allegedly persuaded a shop worker to hand over £150 quid for a dummy iPhone. The Surrey Advertiser reports that the prestidigitateur bowled into a newsagents in Egham and asked if the staffer behind the till fancied paying £150 for a new iPhone. The assistant checked …
Joe Fay, 20 Apr 2011
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Apple-branded unicorn spotted at 3

It's breeding season for white iPhone 4s, with the fabled unicorn of the smartphone world suddenly proliferating across UK providers. The latest spotting of the mythical phone by Slashgear.com came at Three UK's site. The operator is offering both 16GB and 32GB versions across its plans. The phone itself starts at a lightly …
Joe Fay, 19 Apr 2011
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Seagate sucks up Samsung storage biz

Seagate is taking over Samsung's hard disk operation, in a deal that will give the Korean giant almost 10 per cent of the erstwhile storage market leader. The deal had been expected, with Seagate CEO Stepehn Luczo having already cleared his calendar for a mysterious three-month sojourn in the Far East. The combined business …
Joe Fay, 19 Apr 2011
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UK net banking website falls flat on its bank

Nationwide Building Society's online presence has been floored for the second time in two months. The main site is unavailable, and while customers can access online banking by going direct to the logon page, they're unlikely to see details of their accounts once they've logged in. A spokesman for Nationwide confirmed that the …
Joe Fay, 18 Apr 2011
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Officials scoop up bacteria bubbling away in Playboy hot tub

An investigation into an outbreak of respiratory illness amongst techies who'd attended Domainfest has found legionella bacteria bubbling away in a hot tub at the Playboy mansion. LA health officials investigated after at least 100 attendees at Domainfest became horribly ill. Fingers were pointed at both the conference venue, …
Joe Fay, 18 Apr 2011
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Pope says gravity proves technology can't supplant God

The Pope has warned the faithful of the folly of thinking that technology could replace the almighty. Pope Benedict, speaking at a Palm Sunday Mass to kick off Holy Week, noted that mankind had always sought to become "like God". But, Reuters reports, Pope Benedict said: "Mankind has managed to accomplish so many things: we can …
Joe Fay, 18 Apr 2011
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Microsoft opens Office 365 beta floodgates to the world

Microsoft Office 365 hit public beta yesterday as Redmond uncorked a marketplace to support the long-gestating cloud-based Office suite. The public beta pushes the suite out to 38 markets, in 17 languages. It comes in two flavours: small business on a month-to-month deal with "community support", or enterprise with 24x7 admin …
Joe Fay, 18 Apr 2011