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Joe Fay

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Joe Fay is group editor of The Register, and The Channel.
The Register breaking news

Vatican subtly shifts its position on The Blues Brothers

The Vatican has subtly shifted its stance on the Blues Brothers, with in-house(ofgod) magazine Osservatore Romano declaring the 33-year-old movie “a modern classic”. The latest blessing, which coincides with an Italian outing for the movie on the 30th anniversary of John Belushi’s death, represents a reworking of the paper’s …
Joe Fay, 21 Jun 2012
The Register breaking news

William Shatner confirms Devon town actually prostitute free

William Shatner has apologised to the burghers of Ilfracombe for claiming, on national TV, that the Devon seaside town is a hotbed of prostitution. However, Shatner undermined the earnestness of his apology by insisting someone must be having sex in the resort for "something of value", the Daily Mail reports. The erstwhile …
Joe Fay, 20 Jun 2012
The Register breaking news

'Kindness of America' snapper shot himself in 'act of self-promotion'

The hitchhiking photographer who captured the hearts of a nation after being shot while researching "The Kindness of America", has admitted administering the lead supplement himself and making the rest of the tale up. Authorities in Montana are considering whether to charge Ray Dolin over the whole sorry saga. Dolin was found …
Joe Fay, 18 Jun 2012
The Register breaking news

Clouds gathering on horizon for software devs, say wise men

The software industry will dissolve into a soup of micro-detailed web services delivered over the cloud by 2022, with IT departments reduced to “guiding” users to prevent them from leaking their companies’ crown jewels onto the net. That was the extremist version of the vision sketched out by a panel considering “The Software …
Joe Fay, 14 Jun 2012
The Register breaking news

Trust lawyers, not techies, when it comes to the cloud

CIOs thinking of shifting to the cloud or kicking off a flagship big data project would be better off talking to their lawyers than their techies before starting to leaf through glossy corporate presentations. Mark Webber, partner and head of technology at law firm Osborne Clarke, speaking at the Cloud Computing World Forum …
Joe Fay, 13 Jun 2012
The Register breaking news

Hitchhiker shot while researching 'Kindness of America'

A hitchhiker researching a book on "The Kindness of America" is currently recovering in hospital after a gun-toting truck driver gave him a small donation of some searing hot lead. Ray Dolin, was hitching on Highway 2 in Montana on Saturday as part of a project to produce a memoir on the great things about the open road in the …
Joe Fay, 12 Jun 2012
cable

Intel phone boss: 'Multi-core detrimental to Android mobes'

Intel’s head of mobile has dissed handset-makers that have already adopted multi-core processor architectures, saying that most implementations so far are actually “detrimental”. Mike Bell, general manager of Intel’s Mobile and Communications Group, also said that smartphone users who buy into Chipzilla's platform can expect to …
Joe Fay, 07 Jun 2012
facebook

Facebook jumps then slumps in first few minutes day's trade

Facebook's shares debuted on the Nasdaq today at $42 and immediately skidded downwards to the original IPO price of $38. The social network set its IPO price last night at $38, valuing it at $104bn. However, through the mysteries of IPOing, it actually opened at $42, shortly after 11am Eastern Time. That price values the company …
Joe Fay, 18 May 2012
The Pirate Bay logo

Pirate Bay struggling to get on feet after DDoS to the knee

The Pirate Bay claimed to be “getting back up! Stronger than ever!” this evening after crumpling under a DDoS attack for most of today. The draining of the Pirate Bay sparked speculation that it was a victim of Anonymous, after the torrent site slated the hacktivist collective last week. The torrent site cum copyright freedom …
Joe Fay, 16 May 2012
greenpeace pod stunt

Greenpeace targets Apple with 10-foot Pod stunt

Silicon Valley cops arrested two Greenpeace activists who sealed themselves into a huge (i)Pod outside Apple HQ today, but chose not to cuff another bunch of activists who were dressed as giant iPhones. Greenpeace has been chastising the Mac and iOS firm for the last few years for not exactly being the freewheeling, earth- …
Joe Fay, 15 May 2012
cisco house front view

Cisco hits the roof in Olympics marketing dash

Cisco has thrown open its Olympics hospitality suite, giving partners and customers both a panoramic view of the Olympic Park and an up-close, 3D view of Stephen Fry loitering on a London Underground platform. The 2012 Olympics logo The networking giant is the London 2012 Network Infrastructure Supporter, meaning it is the …
Joe Fay, 09 May 2012
The Register breaking news

Swedish men ordered to present cervices in database flub

A database screw-up saw 2,056 Swedish men ordered to report to their gynecologists and midwives for smear tests. Health officials in Stockholm County and the island of Gotland are mailing the men to tell them to disregard the missive, The Local reports. Meanwhile midwives are "briefed and ready' on how to deal with any confused …
Joe Fay, 26 Apr 2012

Lenovo forced to expand 'flaming' PC recall

Lenovo has been forced to expand the recall of possibly flamey desktops it first announced back in March. The Chinese PC giant, in conjunction with the US Consumer Product Safety Commission, announced the initial recall affected around 50,500 ThinkCentre M70z and M90z desktops. At the time, it said, "A defect in an internal …
Joe Fay, 26 Apr 2012

Fabulous execution prompts Apple to rein back Q3 outlook

Apple's third quarter figures will come in below Wall St forecasts the vendor revealed today, but that's just fine because it's just because it did so well in the second quarter. The Mac and iOS vendor said it was expecting revenues of $34bn in June, with earnings per share of $8.68. This compares to analyst expectations of $9. …
Joe Fay, 24 Apr 2012
The Register breaking news

Apple profits almost double on iOS product sales leap

Apple sold buckets more iPhones and iPads in its second quarter, helping it almost double net income year on year to $11.6bn and driving up gross margins. The purveyor of magical and revolutionary shiny things turned in sales of $39.2bn for the quarter ending March 31, a 59 per cent rise on the year. However, net income leapt …
Joe Fay, 24 Apr 2012
The Register breaking news

Facebook IPO 'delay' as Zuckerberg keeps Wall St 'waiting'

Facebook's much-awaited IPO may be pushed back into June reports claim, as its glamourous and youthful CEO Mark Zuckerberg is just too busy to meet Wall St. CNBC reports that "a string of acquisitions and other business distractions are threatening to delay the sale". The suggestions comes from "people familiar with the matter …
Joe Fay, 24 Apr 2012
The Register breaking news

Facebook prospectus shows jump in users, fall in profits

Facebook's latest pre-IPO filing shows the social network giant ramped up to 901 million users, who produce 3.2 billion likes and comments a day. Oh, and it said its net income slipped on the year as operating expenses ballooned. The updated S1 filing covered the period up to March 31, and bombarded potential investors with …
Joe Fay, 23 Apr 2012
The Register breaking news

Courier mishap sends woman's corpse to shopping club

A mix-up at a freight forwarding firm meant a dead woman's torso was diverted from a research facility in Florida and shipped to a wholesale shopping club in Massachusetts instead. Staff at the headquarters of BJ's Wholessales Club's HQ in Westborough, Mass, were initially unconcerned when the comparatively large package turned …
Joe Fay, 23 Apr 2012
The Register breaking news

Microsoft and Facebook in $1bn pass the IP parcel play

Microsoft and Facebook concluded a significant round of pass the patent parcel today as the soon-to-IPO social network gained rights to a bundle of IP formerly belonging to AOL. The companies have carved up the $1bn patent pile that Microsoft secured from AOL earlier this month, strengthening both their respective IP positions …
Joe Fay, 23 Apr 2012
The Register breaking news

Workers' comp covers sex-related injuries, judge rules

Injuries sustained while having sex on a work trip are covered by workers' compensation, an Australian federal judge has ruled. The ruling accepted that the nookie-related injury sustained by a government employee on a business trip occurred during "the course of employment", overturning an earlier rejection of the woman's claim …
Joe Fay, 20 Apr 2012
The Register breaking news

Techie stages 'strip down' protest at TSA 'harassment'

An Oregon man who "does something with the internet" stripped stark naked at Portland airport on Tuesday in a protest at TSA screening policies. John E Brennan, 50, turned up to board a flight San Jose yesterday, according to reports, but took umbrage at the TSA's screening procedures. KATU News reports that Brennan said he was …
Joe Fay, 18 Apr 2012

Intel boss turns earnings call into iPhone flirt fest

Intel boss Paul Otellini used its Q1 earnings call today to continue the chip giant's flirty pitch to build chips for Apple's iOS devices. The vendor flagged up the launch of the first Intel-based smartphone, which is expected as early as next week. However, Otellini also used its briefing with analysts to make a public pitch …
Joe Fay, 17 Apr 2012
DVD it in many colours

Intel beats Q1 expectations, jacks up revenue forecast

Intel crept in over expectations with its Q1 results today, though its silicon business dipped 2 per cent on the previous year's slightly longer quarter. The chip giant characterized its Q1 performance as a "solid start" to the year, and was bullish enough to jack up its expectations for the second quarter. Revenues were $12. …
Joe Fay, 17 Apr 2012
The Register breaking news

Austrian village considers a F**king name change

An Austrian village with an amusingly obscene name has decided to throw in the towel and vote on whether to change it. The 100 odd residents of Fucking, in Upper Austria, are to vote this week on whether to change their hamlet's name to something less attractive to English-speaking visitors, the Daily Telegraph reports. The …
Joe Fay, 17 Apr 2012
The Register breaking news

German software giant plucks London software outfit

Software AG has hoovered up a UK-based messaging software developer founded by a bunch of Deutsche Bank alumni. The German enterprise software vendor has bought out 13-year old London-based my-Channels for a sum reportedly in the low double digits of million euros. my-Channels' "extremely fast (low latency) messaging software …
Joe Fay, 16 Apr 2012
The Register breaking news

'Not guilty' plea in Utah cop site hacking case

An Ohio man pleaded not guilty today to charges that he hacked into a pair of police websites in Salt Lake City, Utah in January. John Anthony Borell III, a 21 year old from Ohio, made the plea at an arraignment hearing in Salt Lake City today, AP reports. He faces up to ten years inside and a $250,000 fine if found guilty on …
Joe Fay, 16 Apr 2012
The Register breaking news

Pope's PR says Vatican in grip of WikiLeaks-style scandal

The Pope's top PR man has declared that the Vatican is in the midst of its own "WikiLeaks" scandal after a flurry of confidential Papal documents were fed to the media by apparently disgruntled cardinals. The leaks have ranged from documents covering allegedly murky operations at the Vatican bank, to an investigation into a …
Joe Fay, 14 Feb 2012
The Register breaking news

The El Reg book library - now on ePub

You asked for it, now you're going to get it. We're talking about making the El Reg collection of ebooks available on ePub as well as Kindle. Now you can enjoy the finest collected writing from our crack journalists on your Kobo, Sony Reader, Android tablet or Nook. Or all the above, if you're that way inclined. So if you want …
Joe Fay, 14 Feb 2012
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The Register Comments Guidelines

The Register operates a hybrid moderation policy. Here's how it works. The vast majority of comments will appear on the site automatically. This is because we trust you to follow the house rules. But just in case ... we have a mechanism for readers to report comments. The moderators will continue to deal with any comments and/ …
Joe Fay, 01 Feb 2012
The Register breaking news

Virginia ponders tax breaks for (dead) human space flights

The US may not be able to singlehandedly put a live man into space right now, but Virginia politicians may be about to boost the number of dead Americans catapulted into orbit. The Virginia General Assembly is soon to consider a bill that will allow an income tax deduction of up to $8,000 (£5,100) for burials in space, WTVR …
Joe Fay, 13 Dec 2011
The Register breaking news

Russian diplomat caught driving while 15 TIMES over booze limit

A Russian diplomat was an epic 15 times over the drink-driving limit when he was collared by Polish cops on Sunday. The unnamed cunning linguist drove erratically until he was stopped by cops in the Pomerania region, the Moscow Times reports. Cops felt the foreign service operative was behaving in a "strange" manner, the Times …
Joe Fay, 22 Nov 2011
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Man sues boss for 'condemning him to eternal damnation'

An American man has brought a wrongful dismissal suit over his former employer's attempt to make him wear the number of the beast - in the guise of a safety record sticker. Billy E Hyatt alleges that he was fired from the Pliant Corp plastics factory in northern Georgia for refusing to wear a sticker declaring the factory had …
Joe Fay, 21 Nov 2011
The Register breaking news

Irish website promises you'll never miss a funeral again

Irish netizens and their country's diaspora need never miss an important demise in their homeland again, after the launch of DeathIreland.com. The site promises to keep subscribers "up to date with all the deaths in your town, city or county - and much more". The much more appears to be interactive mapping to every church and …
Joe Fay, 18 Nov 2011
The Register breaking news

Reg man the most-flamed recruiter in the UK?

Last week's article by Dominic Connor on how some techies really, really need some help with their CVs hit a number of nerves. flame_thrower Image via Shutterstock It's quite possible that this single piece will earn Dominic The Reg's annual most flamed writer award for 2011. Now, we know you're busy people, so here are …
Joe Fay, 16 Nov 2011
The Register breaking news

BT Tower falls over, crushes X Factor hopefuls

BT's iconic central London tower flipped out on Saturday evening, delaying transmission of an episode of The X Factor for 15 minutes. The delay to the start of Saturday night talent-show-cum-hard-luck-story-cringefest sparked a cascade of conspiracy theories, as concerned fans stayed on their arses to bombard Twitter and …
Joe Fay, 14 Nov 2011
The Register breaking news

Az mayor offers Prince Harry beer and pizza in fornication row

The Mayor of Gila Bend, Arizona has offered Prince Harry a pizza supper and a "beer summit" to lay to rest claims that he warned the third in line to the throne off fornicating with the local ladies. However, the proposed booze-up is bound to be interpreted as a cunning ruse designed to render the playboy prince incapable of …
Joe Fay, 10 Nov 2011
The Register breaking news

Hong Kongers fight for right to stand in line for iPhone 4S

Apple's Hong Kong store appeared to have banned the traditional queue fest ahead of its launch of the iPhone 4S this weekend, after "tongue fights" between "professional" queuers and their amateur counterparts threatened to get much nastier. The queueing "ban" came after a day of rising tensions, which culminated in police " …
Joe Fay, 10 Nov 2011
The Register breaking news

Prince Harry given free run of Arizona town's womenfolk

Prince Harry has been given the green light to deflower the maidens of a small US town, after the town manager explained reports Cap'n Windsor had been warned off "fornicating" as "a total fabrication". The UK tabs were cock-a-hoop yesterday about reports that the mayor of Gila Bend, where Harry is completing a weapons course, …
Joe Fay, 08 Nov 2011
The Register breaking news

Americans' right to hang fake balls on trucks left dangling

Americans on the horns of a constitutional dilemma over their right to hang simulated, over-sized testicles from the back of their pickups will have to wait even longer for the issue to be decided. Truck nuts Virginia Tice, of Bonneau, South Carolina, was hit with a $445 ticket back in July for hanging a pair of the "truck …
Joe Fay, 03 Nov 2011
The Register breaking news

Catholic Bishops: 'Would you mind not bringing guns to church?'

Wisconsin's Catholic hierarchy have told the faithful that they'd really prefer them not to pack heat when they go to Mass, after the state enacted a new law authorising the carrying of concealed weapons. But, the Bishops add, if parishoners do want to come to mass with guns, tasers, knives and billy clubs, well, that's OK too …
Joe Fay, 02 Nov 2011
The Register breaking news

Civil servants cough up more lost BlackBerrys

Further evidence of civil servants' apparent inability to hold onto their BlackBerrys emerged yesterday as ministers' revealed further losses of the smart devices. Gareth Thomas MP has been conducting a crusade to expose Whitehall losses of IT kit. Yesterday, it was the Scotland Office and Department of Communities and Local …
Joe Fay, 02 Nov 2011
SGI logo hardware close-up

Why can't civil servants keep a grip on their BlackBerrys?

Butter-fingered civil servants are continuing to hurl away their personal tech devices, figures released to the House of Commons yesterday show, with BlackBerrys particularly prone to going walkies. Labour's Gareth Thomas MP asked tabled questions to a number of ministers about whether their departments had "lost any (a) …
Joe Fay, 01 Nov 2011
The Register breaking news

US radio evangelist: Apocalypse now

Reg readers are advised to get their earthly affairs in order today as the long-predicted Rapture should sweep the good sheep up to heaven sometime after lunch. The prediction is, of course, from Oakland-based radio evangelist Harold Camping, who nailed 21 October as Rapture day back in May. Camping marked his calendar just …
Joe Fay, 21 Oct 2011
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Crap alchemist jailed for poo-into-gold experiment

A Northern Ireland man has been jailed for three months for causing £3,000 of damage to his flat after attempting to turn his own faeces into gold using an electric heater. Paul Moran, 30, admitted arson and endangering the lives of others, the Belfast Telegraph reports. He will spend 12 months on licence upon his release. The …
Joe Fay, 20 Oct 2011
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This just in: Brussels shatters CRT cartel

The European Union has squeezed a settlement out of CRT glass manufacturers it accused of operating a cartel back in the days when people used glass screens. Three vendors will cough up a total of €128m (£111m) to settle the investigation. Nippon Electric will pay €43.2m, Schott AG will pay €40.1m and Asahi Glass will pay €45.1m …
Joe Fay, 20 Oct 2011
The Register breaking news

Nipples and teen lesbians sexy even when ironic, ASA rules

The Advertising Standards Authority has put the kibosh on an ad for Duke Nukem Forever that confronted post-watershed viewers with pole dancers, schoolgirl lesbians and multiple nipple flashes. The ad regulator said it had received 34 complaints about the ad, shown last June, that had questioned whether it was "offensive and …
Joe Fay, 19 Oct 2011
The Register breaking news

Man 'drinks 2 pizzas' before skidding off road

A Kentucky man is facing drugs charges after driving into a ditch before telling officers he'd "drunk too much pizza" for lunch. Officers were called to the intersection of La Costa Road and Stonybrook Drive in Louisville on Saturday to investigate a vehicle which had found its way into a ditch. Local news outfit WLKY reports …
Joe Fay, 18 Oct 2011
The Register breaking news

Facebook wants to poke politicians 'who share our goals'

Facebook is looking to get a firmer grip on Washington by bankrolling its own Polticical Action Committee, which will back politicians it wants to be friends with. Facebook told political blog The Hill that the committee "will give our employees a way to make their voice heard in the political process by supporting candidates …
Joe Fay, 27 Sep 2011
The Register breaking news

Truck nuts swing onto US freedom of speech agenda

The lower portions of the US are distracting themselves from the Washington debt-ceiling car crash by asking whether the use of "truck nuts" constitutes obscenity or is a question of free expression. The constitutional freedom issue has swung into the national consciousness after a South Carolina woman was ticketed for hanging a …
Joe Fay, 29 Jul 2011
The Register breaking news

Bulgarian coeds exposed in hidden camera stuffed apartment

A brace of Bulgarian coeds have been left shaken after discovering that their Florida apartment was bristling with hidden spy cams. Vanya Samokovareva and Ralitsa Dzhambasova, both in their early 20s, came to the US for two months as exchange students, and were working part-time as waitresses before becoming "pizza babes" for a …
Joe Fay, 28 Jul 2011