The Register Columnists

Joe Fay

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Joe Fay is group editor of The Register, and The Channel.
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Need to get a grip on AI and machine learning? Join us...

If you’re in any kind of knowledge-based business, you may suspect your world is about to be rocked by machine learning and AI over the next few years. So, you owe it to yourself, if not to your bosses or shareholders, to get up to speed on the practical application of this technology, and fast. Happily, MCubed, which takes …
Joe Fay, 14 Jul 2017

Machine Learning and Artificial Intelligence experts gather in London

Events We’re thrilled to reveal the first batch of conference speakers for the Minds Mastering Machines (M3) three-day dive into machine learning, AI and advanced analytics this autumn. The event is on October 9, 10, and 11 in London and features keynotes from Google’s Melanie Warrick and professor Mark Bishop of Goldsmiths, …
Joe Fay, 01 Jun 2017
Jamie Bartlett delivering Register Summer Lecture

Reg lecture exposes the radicals intent on remaking your society

If you think the last couple of years have been tumultuous you ain't seen nothing yet – there's a tide of tech-enabled secretive and influential movements heading your way that could completely upend and reshape society. If they get their way. That's why on 23 May, Reg Lectures will be welcoming Jamie Bartlett – author of The …
Joe Fay, 06 Apr 2017
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M3: Dr Mark Bishop to present keynote

Events We're delighted to announce that Dr J Mark Bishop will be joining us at M3 in October as a keynote speaker. Mark is director of TCIDA (the Tungsten Centre for Intelligent Data Analytics) and Professor of Cognitive Computing at Goldsmiths, University of London, where he leads a team that has successfully developed commercial …
Joe Fay, 04 Apr 2017

UK gov draws driverless car test zone around M40 corridor

A UK minister has reassured the motor industry that buyers of driverless cars will not have to employ a gentleman with a red flag and top hat as he outlined a UK testbed for autonomous vehicles yesterday. Speaking at the SMTT Connected conference in London, industry secretary Greg Clark outlined a “cluster of excellence” …
Joe Fay, 31 Mar 2017
Robot drives a car. Conceptual illustration from Shutterstock

BMW chief: Big auto will stay in the driving seat with autonomous cars

One of BMW's board members threw down the driving glove at the tech industry yesterday, saying that while established car makers were transforming themselves into tech companies, tech companies would struggle to turn themselves into auto manufacturers. Dr Ian Robertson, a member of BMW's board of management and a former …
Joe Fay, 31 Mar 2017
Cat peeks outside cardboard box. Photo by shuttertsock

Northamber's Phillips ponders non-exec role after nearly four decades

Northamber chairman David Phillip signalled his intention to take more of a backseat as he announced interim results that suggested profitability remains just tantalisingly out of reach for the veteran distie for now. Phillips reported revenues of £29m for the six months ending December 31, a 1.2 per cent dip on the previous …
Joe Fay, 27 Mar 2017

Can we learn to love AI and sex robots?

If you've wondered how AI and robotics are going to interact with and affect human sexuality – indeed humans full stop – you should really join us on 19 April for our next Register Lecture. We'll be led through this technological, ethical and emotional minefield by Dr Kate Devlin of Goldsmiths University, one of the UK's …
Joe Fay, 22 Mar 2017
Hal

Just finished your first TensorFlow app? Might be time for a rewrite...

Tensorflow, Google’s opensource machine learning library, has toddled into whole figures, just over a year after the first release - with the proviso that version 1.0 might not be entirely backwards-compatible with early adopters’ programmes. Using just the sort of understatement which characterises the machine learning space …
Joe Fay, 16 Feb 2017
Ireland and Great Britain map, image via Shutterstock

Get orf the air over moi land Irish farmer roars at drones

A farmer in County Tipperary has declared war on drones, claiming criminals are using the buzz-some devices to scope out rural areas for burglaries. Robert O’Shea, from near Thurles, launched his broadside after Irish police declared that shooting at drones was illegal, the Irish Independent reported. "Gun licences are …
Joe Fay, 10 Feb 2017
man sleeps, android lover looks disgusted/sad etc. photo by shutterstock

Non-existent sex robots already burning holes in men’s pockets

Well over a third of men would happily splash out on a humanoid sex robot in the near future, academics have found - despite there being no viable product on the market right now. Researchers from the University Duisburg-Essen quizzed 263 chaps on their robo-amorous leanings, and co-author Jessica Szczuka presented their …
Joe Fay, 20 Dec 2016
Robot hands viewer a cup of tea. Photo by Shutterstock

Sexbots could ‘over-exert’ their human lovers, academic warns

The possibility of sex robots over-exerting their human lovers to the point of collapse is just one of the ethical conundrums academics and society need to get their head round, a Swiss academic told a conference on sex robots today. Oliver Bendel, of the University of Applied Sciences and Arts, Northwestern Switzerland, told …
Joe Fay, 19 Dec 2016
racks of Fujistu lettuce

Fujitsu pivots from chips to leaves with salad-as-a-service

Fujitsu has launched a joint venture to supply the snowbound, sausage-and-root-veg-loving residents of Finland with scrummy salad all year round as part of its efforts to make farming a cloud-based endeavour. Fujitsu Greenhouse Technology Finland Oy, which will be jointly financed with local horticulturalists Robbe's Little …
Joe Fay, 28 Nov 2016
Sanjay Mirchandani at PuppetConf 2016

Puppet pulls in (almost) former Cisco exec to head EMEA

Puppet has roped in former Cisco exec Marianne Calder to head up its European operation, as it prepares to scale up its enterprise push and expand its work with partners. The move (almost) caps off a year that has seen founder Luke Kanies step back from the firm, handing over the CEO reins to VMWare and EMC vet Sanjay …
Joe Fay, 21 Nov 2016
Diane Keaton and Woody Allen in Sleeper

Dirty code? If it works, leave it says Thoughtworks CTO

Dirty code is a fact of life, and working out which software really needs changing and leaving the rest will help many IT organizations gain at least some of the benefits of going Agile, ThoughtWorks’ CTO told the Continuous Lifecycle conference today. Keynote speeches at software conferences often paint grand visions for …
Joe Fay, 15 Nov 2016
The Register Roundtable Room at The Soho Hotel

CIOs: VDI? Maybe, just maybe, it really will be different this time...

Register Roundtable Sometimes technology visions bubble along under the radar, quite often scorned then, following a change of name or emphasis, ubiquitous. Utility computing became the cloud, and we know how that’s taken off. Groupware became collaboration. Thin clients have morphed into VDI, and… Well, seems like a good time to get a bunch of …
Joe Fay, 11 Nov 2016
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Tell us your DevOps, Agile, CD and Container stories

If you want to take the stage at Continuous Lifecycle London 2017, you’ve got a month to convince us that your take on DevOps, Containerization, Continuous Delivery and Agile is the real deal. The call for papers closes on November 30, and the programme committee will be meeting a week later to chew through the proposals and …
Joe Fay, 01 Nov 2016
Boy writes a letter to Santa. Pic via Shutterstock

Could Heather from EastEnders turn on Kettering if Lohan is no-show?

The good burghers of Kettering have been left in a pre-Christmas tizzy as Lindsay Lohan appears to be on the brink of reneging on her promise to turn on the Northants powerhouse for Christmas. La Lohan had promised to flick the switch on the town’s Christmas lights back in June, after being accused of insulting the midlands …
Joe Fay, 28 Oct 2016
Pennies in a jar. Photo via Shutterstock

Northamber almost strikes cheery note, warns profit a year off

Veteran distie Northamber almost introduced a note of cheeriness as it unveiled its full year results today. Almost. The firm still unveiled a slip in revenues, increasing losses compared to last year, and said profitability is probably at least a year away. In his statement, chairman David Phillips said that as it continued a …
Joe Fay, 28 Oct 2016
Man talks on ohone next to outdoor pipeline, Photo by Shutterstock

Atlassian promises elastic pipelines and premium plan

Atlassian is trying to tempt enterprise developers to launch their precious source code onto the cloud by hauling its Bitbucket pipelines feature out of beta, and overhauling its pricing. Instead of only selling subs in blocks of 10, 25, 50 or 100, the company will charge per user. Its standard plan will cost $2 per user, per …
Joe Fay, 12 Oct 2016
Wagyu Bull

FT journo roasts channel leaders for spouting bullshit

Canalys Channels Forum 2016 The great and the good of the channel were chastised and chided at Channels Forum this week, as Financial Times management columnist Lucy Kellaway called on them to lay off the bullshit and waffle for the sake of humanity. FT associate editor Kellaway told the closing session at the Canalys Channels Forum that the tide of …
Joe Fay, 07 Oct 2016
EARTHQUAKE!

'Too big to fail' cloud giants like AWS threaten civilization as we know it

Canalys Channels Forum 2016 The world’s largest cloud players are in danger of becoming too big to fail, the boss of Canalys warned today. This is a problem because the list of potential trip hazards for the likes of Azure, AWS and Google is growing ever longer – and at least one of them is going to stumble and fall, taking customers' off-premises …
Joe Fay, 04 Oct 2016

Artificial intelligence will eradicate channel drudgery, says Lenovo boss

Canalys Channels Forum 2016 Artificial intelligence will make the tech channel a happier place by removing much of the tedious grinding interaction that poisons relationships between vendors, distributors and partners, Lenovo’s boss claimed today. Lenovo COO Gianfranco Lanci told the audience at Canalys Channels Forum that the firm was examining how to …
Joe Fay, 04 Oct 2016
Michael Dell, photo: Dell

Cloud will NOT eat the tech industry, Michael Dell declares

Canalys Channels Forum 2016 Michael Dell shrugged off the threat from the public cloud this morning, suggesting that many users will eventually realise running a server on Amazon is a lot more expensive than actually owning one. The Dell Technologies chairman, speaking on stage at the opening of the Canalys Channels Forum EMEA, said the current hype …
Joe Fay, 04 Oct 2016
Paul O' Grady poses with a small dog.

Apple moving to scrubbed up London's Battersea Power Station

Apple is moving into a shiny new HQ at the revamped Battersea Power Station in London – just as soon as developers have finished wrecking rebuilding the iconic Southside brick masterpiece. The owners of the building site have said that Apple will take “ six floors of office space” at the site from 2021, relocating 1400 staff …
Joe Fay, 28 Sep 2016

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