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Joe Fay

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Joe Fay is group editor of The Register, and The Channel.
racks of Fujistu lettuce

Fujitsu pivots from chips to leaves with salad-as-a-service

Fujitsu has launched a joint venture to supply the snowbound, sausage-and-root-veg-loving residents of Finland with scrummy salad all year round as part of its efforts to make farming a cloud-based endeavour. Fujitsu Greenhouse Technology Finland Oy, which will be jointly financed with local horticulturalists Robbe's Little …
Joe Fay, 28 Nov 2016
Sanjay Mirchandani at PuppetConf 2016

Puppet pulls in (almost) former Cisco exec to head EMEA

Puppet has roped in former Cisco exec Marianne Calder to head up its European operation, as it prepares to scale up its enterprise push and expand its work with partners. The move (almost) caps off a year that has seen founder Luke Kanies step back from the firm, handing over the CEO reins to VMWare and EMC vet Sanjay …
Joe Fay, 21 Nov 2016
Diane Keaton and Woody Allen in Sleeper

Dirty code? If it works, leave it says Thoughtworks CTO

Dirty code is a fact of life, and working out which software really needs changing and leaving the rest will help many IT organizations gain at least some of the benefits of going Agile, ThoughtWorks’ CTO told the Continuous Lifecycle conference today. Keynote speeches at software conferences often paint grand visions for …
Joe Fay, 15 Nov 2016
The Register Roundtable Room at The Soho Hotel

CIOs: VDI? Maybe, just maybe, it really will be different this time...

Register Roundtable Sometimes technology visions bubble along under the radar, quite often scorned then, following a change of name or emphasis, ubiquitous. Utility computing became the cloud, and we know how that’s taken off. Groupware became collaboration. Thin clients have morphed into VDI, and… Well, seems like a good time to get a bunch of …
Joe Fay, 11 Nov 2016
Continuous Lifecycle London 2016 logo

Tell us your DevOps, Agile, CD and Container stories

If you want to take the stage at Continuous Lifecycle London 2017, you’ve got a month to convince us that your take on DevOps, Containerization, Continuous Delivery and Agile is the real deal. The call for papers closes on November 30, and the programme committee will be meeting a week later to chew through the proposals and …
Joe Fay, 01 Nov 2016
Boy writes a letter to Santa. Pic via Shutterstock

Could Heather from EastEnders turn on Kettering if Lohan is no-show?

The good burghers of Kettering have been left in a pre-Christmas tizzy as Lindsay Lohan appears to be on the brink of reneging on her promise to turn on the Northants powerhouse for Christmas. La Lohan had promised to flick the switch on the town’s Christmas lights back in June, after being accused of insulting the midlands …
Joe Fay, 28 Oct 2016
Pennies in a jar. Photo via Shutterstock

Northamber almost strikes cheery note, warns profit a year off

Veteran distie Northamber almost introduced a note of cheeriness as it unveiled its full year results today. Almost. The firm still unveiled a slip in revenues, increasing losses compared to last year, and said profitability is probably at least a year away. In his statement, chairman David Phillips said that as it continued a …
Joe Fay, 28 Oct 2016
Man talks on ohone next to outdoor pipeline, Photo by Shutterstock

Atlassian promises elastic pipelines and premium plan

Atlassian is trying to tempt enterprise developers to launch their precious source code onto the cloud by hauling its Bitbucket pipelines feature out of beta, and overhauling its pricing. Instead of only selling subs in blocks of 10, 25, 50 or 100, the company will charge per user. Its standard plan will cost $2 per user, per …
Joe Fay, 12 Oct 2016
Wagyu Bull

FT journo roasts channel leaders for spouting bullshit

Canalys Channels Forum 2016 The great and the good of the channel were chastised and chided at Channels Forum this week, as Financial Times management columnist Lucy Kellaway called on them to lay off the bullshit and waffle for the sake of humanity. FT associate editor Kellaway told the closing session at the Canalys Channels Forum that the tide of …
Joe Fay, 07 Oct 2016
EARTHQUAKE!

'Too big to fail' cloud giants like AWS threaten civilization as we know it

Canalys Channels Forum 2016 The world’s largest cloud players are in danger of becoming too big to fail, the boss of Canalys warned today. This is a problem because the list of potential trip hazards for the likes of Azure, AWS and Google is growing ever longer – and at least one of them is going to stumble and fall, taking customers' off-premises …
Joe Fay, 04 Oct 2016

Artificial intelligence will eradicate channel drudgery, says Lenovo boss

Canalys Channels Forum 2016 Artificial intelligence will make the tech channel a happier place by removing much of the tedious grinding interaction that poisons relationships between vendors, distributors and partners, Lenovo’s boss claimed today. Lenovo COO Gianfranco Lanci told the audience at Canalys Channels Forum that the firm was examining how to …
Joe Fay, 04 Oct 2016
Michael Dell, photo: Dell

Cloud will NOT eat the tech industry, Michael Dell declares

Canalys Channels Forum 2016 Michael Dell shrugged off the threat from the public cloud this morning, suggesting that many users will eventually realise running a server on Amazon is a lot more expensive than actually owning one. The Dell Technologies chairman, speaking on stage at the opening of the Canalys Channels Forum EMEA, said the current hype …
Joe Fay, 04 Oct 2016
Paul O' Grady poses with a small dog.

Apple moving to scrubbed up London's Battersea Power Station

Apple is moving into a shiny new HQ at the revamped Battersea Power Station in London – just as soon as developers have finished wrecking rebuilding the iconic Southside brick masterpiece. The owners of the building site have said that Apple will take “ six floors of office space” at the site from 2021, relocating 1400 staff …
Joe Fay, 28 Sep 2016
Image by KUCO http://www.shutterstock.com/gallery-111070p1.html

Silicon Valley’s top exorcist rushed off his feet as Demons infest California

A Catholic priest has said virtually all his free time is taken up with exorcisms these days as he struggles to counter the tide of demonic possession washing up Silicon Valley and the rest of Northern California. Father Gary Thomas, together with fellow exorcist Father Vincent Lampert, has been profiled in a lengthy piece in …
Joe Fay, 26 Sep 2016
Strike a match

CA blows on fingers, grasps testing vendor BlazeMeter

Veteran software outfit CA has hoovered up Israeli testing outfit BlazeMeter to burnish its DevOps and testing credentials. The buy is the latest example of CA’s ability to surf the tides of software fashion, which over the last 40 years has seen it waft from mainframe utilities, to PC productivity apps to storage to whatever …
Joe Fay, 21 Sep 2016
Building IoT London

Building IoT call for papers: What have YOU done with the internet of things?

Reg Events There are just a few weeks until the call for papers for Building IoT London closes, and we really want to hear your real world stories of what the things on the internet are doing to your business. We’ve got a cracking lineup of IoT luminaries to help us sort through the proposals, bringing expertise in the user end of the …
Joe Fay, 20 Sep 2016
Chicken eggs, photo via Shutterstock

Naked, drunken Swede assaults chicken shed after 60th birthday

A Malmo man is facing paying thousands of kronor in damages after attending a friend’s 60th birthday party and ending up crawling naked and bleeding from an elderly woman’s hen house. The elderly poultry rearer in Ikea hometown Älmhult assumed her prize layers were under attack from a marauding fox after a series of noises …
Joe Fay, 20 Sep 2016
Huawei_HQ_black_swan

Intel drafts in troubleshooting veteran for CFO slot

Intel has hired veteran tech CFO and sometime troubleshooter Bob Swan to take over from long-time numbers supremo Stacy Smith. Swan, or to give him his full press release name, Robert “Bob” H Swan, joins from equity outfit General Atlantic, where he was an operating partner. Stacy Smith, “as previously announced, is taking a …
Joe Fay, 20 Sep 2016

GitLab snags VC cash, promises to 'Git-ify' the world

GitLab has pledged to Git-ify the world – or at least make the term an acknowledged verb – after pulling in $20m to fund its plans for building an end-to-end dev collaboration suite. The latest chunk'o’change brings its total funding to $25.6m, and founder and CEO Sid Sijbrandij said the cash would be used to “accelerate …
Joe Fay, 13 Sep 2016

HashiCorp pulls in $24m to build out DevOps infrastructure portfolio

HashiCorp has pulled in $24m in funding, which should give its founders carte blanche to crack open an extra bottle or two at its user conference in Napa, California this week. The DevOps infrastructure outfit has a slightly dizzying portfolio of seven open source tools and parallel “enterprise versions spanning runtime, …
Joe Fay, 08 Sep 2016
Privacy image

Intel adds vision to its AI vision with computer vision firm buyout

Intel is not just content to build the silicon brains that will power the Rise of the Machines – it is bidding to own their eyes too, with the acquisition of computer vision developer Movidius. Movidius is 11 years old, having been founded in Dublin and transplanted to San Mateo. No price was disclosed, but the 140-strong firm …
Joe Fay, 06 Sep 2016
Building IoT London

Will the real builders of IoT please stand up?

CFP If you’re really doing the Internet of Things, we’d really like to hear about it at Building IoT London next March. Our call for papers is open now and we’d like to hear from practitioners in the user, vendor, academic and consulting industries, who are genuine pathfinders when it comes to turning the hype and theory around …
Joe Fay, 01 Sep 2016
Man looks at his mobile - mildly surprised or shocked about something. Photo by shutterstock

Atlassian promises frictionless, casual video encounters

Atlassian is adding group video to its HipChat service, but has promised that you can can hit the red button on overeager “collaborators”. For now, anyway. The collaboration vendor has had one-to-one video in its HipChat product for a couple of years, but has reconfigured the service on the Jitsi technology it hoovered up last …
Joe Fay, 18 Aug 2016

Baffled Scots cops call in priest to deal with unruly spirits

Scottish Police have been forced to turn to the Catholic Church after a family in South Lanarkshire were apparently subjected to a campaign of terror by a Chihuahua-levitating poltergeist. According to the Scottish Daily Record, police attended a house in Rutherglen, South Lanarkshire on August 8 and 9, following reports of …
Joe Fay, 15 Aug 2016
Asus S1

Mobile malaise drags down Asus Q2 numbers

Asus has reported a double digit slide in net income for the fourth quarter, highlighting that even overtaking Apple in the computer sales stakes is no golden ticket to world domination. The netbooks and bikinis innovator turned in Q2 net revenues of $NT93.9bn (£2.3bn), a 5 per cent slip on the same period last year, results …
Joe Fay, 12 Aug 2016