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Robin Lettice

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Blue-eyed schoolgirls headshot vegetarians

Comments Ryanair has come under fire from the Advertising Standards Agency for an ad featuring a "saucy schoolgirl". Despite being ordered to, Ryanair refused to withdraw the ad. You were disbelieving and appreciative: So, let me get this straight... they placed an advert in a few newspapers, which a couple of people complained about. As …
Robin Lettice, 01 Feb 2008
The Register breaking news

ID cards target the young, MySpace targets MySpace

Privacy back-and-forths The Halifax bank has issued unsuspecting customers with trial wave-and-pay RFID-enabled bank cards. As Reg reader Pete found out, it can be hard to extricate yourself from this unasked-for privilege. A US federal judge has banned company AccuSearch from selling customers' phone records without their …
Robin Lettice, 01 Feb 2008
The Register breaking news

The internet's up sh*t creek, but at least we have aliens

Comments Alien hunters trawling NASA images for evidence of life have posted what appears to be a little green humanoid in a snapshot taken by the Spirit rover on Mars. The image has since been the focus of a great deal of debate, both informed and otherwise, and you lot were full of interesting theories: It's the Virgin Mary! How long …
Robin Lettice, 28 Jan 2008
The Register breaking news

ID cards delayed, Microsoft in court and HP buys bills

Taxes and piracy - money goes round and round Chancellor Alistair Darling this week made a concession for small business over the recent capital gains tax changes, which had some SMBs howling. The Entrepreneur's Relief tweak may placate grumbling small biz, but concerns were raised over the perceived lack of consultation …
Robin Lettice, 25 Jan 2008
The Register breaking news

Alcohol where the sun doesn't shine, and nanotubes darker than that

Comments Polish limb boffins have concluded that 'perfect' legs are 5 per cent longer than average. They had volunteers rate silhouettes according to attractiveness, and found that a bit of legginess went a long way. Unfortunately for the lanky among us, however, limbs 10 per cent longer than average were considered even less attractive …
Robin Lettice, 20 Jan 2008
The Register breaking news

Elephants take over transport network, mandate sex parties

Comments Researchers at San Diego State University have found that, contrary to the general rule that men get more heavily plastered at parties, women tend to booze more if the parties involve sexual themes and fancy dress. Why? They don't know, but you all agree that they must have had fun trying to find out: Dr Clapp ? Investigating …
Robin Lettice, 12 Jan 2008
The Register breaking news

Paris Hilton goes for gold while crims are pretty in pink

Comments Hello and welcome to the last comments roundup of the year. It's been a good one, with many wits and twits showing how wise or otherwise they are. We start with the latest news on a person who has become something of an institution around here (no, not amanfromMars). Everyone's favourite heiress is reaching for new heights of …
Robin Lettice, 14 Dec 2007
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Never use an internet translator to hire a gorilla

Comments In a possible bid for Mum of the Year (or the intervention of social services, depending on your views on such things), a Nottinghamshire woman sent a stripper to her son's school for his 16th birthday. So stunned was the teacher that she allowed the show to continue, as the boy was whipped and led around on a leash, until the …
Robin Lettice, 10 Nov 2007
The Register breaking news

Ming the clam battles wolfman over Jordan's jubs

Comments Boffins have dredged up what is thought to be the world's oldest animal - a 405-year-old clam - and rather satisfyingly named it Ming. Unfortunately the clam seems to have since copped it, but the culpable scientists hope that studying it will lead to a greater understanding of the aging process - good news for current and …
Robin Lettice, 03 Nov 2007
The Register breaking news

Flaming squirrel nicked for blatant forgeries

Comments A suicide squirrel, possibly trained by the sciurine arm of Al-Qaeda, dove into and destroyed a Toyota Camry. The critter bit through a powerline and was set alight, causing it to plummet onto the car. It then slid into the engine compartment and caused an explosion that did for the vehicle. In anticipation of Halloween, the …
Robin Lettice, 27 Oct 2007
The Register breaking news

Leprechaun steals Gandalf's trousers, is offered starring role in The Hobbit

Comments Microsoft has announced its intention to try to read our minds. Saying it wants to better understand human-computer interaction, the mega-corporation has filed a patent for a psychic alternative to those irritating surveys no one likes. You were full of dystopian predictions: It looks like you're trying to compose a thought. …
Robin Lettice, 19 Oct 2007
The Register breaking news

Never trust a robot with anal beads and a fixed grin

Comments The flying car, that which we Reg hacks demand of all and sundry after a few pints, looks like becoming a reality. The Terrafugia Transition® is a bit more like a plane that can drive, but it seems to fit the bill anyway. You shared our excitement: "Marty, where we're going, we won't need roads, just a runway. Oh, and you might …
Robin Lettice, 14 Oct 2007
The Register breaking news

Alcohol makes you smart enough to study it

Comments Studious teens can now take a course in "alcohol awareness" and earn a certificate equivalent to half a GCSE. The exam appears not to include a practical section, instead focussing on the dangers of drinking to excess. Always willing to discuss alcohol, you bit right in: Happy days. I actually moved from lager to mild (i.e. the …
Robin Lettice, 05 Oct 2007
The Register breaking news

Ninjas battle invisible frogs in Hitler's San Diego bunker

Comments Ninjas have invaded Pennsylvania, and are holding up petrol ('gas' to their American victims) stations at swordpoint. Two female ninjas, that staple of the videogame industry, stole "cash, cigarettes and lottery tickets" from a terrified clerk. While the latter two items don't really fit the ninja mystique, that didn't matter to …
Robin Lettice, 29 Sep 2007
The Register breaking news

Spunky salmon return to life to gas us all

Comments We begin the weekly comments mishmash with a close look at fish sperm. Apparently there are many, many salmon farmers sitting around wondering what to do with all those gallons of salmon spunk they don't need. So to forestall them getting any bright ideas, a top light-emitting-diode boffin has announced plans to use it for a …
Robin Lettice, 21 Sep 2007
The Register breaking news

Tech gets steamier with mp3 vibrators and strap-on kit

Comments An armed robber, evidently going for the soft targets, attempted to hold up a karate school in the Columbian town of Bucaramanga. For his pains he received a dis-arming and further pain when the students "put their knowledge to use". A bit of practical experience probably did them some good, although the robber might have …
Robin Lettice, 14 Sep 2007
The Register breaking news

Toddler flexibility at risk as rock stars and goats die young

Comments: Toddlers have been banned from practicing yoga in a Somerset church hall, because the activity is "unchristian" and promotes other spiritualities. The interesting image of toddlers doing yoga aside, at least one of you dove straight into the gutter: Have you seen some of these yoga mums and the clothes they wear to do yoga in? …
Robin Lettice, 07 Sep 2007
The Register breaking news

Kung-fu monks can kick ass, but they can't reincarnate

Comments Monks at the Shaolin Temple in China, highly incensed by an assertion by a Japanese internet user that a single ninja had once laid the smackdown on their greatest, have deployed a fearsome warrior lawyer (presumably trained to an equally high standard in both law and arse-kicking). They have demanded that the internet user " …
Robin Lettice, 03 Sep 2007
The Register breaking news

Boys' toys get burned, glued and impounded

Comments Bad things have been happening to the male anatomy this week, with torchings and glueings being sustained. Well-known extensions (cars and guns) get a fair mention too. We begin with a sticky situation. Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf (that noted performer) has attached himself by the danglies to a vacuum cleaner. The DIY gluing …
Robin Lettice, 24 Aug 2007
The Register breaking news

Man loses leg in bathtub romp

Comments Friday is here again, and we begin on a pious note. Good news for the ostentatiously religious among you: Gold River Productions has come out with a Christian ringtones service. Fellow commuters can be treated to a reading of a bible verse or a Christian rock ditty, among other choices, and you might want to hold off answering …
Robin Lettice, 17 Aug 2007
The Register breaking news

AK-wielding geckos levitate in from the Tower of Doom

Comments Another week goes by and there are more lizards, more weapons, more examples of verbal silliness and, of course, more comments. Note: some comments are attributed to "Anon". This is shorthand and stands for "The Anointed One"; he who is all-knowing, all-reading and on-all-commenting. Desperate for something to do with …
Robin Lettice, 11 Aug 2007
The Register breaking news

Ban the internet! It's full of worms and iPlayers

Comments The internet is a blight on our fair society. The iPlayer, viruses and The Register are testament to that fact. The Professional Teachers Association has voted to ban the internet and Wi-Fi from schools. It's a sensible proposal from a sensible organisation. You seemed to think otherwise: I assume none of these 'professionals' …
Robin Lettice, 03 Aug 2007
The Register breaking news

Laser iPhones shrink your brains

Comments It's been a fairly average week, with the normal crop of lasers, abnormal cranial conditions and massively overpriced drinks. We'll start with an iPhone article. Don't worry, it's the only one. A vulnerability has been discovered in the iPhone, and an exploit devised. There's been less of a row than usual, but it's still there …
Robin Lettice, 28 Jul 2007
The Register breaking news

Keeping abreast of disappointing Apple products

Comments The iPhone continues to dominate this week, with many comments telling us or fellow readers to shut up. Nobody seems to have any intention of doing so, which is as it should be. Reg reviewer Cade Metz decided to return his iPhone and moaned about the restocking fee. This led to a great many comments. As usual, there was a …
Robin Lettice, 21 Jul 2007
The Register breaking news

iPhones, iPhones and more iPhones

Comments It's been a particularly iPhone-strewn week, now that the Yanks have got their hands on the precious device, and the lovers and haters have come right out of the woodwork. New hack Jefferson Alberry II received the customary Reg reader welcome in the comments on his first story, What's al-Qaeda's take on the iPhone? A …
Robin Lettice, 13 Jul 2007