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Dave Akerman and Heston Blumenthal

Potato in SPAAAAACE: LOHAN chap cooks up stratospud with Heston Blumenthal

Pics Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) team member Dave Akerman confirmed his status as one of the UK's go-to guys* for high-altitude ballooning (HAB) launches when he popped up on Channel 4 last week in Heston Blumenthal's Great British Food series. Dave Akerman and Heston Blumenthal The celebrity food-botherer wanted …
Lester Haines, 07 May 2014
The full Spanglish breakfast: mealy pudding, bacon, black pudding, sausages, fried egg, toast

El Reg Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse back on the bacon

Pics We're pleased to report that the El Reg Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse has emerged in fairly good shape from last week's Live Below the Line challenge, although team member Toby Sibley hasn't told us whether he walked up the aisle on Saturday or had to be carried by his best man. Toby certainly deserves an extra round of applause for …
Lester Haines, 06 May 2014

The amazing .uk domain: Less .co and loads more whalesong

LogoWatch If you're a Brit "at the forefront of the contemporary online landscape", then you've doubtless already eyed the .uk domain - the "short and sharp" dot thingy for "fearless, modern, digital natives", set to launch on 10 June. Make no mistake, this isn't just a cynical way of ditching the .co and charging you for the privilege, . …
Lester Haines, 06 May 2014

El Reg Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse crawls towards finish line

The El Reg Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse has entered the final furlong, with less than 24 hours to go before members can enjoy something considerably more substantial than the meagre rations which have sustained them since Monday. And as the finish line comes into view, the effects of the Live Below the Line challenge - to exist on just …
Lester Haines, 02 May 2014
Another grab showing images from the camera at altitude

Classified LOHAN payload is four-eyed beast

As regular readers know, the Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) team likes a nice bit of imaging kit, and we can now reveal that the classified payload which flew atop our recent "Judy" test flight was in fact a prototype four-eyed beast capable of capturing hi-def panoramic video. The chaps from CENTR Camera got in …
Lester Haines, 02 May 2014
Toby's lentil and carrot surpise

Quid-a-day Reg nosh posse chap faces starvation diet

As the El Reg Quid-a-Day Nosh Posse's Live Below the Line challenge enters its fourth day, we're delighted to report that team member Toby Sibley has resurfaced - albeit looking a little thinner than when we last spoke to him. At the beginning of the week, Toby expressed doubts that he'd spend his £5 food budget wisely: Toby's …
Lester Haines, 01 May 2014

The Reg Quid-a-Day Nosh challenge: What's the point, exactly?

It's been an entertaining week so far for the El Reg Quid-a-Day Nosh Posse, as team members battle to survive on just £1 per day for food as part of the Live Below the Line challenge. Calorific intake concerns aside, we've managed to knock up a few decent meals, and even forage a bit of extra nutrition. Of course, living for …
Lester Haines, 30 Apr 2014

The quid-a-day nosh challenge: Anyone fancy this fungus I found?

The sun has risen on day three of the El Reg Quid-a-Day Nosh Posse's Live Below the Line challenge, and the team's in generally good shape. I say generally, because we've haven't heard from Toby Sibley since Monday, when he expressed concern that he simply didn't have enough calories stockpiled to make it through the week. We' …
Lester Haines, 30 Apr 2014
Teepee village

Marauding quid-a-day nosh hack menaces teepee hippie villages

It's day two of the El Reg Quid-a-Day Nosh Posse's Live Below the Line challenge, so let's see how our intrepid members are getting along on just £1 per day for food. First up, we haven't had a chance yet to consider Chris Winpenny's complete cornucopious stockpile, some of which we've already seen... Chris's initial stash of …
Lester Haines, 29 Apr 2014

Microsoft forms 'Special Projects' black ops team

Microsoft has secretly formed a "Special Projects" sub-tentacle of its Microsoft Research limb in an apparent attempt to out-black-ops Google X. This sinister group is "tasked with working on disruptive technologies that could benefit the company and society". Although MS is remaining tight-lipped on when it was formed and who …
Lester Haines, 29 Apr 2014

Quid-a-day Reg nosh posse chap fears for his waistline

El Reg Quid-a-Day Nosh Posse member Toby Sibley has been in touch to say he only got to spend his £5 food allowance for the Live Below the Line challenge last night, and is beginning to worry about his waistline. Here's his last-minute stash... Toby's food stash for the week Lentils in brine? Lovely ...comprising: 25g …
Lester Haines, 28 Apr 2014
The stew on the outdoor fire

A real pot-boiler kicks off Reg man's quid-a-day nosh challenge

Pics It's day one of the El Reg Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse's attempt to survive for five days on a fiver for food in support of Malaria No More UK. I have no doubt our elite team is rising magnificently to the challenge, having prepared their cunning survival plans well in advance. While I await news of how it's going, here's some of my …
Lester Haines, 28 Apr 2014

El Reg posse prepares for quid-a-day nosh challenge

The countdown to this year's Live Below the Line challenge has begun, and next week, the elite El Reg Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse will attempt to survive for five days on a food budget of just £1 per day. I did the challenge in 2013, and raised a good wedge of cash for Malaria No More UK. Magnificently, five brave souls have agreed to …
Lester Haines, 25 Apr 2014

LOHAN spaceplane's budget minicam punches well above its weight

Pics + vids Watch Video They say good things come in small packages, and that's certainly true of the impressively titled "DBcam Hi-Resolution Micro Action Sports Video Camera", which soared heavenwards for a quick test during the recent Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) "Punch and Judy" test flights. It was the first time we'd …
Lester Haines, 25 Apr 2014

Teen girl arrested with 70-year-old man's four inch weapon inside her

A 19-year-old Tennessee girl cuffed earlier this week for allegedly driving with a suspended licence is in a spot more bother – after jail officers reportedly discovered a loaded .22 revolver in her vagina. Dallas Archer's police mugshot Pretty in pink: Dallas Archer's police mugshot Dallas Archer was pulled over in Kingsport …
Lester Haines, 24 Apr 2014

Vulture 2 rocket motor heater a non-sizzling success

The Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) team is toasting a toasty success today after reviewing the data from our recent Judy test flight, which carried the rocket motor heater rig designed to stop our Vulture 2 spaceplane's mighty thruster from catching a nasty cold. Here's the data in question, captured as Judy rose to …
Lester Haines, 23 Apr 2014

Tooled-up Ryobi girl takes nine-inch grinder to Asus beach babe

Pic We're obliged to veteran Reg reader Chris Winpenny for nominating what he believes to be a worthy successor to Asus' famous blonde beach babe – last seen enjoying an Eee Pad Transformer Prime before the sun set on her PC-punting career: Asus Eee Pad Transformer Prime and friend The original Asus beach babe Enter Ryobi grinder …
Lester Haines, 23 Apr 2014

So, just how do you say 'the mutt's nuts' in French?

Our Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) mission is on temporary hold today while we attempt to answer a question of vital linguistic import: just how do you say "the mutt's nuts" in French? Last week we unveiled the magnificent finished livery of our Vulture 2 spaceplane... The Space Graphics Solutions team poses with …
Lester Haines, 23 Apr 2014
The Space Graphics Solutions team poses with the wrapped Vulture 2

LOHAN and the amazing technicolor spaceplane

Picture special Cue the traditional portentous drumroll and fanfare of trumpets as we reveal today the finished livery of our Vulture 2 spaceplane – a provocative combination of paint job and vinyl wrap which is, frankly, the mutt's nuts. Fans of our Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) project will recall we asked readers back in …
Lester Haines, 19 Apr 2014

Spanish village called 'Kill the Jews' mulls rebranding exercise

Residents in the Spanish village of Castrillo* Matajudíos (Castrillo Kill the Jews) will vote on Saturday on whether it's time to change the name of their small hamlet in the province of Burgos to something a little less offensive. Castrillo Matajudios as seen on Street View A sign of the old times: Castrillo Matajudíos as …
Lester Haines, 18 Apr 2014

Fancy joining Reg hack on quid-a-day challenge?

Last year, I rather recklessly signed my self up for the Live Below the Line quid-a-day nosh challenge, which involves surviving for five days on £1 per day for food. Here are my supplies at the beginning of the week... My supplies for five days My Live Below the Line 2013 supplies ...which kicked off with fried egg sarnies, …
Lester Haines, 17 Apr 2014
Double Facepalm; when one facepalm is not enough.

Red-faced LOHAN team 'fesses up in blown SPEARS fuse fiasco

Vid It's while standing in the corner of the room wearing pointy hats emblazoned with a big "D" that the Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) team admits today that the blown fuse which scuppered our recent Punch test flight actually went pop back in September last year. Youtube Video Yes indeed, during the test flight of …
Lester Haines, 16 Apr 2014
The LOHAN team prepares for launch this morning

LOHAN's Punch and Judy show: The big fat round-up

Pics+Vid The dust has pretty well settled on the Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) Punch and Judy test flights, and we now present for your further entertainment a round-up of the two missions. Watch Video As you can see from the above timelapse video of the launches last Thursday, we did finally get off the ground after a …
Lester Haines, 16 Apr 2014
The LOHAN team prepares for launch this morning

Reg LOHAN spaceplane: Punch and Judy show in comedy non-explosive climax

It's with more than a degree of staring at the heavens in exasperation that we confirm what those of you watching the live coverage of yesterday's Punch and Judy test flights had already deduced - that the Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) team failed to make fire in the sky. Dave and Anthony prepare for launch as …
Lester Haines, 11 Apr 2014
The LOHAN team poses with the Vulture 2

LOHAN spaceplane 'Punch and Judy' test flights live online

Vids If you're looking for some light entertainment this fine April morning, then tune in to the live launch of the Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) "Punch" and "Judy" test flights. Dave Akerman and I are at Blighty's Baikonur in Herefordshire, determined to get two mighty orbs aloft. The live feed from the launch site is …
Lester Haines, 10 Apr 2014

LOHAN's Punch and Judy show relaunches Thursday

Following last weekend's cancellation of the Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) "Punch" and "Judy" test flights due to high winds, the team is relieved to announce that Thursday morning is looking good for a second pop. Saturday's planned missions were scuppered by excessive gustiness at the Herefordshire launch site, …
Lester Haines, 09 Apr 2014
The LOHAN team prepares for launch this morning

The Punch and Judy show is LIVE NOW cancelled

Updated Update at 14:12: Today' flights have been cancelled due to high winds. Highly irritating, but that's the British weather for you. We'll let you know when we've formed an alternative plan. The Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) "Punch" and "Judy" test flights are about to kick off - assuming the wind doesn't scupper …
Lester Haines, 05 Apr 2014

LOHAN's Punch and Judy show is GO for Saturday

The Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) "Punch" and "Judy" test flights are go for tomorrow (Saturday 5 April), and as ever we'll be streaming proceedings live over the interwebs so you make yourselves a nice cuppa, kick back and follow the action live from the comfort of your PC. First up, we have the Punch rocket motor …
Lester Haines, 04 Apr 2014
Fire flames come from chamber as lid blows off

Middle England trembles before roaring LOHAN

There are only a few days left before our planned "Punch" and "Judy" flights on Saturday 5 April, so a slightly sooty Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) team is pleased to report that we've wrapped the final ground-based rocket motor tests in the Rocketry Experimental High Altitude Barosimulator (REHAB) hypobaric …
Lester Haines, 02 Apr 2014

LOHAN team gears up for Punch and Judy show

It's all go on the Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) front as the British contingent of the team gears up for the forthcoming "Punch" and "Judy" test flights. On 5 April, we'll assemble at the new "Blighty's Baikonur" (formerly in Berkshire, now relocated to Herefordshire) to launch two balloon payloads. The first …
Lester Haines, 31 Mar 2014

LOHAN preps Vulture 2 for hot vinyl wrap

The Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) team has some good news and some bad news today. The good news is that we've finished the paint element of of Vulture 2 spaceplane's livery, and it looks absolutely magnificent. The bad news, for you lot at least, is that we're not going to show our beloved readers just how …
Lester Haines, 28 Mar 2014

Dear Reg: What is a 'Lag' and a 'Jacksey'?

It's Thursday, and we could all do with a bit of light relief at the end of the week, so here is some, in the form of an entertaining email which landed in my inbox earlier this week: To L. Haines, What is a "Lag" ?and what is Jacksey" [sic] ? (article seen on Google TODAY!) Would you be speaking SO RUDELY about a person if …
Lester Haines, 27 Mar 2014

Middle England's allotments become metric battlefield

Imperial traditionalists have expressed dismay that allotments will henceforth be measured in metres, thereby ending a 600-year-old system of staking out municipal veg patches in poles. According to the Daily Mail, shocked gardeners have received rent renewal notices from their town halls reclassifying the standard "10 pole" …
Lester Haines, 24 Mar 2014

Cops bang up squiffy, nude Virginian minx

A Virginian earned herself a cuffing last Saturday night after allegedly rolling up at a cop shop both drunk and in the buff, demanding to see her incarcerated hubby. Maura Fussell poses for an Arlington County Police mugshot According to this report, 26-year-old Maura Fussell, of Reston, arrived at Arlington Magistrate’s …
Lester Haines, 21 Mar 2014

Vote now for the top reader Limerick limerick

Poll A couple of weeks back, we reported on the shock case of the biroless Irish police station which posed a serious threat to public order in Limerick. Judge Eugene O'Kelly heard the case of one miscreant who rolled up at the Henry Street gardaí station "to sign on as a condition of his bail relating to a separate matter". He was …
Lester Haines, 21 Mar 2014

QUIDOCALYPSE: Blighty braces for £100 MILLION cost of new £1 coin

As we predicted yesterday, it hasn't taken coin-guzzling machine operators long to kick off moaning about the cost of converting kit to accept Blighty's new 12-sided quid*, slated to hits the streets in 2017. The proposed 12-sided pound coin. Pic: The Royal Mint We suggested the retrofit bill for the old thrupenny-inspired …
Lester Haines, 20 Mar 2014

LOHAN bloodhound unleashes solar-powered minitracker

Fans of our Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) project with a particular interest in the radio electronics side of spaceplane missions will doubtless enjoy a first look at a new miniature tracker from team member Anthony Stirk - the sleek black PAVA 9. Anthony's PAVA 9 tracker Anthony's PAVA programme was inspired by …
Lester Haines, 19 Mar 2014

Blighty goes retro with 12-sided pound coin

In agreeable news for those readers who can remember when it was all trees round here and you could get an enormous paper bagful of gobstoppers for thruppence, The Royal Mint has unveiled a decidedly retro 12-sided design for Blighty's £1 coin. The proposed 12-sided pound coin. Pic: The Royal Mint The mint reckons that a …
Lester Haines, 19 Mar 2014

French novel falls foul of Apple's breast inspectors

NSFW French publishing house Les Editions des Equateurs is protesting vociferously that Apple has declined to to carry its novel La Femme online, due to an excessively jubular cover. Bénédicte Martin's book is set for release on 20 March, but won't be available via the fruity monolith due to an "inappropriate" image of a topless …
Lester Haines, 18 Mar 2014

Wackadoo DIYers scissor-kick beatboxer

The Oxford English Dictionary has announced the latest tranche of terms to be admitted to its hallowed pages, including some c-words so strong that neither we nor the Daily Mail dare utter them before a family readership. On the roster of almost 900 new words, new subentries and new senses we find that "beatboxer" "bestie", " …
Lester Haines, 17 Mar 2014

Punch and Judy face Blofeld in LOHAN doomsday box test

As we recently announced, the British contingent of the Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) team will assemble in Blighty on 5 April for the final test flights before the launch of our Vulture 2 spaceplane. Watch Video The first stratomission, dubbed "Punch", will lift a small Cesaroni rocket motor to 20,000m to …
Lester Haines, 14 Mar 2014

Actually, there is an Arapaho word for 'pliers'

The Vulture Central backroom boys are running around like headless chickens following the revelation that our new BuzzGasm feed is not functioning to the high standards of factual accuracy our demanding readers expect. For those of you not familiar with BuzzGasm, the El Reg Strategy Boutique describes it as "an automated …
Lester Haines, 14 Mar 2014

Nipper rolls up at nursery with 48 wraps of HEROIN

A New Jersey dad was arrested earlier this week after staff at his two-year-old kid's daycare centre reportedly found the nipper was carrying 48 paper envelopes* of heroin stuffed in his jacket. A worker at the centre in Paterson, some 30km west of New York, alerted cops to the discovery on Monday. Officers, having determined it …
Lester Haines, 13 Mar 2014

Brawling neighbours challenge 'quiet' cul-de-sac myth

A decidedly unneighbourly dispute over cat crap which ended in flying feline faeces and court appears to challenge the myth of the traditional "quiet" cul-de-sac. The unholy rumpus in Chippenham, Wiltshire, inspired a Daily Mail headline containing "Neighbours in quiet suburban cul-de-sac brawl over CAT POO", which in turn …
Lester Haines, 13 Mar 2014

NZ bloke's drunken poker bet ends in 99-letter name

A New Zealand lad is finally feeling the full effect of a lost poker bet some five years after he was obliged to change his name to "Full Metal Havok More Sexy N Intelligent Than Spock And All The Superheroes Combined With Frostnova." According to the New Zealand Herald, the 22-year-old Normanby local duly registered his new …
Lester Haines, 12 Mar 2014

Irish plod biro outrage invites Limerick Limerick challenge

Our piece yesterday on the Irish judge who got a tad shirty about a certain Limerick cop shop's lack of biros prompted a less than expected level of lyricism from our beloved commentards. Surely, if there were ever an occasion to lovingly craft a snappy Limerick, this was it, so we're disappointed to report that just two readers …
Lester Haines, 11 Mar 2014

Heroic Playmonaut wowed by LOHAN's bulging package

Pics Following the recent successful fitting and testing of our Vulture 2 spaceplane's Raspberry Pi and Picam rig, the Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) team is relieved to announce that we've wrapped the permanent installation of the rest of the aircraft's avionics. What's more, our heroic Playmonaut now has the proper …
Lester Haines, 10 Mar 2014

Florida bloke cuffed for pit bull shag outrage

A Florida dog-lover earned himself a cuffing last week after allegedly making the beast with two backs with a pit bull, this shock local report recounts. According to cops, Tampa officers were flagged down by locals disturbed by 57-year-old Bernard Marsonek's public display of cano-jiggyness Police mugshot of Bernard Marsonek …
Lester Haines, 10 Mar 2014

Police pen shortage threatens Irish public order

An Irish judge has expressed concerns that a police biro shortage may pose a serious threat to public order in Limerick. According to the Irish Independent, several miscreants have been dragged before the beak for "engaging in a threatening and abusive manner" in the public office at Henry Street gardaí station as a result of …
Lester Haines, 10 Mar 2014

LOHAN chap hooks up with busty stratominx in cosmic pleasure cruise

NSFW vid The Register's Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) team has expressed its shock and dismay that member Dave Akerman has chosen to play away from home with a lads' mag busty stratominx. Dave's a veteran of countless balloon launches, and is regularly approached by people in bars asking to be "taken to heaven and back". …
Lester Haines, 07 Mar 2014