The Register® — Biting the hand that feeds IT

Feeds
The Register Columnists

Lester Haines

Contact Mail Follow Twitter RSS feed

Paul Allen buys lovingly restored vintage V-2 Nazi ballistic missile

First space rocket of humanity, used to bomb London
Ex-Microsoft gazillionaire Paul Allen has acquired a V2 rocket for his Flying Heritage Collection. First human artifact into outer space ... en route to London or Antwerp with a one-tonne warhead The Microsoft co-founder stumped an undisclosed amount for the Mittelwerk GmbH Vergeltungswaffe 2, having found himself with a few …
24 May 11:59

LOHAN is GO! Reg spaceplane BLASTS OFF on 14 September

The Register breaking news
Pocket ballocket to go ballistic - but where?
We're absolutely delighted to announce that our Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) spaceplane mission is cleared for blastoff on 14 September. Click here for a bigger version of the LOHAN graphic Yes indeed, ballocket fans, the time is almost nigh to dispatch the Vulture 2 heavenwards towards its date with aeronautical …
23 May 07:03

Space dogs and Dragons: A brief history of reentry tech

The Register breaking news
How a flying Frenchman paved the way for space exploration
In August 1960, Soviet dogs Belka and Strelka1 - accompanied by several mice - became the first animals to travel into space and return alive. Belka and Strelka seen inside the Vostok capsule Belka and Strelka seen inside the Vostok capsule Packed into their Vostok spacecraft, the space canines relied on some venerable …
21 May 10:04

Hello, Goodbye ... to $408,000: John Lennon axe under the hammer

The Register breaking news
Not much Vox for an awful lot of bucks
A guitar played by both John Lennon and George Harrison has sold at auction for a cool $408k. The custom Vox. Pic: Julien's Auctions One Vox, yours for $408k The custom Vox was build for Lennon in 1966 by Mike Bennett and Dick Denney, who handled the instrument's mahogany body and electronics, respectively. In September 1967 …
20 May 10:18

Rolls-Royce climbs aboard Bloodhound SUPERSONIC car

The Register breaking news
Cash and tech support for mighty motor's mighty motor
Rolls-Royce has announced it will back the Bloodhound SuperSonic Car (SSC), despite the company's "pretty robust policy about using our power plants in applications for which they were not designed". Bloodhound will be partially powered by a Rolls-Royce EJ200 jet engine, normally found giving the Eurofighter-Typhoon a powerful …
15 May 05:04

Astronaut Chris Hadfield's Space Oddity ends in Kazakhstan

The Register breaking news
Crooning Canadian 'naut returns to terra firma
Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield is back on Earth following a 144-day stay aboard the International Space Station, which ended on a high note when the crooning spaceman released an impressive high-altitude version of David Bowie's Space Oddity. Hadfield and fellow Expedition 35 'nauts Tom Marshburn and Roman Romanenko touched …
14 May 09:24

Ground control to major strum: ISS's Hadfield sings Space Oddity

The Register breaking news
Vid Crooner Chris in high-altitude homage to Bowie
Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield has marked the end of his stay on the International Space Station by releasing his high-altitude version on David Bowie's Space Oddity. Cmdr Hadfield has been aboard the orbital outpost since December last year, and commander of Expedition 35 since March. He handed over control of the station …
13 May 12:37

Lego fan constructs Bletchley Park Colossus

The Register breaking news
Miniature homage to codebreaking giant
It's a tip of the hat today to Lego fan James Pegrum, who's created a splendid miniature representation of Bletchley Park's famous Colossus Mark 2: James Pegrum's Lego Colossus. Pic: James Pegrum James Pegrum's not-so-colossal Colossus Mark 2 Working from an original photo of the Colossus, Adult Friend Of Lego (AFOL) James …
10 May 11:38

Builder-in-a-hole outrage sparks Special Projects Bureau safety probe

The Register breaking news
Well-digging Portuguese chap gets some serious protection
Last year, I uncovered the perfect antidote to the internet in an entertaining dig-a-well project, which went down, well, well with those who subscribe to the tenet "man cannot live by IT alone". However, one aspect of the project did cause a bit of a health and safety furore among our beloved commentards: the moment when …
10 May 10:31

Brit adventurer all set to assault ex-Reg haunt Rockall

The Register breaking news
Plans 60 days atop sacred North Atlantic islet - for charity
A Brit adventurer is poised to occupy the North Atlantic granite outcrop of Rockall - once described as "the most isolated speck of rock, surrounded by water, on the surface of the earth".1 Nick Hancock plans to spend 60 days atop the sacred islet - which lies some 480km off the west coast of Scotland - during his Rockall Solo …
09 May 11:19

Colombian plods cuff jailbreaker despite on-the-run gender bend

The Register breaking news
Hefty Bulgarian airbags fail to distract Barranquilla fuzz
A fugitive Colombian criminal is back behind bars a year after escaping from custody. Local cops are happy that they've got the man they were after, though in fact she is now a bounteously endowed lady. Giovanni Rebolledo was slapped with a 60-year prison sentence last year in Bogotá, for a raft of offences including manufacture …
08 May 09:57

Quid-a-day nosh challenge hack enters the final furlong

The Register breaking news
Tibetan blackbird not yet landed, but the end is in sight
My "Live Below the Line" quid-a-day nosh challenge has entered its final stretch, and as I wait for the Tibetan blackbird* to spread its mighty brown wings over the great white telephone, I've got time - and just enough remaining energy - to ponder what purpose the last week has served. Before I do that, though, I'd like to …
03 May 12:59

Impoverished net user slams 'disgusting' quid-a-day hack

The Register breaking news
FoTW 'You insult those living in poverty'
Since Monday, this hack has been subsisting on just £1 a day for food, in support of the charity Malaria No More UK. The "Live Below the Line" challenge is an imperfect exercise, to be sure, but is nobly intended as "an innovative awareness and fundraising campaign that's making a huge difference in the fight against extreme …
03 May 08:04

Peeping Tom suspects cuffed after 'falling through women's toilet ceiling'

The Register breaking news
Boys in Blue brought after bang heard from the bogs
Two suspected peeping Toms earned themselves a cuffing last weekend after apparently crashing through the ceiling of the women's toilet in a Georgia cinema, having failed to correctly assess the structure's load-bearing capacity. According to cops, Eduard Petrovich Kovynev, 26, and Eduard Alexander Kovynev, 27, allegedly climbed …
03 May 05:04

Weary quid-a-day nosh hack fears colonal mass ejection

The Register breaking news
Storm brewing after three days of chickpeas and eggs
It's day four of my "Live Below the Line" challenge to survive for five days on just a fiver for nosh, and while things are going well overall, I fear a storm is brewing. Since Monday I've been subsisting on a diet comprising pretty much just fried egg butties, chickpea stew, rice and tea - livened up with the results of some …
02 May 10:28

Quid-a-day nosh challenge hack forms foraging party

The Register breaking news
Can Mother Nature supplement meagre diet?
It's been a tough winter here in the mountains of central Spain, so Mother Nature isn't lending much of a hand as I attempt to sustain myself spending just £1 a day for nosh in the "Live Below the Line" challenge. As many readers have pointed out, I should be able to venture forth into the countryside in search of free …
01 May 09:59

Quid-a-day nosh challenge hack in bullet-hard chickpea drama

The Register breaking news
Obstinate legume resists force of steaming cauldron
Day two of my "Live Below the Line" challenge has kicked off with another two fried egg sarnies and a couple of cuppas, following a long, hungry cooking slog yesterday thanks to some particularly obstinate chickpeas. To recap, I'm subsisting until for five days on just £1 a day for nosh as part of "an innovative awareness and …
30 Apr 10:04

Fried-egg sarnies kick off Reg man's quid-a-day nosh challenge

The Register breaking news
An egg-shell-ent start - but bacon, booze is off the menu
Coffee, bacon and black pudding were strictly off the menu this morning as this hack kicked off his "Live Below the Line" challenge with a couple of fried-egg sarnies and a mug of builders' tea. Until Friday, I have to subsist on just £1 a day for food as I participate in "an innovative awareness and fundraising campaign that's …
29 Apr 10:35

Texan stitches stratosphere into stunning panoramas

Panoramic view at 29,000m
One mighty orb and six vid cameras for fully spherical imagery
Take one mighty hydrogen-filled orb, six panoramic vid cameras, hours of image-stitching jiggery-pokery and you too can produce fully spherical panoramic imagery from the stratosphere... Panoramic view at 29,000m The 360 degree view at 29,000m ...or capture a 360 degree movie of your balloon burst at a breathtaking 29,378m ( …
26 Apr 12:58

Reg hack to starve on £1 a day FOR SCIENCE

Hungry Horace
Signs up for 'Live Below the Line' charity subsistence challenge
As of next Monday, this hack will live for five days with just £1 a day to spend on food, having rather recklessly signed up for the "Live Below the Line" challenge. Inspired by the news that Ben Affleck will starve himself for charity - and also we presume in penance for his part in cinematic outrage Pearl Harbor - I decided …
26 Apr 05:02

Outsourced space trucks battle for US middleweight lifting title

Antares launch on 21 April. Pic: NASA
Comment Antares and Falcon on a hike to nowhere?
There was much popping of champagne corks and back-slapping last Sunday when Orbital Sciences Corporation's Antares rocket finally blasted off from the launch pad at NASA's new Wallops Flight Facility in Virginia. Antares launch on 21 April. Pic: NASA Antares soars heavenwards on 21 April Following a launch abort on 17 April …
25 Apr 11:44

It's official! Register hack is an alcohol-flushed cave dweller

Budget DNA test reveals our man's genome secrets
It's official: this Reg hack is 2.7 per cent Neanderthal, belongs to the J1c3b haplogroup, is at increased risk of coronary heart disease and Restless Legs Syndrome, has wet ear wax, and slightly decreased odds of suffering male pattern baldness. That's according to the enlightening results of a personal genome test by 23andMe, …
19 Apr 15:04

Readers, we need you... for LOHAN ignition failsafe brainwaves

The Register breaking news
Last call for back-up rocket-sparking designs
The Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) team is inviting experts among our super readers to submit final proposals for a back-up ignition system for our Vulture 2 spaceplane's mighty rocket motor. Click here for a bigger version of the LOHAN graphic As SPB ballocket regulars know, the primary system designed to light …
19 Apr 11:44

Raspberry Pi space jaunt ends in dramatic mountain rescue

The Register breaking news
Slovakian team tracks stunning globes to snow-capped peak
Blighty's two-pronged High Altitude Ballooning (HAB) assault on Europe over the weekend ended dramatically with the rescue of one payload from the slopes of a snow-capped Austrian mountain, while the other is officially AWOL somewhere in France. Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) team members Dave Akerman and Anthony …
16 Apr 12:45

Space elevators, vacuum chutes: What next for big rocket tech?

Artists impression of the X-33. Pic: NASA
Pic special How boffins hope to escape long shadow of the V2
We recently suggested that even the most advanced rocket currently slipping the surly bonds of Earth is nothing more than glorified V2, over 70 years since Hitler's Vergeltungswaffe 2 first lifted off the pad at Peenemünde. Today, we'll have a look at some technologies that may one day allow us to escape V2 designer Wernher von …
12 Apr 12:37

LOHAN chap to launch Raspberry Pi eye in the sky

The Register breaking news
Live stratoimages promised as minicam invades European airspace
High Altitude Ballooning (HAB) geezer Dave Akerman will tomorrow dispatch a Raspberry Pi camera into the stratosphere, promising live images from altitude as the diminutive snapper drifts from Blighty into European skies. Dave, who's head hydrogen handling honcho for our Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) mission, …
12 Apr 10:19

Hard luck lads, todger size DOES matter: Official

The Register breaking news
NSFWish Being tall and masculine also helps, says stiff stiff
Boffins bearing tape measures appear to have confirmed that in the trouser department, size really does matter. But it's not the only thing prospective mates are eyeing when they give chaps the once-over. In fact, todger size "interacts with body shape and height to determine male sexual attractiveness", so that a "greater …
09 Apr 20:32

Pyongyang to unleash NUKULAR horsemen of the Norkocalypse?

The Register breaking news
Just how real is North Korea's missile threat?
Last week, UK prime minister David Cameron raised a few eyebrows when he insisted North Korea has the capability to launch a missile strike against the the US and the UK. Just like Blighty was once warned of Saddam Hussein's terrifying Weapons of Mass Destruction, the PM forewarned: “North Korea does now have missile technology …
08 Apr 09:26

Norkoshop: How Pyongyang well and truly forked Adobe

The Register breaking news
El Reg exclusively reveals Kim Jong-Un's photo propaganda tool
The recent news that North Korea had been caught red-handed indulging in some not-so-light hovercraft cloning, led our beloved Reg commenters to ponder just what software Pyongyang uses to big up its military capabilities. One initial suggestion was that the communist state's Illustrious Father and Leader, Kim Jong-Un, had …
05 Apr 09:19

LOHAN must suck juice while mounted on rigid rod - but HOW?

The Register breaking news
Possible hot coupling for Vulture 2
Over the past couple of weeks, the Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) team has been chewing the fat with readers over just how to hook up the Vulture 2 spaceplane's rocket motor heater. Click here for a bigger version of the LOHAN graphic There's more on the current state of play with the heater right here, and a …
04 Apr 10:38

Rocket boffinry in pictures: Gulp the Devil's venom and light a match

The Register breaking news
Feature How scientists sup from Wernher von Braun's cup
It's been more than 70 years since the first successful test flight of the German Vergeltungswaffe 2 (V2) - the weapon that paved the way for subsequent rocket-based efforts to escape Earth's surly bonds. On 3 October 1942, a team headed by Wernher von Braun watched its creation rise from the launchpad at Peenemünde, little …
02 Apr 06:17

Lost CASSiE search moves up a gear

The Register breaking news
Choppers rise after swelling twin orbs leave 'nauty knitwear adrift
Elite teams of Warwick University quadcopter operatives will take to the skies this weekend in search of CASSiE the Cosmic Hedgehog, missing since a high-altitude ballooning (HAB) mission went off the radar somewhere over Oxfordshire or Warwickshire. CASSiE the Cosmic Hedgehog Missing: CASSiE the cosmic hedgehog Following a …
28 Mar 16:04

Pyongyang Photoshop tomfoolery shows wet Norks, skirts blown up

The Register breaking news
Virtual hover armada storms beach in propaganda pic
North Korea's official press agency has been caught with its hands in the Photoshop copy-and-paste jar, in a hopelessly bodged attempt to big up the amphibious-landing capability of the country's hovercraft. A couple of days ago, the Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) released a snap showing operations by the KPA (Korean People's …
28 Mar 11:18

Watch the skies: SPACE HEDGEHOG plunges to Earth in Oxfordshire

The Register breaking news
Public asked to help find knitwear-clad 'naut
Reg readers in the Leamington Spa area are asked to keep an eye out for a knitted hedgehog which may have fallen from the skies thereabouts, and is currently the focus of a frantic search and rescue operation. CASSiE (Cosmic Ambassador for Space Science and Engineering), aka the Cosmic Hedgehog, was sent aloft last Friday on a …
25 Mar 14:53

Goblinproofing One's Chicken Coop hailed oddest book title

The Register breaking news
Anti-fairy guide wins prestigious literary award
The splendidly titled Goblinproofing One's Chicken Coop has won The Bookseller's Diagram Prize for Oddest Book Title of the Year. Reginald Bakeley's winning tome, which also offers "Other Practical Advice In Our Campaign Against The Fairy Kingdom", took 38 per cent of an online public vote. Loani Prior's How Tea Cosies Changed …
22 Mar 14:27

LOHAN fans drawn to magnetic coupling

The Register breaking news
Neodymium solution for spaceplane heater disconnect?
Earlier this week, we published results of some tests on the proposed heater for our Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) rocket motor heater, designed to keep the Vulture 2 spaceplane's powerplant toasty at altitude. Click here for a bigger version of the LOHAN graphic We also invited our tech-savvy ballocket mission …
22 Mar 11:44

Victoria and Albert museum in narrow escape from Napalm Death

The Register breaking news
Fragile London landmark dodges Brummie sonic weapon
London's Victoria and Albert Museum has canned a planned performance tonight by Napalm Death, amid fears the Brummie grindcore outfit might literally bring the house down. The band were scheduled to play "a special live set through an experimental sculptural sound system" built by the V&A's resident ceramic artist Keith Harrison …
22 Mar 06:03

Young model ruthlessly fingers upskirt iPad petshop pervert

The Register breaking news
Fruity fondleslab pant-snapper in LinkedIn giveaway
A 22-year-old model used LinkedIn to track down an iPad perv who used the fruity fondleslab to film some upskirt footage of her as she visited a Los Angeles pet shop. Britannie Weaver. Pic: http://brittanieweaver.com Britannie Weaver According to the New York Daily News, San Diego native Brittanie Weaver (pictured) nipped …
21 Mar 09:29

Refusal to swallow scuppers woman's tadpole-smuggling plan

The Register breaking news
Chinese airport staff unimpressed with gobful of porwigle
A South Korean woman's refusal to swallow scuppered her cunning plan to smuggle tadpoles out of China, Shanghaiist reports. The unnamed frog-lover was pulled over at Guangzhou Airport on 16 March, when security operatives spotted she had a bottle of liquid in her luggage, contrary to anti-improvised-exploding-trouser legislation …
21 Mar 06:02

LOHAN slips into tight rubber outfit

The Register breaking news
Our spaceplane's rocket motor heater gets the heatshrink treatment
Last week, the Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) team welcomed rocketeer Paul Shackleton aboard our audacious spaceplane mission. Click here for a bigger version of the LOHAN graphic Accordingly, it's an opportune moment to report on progress on the Vulture 2 motor heater, which will hopefully prevent the aircraft's …
20 Mar 12:37

Bottomless, unsatisfied Xbox widow cuffed after boyf flees nookie

Pantless woman arrested by rubbish bin 'anticipated sex'
A Pennsylvania woman whose boyfriend was keener on his Xbox than a roll in the hay faces charges of indecent exposure, simple assault, open lewdness, and harassment after allegedly assaulting the gaming aficionado, then giving pursuit naked from the waist down as he made for a nearby convenience store to call 911. Heather Hayes …
18 Mar 06:00

LOHAN hooks up with top-flight rocketeer

The Register breaking news
Spaceplane team welcomes aboard new member
The Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) team is delighted to announce our audacious ballocket mission now has a top-flight rocketeer on board to handle the power plant for our Vulture 2 spaceplane. Click here for a bigger version of the LOHAN graphic So, ladies and gentlemen, raise your glasses to welcome Paul …
15 Mar 11:03

Plucky Swede glides spaceplane to Earth from edge of stratosphere

Pics+Vid Not quite 'to his feet', but top footage
The Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) team would like to raise a pint or two today to David Windestål - a Swedish radio-controlled aircraft enthusiast who recently pulled off an impressive "Space Glider" flight from a dizzying 33,000m. David's audacious mission involved taking an off-the-shelf Muliplex FunJet (picture …
14 Mar 06:02

Oklahoma woman cuffed with loaded .22 in pork holster

The Register breaking news
Officer pulls piece from intimate hidey-hole
An Oklahoma woman busted on drugs and firearms charges earlier this week was found to have concealed a loaded .22 revolver in her vagina, the Smoking Gun reports. Christie Dawn Harris, 28, was cuffed in the early hours of Monday morning in Ada, some 120km souteast of Oklahoma City. Cops spotted her and Jennifer Delancy reclining …
08 Mar 17:46

LOHAN seeks rocketeer for explosive relationship

The Register breaking news
GSOH, love of travel, Level 2 certificate...
Despite an apparent lull of late on the Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) front, we are moving apace towards finally getting our Vulture 2 aircraft aloft. Click here for a bigger version of the LOHAN graphic There have been some dramatic developments recently regarding a launch site for our audacious ballocket mission …
08 Mar 12:38

The DIY spy-in-the-sky: From kites to octocopters

The Register breaking news
A beginner's guide to aerial surveillance
Last week, we offered a brief history of aerial surveillance, with a promise to give a few pointers to the budding DIY spy-in-the-sky. Interest in airborne photography has skyrocketed in the past few years, driven by the availability of lightweight cameras packing plenty of pixels at bargain basement prices. Such kit allows …
08 Mar 08:03

Canuck rumps resist Street View arsebusters

The Register breaking news
NSFW Blue moon shines bright in Nova Scotia
Google's Street View has been around long enough to become part of the internet scenery, although it continues to offer interesting scenery for those with a sharp eye. The Great Satan of Mountain View addressed early privacy concerns with its face-blurring algorithm, while the company's dedicated censorship SWAT teams were on …
08 Mar 06:02

Bacon sarnies can kill: Official

The Register breaking news
Doomwatching boffins issue deadly processed meat alert
In devastating news for bacon sarnie lovers, boffins have warned of the potentially deadly effects of overdoing it on processed meat products. The chilling results of a Europe-wide survey conclude that those scoffing more than 20g of processed meat a day - equivalent to one meagre rasher of bacon - were at increased risk of …
07 Mar 15:24

Reg readers brew up the ultimate cuppa

The Register breaking news
The people's vote takes us one step closer to tea nirvana
We're one step closer today to defining just what constitutes the ultimate cuppa as our reader poll results show a definite leaning towards broadly classic tea-brewing methodology. Mug with our Vulture logo For those of you who missed the last installment of our probe into the perfect cha experience - presumably because you …
07 Mar 11:19

Carrie Fisher dusts off THAT bikini for Star Wars VII

Carrie Fisher in Return of the Jedi
Princess Leia rescued from 'intergalactic old folks' home'
Carrie Fisher has confirmed she'll be resurrecting Princess Leia for the forthcoming Star Wars VII, teasing that fans will once again be treated to 'the bagel buns and the bikini' which defined the character. Carrie Fisher in Return of the Jedi This is the princess you're looking for Asked to describe Leia today, some 30 …
06 Mar 13:19

More Lester Haines >