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Gareth Corfield

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Circuit board underwear by emiko-o

'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?

CoTW In a simply shocking turn of events, two of the less popular comments on El Reg this week both came from Anonymous Cowards... The first of our be-masked brethren introduced some welcome levity into the net neutrality bunfight, commenting on someone who filed the entirety of a Lord of the Rings script as part of an FCC complaint …
Gareth Corfield, 16 Nov 2014
President Putin doing judo

What? El Reg had a cheap dig at Putin?! SAY IT AIN'T SO

CoTW Dissing Vladimir Putin and re-publishing all those hilarious "macho" PR pics of him over the years is a public service. Unfortunately, one Register commentard disagrees. Happily, you all disagree with him. DISAGREECEPTION. First, before we show you that particular snippet, here's a few other little gobbets of joy from this week' …
Gareth Corfield, 09 Nov 2014
hurrah

Police in U-turn as 'shop a gun-owner' hotline is scrapped

Downrange A Crimestoppers hotline set up specifically to target legal gun owners has been shut down following a campaign by the Countryside Alliance. The hotline was set up after the Association of Chief Police Officers (ACPO), the trade union for top cops in Blighty, announced a raft of measures targeting the licensed firearms community …
Gareth Corfield, 09 Nov 2014
anonymousXENUCAKE

Million Mask March: Anonymous' London Guy Fawkes protest a damp squib

Pics Anonymous' #MillionMaskMarch hit London amid a flurry of fireworks on the symbolic date of 5 November, Guy Fawkes night. Despite the symbolism, it was pretty lame. Your correspondent, fresh from a hard day staring at screens and drinking tea, wandered along to Trafalgar Square to see what the fuss was all about. There was a …
Gareth Corfield, 06 Nov 2014

Yes, Samaritans, the law DOES apply to you. Even if you mean well

Downrange Earlier this week suicide prevention and counselling charity the Samaritans launched an app that scans Twitter timelines and alerts users whenever anyone appears to be depressed. Yet the backlash against this creepy automated scanning is astonishing – and the Samaritans appear to be ducking their legal obligations. As we …
Gareth Corfield, 02 Nov 2014
Suri Cruise poop

Let's make an app that POSTS your POO to APPLE HQ

CoTW Can we build an app that automatically delivers large quantities of human excrement to Apple's doorstep? That is the question frothing on fanbois' lips as we enter another Comment of the Week. On last week's exclusive announcement of the new “bump to dump” app Ploppr, silver-badged commentard Pen-y-gors opened the batting with …
Gareth Corfield, 26 Oct 2014

'It's NOT a fishing expedition', say police over random spot checks on gun owners

Downrange As opposition to the Association of Chief Police Officers' campaign to impose random spot checks on lawful gun owners' security arrangements grows, El Reg managed to get some responses out of the police chiefs' trade union. “We have not encouraged forces to use any powers of entry at all, however should the need arise depending …
Gareth Corfield, 26 Oct 2014
Sportsman with moderated rifle in snow. Pic: Juha Perovuo

Police stats inflate the number of guns actually stolen in Blighty

Analysis The Association of Chief Police Officers (ACPO) has claimed that more legally owned firearms were lost or stolen over the last few years than appears to be the case, according to an exclusive analysis by The Register. The discrepancy casts doubt on a new initiative pillorying gun owners for being careless about gun security. …
Gareth Corfield, 20 Oct 2014
London BMW 5-Series police car

Are you a gun owner? Let us in OR ELSE, say Blighty's top cops

Downrange The Association of Chief Police Officers (ACPO) has announced a legal tweak intended to allow police officers to turn up at the homes of gun owners, without warning, and demand to inspect guns stored on the premises. A new Crimestoppers hotline is also in operation to encourage people to dob in gun owners they suspect of …
Gareth Corfield, 19 Oct 2014
Space pizza

Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future

CoTW What's more important: Angry Birds or the Space Shuttle? According to one Register commentard, it's the former. No, really - and yes, it's time for Comment of the Week once again. Silver-badged commentard Irongut opened this week's batting after weighing in on the news that Martha Lane Fox, or Baroness Lane-Fox of Soho, doesn't …
Gareth Corfield, 19 Oct 2014

10 Top Tips For PRs Considering Whether To Phone The Register

Rant So. You're a PR. Your boss, client, giant David Icke-style lizard or whatever it is you people have in charge of you, has ordered you to telephone The Register. Here's a handy list of things for you to consider before you do that. Do not EVER call us to ask whether we read your email. If you feel the need to ask the question …
Gareth Corfield, 12 Oct 2014

I've got a new Linux box, how does it work... WOAH, only asking :-/

CoTW You're an average Joe. You have a Windows computer you're fairly fed up with, for whatever reason. So you decide to try out Linux. Yet, naturally, you're a bit confused about how it all works so you take to the support forums. What do you think happens next? Firing up passions on both sides of the great Linux/non-Linux users' …
Gareth Corfield, 11 Oct 2014
Win8 Metro Screen

Dear Reg readers. I want Metro tiles to replace ALL ICONS in Windows. Is this a good idea?

CoTW UX. Two little letters that cause so much angst, frustration and passion to spill over. Especially if someone suggests that tiles are a feature of Windows which should be extended over everything. Our beloved commentards, full of peace, love and goodwill towards their fellow internet users, were really very unimpressed with the …
Gareth Corfield, 05 Oct 2014
Bisley rifle range target. Credit: Darryl Stark

Be nice to the public, PC Plod. Especially if you're trying to stop terrorists

Opinion Terrorism. A word which strikes fear, or quite possibly boredom, into the hearts of millions across the Western world. Add “terrorism” to “guns” and you've got a legitimate area of public concern. But what do you do when the police, acting with the best of intentions, repeatedly insert their collective feet into their mouths? A …
Gareth Corfield, 04 Oct 2014
Double Facepalm; when one facepalm is not enough.

Emma Watson should SHUT UP, all this abuse is HER OWN FAULT

CoTW What should you do when a mature and sensible website like The Register (stop that sniggering at the back) offers you an anonymous commenting option? Why, abuse it flagrantly to blame the victim, of course! First, though, before the tidal wave of infuriated outrage clicking the headline reaches the commentard in question and …
Gareth Corfield, 28 Sep 2014

Special pleading against mass surveillance won't help anyone

Earlier this week we discovered that not only are London's Metropolitan Police rampantly abusing data-snooping laws to hunt down and punish employees who talk to journalists, we also learned that they don't even bother counting how often they do this. Police abuse of these powers came to light, after police sources who talked to …
Gareth Corfield, 21 Sep 2014

Reg readers respond: Yes, it's time for Comment of the Week

CoTW Another week, another batch of angry flaming going on in the hallowed halls of El Reg's comments threads. Naturally, we've sliced and diced this week's choicest comments for your amusement - and enragement. This week's contenders for the Golden Vulture Dropping of Agreement are a relatively modest and temperate crowd, which …
Gareth Corfield, 21 Sep 2014
Stonehenge from the north east

Stonehenge's HUMAN ABATTOIR was just a prehistoric Burning Man hippyfest site

CoTW Comment of the Week: In which Vulture Central's very own backroom gremlins award you, dear readers, the Golden Vulture Dropping of Hilarity and the Wooden Twig of Fail for your inane witterings scintillating nuggets of wisdom. In reverse order this week, we'll be going through those comments which made both us and you laugh, cry …
Gareth Corfield, 13 Sep 2014
Derisive laugh

Oi, you don't work here, MR ANYTHING BUT incisive – get your grubby mitts off our commentards

CoTW This has been a glorious week in the sacred history* of this column: we caught a rival's reporter trying to use The Register's own comments sections to find a story. Enter stage right Jack Gilbert, a reporter with a website which we're not going to tell you the name of (why? Screw giving them free advertising, that's why) – but …
Gareth Corfield, 07 Sep 2014
Police outside 10 Downing Street. Credit: zongo

Warrantless phone snooping HAPPENS ALL THE TIME in Blighty

It's perfectly legal for the police to slurp up the phone records of any entity they take a dislike to, without any external oversight whatsoever, for the purpose of punishing whistleblowers. If you didn't realise this was possible, you've not been paying attention for the last decade. Earlier this week the Metropolitan Police …
Gareth Corfield, 06 Sep 2014
Bisley rifle range target. Credit: Darryl Stark

What do you mean, I have to POST a PHYSICAL CHEQUE to get my gun licence?

One thing the British state does well is waste money – as evidenced by its pouring of taxpayers' cash into millionaire model Lily Cole's online wishing well Impossible.com, or, say, fining itself hundreds of thousands for its pisspoor data security practices. Yet when it comes to firearms licensing, surprisingly few people see …
Gareth Corfield, 31 Aug 2014
Photo by http://www.flickr.com/photos/eddiedangerous/ licensed under creative commons http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/ please attribute

'I think photographers get TOO MUCH copyright for their work'

CoTW Copyright is a basic property right. It's one of those fundamental things you just don't muck around with: if someone creates something and others want to use it, they should be paid. Everyone agrees with this - except for one Register reader... This week commentard JeffyPoooh caught a virtual packet from the rest of you for his …
Gareth Corfield, 31 Aug 2014

The police are WRONG: Watching YouTube videos is NOT illegal

Some of you may already be familiar with our sub-editor Gareth Corfield's work as he is usually the man behind our social-media presence. You. Yes, you. Reading this now. You're reading this on a website where potential TERRORISTS operate. Aren't you scared? Why haven't you clicked away? You support this form of terrorism, don' …
Gareth Corfield, 25 Aug 2014

'I'll dance on their graves at 1 MILLION operations per second'

CoTW Welcome to The Register's new Comments of the Week feature. Here you'll find the best – and worst – of the stuff written below the line by El Reg's bafflingly diverse field of commentards. Just remember: we love you all. Even when your fellow commentards don't. The commentard who wins the “most popular” award this week is …
Gareth Corfield, 24 Aug 2014
Lancaster B.I PA474. Credit: John5199, Flickr

World's only flyable WWII Lancaster bombers meet in Lincs

Aviation history is being made in Lincolnshire today as the only two airworthy Avro Lancasters in the world met up at RAF Coningsby this afternoon. The two World War II bombers – one operated by the Canadian Warplane Heritage Museum (CWHM), the other by the RAF's Battle of Britain Memorial Flight (BBMF) – are due to rendezvous …
Gareth Corfield, 08 Aug 2014
Edward Snowden

Snowden is FREE to ESCAPE FROM RUSSIA, say officials

Russia has given fugitive NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden a three year residency permit after his previous visa expired at the end of July. Snowden's lawyer, Anatoly Kucherena, told journalists that Snowden's request for a residence permit had been granted. “He will be able to travel freely within the country and go abroad,” …
Gareth Corfield, 07 Aug 2014
Targeted Spam

Fed-up bloke takes email spammers to court – and WINS PILE of CASH

It's 9am. You open your email client and wade through the usual pile of spam that's dropped in overnight. It's boring and tiresome. But what if you could earn yourself a few hundred quid and kill the spam off as well? In a landmark court hearing last week, Sky News producer Roddy Mansfield won unspecified damages from retail …
Gareth Corfield, 05 Jun 2014

'Maybe I'll go to Hell, but I think it's a good thing' says plastic Liberator gunsmith Cody Wilson

Interview For a man some perceive as an audacious libertarian who puts untraceable weapons into the hands of criminals, Cody Wilson is a surprisingly ordinary fellow, albeit one who gets quite animated about 3D-printed guns, Bitcoin and "crypto-anarchism". At an event organised by the Adam Smith Institute in London, the 26-year-old spoke …
Gareth Corfield, 22 Apr 2014
Sheep

IT bloke denies trying to shag sheep outside football ground

An IT worker has appeared in court accused of trying to have sex with a sheep outside football club Tottenham Hotspur's training ground in North London. Paul Lovell, of Magpie Close, Enfield, North London, faces a charge of indecent exposure under the Sexual Offences Act 2003 as well as a further charge of outraging public …
Gareth Corfield, 19 Sep 2013
IT Crowd. Source: Channel 4 / 2entertain

Have you tried turning it off and on again - oh, you did: IT Crowd RETURNS

Cult sitcom the IT Crowd will return to Blighty's televisions in just two weeks, according to the show's Twitter feed. Fans of the British comedy show, featuring four downtrodden and socially inept IT workers in the basement of Reynholm Industries, will be delighted to hear the news that the one-off special episode – trailed …
Gareth Corfield, 12 Sep 2013
Ski the Santa Clara police dog

Finally it happens: MAN BITES DOG - after stabbing himself

A man who squared up to cops after a domestic disturbance stabbed himself in the chest three times before biting the officers' dog, according to reports from the US. The incident began at about 7.45pm when a deputy sheriff responded to a report of a domestic dispute in the Californian city of San Jose. The police officer said …
Gareth Corfield, 02 Sep 2013

Met Police spaffs £250m keeping 'ineffective' IT systems running - report

The Metropolitan Police are wasting £212m a year maintaining IT gear including a network based on a 1970s-era baggage-handling system, a damning report from the capital's assembly claims. A full 85 per cent of the force's £250m IT budget goes on maintaining “out-of-date, ineffective and overly expensive technology, some of which …
Gareth Corfield, 30 Aug 2013
Kim Jong-un

'Kim Jong-un executes nork-baring ex and pals for love polygon skin flick'

North Korea's tubby tyrant Kim Jong-un reportedly had his ex-lover publicly executed by a machine-gun-toting firing squad after accusing her of making a group sex tape. His former girlfriend Hyon Song-wol - also the hermit state's Unhasu Orchestra lead singer - was arrested along with orchestra boss Mun Kyong-jin and a group of …
Gareth Corfield, 30 Aug 2013
The Register breaking news

Comrade! If you dare f$%^ing swear on the internet, WE'LL SHOOT

Websites publishing profanities will either have to delete the offending material within 24 hours or be hauled offline - so says a new amendment to a law aimed at – what else? – protecting children. Another attack on Blighty's freedom of speech? Not this time. Instead, Yelena Mizulina - head of the Russian State Duma's Committee …
Gareth Corfield, 29 Jul 2013
The Register breaking news

Home Office opens up anonymised crime data API

Crime-conscious citizens can now view the raw data behind official stats website police.uk after the Home Office made the data freely available to download. The police.uk site, which got off to a shaky start at its 2011 launch, offers policing and crime information for local areas, as well as a Google Maps-based visualisation of …
Gareth Corfield, 03 Jul 2013
The Register breaking news

Yorkshire plods LOSE 9,000 GUNS in rogue BOFH database blunder

Bungling police staff at South Yorkshire Police have finally copped to a huge snafu in their firearms database after spending the last two months writing to thousands of firearms licence holders. The letter simply requested they "update their details". Bosses have blamed the database snafu on the actions of a sacked …
Gareth Corfield, 01 Jul 2013
The Register breaking news

Top Norks bone up on Hitler

Rotund nutjob communist dictator Kim Jong-un has been handing copies of Hitler's autobiography to his generals and ordering them to study it “in depth”, according to a North Korean dissident website. Although nominally banned in the ultra-hardline communist state, Mein Kampf is a firm favourite of the chubby megalomaniac - or so …
Gareth Corfield, 21 Jun 2013
The Register breaking news

Brits on benefits: 'Dole office site only works on PCs over 10 YEARS OLD'

Benefits claimants signing up for disability living allowance online are told they cannot use modern browsers, smartphones or even Macs. The Department for Work and Pensions' microsite - available at www.dwp.gov.uk/eservice - states that folks should use it for claiming attendance allowance, disability living allowance and …
Gareth Corfield, 30 Apr 2013