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Jasper Hamill

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Apple Mac Pro

Apple flops out latest OS X Mavericks beta, hopes sound+graphics sorted

Apple has rolled out a brand new beta version of Mavericks to devs in the hope they will test its updated graphics and audio drivers. The new version of Mavericks is numbered 10.9.3 (13D17) . It was first seeded to developers earlier this month, but this latest iteration is a proper pre-release build. Mavericks has proven …
Jasper Hamill, 14 Mar 2014

FANBOIS' EYES ONLY: United Airlines offers FREE MOVIES on iOS kit

High-flying fanbois will soon be able to use their iPhone, fondleslab or laptop to watch free video content on United Airlines flights. Apple and United have struck a deal which will allow users of iStuff – running iOS 7 – to watch 50 movies and almost 200 TV shows free of charge. However, fandroids shouldn't get any ideas just …
Jasper Hamill, 13 Mar 2014
Yahoo! buss

Will Yelp help 'Yahoo!' compete with Google? Search us...

Yahoo! has hooked up with Yelp in a deal that will see the world's third favourite rummage engine add local listings to its search results. The purple palace described the hook-up as a "five star partnership" and said it was "thrilled" to be working with Yelp. "At Yahoo, we’re always looking to build great partnerships to …
Jasper Hamill, 13 Mar 2014
School of Rock

UK.gov to train up 11-year-old cyberwarriors

British schoolkids as young as 11 will be trained in cyber security as part of a new drive to protect the UK from digital threats. The government will produce learning materials designed to get 11- to 14-year-olds up to speed on cyber security. If the kids show a willingness to strap on a keyboard and fight in some foreign …
Jasper Hamill, 13 Mar 2014

Fanbois SQUEAL as DNS snafu knocks out iTunes website

Apple suffered a rare outage last night which knocked iCloud, iTunes and several other fruity websites off the internet. What do we check when the Apple System Status site is down?? pic.twitter.com/WShUJmPS7P — Nicolas Melo (@quackyduck) March 12, 2014 The problem has been put down to a DNS snafu, first noticed on Google and …
Jasper Hamill, 13 Mar 2014
Apple Contact Hero shot

San Francisco says yes to GIANT Apple flagship store, public plaza

Apple has received final planning permission for its new flagship store at Union Square, San Francisco. The San Francisco Planning Commission and Board of Supervisors gave the new shop their approval after protracted negotiations. The two-storey store's design includes 23-foot glass sliding doors and an open "public plaza" …
Jasper Hamill, 12 Mar 2014
Apple iOS 5 Maps

Apple iOS 8 'will put end' to crap map app rap flap misery

Apple is set to fix its crap map app this year with an update featuring public transport information. According to a report on 9to5Mac, the fruity firm is keen to leave the Maps debacle behind and chart a new direction. Cupertino's Maps app became infamous after it steered drivers onto one of the runways of Fairbanks Airport in …
Jasper Hamill, 11 Mar 2014
Workers in a Foxconn plant, credit: Steve Jurvetson from Menlo Park, USA

Foxconn preps for Peak Apple with FIFTEEN THOUSAND new hires

Foxconn, also known as Hon Hai Precision Industry Co, has embarked on a hiring spree in Taiwan and will welcome more than 15,000 new workers through its doors during the coming year. More than a million people now work for Hon Hai, which builds iStuff for Apple. The new staff will work in 4G wireless services, cloud computing …
Jasper Hamill, 11 Mar 2014
Peril Sensitive Sunglasses - Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

SACRILEGE! Hitchhiker's Guide game's back ... and it TWEETS at you

We've all heard that things were better back in the day. But when it comes to computer games, El Reg has uncovered concrete evidence that the past was pretty rubbish. The Beeb has re-released an old text adventure based on Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy to celebrate the 30th anniversary of the day it first hit the shops. What …
Jasper Hamill, 11 Mar 2014
Bletchley Park Manor House, photo: Gavin Clarke

Bletchley Park board member quits amid TNMOC split-off spat

A Bletchley Park Trust board member has stepped down in protest against the charity's failure to sort out a long-running dispute with the National Museum of Computing. Dr Sue Black, senior research associate at University College London's department of computer science, quit the Trust's board at the end of last year. She …
Jasper Hamill, 10 Mar 2014

'Hacked docs' prove MtGox has 1 MILLION Bitcoins, claim blog-snatchers

Hackers have released what they claim are genuine documents which they say prove the stricken exchange still controls almost a million Bitcoins. As Bitcoin exchange MtGox was filing for bankruptcy in the US on Sunday, a group of hackers took over MtGox CEO Mark Karpeles' personal blog, which has since been taken down, and posted …
Jasper Hamill, 10 Mar 2014
Firefox OS RHS teaser

Fee fie Firefox: Mozilla's lawyers probe Dell over browser install charge

Mozilla has put its legal department to work on a preliminary investigation into claims that Dell is charging £16 to install freeware browser Firefox on new PCs. Sources told us about Mozilla's plans after we received reports that Dell was asking customers to stump up £16.25 to have the free software pre-installed. Mozilla's …
Jasper Hamill, 10 Mar 2014
Tim Cook

Tim Cook and Israeli PM commune with the GHOST of Steve Jobs

Tim Cook and Benjamin Netanyahu have met up in Cupertino during the Israeli PM's visit to Silicon Valley. The pair are thought to have discussed Apple's R&D in Israel, where it operates at least three facilities. Cupertino recently snapped up the Israeli firm PrimeSense, which helped to develop Microsoft's Kinect. The pair …
Jasper Hamill, 10 Mar 2014

No sex please, we're Twit-ish. Vine bans non-educational nudity

A six second sexual encounter is bound to disappoint and annoy. So it's little wonder that the teeny-weeny video service Vine has called an end to them. The Twitter-owned video service has decided to weed out filthy content that is "not a good fit for our community". This basically means any sort of nudity or sexual content …
Jasper Hamill, 07 Mar 2014

Google's mystery barge flounces out of San Fran, heads to Stockton

Google's mysterious barge has dropped anchor at Stockton after it was forced to set sail from its former home in San Francisco. It is now moored 80 miles away from its original berth at Treasure Island in a rundown town known as a hotbed of gang violence. Google was forced to set sail after the San Francisco Bay Conservation …
Jasper Hamill, 07 Mar 2014

Cops probing 'unnatural' death of Singapore Bitcoin exchange boss

Police in Singapore are investigating the "unnatural" death of of a virtual currency exchange boss. Autumn Radtke, 28, was found dead in an apartment block at Cantonment Close yesterday. According to the city state's police force, "preliminary investigations showed no foul play is suspected." They have not yet announced how …
Jasper Hamill, 07 Mar 2014
ipad_big_teaser

Apple to grieving sons: NO, you cannot have access to your dead mum's iPad

A bereaved man has launched a legal bid to force Apple to unlock his late mother's two-year-old iPad. Josh Grant, a 26-year-old Londoner, told the Beeb he did not know his mum's Apple ID and password. The fruity firm then refused to open up the fondleslab (presumably locked to her Apple ID) even though he has sent them copies of …
Jasper Hamill, 06 Mar 2014
Jamie at his school

Blighty teen boffin builds nuclear reactor INSIDE CLASSROOM

A British teenager has become the youngest person to build a nuclear fusion reactor. Jamie Edwards, a 13-year-old from Preston, persuaded his headmaster to let him build the reactor in a classroom. He was so persuasive that the head of Penwortham Priory Academy even handed over £3,000 worth of funding after Jamie reassured him …
Jasper Hamill, 06 Mar 2014

Roll up, roll up for the Commentards' Ball

We here at El Reg have much love for our vociferous, knowledgeable, occasionally somewhat foam-flecked commentards - even if they/you don't absolutely always love us. It's not our way in general to show affection, or indeed any other emotion - we are British, after all - but we think it may be time to put some substance behind …
Jasper Hamill, 06 Mar 2014

Blimey! ANOTHER Bitcoin bleed brouhaha

A cryptocurrency exchange called Poloniex has lost more than ten per cent of its entire stash of Bitcoin after allegedly being hacked. Tristan D'Agosta, who runs Poloniex under the pseudonym Busoni, admitted to the loss and issued a comprehensive rundown of what went wrong. This approach contrasts starkly with the wall of …
Jasper Hamill, 06 Mar 2014

Brit Bitcoin dev: I lost 'over £200k' when MtGox popped its socks

A leading British Bitcoin dev who claims to have lost more than £200,000 in the collapse of MtGox says he has written to Japanese police asking them to take action. Under the name Rebroad, Richard Broadley is one of the world's top cryptocurrency software developers, placed as the 12th most active contributor to the Bitcoin …
Jasper Hamill, 05 Mar 2014
Cassini image of Jupiter. Pic: NASA

NASA robot plans mid-2020s trip: Europa. Wet, radioactive life forms (hopefully). Bliss

NASA is plotting a mission to send its robotic lander to Europa, one of Jupiter's moons and the place deemed most likely to host life. The American space agency has reserved $15m of its $17.5bn annual budget to pay for a robotic journey to the icy moon. "Europa is a very challenging mission operating in a really high radiation …
Jasper Hamill, 05 Mar 2014
Firefox OS RHS teaser

Dell charges £16 TO INSTALL FIREFOX on PCs – Mozilla is miffed

The Mozilla Foundation has begun an investigation after tech juggernaut Dell appeared to be asking customers to pay more than £16 ($27) to install its free web browser Firefox on newly purchased Dell kit. A dialog box that popped up while a reader was trying to buy hardware at Dell (click for the full enlarged glory) A …
Jasper Hamill, 05 Mar 2014
Rotten apple

Belgian judge mulled BANNING APPLE (actually, its website) in Euro warranty row

A judge in Belgium, who asked ISPs to banish Apple from the Euro nation's internet over a dispute with the firm's warranty terms, is now weighing up other sanctions, it's reported. According to Dutch-language newspaper De Morgen, an investigative magistrate wrote to broadband providers in the country asking them to block …
Jasper Hamill, 04 Mar 2014

Icahn and I will: Carl's war on eBay goes NUCLEAR over Skype

Carl Icahn has pressed the red button in his war on eBay and has demanded access to all its records documenting the sale of VoIP firm Skype. The irate investor has published another of his infamous open letters in which he savages eBay management, and board director Marc Andreessen in particular. Icahn wants to launch a full …
Jasper Hamill, 04 Mar 2014

SYSTEM ERROR DOWN: Twitter twits silenced by hack attack 'false alarm'

Parts of Twitter fell silent yesterday after the social network accidentally reset its users' passwords. Despite a flap about whether accounts had been compromised, twits were told that Twitter had mistakenly sent out password reset emails. "Twitter believes that your account may have been compromised by a website or service …
Jasper Hamill, 04 Mar 2014
Prison window

Ever get the impression a telesales op was being held prisoner?

Have you ever had the impression that a telesales operator on the phone to you was actually being held prisoner against their will? Well, next time they might very well be because the unlucky inmates of HM Prison Grampian, Peterhead, are about to be put to work in a custom-built call centre. The new prison replaces two old …
Jasper Hamill, 04 Mar 2014
CarPlay

Dashboard Siri! Take me to the airport! NO, NOT the RUNWAY! Argh!

Fanboi racers can soon embed an Apple tablet in their dashboard following the launch of iOS-powered CarPlay. Cupertino has signed up Ferrari, Mercedes-Benz and Volvo to be the first manufacturers to fit Apple's touchscreen fondleslab into their cars. The CarPlay rollout is not a surprise: the in-car system tech was previously …
Jasper Hamill, 03 Mar 2014
Pigeon crapping on statue

Fanbois sent into FITS of RAGE by fake Steve Jobs statue competition

Fanbois around the world were sent into an incandescent rage this week by news that a hideously ugly statue of Steve Jobs was set to stand outside Cupertino. But The Register has learned that Apple has no intention of erecting the mildly phallic structure near its headquarters. In fact, some of our friends within the fruity …
Jasper Hamill, 03 Mar 2014
Apple Mac Pro

Apple fanbois DENIED: Mac Pro deliveries stalled until April

It's the high-end desktop that's been likened to Darth Vader's dustbin. But not even the Force can help fanbois get their hands on a Mac Pro – because Apple has yet again pushed back its delivery date. We previously revealed how anyone who ordered a Pro would have to wait until April to get their hands on one, but it now appears …
Jasper Hamill, 28 Feb 2014

Bitcoin or bust: MtGox files for bankruptcy protection

Ailing Bitcoin exchange MtGox has filed for bankruptcy protection after admitting it did indeed "lose" 750,000 of its customers' Bitcoins along with 1000,000 of its own – together worth about £283m. Lawyers for the digital funny money dealer told Tokyo District Court that MtGox had debt of ¥6.5bn yen (£38.1m, $63.8m). MtGox …
Jasper Hamill, 28 Feb 2014
southampton water in Minecraft

It's a BLOCKBUSTER: Minecraft heads to the silver screen

The creators of smash gaming hit Minecraft have confirmed rumours that the blocktastic game will be turned into a film by Hollywood studio Warner Brothers. Warner Brothers have bought the rights to Minecraft and Roy Lee, director of the recent Lego Movie, is rumoured to be at the helm. The game has sold more than 35million …
Jasper Hamill, 28 Feb 2014

Insecure hipsters with BEARD ENVY spur facial hair transplant craze

Do you want to look like a hipster hobo but don't have enough fertile facial follicles to grow a Jesus beard? Help is at hand, as long as you're willing to shell out more than $8,000 and travel to New York. Cosmetic surgeons in the Big Apple have claimed the trend for biblical beards is driving a boom in facial hair transplant …
Jasper Hamill, 28 Feb 2014
Snow Leopard

Apple's Windows XP moment: OS X Snow Leopard left to DIE

Nearly one in five fanbois have been left potentially vulnerable to hacking attacks after Apple announced the end of support for OS X Snow Leopard. The OS was only launched about four-and-a-half years ago and is still relied upon by about 20 per cent of the world's Apple-loving population. The fruity firm released a patch for …
Jasper Hamill, 27 Feb 2014

MtGox accepted new customers JUST DAYS before collapse

MtGox was still accepting new customers right up until the eve of its shutdown, The Reg has learned. A Reg reader has told us he was able to open a verified account just days before the Bitcoin exchange collapsed. This suggests that the MtGox authorities were caught by surprise, rather than planning for the shutdown. Eddie, a …
Jasper Hamill, 27 Feb 2014

Official FACT: Gadgets are giving YOU a wrinkly 'Tech Neck'

Packed full of pornography, malware and overpriced iStuff, the world of technology is a scary place. Now be prepared to face the latest threat of the modern age: a wrinkly neck. As more and more people spend their days bent double and fondling their slab, their neck turns from a pristine place of beauty into a wrinkled …
Jasper Hamill, 27 Feb 2014

Steve Jobs statue: Ones and ohs and OH NOES – it's POINTING at us

Apple godhead Steve Jobs was known for his love of superb but pricey design and flawless aesthetics. So why on Earth has the fruity firm decided to immortalise him with a monstrous statue that's been described as a "huge dildo" for fanbois? Twitter critics have erupted in rage and disbelief after the statue was unveiled on the …
Jasper Hamill, 27 Feb 2014
Apple Scottsdale Store

Apple launch iSpy certification scheme for snooping devs

Do you have a bright idea for spying on fanbois as they go about their fruity business? Now's the time to capitalise on it, because Apple have just launched a new certification scheme for anyone making stuff using their iBeacon system. Under the Made for iOS (MFi) scheme, manufacturers can now ask to append the iBeacon name to …
Jasper Hamill, 27 Feb 2014
The Winklevoss twins, Cameron and Tyler

Winklevoss Twins' Bitcoin index provokes angry wails from rival

A Blighty-based Bitcoin bod has claimed the Winklevoss twins' cryptocurrency stock ticker has "taken influence" from his own open source service. The Zucker-baiters launched a website called Winkdex last week, which uses a patent-pending mathematical to formula to track the price of Bitcoin on several different exchanges. …
Jasper Hamill, 26 Feb 2014

MtGox boss vows to keep going despite $429 MILLION Bitcoin 'theft'

MtGox CEO Mark Karpeles has broken his silence to insist he has not "given up" on the failed Bitcoin exchange. Speaking as Japanese authorities launched a full investigation into the collapse, Karpeles said walking away “is not a part of how I usually do things”. However, although the CEO indicated he was still at home in Tokyo …
Jasper Hamill, 26 Feb 2014
Bitcoins

MtGox has VANISHED. So where have all the Bitcoins gone?

Almost one in 10 of the world's Bitcoins disappeared during the collapse of MtGox, it has been claimed. The allegations were made in what was purported to be an "internal MtGox crisis presentation". The sloppily written briefing claimed that 744,408 Bitcoin were stolen over a period of several years. There are currently about 12 …
Jasper Hamill, 25 Feb 2014
management consumerisation

Java or .NET bod in the Midlands? Congrats - you've got a DOUBLE DIGIT payrise

IT contractors are being treated to whopping great annual pay rises of up to 13 per cent, a survey has revealed. While the rest of the world makes do with rock bottom wages, tech bods working in the financial services sector are finding their pay packets shoot skywards due to heavy demand for their skills, according to the …
Jasper Hamill, 25 Feb 2014
Bletchley Park Manor House, photo: Gavin Clarke

Battle of Bletchley Park: TNMOC chief calls for review of museums' Mexican standoff

The National Museum of Computing has called for an independent review in a bid to solve a long-running dispute with the Bletchley Park Trust - chaired by ex-MI6 chief (or "C") Sir John Scarlett, famous for overseeing production of the dossier which took Britain to war in Iraq. Tim Reynolds, chairman of the TNMOC trustees, has …
Jasper Hamill, 24 Feb 2014
Volvo V60

Volvo tries to KILL SHOPPING with to-your-car Roam Delivery

There are few sadder sights than a desperate-looking shopping hostage waiting outside a changing room while their partner tries on a prospective purchase. But this sorry vista could soon become a thing of the past if Scandinavian car manufacturer Volvo has its way. It is set to show off a new service called “Roam Delivery” at …
Jasper Hamill, 24 Feb 2014
by http://twitter.com/Thomas_Glaser

We nearly MISSED OUT on iOS7 redesign: But someone snatched Jony Ive from the jaws of quit

Apple design chief Jony Ive almost quit his industrial design course, it has been revealed, meaning that in a parallel universe Apple iStuff would have looked a bit less... like this. In an interview with The Telegraph, designer Tom Karen revealed that Ive's father had approached him with a dilemma about his errant young son. " …
Jasper Hamill, 21 Feb 2014
steve jobs

TONGUES OUT if you want to LICK Steve Jobs' BACKSIDE

We bet there are millions of fanbois who would sacrifice one of their favourite appendages for the chance to lick Steve Jobs' face. Now they have the opportunity to flick their tongues all over the fruity fuhrer following the announcement that he will feature on American postage stamps in 2015. The Washington Post managed to …
Jasper Hamill, 21 Feb 2014
The Winklevoss twins, Cameron and Tyler

Winklevoss twins flash their Winkdex at Bitcoin price-trackers

The Winklevoss twins have returned to the tech world with the announcement of a new Bitcoin price index called Winkdex. To cryptocurrency lovers, the Winkle Twins' new service will operate as “a blended price index that is designed to reflect the true price of bitcoins”. The price exchange's moniker bears comparison with Windex …
Jasper Hamill, 20 Feb 2014
Shot of Shuttleworth at Google HQ

Help! Apple has snaffled the WHOLE WORLD'S supply of sapphire glass

Apple's appetite for sapphire glass is so voracious that it has bought up enough of the display material to keep a lesser company going for three years, it has been claimed. Mark Shuttleworth, founder of Ubuntu haus Canonical, said that his firm's attempts to buy sapphire glass for its Ubuntu Edge smartphones had been hampered …
Jasper Hamill, 20 Feb 2014
Tesla Model S

Elon Musk ADMITS he met Apple: iCar 'great idea', keeps schtum on Tesla hookup

Tesla CEO Elon Musk has admitted holding a tête-à-tête with Apple - but has refused to disclose the exact nature of the discussions. Rumours have been swirling about a possible hook-up between the fruity firm and the electric car manufacturer. Although Musk confirmed that he had held talks with Apple, he gave no indication …
Jasper Hamill, 20 Feb 2014
Steve Jobs in a grade-school classroom

See me after class: Apple scores AAA rating from brand-botherer

Apple has been named the world's most valuable brand for the third time in a row, with No 2 Samsung narrowing the gap slightly but still trailing behind. According to Brand Finance's Global 500 list, Apple's brand value in 2014 is $104bn, up 20 per cent from $87bn in 2013. Samsung, meanwhile, was judged to be worth $79bn, up …
Jasper Hamill, 19 Feb 2014